The Quotes Thread: Sheet Music

[DollEyes]

Here's the place for your favorite Empire quotes, such as this one from Cookie to her son Andre', about his wife Rhonda: 

 

"Of course she's smart. Pretty White girls always are, even when they aren't." 

 

Another great quote from Cookie was to her other son Jamal, when he was little, about knowing that he's gay. "You're different. It's something that only Mama knows. That's gonna be hard sometimes, but I got you. I got you." That was Cookie's way of showing unconditional love for Jamal, which is something his father Lucius has never given him.   Then there's Cookie's nickname for Anika, the A&R chief: "Boo-Boo Kitty." If the first episode is any indication, every word out of Cookie's mouth will be priceless.

Edited January 13, 2015 by DollEyes

[DearEvette]

Cookie: 'The Streets aren't made for everybody.  That's why they made sidewalks."

 

Annika: "Rude."

Cookie: "No more rude than that achorwoman haircut you slapped on your head."

[Congo]

"Shut up Dora!"

[Jazzy24]

"I faced bigger in prison with more talent BITCH!!!"

"Porsha get my damn shoe!!!"

Cookie Lyon

[DollEyes]

Cookie to Lucius: "Now you gonna 'Ray Rice' me?" 

[JBC344]

I think that was actually directed at "FoFo" (Gucci Mane wanna be) since it looked like he stood up to get in her face.

[DollEyes]

  You're right, but given all the confusion going on at the time, I'll just chalk it up to what is becoming one of the show's  most important rules-"Wherever Cookie goes, trouble follows."

 

Fo-Fo: "I inspire people, like Gandhi." and "Who's Diana Ross?"

Edited January 22, 2015 by DollEyes

[Congo]

"And God, please do not withhold your blessings, even from hoes that hire skanks to spy on me. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Hallelujah!"

 

One guess as to who said this.

[DearEvette]

“I want to know who the hairy dingleberry had dinner with last night.” - Lucious

[DollEyes]

Jamal to Lucius: "That's the bedroom, where the gay love happens."

 

Anika to Cookie: "My father is a doctor. My mother is a debutante.  I know you've been in prison for a minute but do you know what a debutante is?"

Cookie: "A bougie ho with a lot of money?"

Anika: "A ho who can slit your throat without disturbing her pearls."

Cookie (sarcastically): "That was so hot."

Anika (walking away): "I aim to please."

 

And that was Round One!

 

  The text message conversation between Hakeem and his sidepiece Camilla:

 

Camilla: "Hey sexy-Want to meet up tonight?"

Hakeem: "I miss your legs wrapped around me."

Camilla: "Do you? 'Cause they're right behind you."

 

Thank Heaven for 32-inch HDTVs and On Demand cable, otherwise I never would have known what they were talking about.

Edited January 24, 2015 by DollEyes

[Rick Kitchen]

"My name's Cookie.  Ask about me."

 

"Your kids ain't real, they rich."

 

Cookie:"Even vampires got manners"

Lucious:"Did I wake you up from your coffin?"

[DearEvette]

Jamal:  "You too dumb to play stupid."

 

Lucious:   "Let's look at it from a mathematical perspective. Your girlfriend has a girlfriend. Add that up."

Hakeem: "Two?"

Lucious: "Two girlfriends, It's a mathematician's dream! It's trigonometry."

[Congo]

Cookie to the cabbie: "Whatchu mean 'you people'? You black like me!"

[DollEyes]

Cookie to the Fed, after testifying: "Dead Bitch Walkin'-that's me."

[Mozelle]

Cookie to the cabbie: "Whatchu mean 'you people'? You black like me!"

 

Oh! How she settled into that "Black like me" part of line had me dying, too!

 

After Hakeem's dumb entourage fools hit up Ghetto Ass Studio:

 

“We can call this is a standoff or we can make this a multiple homicide.” - studio owner, holding a 12 gauge shot gun

"Keep moving before you lose your choice." - studio owner, still holding a 12 gauge shot gun

Edited February 5, 2015 by Mozelle

[nicepebbles]

Nobody quoted, "I liked you better when you were a thug" from the 2nd episode? (I've only seen the first 2.) One of the worse lines in the history of EVAH! I know Cookie is ghetto. She's not stupid as all hell though so why she would say some dumb as f*** sh** as that is beyond me.

[ribboninthesky1]

Yeah, I hated that line as well. I remember thinking, "Fool, that 'thug' you liked cut off all communication, blindsided you with a divorce, and promptly forgot about you while you were incarcerated. What exactly is there to like about that?" Hood doesn't have to mean stupid, and that was a stupid line from Cookie. 

Edited February 6, 2015 by ribboninthesky1

[DollEyes]

From "False Imposition":

 

Cookie, to Lucius, about his picture in the paper with the headline "'Empire' Strikes Back": "I like this picture of you, but the headline should read 'The Cookie Strikes Back."

Lucius: "You know something? You and I always made a real good team."

Cookie: "You damn right we did. I make you better. Don't forget that." (walks away)

Lucius: "Thank you, baby."

Cookie: "'Baby?' You might want to clear that with Anika."

Lucius: "OK-'baby mama' then."

Cookie (laughs): "Still crazy, Lucius."

[Mozelle]

From "False Imposition":

 

Cookie, to Lucius, about his picture in the paper with the headline "'Empire' Strikes Back": "I like this picture of you, but the headline should read 'The Cookie Strikes Back."

Lucius: "You know something? You and I always made a real good team."

Cookie: "You damn right we did. I make you better. Don't forget that." (walks away)

Lucius: "Thank you, baby."

Cookie: "'Baby?' You might want to clear that with Anika."

Lucius: "OK-'baby mama' then."

Cookie (laughs): "Still crazy, Lucius."

 

Man. Terrence Howard is such a problem, but I cannot deny the chemistry between him and TPH. They're both great in this. 

[Badsamaritan]

From Out, Damped Spot: Vernon to Andre 'sorry bout choking you out'. I busted out laughing!

[Congo]

"Hey Anika! Now THIS is an ass!" - Cookie. Always Cookie.

[Congo]

"Oh, so Yoko wants to play on the song too. Well, Yoko, what can you do? Can you play the tambourine?"

 

"If you want Cookie's nookie, ditch the bitch."

[DearEvette]

Camilla:   “I’m not one of your jailbird mates, OK?"

Cookie:   “I wish you were, you probably would’ve made a good bitch for me — you look like you got a long tongue.”

[PiggyRod]

"Take these cookies!!"

[Badsamaritan]

"Phone check Porsha!"

[JBC344]

"I'm Cookie, take a bite"

 

Not a particularly "funny" quote but the delivery of Cookie and Porsha busting in Luscious's house.

 

Lola: "Hi Grandma"

Cookie: "Hi baby, where's your Grandfather?  LUSCIOUS!!!!!!!"

Edited March 10, 2015 by JBC344

[mtlchick]

"Game Time bitches."  I know Fox can't use that line to promote season 2 but I need that on a shirt, mug, keychain or oversize necklace yesterday. 

[DollEyes]

From the finale:

Hakeem ( I think): "What Kind of Black girl name is 'Becky'?"

 

Becky: "My mom's White."

 

Becky (to Lucius, after he yelled at her): "Use your 'inside voice' when you talk to Becky."

 

This episode was the first time I ever liked Becky, third-person stuff aside.

 

 

[Skyline]

"Checkmate bitch!"

[JBC344]

Mama Rose is a famous character from the play Gypsy. She is the epitome of a "stage mom". 

[Chicago Redshirt]

"You can't even dyke right." - Cookie to BBK

""Kill him. Make it loud and make it long. And by the way, I'mma sign your baby girl. And then I'm going to slip her my bone. Bye." - Lucious to Frankie Gathers"

"Game over, bitches" - Lucious

[DollEyes]

Mimi to Cookie: "Don't you worry your pretty little weave about that."

 

Lucius to Cookie: "It's amazing how much I can love you & hate you in the same moment."

 

Cooke to Lucius: "Save it for Anika-or one of these little boys you been runnin' round with in here."

[Lovecat]

From the finale:

 

Becky (to Lucius, after he yelled at her): "Use your 'inside voice' when you talk to Becky."

That right there is my favorite quote from S1.  I about fell off the couch laughing.  Everything with Porsha and Becky is pure gold.

[DearEvette]

Cookie " You ain't born with your name.  You grow into it"

 

Cookie: "Ain't nothing wrong with a couple of J.Lo's as long as they can really sing." (ouch)

 

Cookie: "Anika knows marketing. She made a whole career selling her ass."

Anika: "As opposed to you and your stellar career in pharmaceuticals?"

[DollEyes]

Cookie, to Anika: "Let me tell you something, ho. If it wasn't for women like me, bitches like you would spend a lifetime on their knees-or under my 20-year-old son."

 

Officer "Skinny Black" McKnight, to Lucius: "Unlike that little pack of lap dogs you got followin' you around, not everybody's interested in bein' up your ass, Lyon"

 

Andre, about "Ghetto-Ass Studios: "Forget "Lyon's Den'-let's call it 'the pigsty." & about Cookie: "Everybody knows my mama's crazy." The understatement of the year.

Edited October 3, 2015 by DollEyes

[mtlchick]

"Rainbow Sensation!"  I'm still laughing about that.

[paulvdb]

Anika to Cookie: "I get it, I get it. You are the baddest bitch ever. You are badder than all the animals whose prints populate your wardrobe."

[DollEyes]

Lucius, to Cookie, after inviting the family to dinner: "I want you to eat, drink & be merry, for tomorrow, we war."

 

Cookie, to Lucius: "I doubt if Jesus Christ could save you without burning His hands."

 

Lucius, to Cookie, at the dinner table: "We are family & you can't eat without me."

Cookie: "I don't know what got you twisted when you was in prison, but I'm always gonna eat-just not with you." (leaves & takes everyone's dinner with her)

 

Cookie, to Annika: "Let me guess-those 5 job offers didn't happen?" You ran out of lubricant for your knees?"

 

Porsha, to Cookie while she was rehearsing Mirage et Trois : "I'm just makin' sure you ain't goin' soft."

 

Jamal, to Lucius: "I'm not playin' second fiddle to no Freda Gatz or no Shucky Ducky quack quack or whoever else you got."

 

Cookie, to Lucius: "You can't keep Cookie down." A-freakin-men! .

[DollEyes]

Cookie, to Mimi, at the video shoot: "Get out, White bitch."

Mimi: "That's Whiteman, which is Russian for 'I own 20% of Empire.'"

 

Cookie, to Lucius: "Show me a grandma with an ass like this."

 

Cookie, while getting arrested again: "Is somebody recording this? If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide!"

 

Thirsty, to Rhonda & Andre, about an unusual piece of equipment: "it's my corpse-detection system." 

Rhonda: "You just have that handy?"

Thirsty: "Only on the holidays."

 

Cookie, to DA Ford: "Your weave is nice."

DA Ford: "So is your wig."

[DollEyes]

Porsha, about Cookie & Laz: "YAAASSS!! My boss is a pimp!!"

[Grace19]

Hakeem to the new guy, "you are in my negotiating chair"

[wanderingstar]

Cookie and Candace's scene in the latest episode, "My Bad Parts," just had so many classics:

 

Cookie: You come talkin' slick out ya mouth, real greasy.

 

Cookie: You got your white man.

Candace: And he's rich.

Cookie: I can't tell from them cheap ass shoes you wearin'

 

That whole scene gave me LIFE!

[DollEyes]

Another great line from that scene was when Candace told Cookie that "If 17 years in prison taught you anything, it was how to dress like a monkey & talk like a pimp."

[wanderingstar]

I still loved Cookie's line to Hakeem in the second episode of this season:

 

"You sleeping with one of the singers in your girl group? That's a Unsung episode waiting to happen."

[DollEyes]

Bumping it up with quotes from "Death Will Have Its Day":

 

Cookie, to Camilla, when she catches Camilla & Hakeem together: "This is the saddest sight I've ever seen-and I'm not just talking about your face,' Yoko'."

 

Cookie, to Hakeem, about Camilla: "You really gonna pick this bitch over your own family, Hakeem?"  

Hakeem: "At least she don't beat me with a purse."

Camilla: "Unless he wants me to."

 

Lucius, about Hakeem: "I'll take care of 'Fredo.'"

Edited March 31, 2016 by DollEyes

[DollEyes]

From "Sin That Amends," Cookie to Lucius: "Bye, Fuh-Lucius." 

[Lovecat]

Thirsty: Do I look like a kidnapper??

Becky: Yes!!

[wanderingstar]

Grandma Leah to Tariq in "Play On" 

"He gave her a job because she gave him one."