Wiendish Fitch

Or shine it on their arm. If someone can explain the point of that gesture, you're a better person than I.

Or if they do, it's always the apple. Always.

I shouldn't think this is funny... but screw it, I'm gonna laugh anyway.

They did play "sister" vampires in The Only Lovers Left Alive, but, yeah, I wouldn't object to seeing them play biological mom and daughter.

I like Amy Schumer's skits more than her stand-up. I still like her, though. I like Conan and think he's funny, but he's a wretched interviewer (is it me, or is he getting worse at it?). Likewise, Jimmy Fallon isn't exactly a comic genius, but his interviewing skills are just right. I'm bored with the nostalgia craze, and wish it would stop. Fuller House? Seriously? I stopped finding Full House entertaining at 13, and that was 20 Goddamned years ago. I adored The Critic, but you know what happened when they tried to bring it back? We got those wretched "webisodes" that nearly destroyed my memories of the original show. My point? Shows end, folks, it happens. Move on.

I finally figured out what people find so punchable about Miles Teller (other than the rumors that he's a jerk): he looks just a like a younger, dark-haired James Spader. The sleepy eyes, prominent nose, pouty mouth, he does look like he should be picking on the unpopular poor kids. Too bad he's not 10 years older, he could have been a great Nick Dunne in Gone Girl.

Same here. Jessica Brown Findlay kind of reminded me of Olivia de Havilland in her portrayal of Sybil: the "good girl" who is kind, but she also has spirit, spunk, and an inner life of her own, so that she's never boring. That's always difficult for actresses, but Brown nailed it.

Thank you. One of my least favorite aspects of Downton Abbey was always being bombarded with male characters drooling over Mary. Similarly, I'm sick of how Edith is treated as some knuckle-dragging bridge troll, just so Mary can be hailed by one and all as the next Helen of Troy. In fact, I hate it when characters are written as losers just so other characters can be winners. That's lazy writing, IMO.

Reviews for The Fantastic Four are Embargoed Until Release. The article has since been updated, but it still doesn't inspire confidence in me. Too bad, I was willing to give it a shot. Then again, I remember being excited for Serena...

Exactly. Greg is so despicable, I wouldn't care if he got tied to a rock, covered in gravy, and left to be devoured by fire ants and buzzards. Joan was the victim of Greg's violence, not the other way around.

It wasn't a frying pan, it was a vase, and considering that Greg had raped Joan early in their relationship and was an overall dick to her, I think she was more than entitled. If I were married to Greg, Don, or Pete, you can bet dollars to donuts I'd give them the frying pan treatment in addition to divorce papers.

Jodi Picoult pisses me off in general, because she's one of those hack writers who create utterly, thoroughly, maddeningly loathsome characters and has the audacity to call them "complex". No, Sara in My Sister's Keeper is just a shit mom and a shit human being, period. I defy anyone to offer a rebuttal.

Ah, yes, Sunrise at Campobello. You're all gonna laugh at me, but I love that movie. It's just so warm-hearted and ambitious. Ok, so it plays fast and loose with the facts: Franklin and Eleanor's marriage? Abso-tively hunky-dory! Lucy Mercer? Who's that? FDR's secretary Missy LeHand (played by Jean "Lina Lamont" Hagen)? Strictly business! Still, there's just something so wonderful about Sunrise at Campobello; maybe the depiction of fortitude, familial ties, and old-fashioned American derring-do in a bygone era just appeals to me. You can tell Ralph Bellamy loved playing FDR, and I must give it up for my girl Greer Garson as Eleanor Roosevelt. I thought Hume Cronyn was a bit too hammy, but I guess comic relief was necessary. "Night and Day" is one of the most hauntingly romantic duets I've ever seen. And I love the orgasmic daze on Ginger's face when Fred offers her a cigarette at the end. And how about that mind-blowing and joyous waltz they do around the hotel room at the end?! Sorry, I can sing the praises of Astaire and Rogers all day.

Well, she did have that memorable turn as Andrew Garfield's psycho girlfriend in The Social Network, but that was five years ago. Frankly, given how some former child stars turn out, I think as long they keep working and don't screw up their lives, they're in pretty good shape.

Or Fred Astaire. Or practically anyone else. :)

Lord, yes. How did that tall glass of skim milk George Murphy ever get a career? A dull, mealy-mouthed actor, an okay but far from special dancer, not even that good looking, how do some people get the breaks? I mean, he was likable enough in Little Miss Broadway... but that's it (when you're acting alongside Shirley Temple, you never have to do any heavy lifting in the dramatics department). He's actually Fred Astaire's partner/quasi-rival in Broadway Melody of 1940. George Murphy. Is a rival. To Fred Astaire. In Broadway Melody of 1940. I think I just snapped my suspension of disbelief.

The scene that pissed me off in My Best Friend's Wedding was when Kimmy gently suggests to Michael that he could maybe take a job at her father's company so he'd not only make more money, but he'd be home more and she'd be able to finish college instead of going on the road with him. Instead of politely saying no, or tactfully offering to discuss it later like a civilized adult, Michael (who the movie paints as this prize of a man) proceeds to turn into every man in a Lifetime Original Movie and loudly, cruelly, viciously rakes Kimmy over the coals in public (they're at a restaurant), nastily insults his future father-in-law's position as a "sell-out job", accuses Kimmy of being manipulative and unsupportive (uh, she was going to give up college for you, asshole), and threatens to dump her. Instead of dropping Michael right then and there like a sane, rational person, Kimmy bursts into tears and caves into his unreasonable, selfish demands. I'm well aware Julianne nudged Kimmy into doing this, thinking it would break the two of them up, but after witnessing that, it never crosses her mind that not only would she be doing Kimmy a favor by having Michael dump her, but that she dodged a bullet by not marrying this sexist, narrow-minded, entitled, egotistical douche bag. Seriously, what self-respecting woman would ever want to marry that shit stain? No "almost" for me, friend, I definitely wish she had dumped him in the end. Hell, I'm horrible enough to wish that George would turn straight, run off with Kimmy, and Julianne and Michael would marry and live miserably ever after.

The conclusion to "the Yam" makes it worth watching. :) I think the numbers in Carefree are among Astaire and Rogers's best (even if the plot is problematic). The medium close-up in "Change Partners"? Daaaaaaaaayyyyy-ummmmm! Most movies made today aren't that loaded with sexual tension!

I'm with you there. I want to love Swing Time, I really, really do. The dances are, no hyperbole, the best Astaire and Rogers ever did. "Pick Yourself Up"? Pure delight. "Waltz in Swing Time"? Shimmering elegance. "Bojangles of Harlem"? Breathtaking (and the only forgivable blackface number in history). "Never Gonna Dance"? Gives me chills every time. But that plot!! That feeble, wheezing, exhausting, dull, no-stakes excuse for a plot! George Stevens was a fine director, but had a tin ear for humor and timing. Show of hands: who thought the "pants with cuffs" running gag was woefully unfunny? Who else falls asleep during the gambling scenes? Between Astaire's inconsequential fiancee and Rogers's unthreatening paramour, who else thinks the romantic dilemma is an utter drag? Who cringed when Helen Broderick and Victor Moore ruined "Pick Yourself Up" with that awful reprise? And speaking of which, I just want to declare that I hate Victor Moore. Haaaate. The creepy, leering eyes, his inability to open his mouth fully when he talks, his mumbly voice that brings to mind a pedophile (seriously, imagine him telling a kid their mom is in the hospital, but he'll give them a ride). I'm the heartless wretch who doesn't like Make Way for Tomorrow, and a lot of it is because of Moore, and do not get me started on that loathsome, manipulative, Capra-wannabe dung heap that is It Happened on 5th Avenue. Pop is easily the worst sidekick in any Astaire movie. None of Edward Everett Horton's cowardly charm, or Eric Blore's amusing snideness, or George Burns's, well, George Burns-ness. Hell, I'll take Frank Morgan's perpetual hemming and hawing over Moore's vacuum of appeal any day of the week! At least Top Hat has momentum, and the unfairly overlooked Shall We Dance has some genuine emotional stakes (goofy sitcom plot notwithstanding).

It doesn't help that Fontaine's character is not only poorly, poorly written, but Fontaine herself is skim milk bland. In any other movie, she'd be the inconsequential fiancee who gets dumped for Ginger Rogers or Cyd Charisse. I kid you not, I was kind of hoping that Astaire and Gracie Allen would get together in the end. True, it would spit in the face of logic, but at least she was fun! I agree the score is wonderful (I adore Gershwin with all my heart), Astaire never once lets Fontaine drag him down, and Burns and Allen light up the screen (dammit, they were too cute together!).

Amen to that. I can't believe that not one person- not one person!- dared to speak up and say something like, "Uh, guys? Y'know, I don't think Gaston has ever gone on a date with Belle, since we've only ever seen her shoot him down. Do you really think it's right for him to spring a wedding for her just yards away from her house, with us as her uninvited guests? I mean, if I were her, I'd, oh, I dunno, be kind of humiliated or something!" or "Hey, guys? Y'know, this Beast has never actually... bothered us before, so I can only assume he isn't really a threat! Don't you think it's better to just leave him alone, especially if he's as scary as he sounds! Which, now that I think about it, he isn't, since Belle is alive and well and, gosh, as you can see, not his prisoner now!"

Don't lecture me too much but... I love the Dixie Chicks's cover of "Landslide". I think the harmonizing and banjo playing are an interesting juxtaposition that work well with the melancholy lyrics, making song more bittersweet than the original. Also, it's mostly for nostalgia reasons (never underestimate the power of nostalgia). Josh Groban's latest album has taken up practically permanent residence in my car CD player ('cause I'm a dork), and I love, love, love his rendition of "Over the Rainbow". By God, he sells it. I think it's right up there with Eva Cassidy and Israel Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole's versions as my favorite, non-Judy Garland version.

As if, indeed, UYI!!! :) Clueless is a legitimate classic (for heaven's sake, it's one of the films mentioned in the book 1,001 Movies You Must See Before You Die). Mean Girls is toothless and overrated; when I'm in the mood for a mean comedy about mean girls, I'll take Heathers any day.

Nice Guy Syndrome defined. I hate how the father in Albatross is not only having a skanky affair with his teenaged daughter's best friend, but cruelly dismisses his sweet, dutiful, studious daughter as dull and "spiritless". He even criticizes an outfit she's wearing as "lifeless". Dude, not only is that a shitty, uncalled-for thing to say, it's also creepy as all get out. She's your daughter, not your damned geisha (or, you know, your underaged mistress).

To Marianne's immense credit, she at least acknowledged her flawed behavior (her self-absorption, her drama queen tendencies, her judgmental attitude towards Elinor) . Most movie characters (hell, most people in real life) never do that. I also like that her feelings for Col. Brandon take time to blossom, and she sees that he inhabits the qualities she admires after all. Plus, Col. Brandon should be commended for never once displaying any "Nice Guy" tendencies.