Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[KnoxForPres]

I also meant to add as I love success stories- I have one. 

Coworker was on match and has met a girl. I invited several people over a few Saturday’s ago for food and booze and they came. She was adorable and lovely. Just awesome. To be honest I feel my co worker hit the lottery on this one. He’s divorced and 46 with two kids- she’s divorced and 45 with none. So they do happen!  They are going strong. 

[KnoxForPres]

On 6/6/2018 at 12:22 AM, possibilities said:

Honestly, I have been crazy attracted to the most unexpected people. I mean, even I didn't see it coming, but then, this one woman touched me-- and just casually, and I swooned so hard, it was embarrassing. Never would have known I'd feel that way about her just looking at her or hearing about her personality. But it was HOT.

My best serious relationship was with someone I met when I wasn't even looking for anyone, she walked by and something in me lurched. So, again, life is a mystery.

I had another fairly serious romance with someone who I knew for a while without any sizzle at all and then one day something just shifted and I was all in.

I think you just have to be open, keep circulating, and not be too fixed in your ideas of what/who/when it happens.

And  yes, I do think it is good to develop skills at communication and other ways of being a "good catch"-- but ultimately, in my life, dogma has not really been the most reliable predictor of anything.

Isn’t that the truth?  I had a fantastic fling one time that I know for sure started from mutual eye contact. He wasn’t what I’m after but I was training him on something and we would lock eyes and laugh....and yes, it was quite wonderful . It fizzled, but hey, most do.

I know for me as I’ve gotten older I wouldn’t say I have  let my standards down but I’ve embraced how important  kindness is. That means a lot. And not in the cheesy way. In the I’m a decent person and just go through life trying to treat people and animals kindly  

That to say there is nothing wrong with getting older and staying single. I remember googling “35 never married”  and the articles were horrible!  Then I’d do it the next year and next.  And think- well- that’s ok- I’ll just be a dog lover and remain single. And I am not naive and know everything is subject to change. So if I find myself single tomorrow, that’s ok. I’ll put my chin up, go to Whole Foods and make eye contact over asparagus and hope for the best :)

Edited June 8, 2018 by KnoxForPres

[JTMacc99]

On 6/5/2018 at 10:19 PM, stewedsquash said:

No dammit! You were supposed to listen to what Knox was saying you numb skull! :)

You focused on the wrong parts, haha

Heh, heh, heh. Why should my tendency to focus on the wrong parts in real life not also happen here?

On 6/6/2018 at 6:02 PM, theredhead77 said:

When does that kickboxing class start? *g*

The heck with that. I went ahead and got myself a date for Sunday. We'll see how that goes. I mean, I'm sure the date will be fun; I've been on very few bad dates. Even when I could tell there was no chemistry, the conversation never dries up or get's weird. It's more of whether or not a second date comes from it.

On 6/5/2018 at 10:21 PM, KnoxForPres said:

Yes!  Looks matter!  But I don’t think you can  base it on that if you like them on paper because there is chemistry.  Sometimes better looking people fall in love with less looking and vice versa.

I am so crazy attracted to mine and have been since day one. Is he the subjective hottie?  Well, probably not but he’s so nice and hilarious and easygoing and he has a great easygoing style.

Bur objecitley no, we are not a match.  I find him hot AF because he excels at what he does, is hilarious, I immediately felt comfortable around him and just kind of kicks ass. If I saw his pic on a profile?  Probably not. 

Here's my thing, when I was using the apps, I started to put way too much stock in what women wrote. If it sounded like we would share a sense of humor, common interests, I would reach out to them. And if we talked, conversation was in fact easy. But far more often than not, romantic chemistry did not come easy, or at all. 

And this is just another reason why the damn apps are a double edged sword. When you meet somebody in public, the eye contact and chit chat over the grapes at the supermarket, you are already so far ahead of what you can discern from pictures and words on your smart phone. A real smile is worth a thousand pictures. Even the tiniest bit of chit chat can give you a sense of whether or not you're comfortable around this person. I sat next to a girl on a plane one time in my twenties, and we hit it off immediately. And this is back before I became comfortable and confident in who I am. It was so much fun to be sharing thoughts and laughing with someone I just met.

But one thing that the apps offer that meeting a person buying grapes is that you know for a fact that the people on the apps are looking for dates and aren't already in a relationship. Like that girl on the plane.   

So before I reach out to anyone on an app I would do two things. First, are there enough words about her to figure out if we would have some sort of things to talk about. Second, I need to say to myself, "Do you like looking at her?'  And I'm not exactly picky; I don't have a "type".  But I do know that when Ric Ocasek wrote the lyric she's got wonderful eyes and a risque mouth, he pretty much nailed all I need. Those two things are always there, all dressed up or in sweats and a baseball cap, so I set my standards around that.

And then I would expect to exchange a few texts so that we can be sure the person is real and not a weirdo, and then set a time to meet so you can start doing this for real.

[aradia22]

Quote

Here's my thing, when I was using the apps, I started to put way too much stock in what women wrote. If it sounded like we would share a sense of humor, common interests, I would reach out to them. And if we talked, conversation was in fact easy. But far more often than not, romantic chemistry did not come easy, or at all. 

[....]

But one thing that the apps offer that meeting a person buying grapes is that you know for a fact that the people on the apps are looking for dates and aren't already in a relationship. Like that girl on the plane.  

[...]

And then I would expect to exchange a few texts so that we can be sure the person is real and not a weirdo, and then set a time to meet so you can start doing this for real.

YES. This 100%.

[KnoxForPres]

2 hours ago, aradia22 said:

YES. This 100%.

Agree. I think this is brilliant. 

[aradia22]

https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/ashley-madison-to-try-to-have-an-affair.html

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This is just the way it seems to go with me and men, my husband or otherwise. There’s their needs, their desires, their priorities, and then beneath that — mine. I thought that maybe the problem was marriage or monogamy, but now I don’t know. I don’t know why no matter the scenario, they always seem to have the power.

[aradia22]

Happy birthday to me. Raised my age caps accordingly. New first message.

Quote

Good evening. You're very attractive.

Sigh... not looking good.

[JTMacc99]

On 6/8/2018 at 11:06 AM, JTMacc99 said:

And then I would expect to exchange a few texts so that we can be sure the person is real and not a weirdo, and then set a time to meet so you can start doing this for real.

I suppose I should follow up my sequence of events with:

And you get together. You have a drink or whatever, you talk, you find the other person moderately interesting to start but as you go along not so much. You say your goodbyes. You recap in your head and come to the conclusion "That was a fucking waste of time." Maybe toss in a little, "everything I do seems to be a fucking waste of time", because why not use this experience to beat yourself up a little bit.

Or maybe it goes really well and you exchange texts after you get home saying that you enjoyed each other's company and make plans to get together again. 

It's usually one of those things. 

[DeLurker]

Which was it this weekend?

[JTMacc99]

Heh. 

Complaining about it would also be a fucking waste of time, so I'll be reconciling some major capital spending the rest of the day which is actually useful work. Although during lunch, I'll fill out my World Cup bracket for the pool we're running here. Also a fucking waste of time, but at least a fun fucking waste of time. 

[DeLurker]

The repeated use of the word fuck or fucking kind of says it all.

[KittyMom4]

On 6/5/2018 at 10:21 PM, KnoxForPres said:

Apologies as I appear to have an unfortunate time of making my point. 

Yes!  Looks matter!  But I don’t think you can  base it on that if you like them on paper because there is chemistry.  Sometimes better looking people fall in love with less looking and vice versa.

I am so crazy attracted to mine and have been since day one. Is he the subjective hottie?  Well, probably not but he’s so nice and hilarious and easygoing and he has a great easygoing style.

Bur objecitley no, we are not a match.  I find him hot AF because he excels at what he does, is hilarious, I immediately felt comfortable around him and just kind of kicks ass. If I saw his pic on a profile?  Probably not. 

So yeah, you may see a 10 and go hell yeah but that lesser may make you regret all the hot people you dated in your life and you can still be very attracted (yes like want to have sex and all that stuff) with someone who maybe isn’t your equal. 

This has gotten weirder than I intended. I guess if I was on reddit tldr: don’t judge a book. 

Same here, I think personality can actually make a person more attractive. I've dated guy who were 10's physically with zero personality, the sizzle died quickly. My boyfriend would not turn heads but he is funny, patient and kind, I find him extremely attractive. I agree, don't judge a book,.

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, GoodieGirl said:

I think personality can actually make a person more attractive.

And this is at the very core of my therapeutic F-bomb dropping. (I feel better having done that by the way.) I talked about the couple of things I look for in appearance. They're not big asks, but they go a long way for me. I also have some basic personality asks. Be quick and/or personable, preferably both. If neither, I probably won't enjoy your company, and getting together for a date would just be a waste of time. 

Quick and personable is pretty much the common thread that ties together all of my friends. So it's pretty easy for me to say that when I find them in a woman I already like looking at, she becomes even more attractive. (And the opposite is true as well.)

Edited June 11, 2018 by JTMacc99

[ratgirlagogo]

17 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Happy birthday to me. Raised my age caps accordingly. New first message.

Quote

Good evening. You're very attractive.

Sigh... not looking good.

 Sheesh.  Happy birthday and better luck in the coming year.  Hope you have some fun planned for your birthday.

Edited June 11, 2018 by ratgirlagogo

[JTMacc99]

Well, rinse, lather, repeat over here. Trying again, possibly Friday evening with a new person provided I pass the Google/Facebook/LinkedIn tests. I googled myself to see what she might find and discovered that I’m an 87 year old man who recently passed away in Colorado and a bald shirtless guy who lives in Italy. Cool!

[DeLurker]

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

I’m an 87 year old man who recently passed away in Colorado

I'm not dead yet.

My SIL just got a notice from Wells Fargo advising that they got notice of her husband's passing and that makes her the sole owner of some account or another.  My brother took great amusement in finding out he had passed.  Wells has a "Deceased Management Team".  I told my SIL she should probably take her profile down off Match and cancel the Come and Get It classified to clean out the garage of my brother's many treasures.

[aradia22]

New first message

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Hello dangerous one

Well, that's new.

[JTMacc99]

Hahahaha! Oh my goodness. This stuff is silly; I guess the least we can do is maintain a sense of humor about it. 

[aradia22]

Best self-summary I've come across this week

Quote

Straight up... I'll consider marrying you if you're nice to me and funny and pretty and I love you

[aradia22]

How to describe online dating? A guy tells you you're "perfection" and then disappears immediately after you don't give him your number so he can text you. 

Sigh... Seriously though. I've got 4 prospects for potential dates right now. One is serious and I'm into it. He was like let's meet here on this day. I will probably go out with him and report back. I'm not sure how I feel because he's not cute enough to be Mr. Right Now but he's not exactly who I picture myself committing to. But he seems nice so I'm trying to be open-minded. 

One was on vacation and just got back. He's a little older than I'm looking for but of the four, we've been having the most "real" conversations. Nothing emotionally intense just friendly and beyond small talk. I'm going to try to see him too.

The other two are wishy washy. No, I do not want to get coffee. No, I do not want to meet up in Times Square and figure it out. And stop calling me boo and sweetie. It's patronizing and it makes me think you can't remember my name. 

[JTMacc99]

So that’s not too bad @aradia22  A couple of actual dates on the horizon for you.  Like I was trying to say above, the sooner we get to slide out of the introductions and look a person in the eye, the better.

(Says the guy who exchanges “How was your day?” texts every day with someone I can’t manage to actually see in person.)

[JTMacc99]

On 6/17/2018 at 5:11 AM, aradia22 said:

Seriously though. I've got 4 prospects for potential dates right now.

Any luck, good or otherwise?

[aradia22]

@JTMacc99 I'm seeing the decisive guy on Friday. Our conversation has flattened to small talk somewhat intentionally on my part because I want to save my stories for when we meet in person.

I'm still talking to the slightly older guy. (I mean he's only 5 years older than me. I'm just getting up there.) I think we'll go out once we coordinate a time. 

I think I've lost interest in the teacher who keeps calling me pet names and wanted to meet in Times Square. I was not that attracted to him but the conversation was... ok, and then I just soured on the whole thing. He seemed smart but now that I look over our conversation, I don't think we actually clicked on much. Like every conversation, I seem to stick it out longer if I think someone's going to take me to the theater. 

I've kept the last guy dangling so long (because I'm not a nice person) but I stopped responding 8 days ago. I doubt it's going to go anywhere. I should cut him loose but he keeps popping up periodically. 

[JTMacc99]

4 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I'm seeing the decisive guy on Friday. Our conversation has flattened to small talk somewhat intentionally on my part because I want to save my stories for when we meet in person.

Great!! I agree with that strategy as well. 

Hopefully that goes well and you have a nice date with the older man at some point. Get back out there.

[aradia22]

New first message

Quote

Excuse me I don't have a library card.....but can I check you out ?My name is [redacted] and your profile looks interesting and I'd love to know more about you

Aw... I almost never get proper pick up lines. But no.

[aradia22]

Back from my date. It was four hours long. And he wanted me to hang out longer. But I was exhausted. I will never understand how I end up on these marathon dates. We met at Central Park, walked across the park and through the garden. Then we walked 20 blocks or more down to the Metropolitan Museum (I know, I try to avoid the museum dates but what can you do?) and then walked all over the museum before taking the bus across the park where we said goodbye at the subway. 

He's a year older than me. He's a science teacher at a charter school in Queens. He's pleasant to be around and has a decent sense of humor. The one downside is he's a vegetarian but he doesn't seem particularly fanatical about it and he did it for health/weight loss reasons and then just stuck with it. I am just... not that attracted to him. I'm not not-attracted to him. I like that he's taller than me. But I didn't get any fluttery feelings. And he's a little scruffy for my taste. But we basically had a fun, pleasant friend date and then towards the end I could sense him wanting to hold my hand or kiss me or something but he didn't make a move. And as I was not convinced that I was attracted to him, I certainly wasn't going to make a move. So we just hugged goodbye and he kissed me on the cheek. He wanted to hang out longer but it was 9pm, it had been 4 hours and I wasn't thrilled at the idea of hanging out at whatever bar we could find uptown to awkwardly continue with small talk as he worked up the nerve to just kiss me. 

I will probably see him again if he asks but I'm not sure if I will magically find that attraction.

[Lantern7]

Awesome, @aradia22. Glad that you got someone who sounds intelligent.

One thing . . . is there a universal sign that a woman would want to be kissed? I dunno . . . I'm neurotic enough as it is, and I feel like I'll never get the hang of societal rules, but I'm scared that I'd go too far if I kiss, even if it's not on the lips. Holding hands? I think I do that on every date.

Meanwhile, I haven't talked to the woman I've been pursuing yet. I got her cell #, but my timing's been off.

[aradia22]

Quote

One thing . . . is there a universal sign that a woman would want to be kissed?

If she's looking at your mouth a lot or leaning towards you. But consent is far easier to establish with four words. "Can I kiss you?"

[JTMacc99]

5 hours ago, aradia22 said:

But consent is far easier to establish with four words. "Can I kiss you?"

That would have been far more effective than the time I wasn’t sure and then during day-after texting I said “I wanted to kiss you in the car” and got back “I wished we had kissed.”

Fuck. That one still bothers me.

Glad you had a decent date @aradia22, and I’m hoping he pings something on your attractiveness meter date two.  If not, at least you got out there again. 

As for me, I had a really positive first date last Sunday over lunch.  She’s tall and attractive and smart and funny and currently consumed by her new job. She freaking loves this job and all of the hard work and long hours it requires. It’s just so attractive to see someone that happy. 

So we will see if anything comes from it. Just seeing where it goes right now. 

[Lantern7]

*sigh* I had two women interested. I wound up with their cell numbers . . . and I haven't gotten to chat with either of them. I'm getting a sinking feeling that I might be going back to the first square yet again. One of them has been having health issues, so I understand. The other has up and vanished.

ETA: . . . aaaaaaaaaand one of the ladies has dumped me, thinking I’m too intense. Now I am really back to square one. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.

I seriously hate myself right now. I wanted to talk, and I knocked on the door too many times. Stupid, stupid, STUPID.

Edited July 6, 2018 by Lantern7

[CastleBell]

I took a few months off because a promotion at work took up a lot of my time and mental energy. Here's the first annoying fishing message of my return:

Quote

You have hypnotic eyes. How are you?

Why is that a noteworthy fishing message? Because his only pictures are his naked chest. If you aren't willing to show your own eyes, don't use that as your "line" that you send to all women without even having read their profiles.

[aradia22]

Quote

I took a few months off because a promotion at work took up a lot of my time and mental energy.

Yay! Congrats on the promotion!

Also, lines like that always make me think of the "your eyes are really beautiful" scene in She's All That.

[theredhead77]

I had a decent back and forth going with a guy on Tinder. I was considering meeting him but something felt 'off'. If I didn't respond fast enough he'd start rapid fire messaging questions and comments. Sent me his number 3 messages in, which I ignored until he started pressuring me to text him. Uh, no. Tinder communication is just fine until we meet. I'm not all that busy but don't pressure me into responding by blowing up my phone and if this is how you communicate w/o my number I can only imagine the texts and calls that would come if he had my number.

The final straw was during my 'get to know each other' Q/A session (beats idle chit-chat). You each ask 5 questions, one at a time, and you can't ask what the other person just asked. If you get to the end of 5 and both parties are comfortable you meet for coffee or a drink. So I said if he liked the idea I'd start to lead it off. I woke up to 5 questions, none of which were 'getting to know you'. Between the 'off' feeling, the 'rapid fire blowing up my phone' when I didn't respond quick enough and this I was so annoyed I just unmatched him. 

[CastleBell]

I've had some back and forth with two men this week.

The first asked me out and I declined. He's a gym rat who works out every day so he can drink a lot on weekends. That's not bad, but it's not a fun day-in-day-out to me, and I'm over dating for "practice" or "to see if there's a spark in person even though we're very different superficially." Plus I think if he'd taken the time to chat a little bit more he would have realized that my total lack of a gym membership doesn't suit him either. Not that I object per se to trying to get to the in-person meeting quickly. And probably I should never have "liked" him when half of his profile was about the importance of working out. I was blinded by his really cool scientist job, though.

The second has one of the most appealing profiles I've ever seen. I told him my real name, and he laughed and admitted that the name he's using isn't his real name either. (So, this tells us how successful OKC was with that drive to get people to use their real names.) The funny thing was that, without having met him, my immediate thought was, oh, realname  suits him so much better than screenname (which is his middle name). I sent him the longest message we've exchanged so far, so I'll see how that goes.

[aradia22]

New first message

Quote

How are you doing today. Are you looking for a real relationship with a real romantic guy

Could not sound more like a robot or an alien

[CastleBell]

2 hours ago, aradia22 said:

New first message

Could not sound more like a robot or an alien

If he's an alien, you should probably go out with him and see how it goes. Just make sure you stay in crowded public places the whole time.

My favorite profile today: a long one with the tag line "most of this profile is facetious." Okay. That's helpful, then.

[JTMacc99]

On 7/11/2018 at 3:35 PM, CastleBell said:

I sent him the longest message we've exchanged so far, so I'll see how that goes.

How did it go? 

[CastleBell]

13 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

How did it go? 

You know what? I'm not sure! I asked him a specific question about the tag line of his profile. He said it was a long story, and too hard to answer in the app, so we should continue the conversation over email or a chat app. I gave him my email.

 

Once we were emailing, he did not answer my original question. The back and forth was just repeated meaningless variations on "okay, now we can talk." So maybe it was something he just didn't want to get into with a stranger online, and I could respect that. I switched to the most open-ended of questions: how has your week gone? And I got that super-helpful-to-the-conversation answer, "fine." Meanwhile I was answering his questions with two or three personal lines and he never followed up on them to get a conversation rolling. Finally, when I asked what he was doing this weekend-- wanting to give him an opening to suggest getting together if his issue was not wanting to share too much before meeting in person-- he said he was going to a movie with friends. Period. No reciprocal question.

 

At this point, I figured that for whatever reason he just wasn't interested. He knows far more about me than I do about him, and getting information from him is like pulling teeth despite switching platforms at his request. So I told him that that sounded like fun and I hoped he'd have a good time, expecting the conversation to end.

 

But then he emailed back asking me pointed questions about how I like OKC and what I want in a man. I answered as best as I could, though again keeping it to 2-3 lines. But when I turned the questions back on him, I got the equivalent of "pretty much the same" or "I agree." 

 

I don't know whether he's interested and I'm getting progressively more annoyed at being farther "out there" than he is. Even on a technical level, he knows my full name and exactly where I live (my rare last name is in my email so that's a given once I switched platforms) and I'm not even sure whether he goes by his first name or middle name or what suburb he's in. 

 

His latest question is about hobbies (yup, couldn't have asked THAT on the app) and I'll answer in the futile hope that this exchange will be the one that clears things up for me.

[JTMacc99]

37 minutes ago, CastleBell said:

futile hope

Too much texting/emailing in my opinion, as well as a distinct possibility actual conversation would also be like pulling teeth, and futile hope sounds about right. 

I will defer to the female contingent here for their opinion if it differs from mine, but if you were ready to go sit down with him and have a drink or a coffee, it would have been okay if you suggested it. Or, if it is important for you to see that a man is willing and able to take charge and make plans, it would have been okay to give up on him after the very clear opening of “what are you doing this weekend?”

Even I would have figured that one out before I started getting more experienced with this crap. 

[CastleBell]

Thanks.

I did consider just asking him out, but I was so busy being perplexed at why he'd bothered to ask for my contact information if he was uninterested in developing any kind of rapport with me that I went for running a little experiment instead. Though hey-- a certain subset of men asking women for their numbers even if they don't intend to call is a time-honored tradition so maybe it's not so perplexing after all. 

ETA: And of course maybe he just isn't interested or we just don't connect.

I don't necessarily need the man to take charge and do the asking, but I DO need him to share in some of the awkwardness of this whole artificial online dating situation. So I don't want to be the one who struggles to keep the conversation going AND the one who is genuinely sharing personal stuff AND the one who does the asking for the date. 

Edited July 14, 2018 by CastleBell

[aradia22]

Quote

He said it was a long story, and too hard to answer in the app, so we should continue the conversation over email or a chat app.

I refuse to change platforms and put off texting as long as possible. Both because I know I'm bad at texting (I'm slow at actually texting and I also don't check my phone enough) and because I'm weirded out by anyone wanting me to download an app or talk on instagram or email. What is the scam? I know it's there somewhere. 

Quote

But then he emailed back asking me pointed questions about how I like OKC and what I want in a man. I answered as best as I could, though again keeping it to 2-3 lines. But when I turned the questions back on him, I got the equivalent of "pretty much the same" or "I agree."

Assuming I'm just paranoid about the scam thing, some guys are just bad at conversation without realizing it. I've experienced everything you're describing. They don't see anything weird about you holding up the entire conversation while they don't give you real answers. And pelting me with questions is not holding up your end of the conversation. I'm still doing all the work. 

However, I would be a little careful about what information you're giving out if he's not reciprocating. You know what I mean. Address, email, phone number, pet's names, childhood street name, etc. Is he fishing for your account information or to steal your identity or to sign you up for God knows what? 

Quote

I will defer to the female contingent here for their opinion if it differs from mine, but if you were ready to go sit down with him and have a drink or a coffee, it would have been okay if you suggested it. Or, if it is important for you to see that a man is willing and able to take charge and make plans, it would have been okay to give up on him after the very clear opening of “what are you doing this weekend?”

Chiming in, I don't think it's the worst if you just answer "what are you doing this weekend" normally without suggesting plans. But yeah, if you actually want to meet, eventually one of you has to ask the other. I'm not saying it has to be you, just that someone has to do it. I dislike the wishy-washy nature of just asking what someone is up to or what they're doing this weekend as a way of opening the door. But then, I like concrete date plans and not "let's meet for coffee."

[theredhead77]

I don't see the point of moving from the app to texting until after a meeting or two unless you want a pre-meet phone call. Both require the use of the phone and the messaging function is equally annoying regardless of platform.

[CastleBell]

Just messaged another man I'm not sure about, but his first message to me was cute. Since we often complain about bad first messages, here's a good one: My profile mentions that I go to an ice skating class. (I didn't learn as a kid so I'm still working on things like going backwards.) He answered with a cute story about how when he was a kid, his mom refused to have his blades sharpened for "safety," but of course that made him an unsafe skater who was always checking people out of the rink because he couldn't stop on dull blades. That's one of the ways a good intro message is done.

[possibilities]

I could not be in a relationship of any kind with someone who was not willing and able to hold up half the conversation. But I also couldn't/wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was unwilling/unable to be direct about what they want.

So, if it was me, I'd either tell the guy that you don't want to keep answering in detail if he's giving vague answers, that you want to know more about him that just "fine". If he's innocent, he'll apologize and start being more forthcoming. If not, then you know he's either a scammer or a jerk or completely hopeless.

Likewise, if you want to meet, and you put out a feeler and get no clear response, you can either drop him or be more direct and ask him to meet.

Disclaimer: I'm a lesbian. I don't get the way straight people seem to have all these games they play, with hints and rules and roles and stuff you have to dance around or get three friends to consult with to translate. It sounds so exhausting to me, I don't know how any of you ever get together at all!

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, possibilities said:

I don't get the way straight people seem to have all these games they play, with hints and rules and roles and stuff you have to dance around or get three friends to consult with to translate. It sounds so exhausting to me, I don't know how any of you ever get together at all!

Trust me, we don't all do that!

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, possibilities said:

I don't know how any of you ever get together at all!

Alcohol. 

[aradia22]

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Disclaimer: I'm a lesbian. I don't get the way straight people seem to have all these games they play, with hints and rules and roles and stuff you have to dance around or get three friends to consult with to translate. It sounds so exhausting to me, I don't know how any of you ever get together at all!

I think inside I'm pretty straightforward and I don't adhere too much to gender roles. But of course you don't want to be rude and you need to be careful of the other person's ego. But over the course of my stories, I think you can tell that I'm getting better. Part of it is shedding inexperience and gaining confidence. And the consulting part is just fun. I don't think I'll stop that until I get into a serious relationship. Also, I think any kind of coupling has its share of games and passive aggressive behavior. Humans are always going to be weird and complicated. 

[aradia22]

New first message

Quote

Hey that's your real photo?

I'm going to be alone forever.

[Moose135]

14 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

Hey that's your real photo?

"No, it's my identical twin..."

[ratgirlagogo]

2 hours ago, Moose135 said:

"No, it's my identical twin..."

Or, "no, it's my EVIL TWIN."   Or, it's one of my Clone Sestras.......