S17.E17 Qualifiers 4

[Mr. Sparkle]

Live from the Pasadena Civic Auditorium, the next 11 acts compete to see which two will go on to the Finals. 

Airs Tuesday, August 30th at 8:00 PM EDT. 

[PBnJay]

I stopped what I was doing to watch the dancing magician, and I watched with a huge smile on my face. I also thought, at the same time, Simon will hate this act.

Score!

[ams1001]

• Tap Dancer: The shouting detracts from the performance. It's annoying. The dancing wasn't all that exciting, either. I don't think. I wasn't totally paying attention. I know he danced with two of himself for a bit...which is becoming a cliche sort of thing on this show.
• A cappella kids: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz It was such a mishmash of sounds that I barely even heard the buzzer.
• Dancing magician: fairly entertaining, for its over-the-topness.
• British singer guy: was very...blue.
• Ventriloquist: Kermit the Frog really went overboard with the self-tanner.
• AI judges singing opera: It was funny the first time when I wasn't expecting it, but... 🙄 at their dramatic reactions.
• British Jackass: I was getting some dinner (yes, at 9:10 pm) so I missed a lot but I don't disagree with the buzzer this time.
• Opera singer/impressionist: I liked her audition better; this felt kind of random. Her Cher was better than her Celine.
• Screamo kid: I muted my TV. I liked her pants, though.
• Comedian: I wasn't paying enough attention to tell if he was funny or not.
• Last singer: Um, she sang. I was reading Am I The A-hole posts on reddit.
• God this show was boring.

[Chit Chat]

There were a lot of duds tonight.  Yawn!!  I did like the comedian.  He livened things up a bit.  The last singer, Lily, was good.  Howie was a bit of an ass to her with his comment of "you needed to blow the roof off."  I thought it was a beautiful song in honor of her mother.  "Blowing the roof off" with foot-stomping music isn't her style.  It sounded like the audience approved of her performance.  People can have a different sound and vibe, Howie!

Some of the acts were better the first time around.  Some were very 'meh' the second time around.  

[PBnJay]

I really did not like the ventriloquist.

Simon loved him.

I skipped all the singers. And the comedian after he started telling the same jokes he told last time. I don't get what's so horrible or funny about a sandwich made with the two bread end pieces.  

I knew the judges would LOVE themselves singing opera. Plus the guys got a plug in to make sure Heidi and Sofia will push them through via America's voting so they get to see themselves sing next time.

[Chit Chat]

9 minutes ago, PBnJay said:

I really did not like the ventriloquist.

I like him, but I thought his first audition was better than this one.  

9 minutes ago, PBnJay said:

I don't get what's so horrible or funny about a sandwich made with the two bread end pieces.  

I love the end pieces, but I know that most people don't and find them to be too dry.  I think he could've left that part out of the act.  He went on a little too long about bread.  I'm glad that Howie offered to have him open for him if he doesn't make it to the finale.  I liked his energy. 

11 minutes ago, PBnJay said:

I knew the judges would LOVE themselves singing opera.

Anybody that panders to Simon's ego wins him over easily!!

[Maverick]

 To quote Simon:  "Dreadful."    The comedian continued the fine tradition this season of not being funny.  The death metal girl is instamute.    They British Jackasses weren't funny and wouldn't have been even if those were real cacti.   In addition to the comic doing the same jokes he did in his audtion--and his intro package--(so, how would you step it up?  Oh, you wouldn't?  Cool, ok.  On to the next round!) didn't the ventriloquist do the same routine of having his voice stolen in the auditions?   Ugh.   Team Deep Fake Opera for the win, I guess?   Even though is all they're going to do is opera?   Boring.

[Tango64]

Looked like either fake cacti or cacti with all the  thorns removed. Stupid act either way. 

[Frisky Wig]

I really liked the British singer. His song reminded me of ‘Be Alright’ by Dean Lewis: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I0czvJ_jikg

Also got a kick out of Metaphysic or whatever the deep fake opera group was called. Very sneaky of them to tease the audience with what they will do next time. Way to manipulate the audience to get votes, guys! 
 

The British jackasses were unbelievably dumb but I did laugh out loud when that one jackass got stuck in the fake? thornless? cacti! 

America, do the right thing and send the death metal girl home! I did not enjoy it and I know her vocal chords hated it even more. 

*sigh* Don’t click below. There is no spoiler. I’m on mobile, accidentally clicked the ‘Add spoiler’ button and can’t figure out how to remove it. 

Spoiler

Told you not To click! 

Edited August 31, 2022 by Frisky Wig
Added plea to vote off the screamer.

[Vermicious Knid]

My biggest pet peeve with tap dancers is the music inevitably is too loud and drowns out the tapping. This should not be a problem if the sound people did. their. damn. job. Acapop were probably inspired by the Pitch Perfect movies. Kids, listen to some Pentatonix and learn what a capella can really sound like. Comedian didn't bomb horribly like all the others so far, but 'not horrible' isn't a ringing endorsement. I expect the British kid to get signed by Simon and heavily marketed in the UK, regardless of what happens.

Deepfakes act got an entire article in the Washington Post. Which mostly boils down to 'be afraid, be very afraid.'
 

Quote

The start-up’s appearance to millions on TV will lay the groundwork for its new website that seeks to make it easier for ordinary people to have their faces say and do things they never did in real life. Many other such sites are aimed at programmers and researchers.

And the act — in which they will follow up a raucous preliminary-round appearance that had them overlaying a young Simon Cowell’s face on the screen above a stage performer so the judge appeared to be singing to himself — will offer a shiny advertisement for a tech that’s democratizing with astonishing speed....

Yet some critics are horrified by this celebratory moment on a top-rated television show. Video deepfakes, they say, blur a line between fiction and reality that’s barely clear now. If disinformation-peddlers can have so much success with words and doctored images, imagine what they can do with a full video....

“We should be worried. I follow the technology every day, and I’m worried,” said Subbarao Kambhampati, a professor at the School of Computing & AI at Arizona State University who has studied deepfakes and virtual identities. He said he expects the “AGT” moment will make platforms like these take off even further, even as the technology improves by the day.

[rr2911]

Oh my God, what a terrible show tonight!  I'm thinking tomorrow will be the first results show that no act goes through to the finals.  They all kind of sucked, although more than others.

.  Tap Dancer - His shouting was a distraction, plus I was bored with his dancing.

.  Kids singing acappella - Howie was right to buzz them.  The performance was going no where.  They're going home just in time for school!

.  Dancing Magician - The dancing was bad and the tricks were old, nothing amazing.  All these tricks have been done and revealed before.

.  Guy singer - The guy talked his way through the whole song.  The word "crap" came to mind during his performance.

.  Ventriloquist - After seeing a very good ventriloquist in Munoz get eliminated last week, this dude should be packing his bags NOW!

.  Three opera singers - I thought this act was one of the few interesting ones tonight, even though the act is becoming a bit of a zzzzzzzzz.

.  British Jackass - CRAP!  And a bunch of it!

.  Singing Impressionist - I kind of enjoyed this act but it's a more of a complementary act not a headliner.

.  Screaming girl - Another crappy act.  How the hell did she go through?

.  Comedian - This isn't the year for comedians.  The same jokes aren't going to help him, especially when he isn't funny.

.  Girl Singer - I fast forwarded the back stories this time since I had heard them already.  So by reading other posts she sang this song for her mom?  Why not try to put on a great performance that will win votes?  Afterall, this is a competition!  Save the "singing for ____" for a later time.  She wasn't the best singer on the show.

Like I said, none of these acts deserve to go to the finals, but unfortunately two are.  Only one act I think that is probably going through for sure because America probably took out the hankies, is the the last performance.  Going through are....

Girl singer (last act)

Three opera singers    

Edited August 31, 2022 by rr2911

[Neet]

Bayley Graham - His charisma saved the performance from being boring, which is usually what sinks a ton of acts that come out like "I will be doing the thing now" in a hushed deadpan voice. The dancing on the stairs reminded me of my happiness when the check for my fake back injury clears against all odds. Ed Sheeran's "Shape Of You" was playing in the background, which given the American-sized audience, makes sense that it was penned in his native England and may not translate abroad. At one point, Bayley summoned clones of himself to dance alongside and it got a big reaction. I don't know why, given the accidental sighting of Howie A and Howie B at the judge's table multiple times and "Terry" leaking motor oil into his suit. Solid opener.

Acapop! - They would really benefit from a full band, though any producer saying he wants to 'make music' with the kids will land himself in a jail cell. There's a painful dichotomy between hating rearranged covers of popular songs and the usually grating original songs, which this was. Howie buzzed them right around the time it was feeling like an endless performance. I don't get why they seem to lean into their age as part of the gimmick so much after saying they want to be doing this for a long time, when some of them don't even look that young. (it's the audience who ages in real time while watching)

Jannick Holste - So by doing magic tricks, he's openly supporting the conversion of one thing into a more acceptable thing that the audience cheers at? It's 2022, I thought we were past this. Anyway, it was better than expected due to the high energy, even though a lot of the tricks seemed to be yanking a sheet off of an object/person. It's probably worth watching again to fully know what I gave partial attention to the first time.

Lee Collinson - A rare time where a singer on here sings with real passion, which I can only assume is directed to an online girlfriend separated by several oceans and the Swiss Alps and probably resides in an Indian call center. His voice was pretty good, though he's just like James Arthur, JP Saxe, or any of those inoffensive guys who have six months in the sun. (and they're all British, so that's pretty damn long for them)

Jack Williams - The crowd was more accepting of a grown man's stuffed toy collection than expected, but this was pretty lame. Ventriloquists have a hell of a time coming up with any material beyond arguing with the puppet, who is always the same sarcastic and rude archetype. I was hoping that he'd make an allusion to all figureheads being puppets, singling out the one who I mistakenly believe has my interests in mind and somehow isn't bought and paid for. Anyway, I don't think there were any jokes to be found here.

Metaphysic - Given that my collection of deepfake material requires its own server room, let's just say that opening a video of Charli D'Amelio that ends up being her singing opera would be gravely disappointing. These guys said they were going to step it up with something big and yet repeated the first act of Simon singing while adding two other replacement father figures beside him. This whole gimmick is basically boring opera singing wrapped in a different package and gets progressively less funny as it goes on, much like a timelapse of any young women I ingratiate myself to in hopes of affection.

The Lazy Generation - Suiting their name, I had to give applause that they were not so lazy as to not even show up. The premise of their act has some potential, but the execution tonight was terrible. So much pointless setup and nut shots, which given the ~30% trans population today, I can only assume hurt them. Almost everything but the last stunt was an injury that would be only mildly painful, like stubbing your toe, so it was Three Stooges-tier pain without the cohesion. The cactus spot was better, but only half of the men took it and there was so much time flexing and preening upon getting up that it ended rather abruptly.

Merissa Beddows - How on (flat) Earth is she 23-24 years old? She looks at least a decade older, though it would be the sexiest case of progeria I've ever seen. Anyway, the cube from her last performance was an unnecessary gimmick, but you'd think she would at least have the names of who she's impersonating on screen in case the teenagers watching at home can't instantly conjure up a memory of Cher's voice. Granted, she will live forever due to being so full of cosmetic injections that she'll be unable to decompose. Merissa has a good voice, but the performance was quite unstructured.

Harper - Another obvious setup like the Parmesan guy where she was going to "switch things up" for a few moments before going into the rehash. Practically speaking the verses confirmed her lack of singing talent, since the growling doesn't actually require any unless doing this music for real and not just spectacle. It did make me want to really channel my anger the next time I throw a tantrum over a toy on the crest of my 30th birthday, but I have no real praise.

Mike E. Winfield - The theme of tonight's show seems to be how confidence can really elevate mediocrity, as half of the jokes weren't that good. However, the ones that hit were pretty funny and his charisma sold them. It's quite a difference between Mike and the other comedians who try to deliver relatable material like they're taking a survey. Hopefully he makes it through so a single comedian is placed among the dozen singers and magicians in the finals.

Lily Meola - I'm suspicious of any woman who tells a story about butterflies and doesn't have a full sized back tattoo to commemorate said creature. Holy, this was a dull way to close the show, and further proof that it's all about tragic personal lives. She did another original song at the auditions and it was also pretty tiresome. Not a good sign when she was previously signed to a record label. I was trying to listen to the lyrics, but it became difficult when all of my extra screens turned on via boredom sensor and I was suddenly watching TikTok, studying for the bar exam, online gaming, and learning to make tiramisu from Jamie Oliver. She'll make it through, regardless.

Edited August 31, 2022 by Neet

[InternetToughGuy]

I somehow didn't realize there were 5 episodes of this round, so the several week long countdown for the Mayyas to perform (which could be just standing there for all I care) has been all for nothing. Tonight's wasn't too bad (I said that before typing the post: it was bad).

///

Bayley Graham - I could've sworn his name was Baileys Gram, since I need a drink and a smoke to stay awake and the show's only been on for 30 seconds, mercy me. I'm guessing the show's unofficial tagline of "the world's biggest stage" doesn't apply to this, since this act only needs enough space for the size of a broom closet, a plus if he wants to do birthday parties in San Francisco's $5000 a month apartments. As usual, the first act of the night is pretty much their swan song, so there's no reason to care. The Ed Sheeran song Shape of You (stylized "Out Of Shape Ew" in America) didn't enhance the act at all. Boring.

Acapop! - It started off alright, though I realized that my chronic headaches only come on when someone who isn't a girl is speaking. The song was decent, though the seemingly ambiguous topic made me confused as to which multicolored flag I'll have to hang from my car in hopes of receiving pats on the head for being a good person. Howie buzzing was funny, especially since it didn't seem much better than something you'd see at a high school, unless they're all in middle school, in which performing at a high school would be a big deal.

Jannick Holste - Another gay guy who was a weird obsession with Heidi, I guess as his best imitation of a straight man's behavior in a relationship with a 50 year old, which is a bond with intimacy so ice cold, a whole box of Viagra is only enough for the man to offer a cordial hug before complaining of his aching back and retiring to the other room. He says he grew up in a small town in Germany, which made me shed a tear due to the town probably only consisting of 70% Nigerian immigrants. Not like he would've gone through anyways, but broadcasters having already gotten a taste of his flambuoyant mannerisms, the performance has probably been preemptively banned in all red states, thus missing out on millions of votes. I don't even remember what happened during this.

Lee Collinson - Odd of him to sing a song about flowers when hailing from England, a place where they can't grow due to the sun being an urban legend on the caliber of Bigfoot. The song was OK, as are most of these young female emotional venting ballads (that are probably written by a team of 60 year old perverts), but I still felt like I was trapped in a snowy cave and had to do jumping jacks to stay awake.

Jack Williams - He wins the prestigious award of straightest face I've given out this season, which I guess is mild praise, since the stinkeye is usually the expression given and this was as neutral as you can get. The material could've been written better, like the quote "Terry Fator is crying right now" didn't make a lot of sense due to it being within the act that was good, though he probably is crying having likely realized by now that ventriloquism is the most ineffective way to get hot young women to go back to his dressing room. I got nothing.

Metaphysic - The technology to misrepresent reality on television is clearly already here, yet not integrated to this degree on the nightly news (the thing I attack my neighbor with blunt objects to defend its' accuracy). The way the preceding video made it seem was as if they were going to do something different, but it's the same boring crap. Terry being given the high voice to suggest his physique is the result of copious steroids and not a shred of discipline made me let out a sigh of relief. As is usually pointed out, how would this fill up a whole show?

The Lazy Generation - They really live up to their name, since it's obvious they didn't plan this out enough, though since they didn't immediately shift blame to their parents, they really are from a time where being suicidal on Twitter wasn't normal. This just looked like they were all randomly flopping around on stage, so it was terrible. I'd like to think all the self mutilation to their genitals is some sort of profound statement on being unable to afford having kids, but every man is driven to have a stepson of his own, so cost or anything else won't stop that. Sigh.

Merissa Beddows - She looks so much more mature than 23, though anyone who doesn't appear to whine to their Father for money daily causes me to raise my eyebrows in concern. I don't see why anyone would go see an impressionist, since there's the quick "oh!" and then having to sit there for 5 minutes while they drag the same voice out. The Celine Dion and Amy Lee voices were good, as the music they made back when they were taut and 20 years old filled with me joy and hope, which has since given way to refusing to listen to Amy and having been convinced that Celine has been dead for several decades. I got nothing.

Harper - A surprisingly conservative move for her to go by a mononym in an era where parents can't sleep unless their Instagram photos of their kids are tagged with their full name and exact geolocation. This performance was pretty decent. There is actually a metal remix of this song with the Bring Me The Horizon singer, in case you wanted to hear a man in his 30s sound like he's having a childish tantrum for some reason. Was OK.

Mike E Winfield - In what most men under 20 consider an act of intense mental stamina, he went an entire 3 minutes without identifying as a woman, since he was actually good. Despite around half of the jokes landing, his delivery was solid enough for it to be consistent all the way through. I guess not having a physical handicap allows him to clearly communicate without issue, though him seeking out an older woman qualifies as some sort of mental impairment. If he does well, he'll probably land a couple side pieces and stay with his wife for joke material.

Lily Meola - Other than me wanting to act like a butterfly and cram my face in her flower, I'm struggling with any vague parallels that would suggest I paid much attention. You know I'm thoroughly brainwashed by medical school when I conclude the real cause of cancer related deaths is not enough poisons masquerading as treatment - a stark contrast to the Indian gurus who say they can induce instant healing while simultaneously claiming that showing proof is just ego. If I ever get sick, the method in which I waste my life savings will be determined by loudest audience cheer 👏. Song was boring, I clearly have nothing to say.

///

I don't know if it was just this episode, but there was nothing to say, it was just totally unremarkable in every regard.

Edited August 31, 2022 by InternetToughGuy

[Lonesome Rhodes]

None of these acts would have made it to the top 3 last week.  Not even close.  Placement is sooooo crucial on this show.

Rarely have I seen a pimp spot performer blow it so badly.  That she's a GB, to boot?  Whoa.

I loved that one of the lady jidges stepped all over Simon's patented misdirection predicate:  "I don't think that was the best performance tonight...(it was the best evah!).

Well, we get Piff tonight.  Yay!  

[rr2911]

8 hours ago, rr2911 said:

Edited August 31, 2022 by rr2911

[Mr. Sparkle]

I generally agree with most of the above, not a Final Top 5 act in the bunch. Luckily, I started late and was able to fast forward a lot of the intro footage. 

• Tap Dancer Bayley - boring, and not a particularly good tap dancer. 
• Acapop! - I agree with Howie, a high school talent show act. I skipped a lot of their song. 
• Jannick Holste - the dancing was terrible, the tricks were cliché, but I enjoyed watching him. Great energy. I always like the quirky acts (think Hans from a few years back) because at least they're different, and not a dreary singer. Which brings us to... 
• Lee Collinson -  honestly, I skipped through to see if it got better. It didn't. 
• Jack Williams - the puppet sitting on the stairs was kind of an original idea, but the act still wasn't very good. I could see his lips move. 
• Metaphysic - the concept is cool, if a bit creepy. Really though, it was the same as last time, just adding Terry & Howie. If they go through, they'll add Sofia and Heidi and do basically the same thing. 
• The Lazy Generation - dumb. I don't mind this type of act, but it was all over the place and nothing new. 
• Merissa Beddows - I'm mixed on this one. I like her, she's talented. The act didn't wow me. Her audition was better. 
• Harper - kind of interesting in that it was one of those "surprise" acts (sweet kid or old person does something unexpected! I can't even believe it!) that usually don't have anything if they get past their audition. But she actually stepped it up and was better this time. I liked her performance but I doubt she's moving forward.
• Mike E. Winfield - I'm going against popular opinion on here, but I thought he was very funny and actually laughed at some of his stuff. Yes, he needs better material, but he has good delivery and is likeable. I could see him being very successful if managed correctly. 
• Lily Meola - like @Lonesome Rhodes said, it was hers to lose, and she lost it. Very mediocre voice, very mediocre song. Unfortunately for the audience, AGT laps up this kind of crap, so she could be going through. 

Really tough call on who is going to the finals. Not a standout act in the bunch.

Definitely not - Bayley, Acapop!, Lazy Generation, Harper

Maybe - Jannick, Lee, Merissa

Has a shot - Metaphysic, Mike, Lily 

[Tango64]

Re the screaming little girl doing death metal or whatever the genre is supposed to be, I don't care for that type of thing but what I really noticed was how she couldn't "sing" or even just speak the lyrics between the screaming parts. I mean, if that kind of music is your thing, don't you expect the artist to perform between the screaming? It was like she was just reading the words in a monotone, waiting for the next cue to go all banshee batshit crazy.

But of course Simon loved her.

[ams1001]

5 hours ago, Lonesome Rhodes said:

Well, we get Piff tonight.  Yay!  

The only thing I'm looking forward to.

[Chit Chat]

5 hours ago, Superclam said:

Mike E. Winfield - I'm going against popular opinion on here, but I thought he was very funny and actually laughed at some of his stuff.

I like him too and thought that he was one of the better acts of the night.   I find his jokes about himself and "step-man" to be pretty funny.  There were a couple of times when he started laughing as he was telling the story so I couldn't make out a word or two he was saying, but I got the gist of it, and he made me laugh!  

There were other acts that made me wonder how in the world they made it this far, and I felt were a waste of my time, so once again, the fast-forward button was my best friend!  

[gaPeach]

Is it a requirement to have a sad story to try out on AGT?  And is it necessary for the judges to act like they do not know the back story and are asking random questions that specifically target said contestants' sad story?  Just me?  This is more of an observation of original auditions than last night's show.

Some acts were fun to watch and entertaining.  Most, not so much.  The tap dancer said he worked extra hard to bring it but did boring taps on steps, got it going with the dancing with himself only to fizzle on those damn steps.   Ventriloquist was terrible and ackward on stage.  He said in his prepackage he was nervous because the ventriloquist chick was cut last week and she was great.  So yeah he needed to be very nervous. 

Singers on this show, I find irritating because if I wanted to see singers I would watch AI.

Not sure who will make it through, but I really don't care much from this week's contestants.