Danny Franks

The Three Oaths are sworn on the Oath Rod, which Siuan made Moiraine swear on in season one when she was banished. It's a ter'angreal, which is a device that uses the One Power to function, and it binds those who swear to always abide by their oath. Essentially, Aes Sedai are magically bound to be incapable of telling lies. The Aes Sedai who swear to the Dark One appear to have a way of removing or altering the Three Oaths. So if you catch an Aes Sedai in a lie, they are almost certainly a darkfriend. However, as we've seen, Aes Sedai can tell the truth in such a way that people believe they've said something very different. I believe there's also a loophole for colloquialisms and idioms. For example, an Aes Sedai could probably say "my ears are burning" if she suspects people are talking about her. When it comes to using the One Power to attack another person, my understanding is that the weaves would dissipate if an Aes Sedai tried to use them to actually cause serious harm. The lore behind why they swear these three oaths that limit their abilities is super interesting, and I think Egwene touched on it briefly in season one. They may go into it more deeply on the show at some point.

I enjoyed this episode a lot, and it feels like the plot is really ramping up, after a lot of setup. Heh. I liked the visual representation of Seanchan disgrace - a punitive nail clipping. Suroth certainly has some balls, talking to Ishamael the way she did. I feel like normal Darkfriends should be more cowed by him than they are. I really liked the way Lanfear's healing was represented - these black tendrils flowing into her from... somewhere. And now she's just being her crazy old evil self. Vindictive and petty and dramatic as fuck. Moiraine doing the cop show thing of "commandeering this vehicle" made me laugh. It felt so anachronistic. And then they did the old gag about sending Lanfear off after the horses Aviendha! She's still not what I pictured from the books, but she was immediately amazing. "Perrin Aybara, do you like to dance?" So cool. I love the Aiel. Dain Bornhald was surprisingly likeable. I twigged early on that it was him, and he was hiding his Whitecloak costume. Perrin revealing he was from the Two Rivers... ah shit. Verin is still so great, and I love how dorky the other Browns are. But she still seems like she's a lot more aware of everything around her than people think. Loved the scene with Suroth and Liandrin - the shared loathing and sniping between them. I found it really interesting that Liandrin freed the girls, just as she left. Yes, she obeyed her master, but she clearly doesn't want the Seanchan enslaving more women who can channel. Poor Egwene, though. She looks like she's going to be in for a rough time. Lots of concepts introduced and expanded on in this episode - Compulsion, Tel'aran'rhiod, Tarmon Gaidon (might have been mentioned before, but I don't know if that term was used), the Forsaken/Chosen. Some Aiel lore - Three-Fold Land, Car'a'carn, ji'e'toh. Probably a lot for non-book readers to take in. I wonder whether we should have a thread where these concepts can be explained without spoilers?

So the change to having the seals needing to be broken to release Forsaken is interesting. I think I like it as a change, rather than having them all just randomly showing up at different times. But it does make Ishamael's continued existence more important, and I always liked the scheming and backbiting between the rest of them. And Lanfear in the show is spectacular. She really is. Arrogant, cold, infinitely petty and cruel and vindictive... and completely flamboyant and showy. If she doesn't become a gay icon, something is wrong. I've tried to avoid speculating or imagining scenes from the books being interpreted for the show, but I just have this end of season, post-credits scene stuck in my head - The Whitecloaks riding into Emond's Field and Bornhald saying "we're looking for a golden eyed man. His name is Perrin."

I think she's trying to be noble and protect Lan from the danger of fighting the Forsaken. Especially of fighting the Forsaken without Moiraine being able to channel. She genuinely cares for Lan, but she's likely seen that he's got something else to live for than just the Dragon Reborn - Nynaeve - and she doesn't want to see him toss his life away when he could have happiness. She was apparently being cold to Lan for months, but she really only pushed him hard after she read that poem that told her Lanfear was likely free. She's prepared to do anything to ensure the Dragon Reborn succeeds, but perhaps the one limit she puts on it is letting Lan follow her into danger she doesn't expect to survive.

Sheriam actually made me think of Sister Michael, from Derry Girls - "if anyone is feeling anxious or worried... please, please do not come crying to me." She gives off the air of someone who has dealt with teenage girls for decades and is just done with their shit. And someone who has delivered this bad news too many times to share any empathy over it.

Lindsay Duncan is baby sister Damodred. That was a cool reveal, and it's nice to see that Moiraine keeps everyone at a distance, including family. When she said her only goal was to ensure the Dragon Reborn would be victorious, she wasn't kidding. I can't believe Rand and Selene broke up. I was really rooting for those crazy kids. Honestly, Lanfear is a master manipulator. She played the absolute shit out of Rand, and I'm pretty sure she was going to bond him at the end. Nynaeve is more than a little worse for wear, which is understandable. But man, Accepted get much better quarters than Novices, don't they? But perhaps her experience in the arches was much the same as every other Aes Sedai's, it just went on for longer. I guess it's a blessing that it fades. Still loving Elayne, she's fitting in well with Egwene and Nynaeve. She doesn't pull social rank when Nynaeve orders her out of her own room, she just goes. I really like that they've set Liandrin up in a way where I genuinely believe she regrets doing what she did to Nynaeve, but she was told to by someone she cannot refuse. But Rosamund Pike kills every scene. She appears serene and calm in the surface, but you see it fraying and hear urgency in her voice. It's such a good performance. Poor Perrin is not enjoying the foreign food, but he's got a new pal. Hopper is the best boy. I'm glad we're getting to the meat of Perrin's storyline now (if you'll pardon the pun). Mat and Min are a fun pair. I knew the first time we'd see a free Mat, he'd be gambling in an inn. I was not expecting Ishamael to show up in her dream, but I really like that development - he promises things. Things that people truly want, and that only he (or so he claims) can provide.

Nynaeve's visions in the Arches were interesting. I forgot that her parents were killed when she was small, but it makes sense that it's the basis of one of her greatest fears. And of course, fear number two is an epidemic in Emond's Field that she can't heal. Because Nynaeve is the Wisdom and she looks after the people. Leaving them weighs on her all the time, and if she's left them for the White Tower, why isn't she trying her hardest to succeed there? Nynaeve is stubborn as hell but, deep down, she knows it's hurting her as much as anyone. The bait and switch with her 'emerging' for the third time was pretty good. But I guess her third fear is turning her back on the One Power, and on Egwene, because she's just too stubborn to follow their rules. What would it cost her, and people she cares about? The fact that she has to leave just when she thinks her loved ones need her most is brutal. I've always thought that was so cruel. And the coldness of the Aes Sedai who, to be fair to them, have likely seen this a hundred different times, with a hundred different women. I think the romantic reunion with Lan was when I realised it wasn't real. But well played, I genuinely didn't know what was going to happen. The Seanchan are just so extra, and I love it. Their aesthetic is so completely alien and weird. So unnerving. And they have American accents! The little blond damane was perhaps they creepiest thing in the episode. Poor Uno. That was fucking awful. What's not awful? Selene. She's stunning, vivacious and so intriguing. She and Rand clean up a treat, don't they? I particularly love the decorations on Rand's coat. Still absolutely loving Elayne and supportiveness of Egwene. She's great. And really loving new Mat. He's a charming arsehole, which is exactly what I want Mat to be. I don't like Min being Liandrin's spy, but it seems like she's reluctant.

He wasn't directly in cahoots, but we found out that Liandrin and Suroth were in cahoots, coordinated by some Forsaken or other, to deliver Nynaeve and Egwene to become damane. I don't think so. I'm not sure what she knows about him, other than his links to whatever Moiraine is planning. I really liked Ishy speaking to Perrin and reinforcing his fears of becoming a wolf. He's the Father of Lies, and he knows exactly how to press the right buttons. That was definitely Selene infiltrating Rand's dream - she was so very Lanfear-like and her encouraging him to "let go" and "show me" was surely about trying to get him to embrace who he is.

This was presumably the secret "man you meet" that Moiraine threatened her with in season one. Moiraine said she'd reveal it to Liandrin's Red sisters, and Liandrin looked completely shook. I don't know if Moiraine knew who the man was, or just assumed he was Liandrin's secret lover, but the idea of it being revealed to the Red Ajah clearly terrified Liandrin. So if she asked a Yellow sister to help out, the secret wouldn't be safe, and now that Nynaeve knows, the secret may not be safe.

Episode 2: Elayne is the Elayniest Elayne that ever Elayned. Did they somehow drag her from the pages of the books? I can't wait to see her and Nynaeve travelling together, like the ultimate odd couple. Selene is wonderful. How do you cast "the most beautiful woman in the world?" I don't know. But you can cast an incredibly beautiful actress and let her get her sexy on. Not many men would be able to resist her. When her lover left she was "shattered"? Yeah, that's kind of an understatement, Mierin. I feel like Liandrin is going to be the show's stand in for a few different Black Ajah characters - Alviarin in particular. The depth they're giving her is fascinating, and Kate Fleetwood is killing it. Mat and Min making friends is something totally unexpected. The two of them never actually conversed in the books. Not once in the entire series. But their scenes together were fun.

First things first - I love Min's casting. Not because I think she's perfect for the character or anything, but because Min is the waifu character of the absolute worst elements of the WoT fandom and their fantasies of a hot, barely-legal-looking tomboy putting her life to one side just to look after them have been completely dashed by the show casting a woman who looks to be in her thirties and has a slightly butch energy. Glad to get more of Rand in this one. Though not as much of him as Selene is getting. They're pretty hot together. He's a porter in a mental hospital now? Or pretending to be. And he's getting to learn about Aiel, and possibly about swordfighting. The hints that he fears going mad as well. Moiraine being a dick to Lan is annoying, but I guess she's doing that 'push them away before they can be be hurt even more' thing. Perrin's weird new abilities are intriguing. He's seeing the past, in some way, but it's lucky that he's got Elyas to teach him how to use it. The dead Fade was creepy as fuck, and the practical effects on it were very solid. Finally, Nynaeve realises there are good uses of the One Power, and perhaps a reason to become Aes Sedai - you can heal better with weaves than with herbs. Kate Fleetwood is absolutely killing it with her patient, earnest yet completely manipulative mentoring of Nynaeve. I'm intrigued by her secret. She's clearly older than she looks. I'm glad Mat isn't completely cowed. His Andy Dufresne act paid off quickly. Instead of finding a sewer pipe, he found a rogue Min. Their scene together was fun, and did a lot to establish two character's we need to know better. Aah! Elayne! And she's also perfect. Posh, entitled, oblivious and genuinely sweet. Man, I love her already.

I suspect Moiraine believes (or desperately hopes) that she's only shielded, rather than Stilled. She tried to find the One Power at the end of the first episode which suggests she can still feel it, in some fashion. I'm going to have to rewatch and pick up on all the dialogue to be sure, but I couldn't tell whether Lan knew she can't channel, or whether her failure to channel at the end of the episode was supposed to be a reveal for him. He should know if she can't. Edit: I have rewatched, and he does know. But, typically of Moiraine, she's kept all the details of how it happened from him.

No, Mat was never captured by Aes Sedai. This was likely an idea developed late in the day, after they lost Mat for the last two episodes of season one, but I think it works for his character - we know that Mat can't stand Aes Sedai in the books, to the extent that one of his wishes in the Rhuidean archway is to be free of them. He hates the One Power being used on him, he hates feeling manipulated and misled by Moiraine. Mat doesn't really become Mat until midway through book three. At least, not the Mat that so many readers talk about. He's sullen and paranoid and self-centred, until the dagger's influence is completely removed. I don't think the producers of the show wanted two whole seasons of that Mat.

Opening scene - Fares Fares is killing it. He's charming and disarming and I really enjoyed the analogy for the appeal of the Dark One, and how easily he can sway the innocent. That little girl's parents are obviously Darkfriends, and she likely will be too. Moiraine having to do everything by hand, much as she would have done as a novice, while looking miserable as fuck. Sitting in the bath, crying at the hopelessness of it all... That's an energy that a lot of people will empathise with, these days. But I loved her poise in the rest of the episode. She really exudes that Aes Sedai serenity. Rosamund Pike is such a boss. It looks like Daniel Henney got even more jacked for season 2, which will go down well with most people. And Verin! Played by Meera Syal! Perfect. And Bayle Domon! Even perfecter. Egwene's horror at Alanna spending quality time with her warders made me laugh. And her "do you need a moment to get dressed?" Obviously she's not asked that question before, when she should have. Looks like her and Nynaeve have a season of 'witches at boarding school' ahead of them. A classic. Only Nynaeve is so stubborn she goes to witch school and hangs out with the security guards. The new Channelling CGI looks good. I wanted to see the weaves have different colours, and they do. And Nynaeve is a stubborn arse. Not a whole lot with the boys - Perrin is hunting Padan Fain and meeting a guy who will surely be his mentor, Nu Mat is in a really fucking unpleasant position, and Rand is keeping his head down (and shaved). The show looks better, I think. I know they adjusted the colour grading and it seems to have worked well. Not quite as bright, but still not GoT gloomy. It looks and feels like it had a bigger budget. Still some shots that were supposed to be outside but were clearly on sets, though.

Ramsay's introduction in the books seemed like GRRM was just trying to be as gross as possible - 'how bad can I make this character? And will it impress the worst elements of my readership?' There's no depth whatsoever to him, he's an evil cartoon. Hell, in the books he even has his dogs repeatedly rape Jeyne Poole, the poor girl that Littlefinger sells to the Boltons, claiming she's Sansa. He was one of the biggest signs for me that GRRM had no clue what he was doing with the series once he was past the initial, War of the Roses, Sunne in Splendour inspired storylines. In the show, he's just as bad. Perhaps worse, because the writers were even less capable of giving him depth or complexity.

Each of the Forsaken has their own foibles and particular evil tendencies, but Semirhage is perhaps the most unnerving. She's the sadist who has turned torture into a clinical process of seeing what people can endure and then pushing them as far past it as she can. It's not like she even seems to enjoy seeing people suffer that much, she just enjoys the scientific process of administering as much pain as she can. I don't know if RJ ever spoke about where his ideas for the different Forsaken came from, but Semirhage reminds me a lot of those Nazi scientists who did unspeakable things to concentration camp prisoners in the name of science.

I started watching this movie about a year ago, after a night at the pub. I found it really irritating, and only made it as far as Russell Crowe before I just decided not to bother. Finally decided to watch it again and... I'm still irritated. The comedy was just too broad and silly, and the balance between that and the fact that the villain was the "God Butcher" and Jane Foster was dying of cancer was completely off. Gallows humour is fine, but that's not the feeling I got from this. It was atonal humour. As much as the MCU has been receiving criticism for executive interference and compromised creative vision, this movie feels like the perfect example of why you sometimes need more than one person with total control. I'm not a "comic books are serious business" guy, but Waititi's take was too irreverent and dismissive, just as the X-Men: First Class take was too embarrassed about being a comic book movie. It's a shame, because I thought Ragnarok had the perfect balance between humour and drama. The pacing was weird as well. Simultaneously rushed but then dwelling for-ever on some jokes and scenes. Presumably Natalie Portman only agreed to come back if she could be a badass hero and then have her character die, but the movie still felt like a waste of her talents. Turns out a little Korg goes a long way, and a lot of Korg is just annoying. Same goes for screaming goats. Did Christian Bale think he was in a Harry Potter movie?

I missed this at the cinema, and I'm regretting that now, because I'd love to have watched it on the big screen. Emotionally, it was everything I wanted the last movie in the trilogy to be. It packed a real punch, with all the characters getting moments to shine. Obviously, it was mainly Rocket's movie, and it's crazy that a CGI squirrel can be the emotional heart of a big, action movie. Yes, the scenes with Lylla, Teefs and Floor were emotionally manipulative. Yes, it was obvious those characters were going to die. Yes, it was saccharine in parts. But it didn't matter, because they absolutely nailed something that always breaks my heart when I see animals suffering - the innocence and the lack of comprehension that the world can be a bad place. Those three had complete faith in their dream of a new world, with sky and friends, and they could hold onto that and be happy, even though they were stuck in dirty cages in the bowels of a ship. It's such a simple conceit, but I'll fall for it every damned time. The High Evolutionary was a top tier Marvel villain. Absolutely nothing redeeming about him, he wasn't cool or badass, there was nothing to latch onto that might make them want to bring him back as an anti-hero. He was despicable, a mad scientist who was willing to torture, mutilate and kill to further his own goals. But he wasn't cold and detached, he wasn't a clinical experimenter, he was full of rage and insecurity and pettiness. We got a lot of Nebula, but I wish we'd gotten more, and more focus on the fact that she and Rocket had been working together for five years during the Blip. Of course, Nebula hides her feelings behind anger, but we should have had some moments of her alone, where she felt it. That moment when she broke down and sobbed when she heard Rocket's voice was almost enough to make up for it. Something I could have done with less of - Quill and his insistence on questioning Gamora about "remembering" things she never even experienced. She wasn't there, dude, she didn't save the world with you or defeat Ego or face Thanos. You're a stranger. Again, this is a storyline that needed more Nebula, who also lost Gamora, and also had to come to terms with it. She apparently processed it healthily enough that she could meet Gamora on Gamora's terms - terse nod of greeting, business-like attitude. But I did like the final scene with Quill and Gamora, where he accepted she wasn't his and she accepted that she could have been, if things were different. It was sweet, and surprisingly grown up. Drax the dad is always nice. Dave Baustista has a real warmth to him that puts him clear of other wrestlers-turned-actors. I adored the bit at the end, where he stands stoic while all the kids dance around him, only to suddenly join in. I feel like Mantis has been mostly comic relief, but I'm glad she's got her own journey, even if the movie was vague about what that would be. Elizabeth Debicki was wasted, which sucked, but Adam was fun as the brand new thing, and he should be fun as he grows in future appearances. Really, it's a shame that Nebula and Drax are such makeup and prosthetics intensive characters, because it means we're unlikely to get any more of them in the MCU. Nebula has been such a surprising character, and I really want to see more of her, but this made it seem like a retirement for the character. I know Bautista doesn't want to play Drax again. Of every character in the movie, we get promised more Star Lord and... eh, I'm not that fussed about him.

I'm tired of hearing the same nonsense from pundits, regarding City - "but the manager and players still had to do it on the pitch. You can't blame them for the financial side of things." What, so players who get their wages doubled by some random company based in Abu Dhabi, for non-existent 'sponsorships' and a manager who likely gets the same plus his own brother gets given a major club to run, don't know anything about City's cheating? Sure. And now we have Newcastle United being given a hugely inflated sponsorship deal by a Saudi company that's owned by the same investment fund that owns Newcastle. Better deal with those 115 charges effectively, or the Premier League will have to chuck any attempts at financial fair play out of the window.

So now I know how people feel when their hometown is in a TV show but the geography is wrong. Jamie said he's from a council estate in North Manchester (probably somewhere like Harpurhey or Collyhurst) but the show had him crossing the Hulme Arch Bridge, heading out of the city centre into Hulme or Moss Side, South Manchester. Well, maybe mum and stepdad moved to the other side of the city (though Hulme isn't any nicer than Collyhurst). I don't think the Hacienda Hotel exists, but it was a nice nod to Manchester's musical history. It was fun to see Jamie being so vulnerable, and so down that he hasn't even been using conditioner! His relationship with his "mummy" explains a lot. About his personality and about him being with Keeley, an older woman. It also drives home the fact that Jamie is still only about 24, and his mum was probably quite young when she had him. A fair bit younger than his dad. Wasn't keen on Ted's mother suddenly showing up, and I wasn't feeling the actress either. She didn't seem naturally bubbly and light, which Jason Sudeikis does so effortlessly. But I did appreciate Mae summing up the theme of the episode with a bit of Philip Larkin. Jamie being completely messed up emotionally because he feels like he still has to prove something to his deadbeat, abusive dad (also, I don't know that his mum calling him a "sexy, little baby" can help much), Ted not able to talk to his mother because they both do the exact same avoidance thing. I really don't care about Roy and Keeley getting back together. Nor does the show, it seems, so that's fine. They're trying to play on the investment in a relationship we saw last season, and just giving it very cursory attention this. Just another storyline that seems to be happening mostly off-screen. Honestly, one of the best performers this season is Jade. So frank and no bullshit, and genuinely invested in Nate. I just wish they gave her more to do that wasn't just propping up Nate's broken ego. The show does a great job of finding really charismatic actors for these smaller parts - Jade, Sam's chef, Rebecca's Dutch guy, Barbara, Phoebe's teacher. I guess Nate being able to watch and support Richmond again is the sign that his redemption is complete. The show has mostly not fallen victim to the 'star player beats half the opposition team on his own' nonsense that most football movies do... then they had Jamie's ridiculous goal. Of course fucking Guardiola gets a cameo where everyone gushes about him. He's so desperate to be adored and seen as a good guy, while coaching a team that has made an art of tactical fouling, while being a defender of despotic regimes and while (allegedly) accepting illegal, off the books payments from his bosses then trying to take the moral high ground when his club is charged with over 100 financial doping offences. I guess him being painted as a wonderful chap, and the City fans getting to be magnanimous and decent was the price the show paid for using them as the villains. Also, it's obviously my lack of interest in children factoring in here, but I really, really do not care about poor little angel, Henry Lasso.

Dani in international mode is quite scary. I'm sure players in real life don't treat their club teammates like enemies, but there must be a lot of tension at times. As someone who really doesn't care about Roy and Keely, I'm still all in on Roy and Phoebe's teacher. I really like Ruth Bradley as an actor, and think she tends to be underused in a lot of things. Perhaps it's because she makes such a big impact with just a few minutes of screentime. I loved her quiet admonishment to herself after seemingly scaring Roy off. Meanwhile, Jamie and Roy's sister needs to happen, just so we can see Roy's herculean struggles with accepting both that Jamie is a changed man and that his sister is an adult who can make her own choices. I've enjoyed Roy and Jamie's friendship a lot this season, and it's done a lot of heavy lifting to cover for some other storylines, which have been dull and practically afterthoughts. It feels like the writers just got bored of Keely and Jack, and of Nathan at West Ham, so did away with them in minutes, after setting them up all season. Eh, okay. I guess it's lucky I didn't care about either storyline. I'm always up for Edwin Akufo and his incredibly immature vendetta against Sam. Sam Richardson is having a blast being such a spoiled bully, and I was laughing out loud at Sam's weary, reluctant acceptance that he couldn't stop Francis from snubbing him. The super league stuff is another case of the show very briefly addressing a real world issue, along with nude photo leaks, the UK Home Secretary being a dipshit, and even Colin being gay. The show gets on a soapbox and says a few worthy things, then moves on without it being referred to again. It seems like this season has been at least partly about proving the show can continue without Jason Sudeikis, given how little screentime he appears to have in some episodes. I'd watch the Roy, Jamie and Rebecca show.

There's no way Roy would think that getting the entire team to lose their minds at half time was a good idea. He's supposed to be an ex-professional, and one of the best. Still, if Ted wasn't so obsessed with taking the moral high ground, they could have used that video of Nate to motivate the team in training and to allow them to use their anger in a focused, controlled way. I'm still not even slightly interested in a Nate redemption. He wasn't a nice guy who made a mistake, he nursed his resentments and turned everything into a slight towards him, and he never even tried to see things from anyone else's point of view. Just learning that the grass isn't greener when you work for a narcissist does nothing to change my opinion of him. He actively tried to hurt Ted for no other reason than he felt like he wasn't Ted's special boy any more. I don't have time for that. Keeley's storyline is still incredibly boring. She seems to be just doing the same thing she was doing in season two, only supposedly with more money on the line. I'm not sure what the point of it is, other than to have her go on her own 'the grass isn't greener' journey. Can't watch any scenes with Ted's ex-wife now. She either actively worked against Ted with her therapist, or she is a complete moron who has been manipulated by him.

So Ted's ex in a serious relationship with her therapist, and the man who was their marriage counsellor, adds far too dark and unsettling an element to this show. It's wrong on every level possible, and completely changes who Michelle is as a character. Zava is ridiculous and, while his looks and tendency to move teams is Ibrahimovic, his personality isn't. Ibrahimovic is playful and cocky, but he's not an oblivious, zen master who blithely thinks the entire world revolves around him. I read someone say that Zava is partly based on Eric Cantona, which I can see a bit, but the thing with Eric was that the intellectual philosophising was really an act he put on to avoid dealing with the media. All his teammates have said he was just one of the lads, in the dressing room. I do like Jamie seeing what he could possibly have become, if he didn't learn how to grow as a person. And he's correcting both Beard and Roy's speech. Colin's storyline is interesting. Sadly realistic, in a sport where very few players have come out, and where Graeme Le Saux used to be called gay slurs because he read the Guardian newspaper. I'm not even slightly concerned that Trent Crimm saw Colin and his boyfriend. Sam and his cute chef needs to happen. Rebecca needs to find someone she doesn't feel guilty about dating.

Well, it looks like Keeley's storyline this season will be another that I'm not interested - isolated from most of the rest of the cast, doing boring PR stuff with boring PR people, and her friend who will surely be a huge disaster. Her and Roy broke up because he got a bout of insecurity? Honestly, I'm not really that fussed whether they get back together or not, and everyone being so upset over it got old, quickly. I'm far more interested in Roy exploring the mortality of sports stars and how they deal with the awareness that the end is near. Roy Kent handled it better than his inspiration, Roy Keane did. At least Kent didn't give an interview slating the fuck out of his teammates and saying they weren't good enough, to cover for his own decline. Steve Frost as the Chelsea steward was nice. He's been a familiar face for over thirty years, with his Who's Line is it Anyway? appearances. And the Zlatan analogue looks like he might be interesting, though probably not as interesting as Zlatan actually is. Still, as Cristiano Ronaldo showed, sometimes a megastar joining a club can completely upset the dressing room. I imagine that's what will happen here. Trent Crimm writing a book about Richmond should be fun, now people are allowed to talk to him, of course. James Lance is just dry enough in this role that he really works against the zaniness of everyone else (yes, I include Roy in that, with his silent, seething balloon popping). And good for Ted, laying down the law with Roy. It's nice to see him being less of a Ned Flanders. Anthony Stewart-Head is clearly having a ball playing Rupert, with all those incredibly mean, petty lines to Rebecca. Still can't help but laugh at West Ham being described as "big and shiny... they'll win with or without you."

Spurs would have been the best fit, for the story they wanted to tell. A club that has hovered around the top four for years, having the odd year where they're good for long enough to believe they can win something, before they fall back into the pack. And Spurs have been in the show, as the team Richmond beat in the FA Cup when Jamie remembered how to be a prick. They wouldn't be rivals for Richmond, really, but nor would West Ham. West Ham is miles away from Richmond, right on the other side of London and London is too big, and has too many clubs, for a cross-town rivalry to mean anything to fans. For a club in Richmond, Fulham or Brentford would be their most likely rivals (and are also the clubs Richmond are based on, more than any other), but they're both a step below West Ham. But honestly, the biggest bugbear from me in this episode was that it didn't seem to have occurred to Ted, Higgins or Rebecca (or Roy and Beard, I guess) that they might need to reinforce their squad. The number one priority for the club should have been bringing in players over the summer to give them a fighting chance. Nottingham Forest signed twenty players when they were promoted last summer. They're an extreme example, but most clubs that get promoted will make several big signings, just to give them a chance of survival in the Premier League. the gulf in quality between the Premier League and the Championship is vast.