Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[ExplainItAgain]

I may try okc when my match runs out. You list preferences on match and then on the profiles it says "90% match" or whatever. They send you 10-12 profiles every day that they think you match well with. Online dating is just a lot of work - it's like having a 2nd job. For me anyway - I'm not looking to date around and go out 2-3 times a week. Some of my friends use plenty of fish just to date around, but I'd rather take a bit more time to see if we're compatible before we meet.

[aradia22]

I just answered the okc questions haphazardly like a game when I first started. Recently, I realized that maybe I had thrown my match % off so I re-answered the questions, focusing in on the issues that are important to me. The tricky part is when you've got a dramatically high or low score based on the number of questions you've both answered. For example, (not that these numbers check out) but say you match 90% with someone but they've only answered 20 of the questions you've answered. Still, I do find myself liking a lot of my high matches, at least on paper.

[roseslg]

Dating is like a second job/job hunting.  I have a friend who created an excel spreadsheet for all the people he was in touch with.  He married someone he met online, so there's that.  At first, I used to be highly offended that someone didn't read my profile and instead chose to message me with something absurd, or, that they had just copied and pasted into 10 different profiles.  I just started deleting them.  My husband sent me an initial message that made it clear he had gone beyond the pictures.  Sometimes you just have to wait it out.  I had been online dating on and off for about 7 years at that point.  He had been on for about 3 weeks!

[possibilities]

I am pleased to hear that you were able to find someone, without lowering your standards. I have become very fussy and irritable about wasting my time, and often it seems like people are randomly contacting me, without paying any attention at all to what I've said about myself or what I'm looking for. I used to "give everyone a chance" but now I just feel like if you can't be bothered to pay attention in the beginning, when people are supposedly trying hardest to make a good impression, what are the odds you'll be any more on the ball later??? Or ever?????

I do think there's a difference between people who are looking for hook ups and casual fun and people who are looking for something serious and long term. If I was looking for a fling, I suppose it wouldn't matter so much. But I really have no interest in that right now, so for me, you need to be able to seem like you're actually talking to me, and telling me something about you, and making at least some kind of effort.

RE OKC match percentages, I agree it makes a big difference how many questions are involved. But I still don't understand how I can have a 90% match score with someone and ALSO be 26% their "enemy"-- the same person can't be great and terrible in a sensible system.

Edited September 5, 2016 by possibilities
more thoughts

[ExplainItAgain]

41 minutes ago, possibilities said:

I am pleased to hear that you were able to find someone, without lowering your standards. I have become very fussy and irritable about wasting my time, and often it seems like people are randomly contacting me, without paying any attention at all to what I've said about myself or what I'm looking for. I used to "give everyone a chance" but now I just feel like if you can't be bothered to pay attention in the beginning, when people are supposedly trying hardest to make a good impression, what are the odds you'll be any more on the ball later??? Or ever?????

I do think there's a difference between people who are looking for hook ups and casual fun and people who are looking for something serious and long term. If I was looking for a fling, I suppose it wouldn't matter so much. But I really have no interest in that right now, so for me, you need to be able to seem like you're actually talking to me, and telling me something about you, and making at least some kind of effort.

This is totally me too. Today I got 7 emails of the "hey beautiful" or "hi" variety and only 1 that actually referenced anything in my profile and was more than a sentence fragment.

How long have you been on okc @possibilities?

[aradia22]

Updates. Two dates still on the calendar for next week. I started talking to a nice lawyer one night but then he abruptly stopped responding. I've been talking to an artist (not what he does professionally but it's how I think of him) for a few days who seems OK. He's not really physically my ideal type but we're exchanging pleasant conversation so far. I'm sensing shades of the not so great qualities of Mr. Makeout in him so I'm slightly wary but I would meet up with him just to see how things went.

[possibilities]

22 hours ago, ExplainItAgain said:

How long have you been on okc @possibilities?

I signed up several years ago, didn't really feel like I was finding anyone remotely compatible, and left my profile up but hadn't checked in at all in ages. Then recently I got a message from someone new, who seemed interesting, so I logged on again. Not sure that's going anywhere, but it's made me think more about OKC and how it matches people, again, and whether I want to start actively looking around for people again, or not.

I feel ambivalent about the entire situation. I have been single a long time, and I'm more OK with it than most people probably would be (extreme introvert), but I used to love having a partner and I would like to do it again with the right person. I just find the process of finding folks to be incredibly draining. In the past, loves always just kind of happened-- I would meet someone in the course of living my life, usually when I least expected it, and it felt natural and fun. Dating and actively looking for someone feel so exhausting and artificial and like WORK.

I know I'm a difficult match, somewhat because I am a fussy, introverted person with unusual interests (and I'm a lesbian, which cuts the number of eligible folks by 90% or more, depending on what stats you believe for the percentage of lesbians in the population), but also because I have a complex, disabling, chronic illness and most people are just not interested in dating someone with a serious illness or disability that impacts everyday life in a big way.

On one level I get it-- it's a hassle and a lot to process for someone you don't even know-- but at the same time, I'm a great catch if I do say so myself! Some of my best friends are disabled by chronic illnesses, and all of that. It just depends on what you're looking for. I'm not the right person for you if you are very extroverted and need to go out a lot or want a partner who is very physically active, can accompany you to social gatherings and do a lot of exciting stuff out in the world. But if you like to stay in and be serious, I'm your woman... not just serious... I am not all serious. But I'm not all that casual, even when I'm being silly. I dunno. I have actually given this a lot of thought, and I do think I have things to offer. But it's hard to sell it to people when their minds are being blown by the complexity of just meeting me. I would date someone else with the same diagnosis if they were compatible in other ways, but that hasn't turned up either.

Part of me believes that if it's meant to happen, it will happen, and it won't be an ordeal, and driving yourself crazy trying to make it happen isn't really necessary. I also know that if you don't put yourself out there and make some effort, you really cut your odds a lot, like in any other area of life. I am always trying to balance those two ideas... how hard is it worth it for me to try vs to relax and not get stressed pushing the river.

[aradia22]

Update! The lawyer resurfaced. I started planning my outfits for my two dates. I also started talking to a future grad student who seems nice.

[aradia22]

My first date with Mr. Librarian seems like it was a bust. It lasted an hour and a half. I called it quits. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We met up near a subway stop. He walked me about 5 blocks to a cafe. It was not like a cute one. It was like a Panera Bread kind of chain. I don't know why we walked so far. Anyway, I got a small iced tea that he let me pay for. Again, that kind of thing's not a dealbreaker for me but it was a weird vibe. He kind of gave me a wide berth so I'd have to pay for my $2.50 tea myself. It's just... I'm usually not an expensive date. Am I being unreasonable? Anyway, we spent a few minutes getting settled (we each went to get something to sweeten our coffee/tea though my tea was still rather bad). We talked a bit. It was very interview-y (on his part) but friendly. I did try and turn on the charm. I acted sociably. I made him laugh. A while after I finished my drink he finally suggested that maybe we should get dinner. So he started to walk me to some new place and in the middle of that walk it started raining. Again, I'm fully aware that I might have just been moody and irrational but something turned me off about the way he was acting. I was wearing a cute sundress and a full face of makeup (see, I tried!) and he just kept walking me farther and farther and chattering and not really paying attention to my mood. So when we started to approach my bus stop I asked him if he wanted to call it a night. And he seemed slightly reluctant but he said yes. At this point the fact that I was checked out had become more apparent. I was looking at the bus times on my phone. He shook my hand goodbye and went off. And as though the universe approved (or like it was my girlfriend calling me so I would have an out) the rain stopped when I got to the bus stop. I considered texting him to come back but it didn't seem worth it. I might go out with him again if I could pick the date but I just wasn't feeling sparks and it seemed better to just go home and enjoy the rest of my night than possibly pay for a meal I wouldn't enjoy and keep forcing myself to make conversation. He seemed much more flirty and witty when we were chatting online.

[aradia22]

Quote

Hey come over to a yacht docked at Chelsea Piers!

Is this a better or worse first message than hotel room guy? Also, sometimes I wish I had a tumblr or something so I could post actual profiles. There are some real gems.

[ExplainItAgain]

On 9/5/2016 at 9:38 PM, possibilities said:

I feel ambivalent about the entire situation. I have been single a long time, and I'm more OK with it than most people probably would be (extreme introvert), but I used to love having a partner and I would like to do it again with the right person. I just find the process of finding folks to be incredibly draining. In the past, loves always just kind of happened-- I would meet someone in the course of living my life, usually when I least expected it, and it felt natural and fun. Dating and actively looking for someone feel so exhausting and artificial and like WORK.

This is the same way I feel. Everyone I ever dated, I knew in some capacity beforehand. I always thought the next one would just come along...and it just hasn't. So I guess I felt like I had to do something and take action. But you're right - it feels like WORK.

I haven't heard from Finance Guy - I hope this means he got the same vibe from the date I did. There's a new possibility, I'll call him Florida Guy since he just moved here from there. Not sure if we're vibing yet, he's a little slow to reply to emails but he seems nice and he's cute.

All I got to say @aradia22 is that you must live in a big city and be smoking hot ;)

[aradia22]

Update: So Mr. Possible Boyfriend Material might be possible boyfriend material... but not for me. YES, IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Another guy who told me he's started seeing someone he wants to see exclusively. And yet again, he only brought this up when I texted him even though he has my number and I know for a fact (thanks, okc) that he visited my profile a few days ago. And our first date was supposed to be Sunday. This time I'm not angry. OK, I'm a little angry. But I'm more motivated. I'm ready to send out another wave of first messages.

[aradia22]

I sent out 16 messages tonight. I got back two nibbles and three responses. Of course, one of those responses ended up being from another cute Asian guy who only wanted to hook up... his exact phrasing was "More focused on physical intimacy, but we can hang together also" (gee, thanks) but I still count it as a win. Silence from the lawyer and the artist. Also a completely different guy wrote me a very nice long message but didn't reply when I wrote back which is weird, right?

[aradia22]

Still silence from the lawyer and the artist. The long message guy... who I will call Mr. Pen Pal for now just wrote back. The guy who wanted to hook up replied again with the charming "Depends I think, how long before we are going at it?" And I exchanged a few messages with another guy who basically wants to get married ASAP so I shut that down. Just... a lot variety lately.

[DeLurker]

Doesn't Hook Up Guy know there are sites just for that purpose?

[DkNNy79]

On ‎9‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 1:34 AM, aradia22 said:

Still silence from the lawyer and the artist. The long message guy... who I will call Mr. Pen Pal for now just wrote back. The guy who wanted to hook up replied again with the charming "Depends I think, how long before we are going at it?" And I exchanged a few messages with another guy who basically wants to get married ASAP so I shut that down. Just... a lot variety lately.

The nerve of some guys.  Wow..........

[ExplainItAgain]

After exchanging a few more emails with Florida Guy, I am pretty sure he is boring too. Also, no jokes. Sense of humor is so important, especially during something as awkward as online dating and "getting to know you" interview type emails. I kind of don't even have the heart to write back to his latest email. I think I'm funny and sassy and my sense of humor is sarcastic. I feel like I'm running into a lot of introverts and shy types - which I guess sort of makes sense considering the context of online dating.

I've written 3 super funny and casual emails to guys whose profiles I liked, but I got zero response. Every time I go surfing, I just keep seeing the same profiles over and over again. I'm kind of glad match runs out in about 3 or 4 weeks. Maybe I will move on to okc.

[aradia22]

I forget if you mentioned it, but do you mind me asking if you live somewhere closer to a big city (lots of prospects) or a small town?

My general advice is that it's difficult to find someone you really click with. I have yet to find someone who ticks all the boxes for me (someone who I can talk to, who makes me laugh, who I'm attracted to). You kind of just have to stick it out and stay hopeful and enjoy yourself as much as possible in the meantime.

My more specific advice is to put something in your profile. If you put in something really specific like "I want someone I can banter about X, Y, and Z with" or something like that, I can almost guarantee you're going to get more guys who will pick up on that and pursue you if that's who they think they are. Obviously it can be tricky to phrase things quite right (not that you'd want those guys anyway, but there's a lot of misogyny floating around the internet and online dating specifically. You don't want to be the equivalent of that guy saying "I don't like girls who are gold diggers or who tart it up with cleavage photos"... I'm softening the language, but you get the drift. There's a way of putting things that isn't so arrogant or bitter). But if you do put those lures out, you're more likely to attract the right fish.

Writing to people is a ridiculous experience. It just is. ;)

[ExplainItAgain]

I live in a medium-sized southern city. Being in the south is harder - people tend to get married much earlier down here. When I lived in CA for few years, no one around my age was married but back here, all my friends already were. I'm an outgoing person but I don't really hang at the bars so there's a limited environment to meet people. I'm starting to think maybe I'd have more success at speed dating or something where I can more quickly assess if the guy can hang with me, haha. I think I put in my profile that I like to trade good natured trash talk and barbs.

You're right, it's a ridiculous experience - but let's laugh about the awkwardness together men of match.com!

[aradia22]

Quote

I think I put in my profile that I like to trade good natured trash talk and barbs.

Specificity helps a lot. I don't know what match is like, but occasionally I'll check out the profiles of non-straight males out of curiosity. But just to take straight guys as an example, the repetition is amazing. The number of times I've read "easy-going" is staggering. It's like they're working off the same template. So, you know, say something playfully sassy about your favorite BBQ place or tell a joke about laughing about the awkwardness together. The right guy is just looking for that thing that makes your profile stick out that he can pick up on. Make it a little easier on him.

[aradia22]

OH MY GOD. I came across a profile that's amazing if it's real. The gist of it is that apparently a guy did not treat this girl well so she set up a profile warning other women about him. I'm well aware this could be some kind of hoax but I'm always on the lookout for something to break up the monotony and other than the weird kink profiles, this one definitely got my attention.

[aradia22]

Question: Is it ever OK for a guy to say something like this?

Quote

kitten i wont leave you alone until i have your number and a set date

[JTMacc99]

On 8/31/2016 at 10:53 PM, aradia22 said:

Question: Is it ever OK for a guy to say something like this?

Pretty much no. For every one of us where that could be okay, there are a lot more where it is not. 

Edited September 19, 2016 by JTMacc99

[roseslg]

8 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Question: Is it ever OK for a guy to say something like this?

hahaha, hahaha, er, no.  Kitten?  er, no! Hahaha.   I would be tempted to either respond with:  What the ever loving fuck?  or, 

[DkNNy79]

9 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Question: Is it ever OK for a guy to say something like this?

Block his a$$

[ZaldamoWilder]

10 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Question: Is it ever OK for a guy to say something like this?

Typically I'd say no but, context.   It's a dating site, people start out more familiar with each other because of the purpose of your membership.    That's a different sentence if he's someone you've exchanged several notes with versus an initial opener.   He could've been trying to be funny and it was a fail.  It could be in line with the rest of the humor expressed in his profile.    Stalker types don't typically express their intent.   I could be oversplaining and the guy's just weird but without more background, I come back to:  context. 

[JTMacc99]

4 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

Typically I'd say no but, context. 

I agree. 

Although I think in this case, I got all the context I need from "kitten".

[possibilities]

I would never be OK with it, but what really matters is whether you are OK with it.

[ZaldamoWilder]

2 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

I agree. 

Although I think in this case, I got all the context I need from "kitten".

I'm old lol, is that a code word?  Don't say what for but if so, aradia, disregard dear.

[aradia22]

Quote

Typically I'd say no but, context.   It's a dating site, people start out more familiar with each other because of the purpose of your membership.    That's a different sentence if he's someone you've exchanged several notes with versus an initial opener.   He could've been trying to be funny and it was a fail.  It could be in line with the rest of the humor expressed in his profile.    Stalker types don't typically express their intent.   I could be oversplaining and the guy's just weird but without more background, I come back to:  context. 

The context was two messages in a row (that is, sent together) that I didn't respond to. They were also a little weird, each for a different reason. His profile is pretty bare bones and lazy and his main photo is him smoking hookah. I'm not jumping to thinking stalker, just... guy who is probably not right for me.

[ratgirlagogo]

2 hours ago, aradia22 said:

his main photo is him smoking hookah

That combined with kitten doesn't seem great to me unless you're also into hookahs and really love cats.  

Edited September 20, 2016 by ratgirlagogo

[aradia22]

So I didn't respond to that guy and he actually didn't keep pursuing it. 

I got a charming new message that was an instant block. I'm putting it as a spoiler because it's slightly vulgar. 

Spoiler

Can I lick ur pussy?

I've also gotten some nice compliments from guys I'm not into that are at least a step above the general "ur pretty."

Quote

How are you? You're incredibly beautiful. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. It's working.

I could stare at you forever and I’d still feel like I haven’t had enough of you.

Aside from that, most of my conversations have been dying as usual. 

[JTMacc99]

Ugh. That's just so... dumb, gross, disappointing.

It does remind me of a conversation I had this weekend. I had put a picture of my arm on Facebook (there was a story to go with it), and my friend said "looks like you are flexing in that picture." Which I was not, but because what I was holding was heavy I suppose it could have looked like that.  My response was that if anybody had made a comment on the picture about that, I was going to write that objects (specifically my arm muscles) in the photo are not as large as they appear.

She then said that dick picks should come with those words.  Which was funny, and then disturbing. She then told me that the last guy she dated sent them all the time. Good lord. One more thing that we do as a group that has never seemed like a good idea to me. I'd chalk it up to being a little older, but apparently that has nothing to do with it. 

[ZaldamoWilder]

9 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

Ugh. That's just so... dumb, gross, disappointing.

It does remind me of a conversation I had this weekend. I had put a picture of my arm on Facebook (there was a story to go with it), and my friend said "looks like you are flexing in that picture." Which I was not, but because what I was holding was heavy I suppose it could have looked like that.  My response was that if anybody had made a comment on the picture about that, I was going to write that objects (specifically my arm muscles) in the photo are not as large as they appear.

She then said that dick picks should come with those words.  Which was funny, and then disturbing. She then told me that the last guy she dated sent them all the time. Good lord. One more thing that we do as a group that has never seemed like a good idea to me. I'd chalk it up to being a little older, but apparently that has nothing to do with it. 

Sadly, nothing at all.  If anything my friends and I would be lulled by thinking hey we're older, they're older, they know better.  Nope.   You think you've met somebody intelligent, cute, funny, you know, normal.   Then it turns out he's Anthony Weiner.   Technology just brought forward what was already on their minds.  I guess if there's an advantage it's that it used to take weeks/months of dating to find out.    Now all we have to do is put somebody's name into a handful of the national databases and wait.

Has anybody tried speeddating?  If so, how was it? 

[possibilities]

2 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

She then told me that the last guy she dated sent them all the time.

I don't get this. If she didn't want to receive dick pics, and she told the guy, and he kept sending them, why was she still dating him? And if she didn't tell him, why is she complaining behind his back? I get the revulsion, but not how someone would keep sending them after being told not to, or how someone would either not say she objected or would continue dating the person who ignored her objection or not block him after breaking up if he persisted.

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, possibilities said:

I don't get this.

I kind of covered my thoughts on this over in the relationships thread. People get invested in bad relationships.

I imagine she did tell him to not to do it. As far as I know, she never told anybody else about it, although she might have. She only brought it up to me in the conversation now that she has broken up with him (which by the way, hasn't stopped him from still trying to find out ways to be a jerk.)

[DeLurker]

13 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

(which by the way, hasn't stopped him from still trying to find out new ways to be a jerk.)

I hate it when people do that, but I fixed this for you.

Oh yeah - I took my dog to the dog park this morning and ended up thinking of you guys.  No one else was there but the pupster was having fun and it is supposed to rain later so we hung around for a bit.  After about 15 minutes a guy in a truck pulls up and unloads his two dogs.  Our dogs start playing together which is nice and we start the dog parent chit chat.  Anyway, he was probably 25 - 30, in good shape, good looking, a nice conversationalist and good with his dogs.  All I could think of is I want to teleport one of you to meet him!

Edited September 26, 2016 by DeLurker

[theredhead77]

Somewhere some dude is ranting about the girl on Tinder who has no sense of humor. My profile clearly says "no hook-ups, no [not the candidate of my choice supporters]. First message 'I'm a [candidate] supporter and want a hook-up". Thought about replying about why it fell flat but decided to unmatch without response.

[ZaldamoWilder]

10 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

Somewhere some dude is ranting about the girl on Tinder who has no sense of humor. My profile clearly says "no hook-ups, no [not the candidate of my choice supporters]. First message 'I'm a [candidate] supporter and want a hook-up". Thought about replying about why it fell flat but decided to unmatch without response.

LMAO!! Hilarious!  ok, I thought Tinder was primarily about hook upery, no?

[ExplainItAgain]

I've had NO luck the past few weeks with match. I've been sort of slack on it (see below). However, my friend has been messaging two guys who seem really nice and fun so I am happy she's having some luck.

I'm sort of interested in a guy in my life, but we work together (in a way...don't want to give too many details yet). He totally gets my sense of humor, he's cute, and every now and then he will text me randomly. I can't tell if he's interested because of our working relationship so this has the potential to just stagnate for awhile. I can work with someone else, so if there's something there, it wouldn't be a problem in the future. I somehow have to figure out if he's got a girlfriend or is dating someone....hmmm, off to plot.

ETA: Small update; I went by this guy's work today at lunch and we chatted for 2 hours. About everything, sports, politics, the housing market, his grandparents, etc. The conversation was funny; I'm not sure any of it was really flirty though. Then, I texted him a little bit later about a joke we were discussing and he didn't text me back. Sigh.

Edited September 28, 2016 by ExplainItAgain

[aradia22]

Aw @ExplainItAgain I'm rooting for you and this guy at work since you seem to enjoy each other's company and be able to talk at length. That kind of thing was always a problem for me when I was in school. I had a lot of guy friends but I was never sure when someone was interested in me/I didn't know how to make my interest any more apparent than it already was. That's one good thing about online dating. You're both clear on what you're looking for. I can't offer any advice on this front because that "does he like me" question with guys has never made sense to me. I've had guy friends who spent hours talking to me who never made a move. I say if you really genuinely feel there's something special worth pursuing, just go for it. That's the only way of guaranteeing progress/an answer to the confusion. And of course, my type in school tended to be very smart and nerdy and/or shy so that didn't help matters. Good luck!

[theredhead77]

13 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

LMAO!! Hilarious!  ok, I thought Tinder was primarily about hook upery, no?

I know a few people who met their partners on there. People I come across tend to post if they are looking for something substantial, fun or either.

[ZaldamoWilder]

8 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

I know a few people who met their partners on there. People I come across tend to post if they are looking for something substantial, fun or either.

Oh that's awesome!  and good to know.   I must be thinking of a different one, I could swear there's one that's just about hit n' runs, it must not be Tinder.

[aradia22]

No, @ZaldamoWilder, you're right. Tinder has a widespread reputation as the hook-up app and a bunch of other sites have adopted the "swiping" feature. That's why I stick to okc. But I'm sure there are people who just use it for regular dating. It just harder. It's not a perfect analogy, but it's like going to a bar by yourself in a cute dress to get a drink. Sure, people probably do it just to have a drink, but most people do it to meet someone so you shouldn't be shocked if you get hit on.

[ZaldamoWilder]

Ah, gotcha ;)  good analogy ~ thanks!

[aradia22]

Sigh... I'm still chatting with some people but I'm not that into it. Part of me is just wondering if they're going to disappear like the lawyer and the artist. It's annoying to devote time to chatting and then have people just go silent. I don't want to get into specifics (TMI) but suffice it to say, I'm not really feeling like going out this week. I wonder if I should just check out of okc for a while or if I should keep these conversations going because I know well enough that dragging out a conversation is a good sign you're never going to meet up.

[theredhead77]

3 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Sigh... I'm still chatting with some people but I'm not that into it. Part of me is just wondering if they're going to disappear like the lawyer and the artist. It's annoying to devote time to chatting and then have people just go silent. I don't want to get into specifics (TMI) but suffice it to say, I'm not really feeling like going out this week. I wonder if I should just check out of okc for a while or if I should keep these conversations going because I know well enough that dragging out a conversation is a good sign you're never going to meet up.

Not that I've had any sort of luck, but the criteria I use to keep my sanity is:

1) Do they respond in a timely manner appropriate for the time it's sent? I don't expect instant replies but I do expect responses within a day or so depending.

2) Do they ask questions and help facilitate the conversation or are you doing all the work? If I'm doing all the work I give them a chance to pick up the slack but when the silence is broken with a generic statement or nothing to move the conversation along I just let it die.

3) Have you initiated phone / meet up or do you solely rely on them?

I find 1 and 3 are important for determining if they are sneaking around on a partner. Do they only respond during traditional business hours and maintain radio silence during evenings and weekends? Red flag.

[ExplainItAgain]

Well, I think my work friend is dating someone. We were chatting today and he mentioned this restaurant he ate at last night. I asked him why that place (kind of out of the way) and he said he was meeting a girl there and that it was about halfway. ::tear::

I'm a big believer in "he's just not that into you" so I feel that with him randomly dropping out of our text conversations coupled with this new information today...he's not interested.

I only have two weeks left with match than maybe I'll try OKC. Sigh, back to square one.

[aradia22]

@theredhead77 That's a good point I haven't thought about. Out of curiosity, are there a lot of polyamorous or open relationships when you're filtering for older (older than 20-30) people on dating sites? I feel like people are generally pretty open around my age so it's something I haven't really thought about. The only thing is we're all dating multiple people at the same time without really discussing it.

[JTMacc99]

On 10/3/2016 at 8:23 PM, aradia22 said:

Sigh... I'm still chatting with some people but I'm not that into it.

I think the online dating stuff is amazing for giving us the opportunity to meet people we would never otherwise get a chance to meet. It's also wears us down, chipping away at our self respect or self esteem if we let it.