Lantern7

Well. I think this is a thesis on what becomes of living weapons whose existences are too dangerous for the world around them . . . and all I can think of is, "You bastards killed Root Beer Guy!!!" For serious, they killed the amateur hard-boiled novelist-turned-leader of the Banana Guard. And you just know that Colonel Candy Corn is gonna try and "tap" Cherry Cream Soda. Very distressing, even with the awesomeness of the Tandem Psychic Elephants, or whatever they're called.

I don't understand . . . if Jeff Lemire is supposed to be critically acclaimed, then how come he's off? Or did he quit voluntarily?

Bill Simmons had Johnny and Derek Jacoby on his podcast. I won't "watch" it because I'm not into podcasts and I hate Johnny . . . also, I would've figured SImmons to be a CT guy based on Boston roots alone. Meanwhile, StopBeingPolite.com speculates on the next season of The Challenge. It's speculation based on whom received what sort of calls from BMP, so it's next to bullcrap, albeit interesting bullcrap.

I did a search for "Bon Temps, mob," and this is what I found . . . True Blood ETA for the birthday girl . . . hope I'm doing this right . . . Supernatural (BTW, typing in "Castiel baby" wound up with some weird results)

Went out to see the US/Belgium game. It was fun, even with the loss, what with Tim Howard making a tourney's worth of saves in a single game. I'm hoping this will be the start of bigger things for soccer in the USA, and that Ann Coulter can * Snip *

Where would True Blood be without Jason Stackhouse?

I forgot about Ms. Harris. Loved her going for Arlene's leg before dying, looking to the world like she was trying to munch on much more than a femoral artery. Poor woman, semi-hilarious death.

Anybody else have a good laugh? I swear, Bon Temps is the only place where the title of Village Idiot has to be rotated daily. Note to the mob: it's shit like that that keeps your damn names from the opening credits. Fuck you, Kenya, for turning to the mob. And I hope a vampire eats Ma Hoytenberry soon. She's too ugly to live. I was grinning like an idiot at the Eric/Jason slash scene. It's like watching fanfic develop. Shit, if slash writers took over the show, who would notice? I knew it was a dream . . . I was also thinking that the entire town would've stoned Sookie while Jason was sleeping. Poor girl . . . she sleeps with two vampires, and she's never gonna hear the end of it. Lettie Mae becoming an addict for vamp blood . . . I should've seen it coming. In other news, it looks like Rutina is going to be in dream fodder for the time being. I feel bad for her and Tara. The St. Alice signs were too much like that one episode of The Walking Dead, to the point where I kept looking for "BAD WOLF" against all odds.

Heads-Up: I was poking around the schedule, and I found that NBC is going to rerun the "USA vs. Japan" challenge from earlier this year. Personally, I'd like to dismiss it as too mutated, but some of you might like it.

We have our share of fauna here on Staten Island. In fact, I could've sworn seeing a deer last week when I was walking in a park. I don't think we have any animals as famous as our wild turkeys. You can read about 'em here . . . I don't think they're that aggressive. A few weeks ago, I kept driving my car into a walkway on a red light in order to make sure two turkeys didn't get in my way when the light turned green.

I don't think we can call Sakura "useless" ever again. Or at least for about a hundred episodes. She bashes puppets, manages to (temporarily) take down Sasori, and takes a sword for Lady Chiyo. Out of curiosity: do any of you guys get haunted by the chattering noise the puppets make? Nah, me neither. Little Kakashi/Naruto this week, and no Team Guy. Just so y'all know.

I don't think it's one episode in particular as it is a convergence of tired, tired behavior. Like the banana costume. And the bobblehead doll. And how he usually skates into the final mission while facing minimal endgames. And his shitty behavior during The Island, culminating in screwing Paula over in favor of Evelyn. And his association with disgraced "stars" Evan and Kenny. And the lawsuit against Entourage over the moniker "Johnny Bananas" that didn't work out for him. Also, you have CT, who is proof positive that you can be redeemed after being a total thug, and Johnny suffers by comparison. PS: The endgames thing is what prompted Jordan to talk about "[earning] your stripes." The message was garbled, but I agreed with Jordan wanting Johnny to sweat a little, so I can't totally hate him for being a meathead with a complex.

I can't give Johnny any credit. I know, he's won five times (a record), but it (figuratively) hurts me to give him his due. It's mostly because he's a throwback from the Axis of Ass, in an age where he, Kenny and Evan usually won the Challenges. I couldn't stand Kenny and Evan, and I still can't take Johnny. That's why I cheered when CT beat him last season, and why I grimaced when Jordan couldn't beat him. Johnny is this yapping dog that just doesn't go away, even when you really want him to do that. Seriously, aside from "Bananas Backpack," which technically was a win for Tyler rather than CT, has Johnny ever gotten his comeuppance? I don't feel being shackled to Frank and losing to CT & Wes qualifies.

Final column from David Jacoby, at least Challenge-wise. He compares Johnny and Zach to Tim Duncan and Lebron James respectively, figures the next season should be about finding a woman to compete with Laurel, and disrespects Jonny Moseley. Hey, J-Mo probably has to get high before the After Show and reunion. Cut him some slack, Jacoby.

Because LSP is a drama queen, and she probably sees her parents as monsters. Did anybody expect to see a Turtle Prince? Or a Magic Woman? I wonder if she's as big a pain in the ass as Magic Man.

I figured that the Reunion should get its own thread, because there's a few questions that need to be answered. For instance: what the heck was CT doing there? I don't think Jonny had any questions for him. Was it because CT wasn't in any of the drama, or because he rope-a-doped through questions regarding Diem last season? It's oddly touching to see Laurel try and repair her relationship with Cara Maria. I don't think CM is weak for accepting the Killbot's apology, but I don't see them being on another Challenge together. And nice to see Killbot ready to bite a head off when it came to Theresa. In retrospect, Jordan's move was stupid, but it was also ballsy. If Johnny insists on coming back, I hope Jordan gets the better of him one way or another. I forgot that most of the season took place in Uruguay. I reckon they're all lucky Luis Suárez didn't put the teeth to any of them. And that was a fun scene with the armadillo. Also, nice to see nobody stoop to bringing up Frank, who wrote himself as the winner after getting kicked off for Patient Zero shit. Oh, and Isaac? Still a space cadet, albeit an oddly likable one.

Of course, Johnny Fortune and the Killbot win. So much for last season and CT winning in spite of Wesley. Nice that we're back to the sucking. Honestly, I can't give Johnny any credit. Even the whole "put the pieces of the trunk back together" thing that probably won it for him, I'd chalk it up to frustration. It would hurt me to give him credit, because he's a shithead who constantly needs to be knocked down a peg. This season, Jordan came the closest, but nothing bad sticks to Johnny, and I fucking hate him for it. And I can't believe he broke Darrell's record with his fifth Challenge victory. That alone is proof that the show is broken. [Quick tangent: It's okay to refer to Darrell as "Pootie Tang," right? He had the crazy-ass sideburns, and he coined the phrases "Inforuno," "Poorlest," non-flexibilist cat," and "I ain't come at you foul!"] As for the Killbot? Well, thankfully, Zach didn't lose it for her; otherwise, all the Disney princesses in the world wouldn't have been able to save him. And I did love her for bringing up Sam in the BOTS finale, because it was soooooooo fitting. Can you imagine the reaction at Sam's house? Shit, do you think Sam still follows BMP after Zach and Frank tried to shred her mentally? I'd like to think she saw it and grinned. Devyn should host the show. Honestly, screw Teege. She's the closest to Melissa and Coral that we're going to get, and she's funny as hell. Why subject her to brutal final missions where she's doomed to finish third and get whatever is in Jon Murray's couch? Fuck Teege. "Whatever" to Nany. I'm sure Hutty can do better. And I wouldn't mind seeing Other!Johnny in a future Challenge. Actually, it's kinda weird that we're not getting anything BMP-related after this season. I feel we need a palate-cleanser to wipe away the stink of Johnny's fifth win, even though anything BMP is destined to suck. At least we'll be getting a double dose of Rob Dyrdek goodness in two weeks, even if he's just producing one of the shows.

This was a good episode. As far as Fionna & Cake episodes go, it wasn't special, save for fleeting glimpses at characters given the Rule 63 treatment (especially Flame Prince, who starred in an F&C comic miniseries), but it was good. Lumpy Space Princess goes full-on Kathy Bates, kidnapping Ice King (irony . . . *koff* . . . can't breathe!!) and forcing him to read a story about Lumpy Space Prince rebelling against his folks, befriending F&C, and basically acting like the LSP we know. Well, except for the lack of Valley Girl accent . . . LSP insisted that be taken out. Does the episode rate with "Fionna & Cake" and "Bad Little Boy"?

. . . aaaaaaaannnnd the abortion of a season is now over. Even with minimal Ruckus, we still get a muddled plot, shots at the LGBT and special needs communities, and everybody's least favorite Al Sharpton expy in Rollo Goodlove. Basically, it's a warped version of "The S-Word," which was a lot better than this shit. Not even a belligerent Riley taking two shots upside the head from Huey and nearly getting stomped into paste doesn't make this episode better. So . . . whose fault is this season? The writers? The directors? The voice actors who put two and two together and didn't show up for the shitshow? Or does the blame go solely to Aaron MacGruder, who decided that Black Jesus was better than showing up for the fourth season? Or was he not invited? Except for the voice actors that did show up, I can't not blame everybody for this miserable excuse of a season . . . which is now out on DVD, along with the complete series. Trust me . . . get the first three seasons even if they cost more than the collection. You'll be saving yourself a world of agita. ETA: Dammit, I meant S04, not S040. Can you imagine 40 seasons of this show like the fourth? Ugggggh.

While I'm waiting for the right screencap, I might as well warn you about something I saw advertised this evening . . . The Boondocks (and oh my Lord, does it suck sooooooo hard) ETA: Found the screencap of what I wanted. I call "bullshit," but just in case it's an actual True Death . . . True Blood (and her death was a "Cheer" in TV Guide, which . . . damn.)

It's been a while . . . but where can I find fresh True Blood screencaps? Specifically, I'm looking for something relating to Tara's recent fate. Can anybody help me?

Didn't see most of Italy getting eliminated today. My mother works with Italians, but there wasn't any reaction to the loss, or of the Uruguay player taking a bite out of an Azzurri (Azzurro?). I read about that guy in SI . . . he's supposed ot be full of spirit, or gara. I guess he wasn't full enough.

I haven't seen "The New Black" yet. AVClub gave it an "F," and says that it spits in the face of what the show used to be about. I'm curious . . . what's your fave season finale? Here's what we got: "The Passion of Reverend Ruckus" You probably know how I feel about Ruckus by now . . . hate his ass. And watching him spew about how being black is sinful in order to join Ronald Reagan in White Heaven is painful to watch. Add that to Huey's failed attempts to save a man unjustly sent to Death Row, and it's melodrama city. "The Story of Gangstalicious Part 2" More melodrama, with Mos Def playing our fave ambigiously gay rapper, and playing the "will Riley think Gangstalicious is gay?" game. Bright side: only one Ruckus scene, and no n-words from him. Lethal Interjection crew being in there is a bonus. "Its Goin Down" Jack Bauer expy tries to save Woodcrest from a terrorist plot orchestrated by Ed Sr. Pretty fun if you like seeing people stomped in the nuts. Lots of 24-based humor, and Huey holds Ruckus hostage at swordpoint. What's not to like? Down side: it's the last time we see/hear Charlie Murphy and Samuel L. Jackson on this show.

I'm afraid American Ninja Warrior and Sasuke are now mutually exclusive. Also, I don't think Sasuke Rising will be airing in the US anytime soon.

Two other things before I turn in: 1. Since when can vampires get high? I thought they didn't need to breathe, and the closest thing to a drug vampires get is fairy (faerie?) blood. 2. Since when have Andy's balls been that big? I always thought of him as a bigger buttmonkey than the likes of Jason and Tara. Now he's pointing guns at people, telling them about the dangers of killing, and standing up to Bill. I'm guessing this is out of his losing three of his girls to Jessica, who confused them for Lays chips.