Wiendish Fitch

I don't know how unpopular this is, but I really liked the film version of Into the Woods. All things considered, it's pretty darn faithful to the original (I'm more amazed at what they kept in, rather than what they changed), and I think everyone does really well in their parts (especially Anna Kendrick as Cinderella and Chris Pine as Prince Charming). My unpopular complaints are rather paltry: I thought Meryl Streep looked better as the "old, ugly" witch than the "young, beautiful" witch (that turquoise, country singer bouffant/mullet was too much, and not in a good way), and I hate how Johnny Depp once again didn't take singing lessons after being cast in a musical. I don't think it was "gutsy" of him, I thought it was a tasteless show of arrogance. For the love of God, Madonna took singing lessons for Evita, so why the hell couldn't Depp put in some work?

Thank you, GreekGeek. Frankly, though, I think there is a bias to think the kids are monsters while the parents are saints. I hated how Beulah Bondi couldn't sit her ass down and shut the hell up while Fay Bainter was trying to teach her bridge class (something Bondi meanly dismissed as a dumb hobby as opposed to a job that Bainter was doing out of necessity), and don't get me started on how insufferable Victor Moore was. Really, I thought nasty granddaughter Barbara Read was much worse than any of the grown children. Right on about not speaking up sooner about the house being repossessed. When the bank threatens to take your house... yeah, they're not just blowing smoke, they will do it. Lots of things that make people laugh do nothing for me, and same with sad scenes.

LOL, no, but my fellow classic film fans (indeed, pretty much every critic and director in existence) hold Make Way for Tomorrow in extremely high regard. Orson Welles once said that anyone who disliked the movie must have a stone heart. I guess my heart is stonier than Mt. Rushmore, because while I love Leo McCarey (my faves are Duck Soup and Ruggles of Red Gap), but I don't like Make Way for Tomorrow. I thought the old couple were actually irritating and boring, and it doesn't help that the husband was played by (IMO) the loathsome Victor Moore, who is incapable of eliciting any sympathy from me (if he played Bambi, I'd be rooting for the hunter to get him, too). Please do, raezen! I'd be flattered if you did! :) Wait, disliking Mamma Mia is unpopular?! Boy, did I miss the memo!!

My UO will undoubtedly unleash a flurry of pissed off comments and insults at my expense, so let me preface by sparing you all the trouble: I'm a loathsome, heartless, soulless, miserable crap stain on the fresh linen of humanity. I obviously have no concept of, nor deserve, love or tenderness, and deserve nothing less than to be locked away in a cage that's three sizes to small for me, where I will spend the rest of my days devoid of human interaction and wallowing in my own filth. I'm worthless, vile, shallow, a disgrace to everything good and decent, and I'm ugly and smell bad, too. There, that ought to do it. Now here's my UO: I don't like Make Way for Tomorrow.

I think I Know Where I'm Going! is twee, quaint, uninteresting, heavy-handed, and the leads have no chemistry at all. I also find The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp an utter snooze. There, I think I've pissed off enough Powell and Pressberger fans for the day.

The mom in The Bad Seed for acting like a dithering, mealy-mouthed twit instead of doing something about her clearly homicidal daughter. Ugh, never have I rooted for a killer more!

Here's a UO: I'm sick of hearing about "actors who actually hate(d) each other in real life!" First off, who cares? Second, I have to feel for actors, because they are under this bizarre, unspoken obligation to be BFFs with whomever they work with. Before you all sarcastically grab your little violins, think about your jobs and your co-workers: do you like all your co-workers? You don't have one or two co-workers who annoy the ever-living crap out of you? Do you hang out with your co-workers, veg out on Netflix shows, go out for drinks, house-sit for them when they're out of town? Or do you try to maintain a civil relationship, but, since you associate them with work, spend your free time with your loved ones and real friends? Actors are no different. Their fellow actors are co-workers, and maybe they like each other, maybe not, but so what? They have a job to do, they do it and that's fine with me. By the way, my gal Ginger Rogers had this to say about her partnership with Fred Astaire (paraphrasing here): "When you make 10 films together, you obviously become good friends, though he was just as delighted not to see me across the dinner table as I was."

It certainly helps that Denzel dares to look and act his age. I long for the day when Tom Cruise is finally called to play the father of, say, Jennifer Lawrence or Ryan Gosling, but I know it's but a futile wish...

We don't need Fuller House. We don't need Girl Meets World. For God's sake, folks, some things are better in the past (not that Full House and Boy Meets World were all that great to begin with), take off the rose-colored glasses and grow the hell up!

I don't know if this is the right thread to vent about this, because I really liked Catching Fire... but I hate what they did with the final "wham line". Dammit, screenwriters, give us some credit! We're not that stupid!

Or shine it on their arm. If someone can explain the point of that gesture, you're a better person than I.

Or if they do, it's always the apple. Always.

I shouldn't think this is funny... but screw it, I'm gonna laugh anyway.

They did play "sister" vampires in The Only Lovers Left Alive, but, yeah, I wouldn't object to seeing them play biological mom and daughter.

I like Amy Schumer's skits more than her stand-up. I still like her, though. I like Conan and think he's funny, but he's a wretched interviewer (is it me, or is he getting worse at it?). Likewise, Jimmy Fallon isn't exactly a comic genius, but his interviewing skills are just right. I'm bored with the nostalgia craze, and wish it would stop. Fuller House? Seriously? I stopped finding Full House entertaining at 13, and that was 20 Goddamned years ago. I adored The Critic, but you know what happened when they tried to bring it back? We got those wretched "webisodes" that nearly destroyed my memories of the original show. My point? Shows end, folks, it happens. Move on.

I finally figured out what people find so punchable about Miles Teller (other than the rumors that he's a jerk): he looks just a like a younger, dark-haired James Spader. The sleepy eyes, prominent nose, pouty mouth, he does look like he should be picking on the unpopular poor kids. Too bad he's not 10 years older, he could have been a great Nick Dunne in Gone Girl.

Same here. Jessica Brown Findlay kind of reminded me of Olivia de Havilland in her portrayal of Sybil: the "good girl" who is kind, but she also has spirit, spunk, and an inner life of her own, so that she's never boring. That's always difficult for actresses, but Brown nailed it.

Thank you. One of my least favorite aspects of Downton Abbey was always being bombarded with male characters drooling over Mary. Similarly, I'm sick of how Edith is treated as some knuckle-dragging bridge troll, just so Mary can be hailed by one and all as the next Helen of Troy. In fact, I hate it when characters are written as losers just so other characters can be winners. That's lazy writing, IMO.

Reviews for The Fantastic Four are Embargoed Until Release. The article has since been updated, but it still doesn't inspire confidence in me. Too bad, I was willing to give it a shot. Then again, I remember being excited for Serena...

Exactly. Greg is so despicable, I wouldn't care if he got tied to a rock, covered in gravy, and left to be devoured by fire ants and buzzards. Joan was the victim of Greg's violence, not the other way around.

It wasn't a frying pan, it was a vase, and considering that Greg had raped Joan early in their relationship and was an overall dick to her, I think she was more than entitled. If I were married to Greg, Don, or Pete, you can bet dollars to donuts I'd give them the frying pan treatment in addition to divorce papers.

Jodi Picoult pisses me off in general, because she's one of those hack writers who create utterly, thoroughly, maddeningly loathsome characters and has the audacity to call them "complex". No, Sara in My Sister's Keeper is just a shit mom and a shit human being, period. I defy anyone to offer a rebuttal.

Ah, yes, Sunrise at Campobello. You're all gonna laugh at me, but I love that movie. It's just so warm-hearted and ambitious. Ok, so it plays fast and loose with the facts: Franklin and Eleanor's marriage? Abso-tively hunky-dory! Lucy Mercer? Who's that? FDR's secretary Missy LeHand (played by Jean "Lina Lamont" Hagen)? Strictly business! Still, there's just something so wonderful about Sunrise at Campobello; maybe the depiction of fortitude, familial ties, and old-fashioned American derring-do in a bygone era just appeals to me. You can tell Ralph Bellamy loved playing FDR, and I must give it up for my girl Greer Garson as Eleanor Roosevelt. I thought Hume Cronyn was a bit too hammy, but I guess comic relief was necessary. "Night and Day" is one of the most hauntingly romantic duets I've ever seen. And I love the orgasmic daze on Ginger's face when Fred offers her a cigarette at the end. And how about that mind-blowing and joyous waltz they do around the hotel room at the end?! Sorry, I can sing the praises of Astaire and Rogers all day.

Well, she did have that memorable turn as Andrew Garfield's psycho girlfriend in The Social Network, but that was five years ago. Frankly, given how some former child stars turn out, I think as long they keep working and don't screw up their lives, they're in pretty good shape.

Or Fred Astaire. Or practically anyone else. :)