Do You Consider Yourself A Feminist?: Why Or Why Not?

[Anela]

I was taught how to cook, and do laundry.  Fed pets, walked the dog.  Looked after my sister.  

my dad taught my mum how to cook, and do laundry because my grandma didn’t want anyone in her kitchen, and I guess she thought it was her job to do everything.  But my mum cleaned the whole house regularly, because after having her fifth child, grandma was burnt out. 

Edited January 20 by Anela

[Anela]

@Ohiopirate02 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFNaKcqxui3/ This reminded me of what you told me you'd done to protect yourself. :)

[Ohiopirate02]

29 minutes ago, Anela said:

@Ohiopirate02 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFNaKcqxui3/ This reminded me of what you told me you'd done to protect yourself. :)

Same theory, but my execution was not as graceful.

[peacheslatour]

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

[PRgal]

14 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

Hong Kong wasn't as up to speed in technology and I think both my grandmothers did laundry by hand.  A lot of people in Hong Kong didn't get phones until the 60s though there was running water and electricity.

Edited January 31 by PRgal

[nokat]

On 1/10/2025 at 10:16 AM, tearknee said:

That goes for progressives as well as reactionaries.

 

You have these sound bites without substance.

[Ohiopirate02]

15 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes. These women were perpetually on something from amphetamines in the morning to benzos or quaaludes in the evening plus caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

[Browncoat]

3 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes. These women were perpetually on something from amphetamines in the morning to benzos or quaaludes in the evening plus caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

She goes running for the shelter of her mother's little helper...

[PRgal]

Those drugs were probably prescribed so that moms can deal with husband issues and stick together for the "sake of the children."  Not sure if my grandmother was given any meds, but she sure as heck stuck in a marriage.  Even when they were elderly.  According to my mom, she was ready to dump him until someone in the family convinced her otherwise.  

[nokat]

1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes.

I've seen the photos and recipes with everything floating in jello. I would need drugs to dumb myself down to be a wife in that era. It hasn't improved that much. We still do the majority of housework and taking care of schedules and kids.

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

Edited January 31 by nokat

[Dimity]

12 minutes ago, nokat said:

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

[Ohiopirate02]

28 minutes ago, Dimity said:

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

Or they have rich parents. I know of two families with more than 5 kids that were or still are being bankrolled by the grandparents. That's the only way a family of 10 can afford a couple of days in Orlando including theme parks on one salary. The other family was the youth pastor at a local church and the wife did not work. They had at least 5 kids, but he was driving around in a Cadillac. Side note, I got to drive the Caddy on a trip and man that was one smooth driving vehicle that surprisingly took curves well while being a boat. He also decided he needed to go back to school and moved his whole family to another state for him to attend. That lasted a year before they moved back to the area.

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, Dimity said:

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

I have no kids but haven't ruled out having one or two. I am too old to have a large family at this point, but I'm with you. Even if I got married and started a family young, I wouldn't strive to have a bunch of kids unless either me or my partner had a high paying job. I like living on the nice side of town, driving new cars, not watching my pennies, etc. 

I can understand the appeal of three to four kids. I often wished I had more siblings. It would be like having more best friends, funner holidays, less lonely, etc. But money aside, I don't know if kids in huge families get enough quality time with their parents. Maybe if the parents started very young and the kids had decent age gaps between one another? 

[fastiller]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I've seen the photos and recipes with everything floating in jello. I would need drugs to dumb myself down to be a wife in that era. It hasn't improved that much. We still do the majority of housework and taking care of schedules and kids.

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

Might I suggest Angora Bouquet?  Washes your brain as well as your face.

 

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Or they have rich parents. I know of two families with more than 5 kids that were or still are being bankrolled by the grandparents. That's the only way a family of 10 can afford a couple of days in Orlando including theme parks on one salary. The other family was the youth pastor at a local church and the wife did not work. They had at least 5 kids, but he was driving around in a Cadillac. Side note, I got to drive the Caddy on a trip and man that was one smooth driving vehicle that surprisingly took curves well while being a boat. He also decided he needed to go back to school and moved his whole family to another state for him to attend. That lasted a year before they moved back to the area.

"Being bankrolled by the grandparents" is often where wealth shame comes from.  Especially if they're first generation wealth.  And why so many people don't talk about money.

[Dimity]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

But money aside, I don't know if kids in huge families get enough quality time with their parents. Maybe if the parents started very young and the kids had decent age gaps between one another? 

I think it totally depends on the parents and their parenting style.  My parents had a big family but I don't remember ever feeling that I didn't have quality time with them.  Perhaps not one on one as much as an only or two child family might have but we did a lot of stuff together as a family.  Even so I knew I didn't want a big family myself.  Two and done.

[PRgal]

4 minutes ago, Dimity said:

I think it totally depends on the parents and their parenting style.  My parents had a big family but I don't remember ever feeling that I didn't have quality time with them.  Perhaps not one on one as much as an only or two child family might have but we did a lot of stuff together as a family.  Even so I knew I didn't want a big family myself.  Two and done.

You could be an only child and not have quality time with one or both parents.  My dad travelled A LOT for work starting when I was 10.  I NEVER had time with him.  Most of the time, he was abroad during the week, so it was only weekends.  And on weekends, he'd help me with studying.  So nothing fun.  My mom was at home, but I don't think she knew HOW to spend time with me after I reached my tweens.  When I was little, we'd make cookies or cake (from a mix) or Jello.  It all suddenly stopped when my dad started travelling.  My life after we got dial-up (circa 1995) was spent either with my BFF from camp or online on a musical theatre message board (it shut down in the early 00s.....)

[RealHousewife]

5 minutes ago, PRgal said:

You could be an only child and not have quality time with one or both parents.  My dad travelled A LOT for work starting when I was 10.  I NEVER had time with him.  Most of the time, he was abroad during the week, so it was only weekends.  And on weekends, he'd help me with studying.  So nothing fun.  My mom was at home, but I don't think she knew HOW to spend time with me after I reached my tweens.  When I was little, we'd make cookies or cake (from a mix) or Jello.  It all suddenly stopped when my dad started travelling.  My life after we got dial-up (circa 1995) was spent either with my BFF from camp or online on a musical theatre message board (it shut down in the early 00s.....)

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

Not to get too OT, but this conversation remains me that it's a pet peeve of mine when people assume if you grew up with two parents in the home, that you must have had a good childhood. And sometimes parents might give you plenty of attention but still be abusive and emotionally unavailable. 

[Dimity]

2 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

My parents have 14 grandchildren and you'd be amazed at how they managed to keep track of birthdays, special events and the like.  They also had, at one time or another over the years one or more grandchildren living with them for school or because in one case the parents had split up and the kids needed some stability.  Also they had a summer home and every grandchild spent time with them there.

Not sure where I'm going with this!  Oh yes, some people are just meant to be parents and especially grandparents.  My family got lucky.

[PRgal]

12 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

Not to get too OT, but this conversation remains me that it's a pet peeve of mine when people assume if you grew up with two parents in the home, that you must have had a good childhood. And sometimes parents might give you plenty of attention but still be abusive and emotionally unavailable. 

And sometimes, the parents don't realize that it's abuse because of generational trauma, tradition, or because of cultural differences.  Like, in many eastern cultures, you're expected to respect your elders.  You don't criticize.  You stay silent.  Children are seen, not heard.  Grandpa said something un-PC?  Nope, you don't correct him.  You just sit there and smile.