Wiendish Fitch

Me, too. And I don't know how Juliette Binoche could cheat on sweet, handsome Colin Firth for oily, smarmy Ralph Fiennes. For those who dislike Audrey Hepburn, I can do you one better... I hate Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, I am so sick of this overrated bimbo and her inexplicable mystique I could scream. You'd swear she was the only actress with a tragic life. What about Vivien Leigh? Judy Garland? Gene Tierney? Gail Russell? Monroe's breathy, girly voice bugs me, her acting was one-note (which would be fine, if it were, you know, good), and on top of that, I don't even think she was that attractive. As far as sex goddesses of the Golden Age go, I think Jean Harlow and Rita Hayworth were head and shoulders above Monroe. She looked very artificial to me. And I know I'm the only person alive who preferred Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She had it all over Monroe: talent, poise, sex appeal. I also don't get the moral of the movie: Lorelai is such a wonderful friend because she was trying to get Dorothy to stop… dating and playing the field? It's better to marry some poor idiot for his money rather than have harmless fun in the dating world? I don't get it! And isn't "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" an ugly little song? Hey, girls, one day you'll be old and alone! No love life, no friends, no family, not even a pet, but, hey, jewelry will keep you warm at night! You know who this song applies to? Norma friggin' Desmond!

And it isn't even an age issue, either… Peters is only a year older than Streep. I will not watch Into the Woods, I don't care if it does have Anna Kendrick (whom I like).

More good Disney parents... I think Maurice from Beauty and the Beast was a good dad. Not perfect, absent-minded, but he loved his daughter, and clearly valued her character and encouraged her individuality. Bambi's mom… well, I won't get into the tragic details, but it's how I feel! Rapunzel's parents in Tangled: True, they were cruelly denied the opportunity to raise Rapunzel from infancy, but you can tell they would have been wonderful had Gothel not intervened. Gepetto: Only getting devoured by a whale stopped him from looking for Pinocchio. Tiana's parents in The Princess and the Frog: Loving, devoted, and I loved how we saw them instill great values in Tiana.

The Ewoks have never, ever bothered me. Ever. Not even on my worst day. I'll take them over Jar Jar Binks any time… but I guess that's a fairly popular opinion, so we'll just move on.

Even in that stupid Magneto helmet, Fassy is flippin' gorgeous!

Count me in. I'll take Aidan Quinn over Brad Pitt any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. Those blue eyes are just too much!

I wanted to love Return to Oz. It is a spectacular looking movie with wonderful production values, exciting scenes, it's very true to the darker spirit of L. Frank Baum's books, and it's a fascinating story. But I don't like this movie, and nothing can make me watch it again. What would I change, that would improve this movie tenfold? Cast someone else as Dorothy. Honest to God, Fairuza Balk is hands down one of the worst child actors I've ever seen. She spends 99% of the movie, with the exception of a scant handful of scenes, in this terrifyingly blank-eyed stupor. In fact, it brings to mind Tom Servo's assessment of Kathy Ireland's acting (hope MST3K fans won't mind if I rip it off): Auntie Em, ever the peach, sends Dorothy to a terrifying asylum with intent of her getting electroshock therapy. How does Dorothy react? DULL SURPRISE! Dorothy narrowly escapes, only to find herself magically back in Oz, with a talking chicken for company. How does she react to being back in Oz, with the possibility of being reunited with her pals, proving to Auntie Em that she isn't crazy? DULL SURPRISE! But Oz is in ruins, its inhabitants turned to stone! What's Dorothy's reaction to this tragic turn of events? DULL SURPRISE! Dorothy has save her friends from the Nome King, and time is running out. What a stressful situation for a kid to find herself in! Hell, most adults would crack! But don't worry, because how is our slack-jawed cipher child handling this? DULL SURPRISE! Yay! Oz is saved, friends restored to life, Dorothy is sent back home, and how does all this affect her? Say with me, now... DULL SURPRISE!!!!! Seriously, I've seen people show more emotion walking into Bed, Bath and Beyond! The director never once said, "cut, do it again, and act like a human being, for crying out loud!" I don't like watching emotionless, robotic "acting" in fantasy films like this, because the subject matter demands I be emotionally invested, and if the characters don't care, why should I? And don't give me that "it's understated acting" argument, because there's understated, and then there's having the emotional range of a toothbrush. And why would you want understated acting in Return to Oz? This isn't a friggin' Terrence Malik film, it's Disney! Speaking of which, Mia Wasikowska is a splendid young actress, but she was atrocious in Alice in Wonderland. Why did Tim Burton direct her like that? Why would you watch someone with no emotions monotone their way through a two hour movie (Being There notwithstanding).

Why, SallyAlbright (love that movie, love that screen name!), one would get the impression you're a Fassbender fan… come and sit by me! Seriously, though, I would love Fassy to work with either Anne Hathaway or Amy Adams. No reason except they're two of my favorite actresses working today, and it would be cool. So awesome my head almost exploded.

I have never had a problem with Annie Hall winning Best Picture over Star Wars. I love Annie Hall, and will re-watch it any day of the week. I'm so disillusioned with Star Wars, it's not even funny. Hell, I'll even take it a step further: I think Close Encounters of the Third Kind is a better sci-fi film than Star Wars. Can I join the "Brad Pitt does nothing for me" table? I've decided he's a good actor, but I don't find him attractive. At all. Sorry. I am a staunch defender of John Carter. It's flawed as hell, but by no means bad. I think it's ambitious, fun, gorgeous to look at, and wonderfully directed by Andrew Stanton. I think its biggest, most unforgivable sin is Taylor "Charismatic Black Hole" Kitsch, who is not, nor ever will be, a leading man. Had history played out differently, I would have cast Chris Hemsworth in the part. Now he could have pulled off John Carter! Too bad he was too busy making that little indie film about some guy with a hammer...

Oh, definitely. Sara was pure, unadulterated evil, a horrible mother and human being. My late, wonderful aunt, who saw this movie and also hated it, had this to say, and I will quote her exactly: Then again, read any Jodi Picoult novel: all her parents are just awful, but she always breathlessly defends them, which really makes me wonder about her.

Agreed. This is why I hate Liar, Liar… I can't think of any woman who would ever, ever, ever choose Jim Carrey over Cary Elwes.

Adam Sandler, much like Jim Carrey and Robin Williams, is someone I loved when I was much younger, but then, after age 18 or 19, I finally realized, "huh, this guy is more than a little annoying and not that talented". The Wedding Singer is a movie I loved as a kid, but as I got older I became unbelievably disillusioned with it. In fact, I'll even state the unpopular opinion that I find Sandler's character Robbie to be an utter prick. Yes, Linda was wrong to stand him up at the alter, but that doesn't give him the excuse to be a grade-A asshole and lash out at the rest of the world. Looking back, I have no sympathy whatsoever for Robbie getting beaten up by the father of the bride after he basically destroyed that reception. And then when he wished death to that random guy's face for making an unintentionally insensitive remark? Uh, you go drink and drive, Robbie! Yeah, the guy was an idiot for bringing up Robbie's failed wedding, but watch the scene again: he wasn't trying to be a jerk! He was just a doofus who stuck his foot in his mouth! But telling someone you hope they die by driving under the influence? Yeah, Robbie's the jerk in this scenario, not the other guy. Now that I think about it, Robbie is the poster boy for "Nice Guy Syndrome", and his whole "giving singing lessons for meatballs" doesn't fool me for a second. About that last part: there's a difference between being nice and being a fucking moron. Singing lessons are notoriously expensive… they're supposed to be. And if you expect to one day marry and raise a family, guess what? Meatballs aren't going to pay the bills! You have to charge people for your services! As the Joker said in The Dark Knight, "If you're good at something, never do it for free". It's one thing if you charge less than the going rate, but to give lessons for free is just idiotic. No wonder Robbie is in his 30s and lives in his sister's basement. And Robbie has numerous opportunities to tell Julia that Glenn is cheating on her, but does he do it? No, he instead lashes out at Julia for wanting to marry Glenn! Uh, hey, douchebag? Julia isn't the villain here, and just because one woman was clever enough to dump your broke ass, it doesn't mean justify you demonizing every woman on the planet! And I can only speak for myself, but if my fiancee were cheating on me, I'd certainly want to know! And "wanting kids someday" doesn't make you a good person. Children are astronomically expensive, and Robbie can't even afford his own place, much less a kid. He's too busy coasting on a weekend job, giving singing lessons for free (dumbass), and mooching off his sister. He's completely unfit to be a father and husband; he's too lazy, useless, and infantile. And I hope Julia will enjoy living in her sister-in-law's basement, with no privacy or space to call her own, while Robbie makes $60 a gig, if he's lucky enough not to get fired after throwing a tantrum! Hell, maybe Linda's not such a horrible person after all...

I want to see James McAvoy and Felicity Jones do a movie together. The adorability factor would be practically fatal, but completely worth it!

The fact that Jonah Hill has two Oscar nominations while Michael Fassbender only has one really, really sticks in my craw.

I have never, ever, ever understood the appeal of Jennifer Aniston. She's not particularly talented, has the charisma of a popsicle stick, and I see better looking women working at the mall. Normally I'm thrilled when women over the age of 40 continue to get work in Hollywood… but why Aniston instead of someone else? I've never found George Clooney attractive. Smugness is a big turnoff for me.

More crushes of mine: James McAvoy: I'm a complete weakling for beautiful eyes and accents, so when an actor possesses both, I'm a goner. McAvoy not only has stunning baby blues and that badass Scottish brogue, but he's also a damn fine actor with a sexy voice and wonderful personality: a mix of boyishly shy and mischievous that gives him a great, yin-yang quality. Chris Hemsworth: Again, gorgeous eyes and accent! Plus, that commanding voice married with that enviable bone structure. Anyone else would make Thor boring or goofy, but he makes him someone worth rooting for (not easy, when you're sharing the screen with Tom Hiddleston's Loki). Classic film crushes: Word on Burt Lancaster. Oh, to be Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity for one minute... Paul Newman: So yummy, so charismatic, such a natural talent. Errol Flynn: Yes, he had a torrid, maybe even unforgivable private life… I don't want to know! He was Robin Hood! Sidney Poitier: I'd pay good money to listen to this man read the menu at Taco Bell. Fred Astaire: I know, he was far from conventionally handsome, but you know what? When you can dance like that, who cares! All attractive men, but the following actors really get my foolish heart pumping in the following roles: Charlton Heston in Ben-Hur, Peter O'Toole in How to Steal a Million, Kenneth Branaugh and Denzel Washington in Much Ado About Nothing (the Joss Whedon version can jump in a lake), Jeremy Northam in Emma, Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy, Clark Gable in Mutiny on the Bounty, Laurence Olivier in Pride and Prejudice.

Me, too. In fact, I highly recommend the Nostalgia Chick's review of Reality Bites. It is friggin' priceless. I don't like Woman Under the Influence, because it never addresses that Peter Falk, not Gena Rowlands, is the one with mental problems. Rowlands is awesome, though, can't deny that.

I have such a schoolgirl crush on Michael Fassbender. His intelligence, talent, and charisma are completely overwhelming, and like Burt Lancaster, Paul Newman or Christopher Plummer before, he's undeniably masculine, but there's almost an otherworldly beauty to him. Those eyes, that square jaw… I'm going to pathetically swoon now, don't wait up.

Dr. Austen Sloper from The Heiress is one of cinema's worst fathers. He is passive aggressive and belittling to his loving daughter Catherine simply because she's shy and not that beautiful (though considering she's played by lovely Olivia de Havilland, you really need to suspend your disbelief). He rants to anyone who will listen about what a failure Catherine is, and how she'll never find a husband, instead of loving her and accepting her for who she is. He constantly compares her to his dead wife, who he has made into this untouchable goddess that no one on earth could live up to. This also indicates what type of husband he was, for, as Cracked writer David Wong said, "there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them". It's no wonder Catherine is a nervous wreck: the only parent she's ever known has never told her she's good enough. The scene where Dr. Sloper finally tells Catherine what he thinks of her breaks my heart every time. I've actually come across people who think he was right in what he said, and I think these people have cut glass where their hearts ought to be.

Thanks for that, aquarian1! See? Jennifer Lawrence isn't the only one with a sense of humor!

Awww, any time, BizBuzz!

Snow White and the Three Stooges is one of my all time favorite bad movies. No one alive could pitch this movie and make it sound good: "Okay, we've got the story of Snow White, you with me?" "Sure, always a classic, but the Disney movie is a hard act to follow…" "Like fun it is! I'm going to make everyone forget the Disney version, because I've got a heck of choice to play Snow White!" "Natalie Wood?" "No, better!" "Leslie Caron?" "No, beter!" "Holy crap, you really think you can get Audrey Hepburn?!" "No, even better! Carol Heiss!" "…Carol Heiss?" "You got it!" "She's an ice-skater." "I know!" "Why would you cast an ice-skater as Snow White?" "Come on, she's an Olympic sweetheart! We can stage ice ballets to showcase her! It worked for Sonja Henie!" "What does ice skating have to do with the story of Snow White?" "Eh, we'll make it work somehow!" "I don't remember any ice skating in the story…" "Shut up, wait 'til you hear who I have in mind for the seven dwarves!" "I'm now afraid to ask." "Instead of seven dwarves, we'll cast the Three Stooges!" "Um, aren't they getting a little long in the tooth? And they haven't been the same since Curly died. And I'm sure Curly Joe is a sweetheart, but, bless his heart, he just isn't as good..." "Ah, we'll make them work! But we won't introduce them until nearly twenty minutes into the movie!" "Won't that bother their fans? After all, they're more famous than Carol Heiss…" "And the most Stooge-like thing they'll do will be a pie fight!" "I don't think…" "And there will be songs, lots of 'em! Sung by someone else, of course, 'cause I'm sure Ms. Heiss can't sing a note!" "Ummmm…" "And the love interest will be this strapping, amnesiac muscle-head who wears skintight, flesh-toned clothes that the Stooges adopted from boyhood, and it won't be weirdly homoerotic at all! And the evil Queen will be driven more by power than vanity! And there will be a magic wishing sword! And the prince will awaken Snow White just by asking her and hugging her! And they will skate off into the sunset with the Stooges' stunt doubles close behind! And- hey, where are you going?" But, damn it all, I own this stupid movie and I watch it at least once a year. It is, at least, enjoyable awful. Weird trivia… one of the screenwriters (yes, plural) was Noel Langley, who was also one of the screenwriters for The Wizard of Oz! How he went from there to Snow White and the Three Stooges will always baffle me.

I dunno, Bane's voice tickled me (though I'm sure neither Christopher Nolan or Tom Hardy were aiming for that); to me, he sounded like WC Fields trapped in a well. I kept waiting for him to say "Godfrey Daniel!" More UOs (gosh, this is fun!): I don't hate Anne Hathaway. I couldn't care less if she's snooty, phony, annoying, whatever. She's not my neighbor, my friend, or my co-worker, her personality is immaterial to me. She's a good actress, and that's all that matters. Her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" in Les Miserables had me spellbound, and I would have been royally miffed if she hadn't won. Same goes for Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't care how snobby, hateful, and out of touch with reality she is: I will love Emma and Sliding Doors 'til my last dying breath. I love, love, love the 1999 film version of Mansfield Park. So Fanny Price in the movie is nothing like the one in the book? Good! I found Book!Fanny horribly dull, and Frances O'Connor (who looks and acts every bit the Austen heroine) brought her to spirited new life. I didn't think Tracy in The Philadelphia Story was in the wrong at all. She was right to kick her alcoholic wastrel of a husband to the curb (I don't care if he is played by Cary Grant), and to be pissed at her father for dumping her mother for some little bimbo. Tracy is not the one who needs to learn a valuable life lesson. So yeah, The Philadelphia Story is not a favorite of mine.

Judah and Tirzah in Ben-Hur have a lovely relationship. He nobly took the blame when she accidentally injured that Roman senator (it was all for naught, but that isn't his fault).

I started this thread at TWoP, so I thought I'd bring it here, too. Here's my original first post to get things started: There are threads for romance, friendship, and parents, but how about that most complex relationship, that between siblings? Here are some of my picks for best and worst: Best Ali and Zahra from Children of Heaven: I love, love, love this movie. It's one of the most refreshing depictions of a loving relationship between brother and sister. Ali would do anything for his little sister, and Zahra is a sweet girl who appreciates her older brother. Why can't more movies have brothers and sisters who aren't always at each other's throats? The Pigeon sisters from The Odd Couple: Okay, so they're basically plot devices, but they're so similar in personality, they must get along great! Also, Carole Shelley and Monica Evans have a delightful chemistry. Nicholas and Kate from Nicholas Nickleby (specifically the 2002 version): All girls should be so lucky to have such a loving, protective (but not in a creepy, annoying way) older brother. Honorable mention to poor Smike, who is sort of "adopted" in a sense. Elizabeth and Jane Bennett from Pride and Prejudice (any version, pick one):What's this? Sisters who can tell each other anything? Who don't fight over some guy? Who don't stab each other in the back? What fresh madness is this?! Seriously, though, one of the sweetest depictions of sisterly love ever. The Cratchit kids from A Christmas Carol: They look out for one another, and never resent Tiny Tim for all the attention he receives. Worst Scarlett and Suellen O'Hara from Gone with the Wind: Scarlett's a great character, but, oh boy, is she a lousy sister. It's bad enough she picks on Suellen and Careen (it's much worse in the book), but she steals Suellen's fiancee! Yeah, Suellen is a whiny, annoying brat, but she did not deserve that in the slightest. The sisters in Cries and Whispers: Poor Agnes is dying, but Maria and Karin barely lift a finger to help her, since they care only about their own stupid problems. For God's sake, the maid shows more compassion! Bernardo and Maria in West Side Story: Bernardo crosses that line of "lovingly protective" to "creepily overbearing". Dictating what Maria wears was bad enough, but practically demanding and expecting her to marry Chino (a boy Maria isn't even interested in) is just... ugh! Marty and Jackie O. in The House of Yes: Cree. Pee.