Mondrianyone

I don't think that older woman was the bride's mother. Her last name, when they flashed it, was the same as the odious friend's--the friend's name was Kelly Courtney, and the woman's name was Cynthia (I think) Courtney. Beneath her name she was ID'd as "Bride's Friend." So if anything, she could've been the mother of the friend from hell. Either way, I agree that somebody should've shut the lovely friend down, whatever she was auditioning for. But I had a feeling the bride wasn't entirely legit either, so what do I know? The whole scenario seemed a little scripted. Or a little more than usual.

I'm looking forward to seeing Brandi once more this year--when her giant face floats over the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. After that, go away and stay away. And take your little beef-jerky friend with you. I don't know why I watched the whole thing, I swear I don't. After this last hour, I feel like I voluntarily submitted to a poison drip straight into my bloodstream, from an IV bag labeled "KIM RICHARDS." Can't do this anymore. If those two are back next year, I have to get a new hobby. TV shouldn't make you feel sick. Robert Durst. I'm just kidding. It's not the dog's fault. If you really love a dog, you're serious about getting it help. If not, you give it to a rescue organization that will. She's not capable of loving any other being or seeing an inch past her own immediate needs. This show could be the best thing that ever happened to Kyle, if she sees what we all see and does what needs to be done.

And now a poignant moment from that great Hollywood classic Kimset Boulevard:

I thought that was weird as well. (I don't mean the pink hair itself, but the way it came and went. Although I also do think that maybe she was a little long in the tooth for pink hair.) The only thing that made sense to me was that the visit to the farm to choose the options was filmed out of sequence--either before the house hunt and the reveal or after. I hope it was after. I'd hate to think she looked that good and then chose to do the pink ends. Because she did look really good--much more chic and much younger, ironically, with the all-blond hair. Hello, Fixer-Upper forum, by the way! I didn't even realize you existed until a couple of days ago, even though I've been watching the show since the beginning.

Okay, so apparently I'm the only one who laughed like the idiot that I am when Kim was leaving the table talk after not getting what she felt was confirmation from Lisa Rinna and Eileen said, "But you did hear it--straight from the horse's mouth!" Because . . . lips. Oh, well.

Was Claudia really drinking white wine/champagne during a therapy session?!? When did that become an okay thing to do? Also, I know this is mostly from last week, but when Dr. Jeff chased Nene out to her car, did he really think that saying her name ten thousand times was an effective communication technique? "NeNe! NeNe! NeNe! NeNe! NeNe!" He totally reminded me of this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=fZIX7cPmFYc He also once again reinforced my opinion of shrinks who agree to do their business on reality shows by letting himself be used by production to "urge the girls to go on a trip and settle their issues." Bravo is running thin on pretexts for these forced excursions, apparently.

Maybe we should all treat ourselves to one of these: http://www.throwthings.com/item.asp?id=171 We actually used to have a foam-rubber boulder with a speaker hidden inside it, and when you threw it at something, it would make the sound of glass shattering. It was very satisfying. Although that was back in the day when TVs had heavy-duty glass screens. I'm not sure I'd risk my expensive flat-screen for the pleasure of hurling even a foam brick at Brandi, but it's fun to think about.

Bride of Greggenstein is what I was thinking. You have to hand it to Kandi, she can really turn on the waterworks when she needs to.

You're welcome. I'm like Scrubbing Bubbles: We watch First Looks so you don't have to! The really scary thing is that those two snatches (no double meaning intended) of dialogue are close to 100% verbatim.

This has been infuriating me for years. I think the first person I can remember talking about "my gays" was Kathy Griffin, and I just couldn't understand why that was okay. What's funny is, Andy Cohen, the big gay conscience, has been fine with that kind of talk for years--still is, apparently, with Kyle--and was fine with doing major product placement for Chick-fil-A, who have been outspoken enemies of gay people, but he jumps all over an easy target like dopey Joe Giudice. People who ought to know better get a pass. Did those gay guys talking to Kyle in terms like "indoor dining gays" (and what the hell is that anyway? is there a whole subset of gay people who are forced to eat outdoors?), actually think that was cute? It wasn't. I don't get it. You didn't miss much. The highlight (except for what I've already mentioned) was an argument between Brandi and Kyle that went basically like: "That's the type of girl you are." "Yes, I am." "Yes you are." "Yes I am." "Your truths are always wrong." "No they're not." "Yes they are." "No they're not." "Yes they are, Brandi." It was like watching Clarence Darrow and William Jennings Bryan after they'd both had massive strokes.

To what might have been! We'll always have Malibu! No, no, not for real. Just me having a little fun. (But I may start signing all my letters "Emilio Silva"!) I don't want to start an international incident! You can't help but feel for those poor Portuguese sailors, though. I mean, you're right, what did they ever do to deserve that?

That's a very sweet offer. Can we wait till my husband leaves me for LeAnn Rimes?

Entirely possible that it's both. Now, there's a quote worth putting on a T-shirt! (Make it happen, Jesus.) I did get some of my Lisa love back when she said that Rumpy had had his choice of a hundred girl dogs to fall in love with and he chose the oldest and lumpiest one, so that speaks very well for his character. And shortly after I saw this in Eileen's blog-- --a friend of mine who's an attorney for Bravo said she'd just received a cease-and-desist letter from the Portuguese sailors' union. Apparently they're deeply insulted at being compared unfavorably to Brandi Glanville. They want RHoB to issue a public statement that Portuguese sailors would never dream of behaving that badly when extended the hospitality of someone's lovely home. To quote: "We were appalled at the loud swearing, the physical violence, the perfectly good pizza dropped and not picked up on the beautiful grounds. We may be Portuguese sailors, but we were not raised by wolves. We have been compared to flea-bitten cavemen, beer-soaked frat boys, and murderous Somali pirates, but when you compare us to Brandi Glanville, you have gone too far, amigos. Legal action will result if we are not issued a formal apology in a prompt and public manner. Yours in dignity, Emilio Silva, Brotherhood of Portuguese Mariners." They seem pretty offended.

If Phaedra Parks managed to snag herself the trademark for that saying (which is older than all of us put together), she's a way better lawyer than she seems to be! (Hi, Imaflintstone! I'm guessing you're either Wilma or Pebbles?) Re Cynthia and the friend contract: Coming next week, Cynthia retrieves the wet ashes of the contract from her sink drain and places them in an urn in a spot of honor on her mantel. In upcoming weeks, Cynthia has the urn interred at Atlanta's most prestigious cemetery. And then unveils the headstone. And then plants a tree of life over the grave site. And then . . . It's funny that Cynthia took the time to draft a contract for a friendship and then filed it away with all her important papers (and why does her sister know where Cynthia keeps her documents?) but never bothered to draw up a prenup with her leech of a husband? Priorities . . . Nene looked like she became physically ill at the thought of having her lips touch Gregg's for more than a millisecond. Riley doesn't know what "rhyme" means. I suspect she meant that a lot of first names go well with Burruss, not rhyme with it, although I'm not sure why she thinks that either. But I do have an idea for the first boy in this new family. Wait for it . . . . . . Brother Tucker. (I'm only a little bit embarrassed.)

At least she can still play the tambourine. We can all be grateful the world hasn't lost that precious gift.

Boy, I wonder how much Bacara would have to pay for all this free (?) advertising. I suddenly have this inexplicable urge to go book a weekend tasting package. And I don't even like wine.

On the plus side, though, she really does make me want to go home and floss each other's teeth. (I'm only half kidding. Her dental situation really is inspiring. So full credit for that. Whereas NeNe just makes me want to eat hay. Can't she afford to get those fixed? Or finished? It's puzzling.)

That's true. Which is why I think the OP probably meant somebody else and said Demetria by mistake. I'm not even going to go near guessing who was really meant. Speaking of which, now that almost everybody's name ends with -a or -ia in this cast, I often have to stop for a second and think who a particular name refers to. There's Cynthia and Claudia and Phaedra and Kenya and Porsha and now Demetria. So it's an easy mistake to make, at least for me. But I probably won't be around to make it too much longer, based on how low things are sinking. It's not even fun to snark on them anymore--they're already saying much worse to one another.

Brawt-way. That's where she got all her ack-u-lades.

I think as long as she warmed up the speculums first, it would've been fine. ;o)

My reaction would've been that it was funny and sweet and well-intentioned and that Ina was aware that it was simultaneously silly. I don't see any of those guys laughing at her behind her back for something like those centerpieces. But different strokes and all that.

I saw that episode back when it was first broadcast, and I didn't think the table decor was ridiculous. I though it was a sweet and funny nod to the men's work, and I'd be willing to bet they got a good chuckle out of it. Or at least the ones with a sense of humor did, and I've hardly ever met a guy who works construction who doesn't have a sense of humor. It's not the kind of job that breeds pretentiousness.

Yes, this. And it's even easier when you have a professional designer sitting right next to you. Apparently the term "do-it-yourselfer" means something slightly different in Dutch.

It's probably not a great favor to Bella to post the exact address of her building. Assuming that her dopey mother and then production both agreed to show the actual building, that's bad enough. As I said, I'm hoping the shots were of some other building entirely. It's scary to think about helping some nut zero in on those girls' precise whereabouts. At least force them to work for it. Max and Pandora seem to have taken different routes to get to the same place in life--employed by their parents. Max did it by saving them the cost of four years of college tuition. And yet Pandora gets all the credit for making her way in the world on her own and becoming such a great success, while Max is belittled for still sucking off Ken and Lisa. Why not just tattoo "ADOPTED" on his forehead and make it a little easier for people to understand the distinction? Lisa really has finally lost me with this shit.

A mother who that teenager knows how to play like a Stradivarius? You have to hand it to Bella--that performance with the card was a thing of beauty. She hit every note Yolanda loves to hear.