Mondrianyone

"No, Timmy, no cry." I can almost picture the musical version. Except maybe it should be called A Christmas Carib. Maybe not.

It was just at the bottom of the shot, so I'm not sure if this is what I saw, but during the end-of-show stand-and-chat, it looked as if Alex was reaching into his wallet and pretending to hand the champ some bills. Which I hope is true, 'cause it's pretty funny.

No problem. Sometimes I think Bethenny should have her own closed captioning going all the time.

I actually thought that when they said they liked black better, they were talking about the print of the labeling/logo on the bottle of polish. She was showing them one printed in white and one in black and asking which they preferred.

I also found the conversation between Carole and Dorinda very real and touching. I don't think it should need to take death as the subject for us to have some genuine, heartfelt moments from these women, but it seems to. It raised my opinion of both of them. That was me, and thanks for the kadooz! The dentist who was on a few seasons ago, when Jill Zarin was telling him how to do dentistry? That was my old dentist, back when I still lived in NYC. I'm surprised they haven't recruited him to do Sonja's tooth. I loved him, but he was the only dentist I've ever heard of who had his own PR person. His name was in the gossip columns constantly. Maybe he's just afraid of putting his hands in Sonja's mouth--you never know what was in there earlier. But she has a vet who's willing, so it's all good. (???) From the shallowest end of the pond (or across the pond, actually), I have to admit to loving Carole's blue leather gloves. Don't know why she had two pairs of them with her, though. Did not love that pink sweater on her, however. I'm not taking fashion advice from Dorinda. Carole's coloring is all wrong for shocking pink. And I really hated all the fur we've seen her wearing. I'm not believing that white shrug was faux. Cut it out, would you?

Too bad your station doesn't do that on a regular basis, anniebird. You could clean up betting on the winner of the next day's show the day before it airs. Or tell people you're a time traveler from the future.

No kidding! I had no idea. Now I don't know if I was just being redundant or whether I should bill the show as an independent contractor. I'm really happy to learn that they don't let these people slide on some of this scammery. Thanks for the info!

"Chocolate milk" was not only silly, it was flat-out wrong for the category, since it isn't a compound. And Suzanne might not know who the singer is if she does what I do and changes the channel the instant that PSA comes on because she Can't. Take. It. Please, here's my credit-card number. Here's my entire IRA. Just don't show me those poor animals with that song behind them for one more second. By then I had escalated to "Use your head, for God's sake!" But neither Luke nor God stepped up. He seemed to go totally brain-dead at every DD for some reason.

Maybe we should ask one of those kids with a repaired palate how s/he feels about it. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm guessing they're all good.

I personally had never heard of them till I saw them on RHoNY. So they're not up there with the giant groups that everyone knows about, like St. Jude or the Red Cross or the American Cancer Society. I doubt they're objecting to having their name made more widely known. Now that I know about them, and about how little it takes to transform a child's life forever, I'll certainly send them a check. Is there a difference between one big check and hundreds or thousands of smaller ones? The math is the same in the end.

Oh, gosh, I hope she had "angoraphobia"--I don't know how that got by me if she's the same one! Is that where you're deathly afraid of the little sweater fibers going up your nose? You're probably right that reporting her was pointless, but it made me feel better, so there's that.

I don't, intentionally, because it became an embarrassing habit when I used to. I hear people on other game shows answering a straightforward question with "What is . . . ?" (On that NPR show Ask Me Another, for example--it happens all the time.) Jeopardy!-itis.

I must've missed this one. Was there any indication of how she managed to qualify for subsidized housing while making over $46K a year? And why would someone go on TV and announce her income if doing so might bounce her out of her apartment? Oh, wait, we're talking the intellectually impaired JJ litigants here. They seem to forget they're on TV. I'm basically a socialist. My greatest hope is that Bernie Sanders by some miracle gets the Democratic nomination for president. And I've had very close relatives who've been on various forms of public assistance. The people we see on JJ give all that a bad name, which is why I save my hottest hate for them. By being such a bunch of sloths and petty criminals, they give fuel to the right-wingers who claim that all benefits and entitlements programs are a scam and a disgrace. Once, years ago, after watching some woman on JJ who was collecting SS disability for social anxiety so bad that she couldn't work--but could somehow manage her anxiety well enough to go on national TV and be quite vocal in stating her case--I wrote down her name and place of residence and then called SS and the IRS in Washington to report her. Yes, I was nuts. But she infuriated me, on behalf of all the people who don't know how to work the system but really need the help. I'm a lot calmer now. Most of the time.

Funny! I thought for sure that's who you meant. No question she was smart. No doubt there've been people with lots of money who've won in the past, maybe even lots more than Scott. The difference is that we didn't know about it. Which I think is how it should be, especially if they're throwing $55K birthday parties for themselves. Just do it and don't tell me about it. Please. Because no one with class attaches a price tag to a birthday party and then broadcasts it.

I had much the same response. (Except maybe for the "hate" part, although I'm keeping that door open. And also except for the editorial assistant part, assuming you meant Macarena McFoxtrot and not some nice other editorial assistant.) I'm waiting for him to announce the wonderful charity he's donating his winnings to, and then all my dislike for the brag talking will go away in a flash. I have my doubts that's likely to happen if it hasn't already, though.

I thought that I remembered the inventor saying it was pronounced with a soft g, and that's what the Internet says: Steve Wilhite created the Graphics Interchange Format, or GIF, while working for Compuserve in 1987. On Tuesday, he received a Webby Award for it and delivered his five-word acceptance speech (that's all the Webbys allow) by flashing a GIF on the big screens at the Cipriani Wall Street in New York. And, in a flash, it all became clear: "It's pronounced JIF, not GIF." http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/22/tech/web/pronounce-gif/

I'm gonna second this. And I'm gonna add that not everybody's legs look so great bare. (Or great bear, but that's a shaving issue, I suppose. I digress.) If you're twenty-five and hitting the gym regularly, and the beach, and you don't have spider veins or, worse, varicose veins, then you're all good. But not everybody is so lucky. And the older you get, the less bareworthy your legs get. So nylons help level that playing field a little. Also, and this has been bugging me more and more lately, how much of your body are you expected to expose as a woman, in a professional setting especially? I think about this every time I watch CNN, for example, and see all the male anchors in their suits and ties and all the women with bare arms and bare legs, which when they cross them are exposed halfway up their thighs. It sends a message about who's to be taken more seriously, the men in the garb of authority or the women looking like hostesses at a cocktail lounge. It feels like a way of keeping women in their place, half naked and objectified. Sorry, I know it's OT, but there's something to be said for stockings. Not to mention they're sexy when you take them off.

Maybe if he'd spelled it Achsfurt . . .

Very true, but I think they'd have to pry that hosting job out of Andy's cold, dead hands. He likes the spotlight way too much and will do anything to stay in it, despite the fact that he has no discernible talents. Witness that clip of himself on Lip Sync Battle that he showed on WWHL last night. Beyond embarrassing, but he was clearly proud of himself. He loves the access to celebs, which he wouldn't have if he didn't keep thrusting himself into the limelight. And now I'm sorry I wrote "thrusting." That clip was really icky.

Maybe it's an English-major thing, but I thought FJ was really easy, especially considering that they spotted us half the poem's title in the translated word "waste" and specified "American-born" rather than just "American," which is a clue that whoever wrote it probably didn't stay American throughout his life. So to me Whitman wasn't a good guess--especially for an editorial assistant. And also: Yay.

Oh, great. Now I'm walking around for the rest of the day going Beteljillz, Beteljillz, Beteljillz in my head. I didn't say that out loud, did I???

Living in either one of Bethenny's residences--the Hamptons house and now the condo--must be like living inside a Target. Dorinda was wearing denim, I think. Unless I'm mistaken, those were white jeans. You know, pure denim. (I want my promise ring back, Dorinda. I'm no longer crushing on you. You're out of your mind.) All those RH boxes prominently behind them in that scene made me think she'd worked out a product-placement deal with Restoration Hardware as well. I guess that's admirable. Why pay for your own furniture if you don't have to? The rich get richer, as my mom always said.

There was a kind of sweetness about the she-beast's son confirming JJ's description of his mother--and about him and JJ laughing together--that made me want to think there was some hope for him. If he gets away real fast. Like right now. He was probably just completely stoned. But still.

I wasn't torn. I had only your second desire. In fact, I said those exact words to my husband: "I'm hoping any minute now Lawrence turns around and punches her in the face." I would've sent money for his defense fund.

She's entitled to live her life however she pleases, obviously. I personally think it's a pretty big mistake, for a writer of no great renown or a lifetime's worth of accomplishment--for any writer, really, but especially one who might be on the bubble when it comes to future publication based on the lackluster performance of her latest book--to show herself on national TV being so reckless about deadlines and contractual obligations to produce. Fewer than 1% of people who want to be published get that privilege. It's a very select circle they're invited into, and most of them have the sense to show a genuine appreciation for that. (And none of them--I can tell you this for a flat-out fact--get to approve every word and comma that's changed! Truly a ridiculous thing for her to say.) It might be possible to live a happy life and still do the work you claim to love. And the Bravo paycheck clearly isn't going to be there a whole lot longer. But it's not my job to be the Scourge of Radziwill. I already have a full-time job. With deadlines. So I'll call it done on this one.