fishcakes

It was new this season. Someone asked Phil if it was a change in the rules and he tweeted back only "yes" with no explanation. I generally ignore all conspiracy theorists, but it does seem peculiar that the only team that seemed to know about the alleged rule change was Dave and Connor.

I don't believe Trish was a coattailer, but it's an overstatement to say she did all the work for Tony. She did some spaz-wrangling and damage control, but, honestly, there wasn't all that much damage, except for Jefra being mad after the LJ blindside. She's credited with keeping Jefra from flipping by talking her down, but that's not why Jefra didn't flip. Jefra didn't flip because she couldn't get Trish and Kass to flip, and Trish and Kass didn't flip because they viewed their alliance with Tony as their best bet to the finals. Tony played an active and risky game, and while Trish wasn't a passive player, she was passive with respect to Tony. He did things she didn't know about beforehand and didn't like after the fact, but she stuck with him until she was voted out. She knew Tony was lying and breaking promises right and left, but she made the classic mistake of thinking that she was the one he was being completely honest with and loyal to, even after the LJ and Jefra votes. She's not a bad player, but she got outplayed by Tony.

I don't think there was one, except for the way it made me laugh when Rose got up on the bed on all fours and started oohing and aahing over how luxurious it was. Guess she's never seen a Bed in a Bag Set from Target before.

Kevin James because he did a better poledance on King of Queens than Leah Remini, so I'm thinking he might be a sleeper. Justine "the other Bateman" Bateman because I always loved her and because it lessens the chance that they'll invite Tina Yothers or Brian Bonsall. Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos in the same season. Peter DeLuise because I miss him. And because I always like the NFL players and Seattle's my hometown, I'm going to say Richard Sherman. I think Erin would enjoy that as well.

I voted for the first time this season for Meryl and Maks, and that's partly because I want Maks to finally have a win, but also because I think Meryl is the most deserving of the three. I'm impressed with what Amy can do dancing on prosthetics, but, except for the contemporary she did earlier in the season, her dances feel emotionless to me. And Candace is a sweetheart and, having no dance experience, what this competition was originally all about, but she's never gotten over her stage fright enough to be a real contender. Interesting that Kirk Cameron wasn't in Candace's taped package. Maybe they were afraid he was going to bring his banana. I had to cover my eyes for a lot of it. His dancing was good, but as soon as I saw the hoodie and the squatting, I immediately began to feel embarrassed on his behalf, which is nothing new. I feel like Peta may actually have pitched the dance to him by saying, "hey, what if we were huge posers?" The whole time he was out there, I could only think of a line from a Jesse Stone movie where Tom Selleck tells one of the lesser Baldwin brothers, "where I come from, we'd keep you as a pet."

He is? They should have said something!

Ha. I was watching and wondering why she bugged me so much on the island since at Ponderosa she's so pleasant and pretty and then she laughed and all the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Though I did love, "Underwear! Underwear!" Good lord, that's a sour bunch at Ponderosa. Even Tasha, who's normally so bubbly, had a shitty look on her face when they were sitting at the bar, agitating against Tony. Although Tony did vote for Trish, it bothers me that the jury is telling her they know he did it because of the way he was looking down and not looking at Jeff. They know no such thing. They can make a good guess that he voted for her based on the fact that only one vote for Kass was read and if there had been two votes, Jeff probably (but not necessarily) would have read them both. But they don't know anything based on their interpretations of Tony's behavior. If they could figure Tony at all, at least half of them wouldn't be on the jury. LJ making Trish feel bad about how she smelled was assy, but it makes it ten times worse to me that he did it at the table. People always sit down to eat at Ponderosa before showering because they need food more than anything else. It infuriates me that Trish was so happy to get a decent meal and LJ was trying to make her feel ashamed because he didn't have the good sense or good manners to just sit further away. Creep.

I think this is correct, but I have no idea how many balls they have between them (although I'm guessing it's four or fewer).

James is probably a perfectly nice person, but almost everything about his appearance on this show makes me cringe. The fake showmance that Peta seems to think is real, every time he's supposed to extend his arm but doesn't remember until a half-second too late so he just flings it out there, trying to bribe people with signed photos. But after last night, I don't think I'll ever get over the contact embarrassment of watching him try to do Michael Jackson moves. As he was doing the saddest moonwalk ever, I thought not only should he not be allowed to dance to Michael Jackson, he shouldn't be allowed to listen to Michael Jackson. Hell, he shouldn't be allowed to listen to Rebbie Jackson. On the other hand, I'm pleased to think of how annoyed Mark was that he didn't get the Michael song and had to settle for Janet.

Some of my favorites and least favorites are the same person. South Pacific Cochran is one of my least favorites, but Caramoan Cochran is one of my favorites. Africa Lex: least favorite. All-Stars Lex before he lost his mind: favorite. All-Stars Lex after he lost his mind: least favorite. Pretty much everyone from seasons one and two are favorites, even B.B. and Stacey and Keith. I just have so much affection for those seasons. Overall favorites are the usual suspects: Sandra for getting to the end twice without a strong alliance either time, giving two winning jury performances, and for being totally mercenary in every sense Boston Rob for learning from his mistakes -- I know people harp on the "FOUR TIMES" thing, but there are people who could play this game a hundred times and not win (Russell and Rupert being the two most obvious) Yul for playing the most rational, no-hard-feelings game ever (Candace might disagree, but I had to watch her french Adam so I don't care what she thinks.) Yao Man, Cirie, Cesternino, Courtney Yates for obvious reasons. Bob Dawg Mason for telling Courtey Marit how little of a shit he gave about her stupid feelings. Malcolm for being one of the very few likeable people to play since, like, 2006. Not favorites but deserve honorable mentions: Gary Hogeboom for thinking he could lie with impunity in the game and no one would ever find him after it was over because they'd be looking for Gary Hawkins, Landscaper, thus conveniently forgetting that Survivor is a televised program. Dan Lembo from Nicaragua for being the only person to play the game while apparently deceased. Overall least favorites: Kathy Vavrick O'Brien for saying Jenna Morasca and Sue Hawk should "contain their feelings" about a dying parent and a perceived sexual assault, respectively, while herself constantly crying and feeling sorry for herself over game setbacks. Heidi Strobel for her bug-eyed, drooling confessionals in which she talked about how the older fatter women were jealous of her beauty. Ami Cusack for being a sociopath. Ben from Samoa for being a racist and, according to his tribemates, torturing animals. Just about everyone from One World (including Kim) for turning a blind eye to Colton and Alicia's blatant bullying of Christina and for using it to their advantage. Dawn for being an emotional vampire and full-time victim. Coach for Coachiness Kass for all-around odiousness.

Speaking of flirting, I saw her on on some news entertainment show last night, and it was gross/hilarious. She said that she used to be a huge Maks fan and was offended on his behalf about Julianne's "phoning it in" comment. She said something like, "I was going to tell him, 'hey, you can phone me anytime,' but after last night, oh well," implying that he'd missed his chance with her. Which ... LOL. I'm sure he's super bummed about that.

I don't have a problem with risky challenges; bungee jumping, skydiving, zip lines, even that thing where they had to swim in icy water. Those all have an element of risk and danger, and would require most contestants to overcome anything from a little apprehension to outright fear. I do have a problem with violent tasks, however, and getting repeatedly bashed into, knocked to the ground, knocked over metal racks, and, in Jamal's case, sustaining an injury, is violent.

This is the first time I've seen Abby Lee Miller and I don't think I've ever taken a quicker dislike to a person before. The first thing she said was that she was going to be looking for straight legs and pointed feet, which would be fantastic if it were a Ministry of Funny Walks competition, but even for DWTS, you might want to be a little more nuanced in your judging. At the same time, I loved how absolutely no one even tried to conceal their contempt for her. Sharna's and Derek's faces, Maks and Val essentially saying, "um, are you somebody?" to her critiques. Even the judges were glorious in how much they hated her. There's one one moment where she was talking and Bruno had his hands over his eyes and Len had his hand over his mouth; if only Carrie Ann had put her hands over her ears, it would have been the perfect illustration of everyone trying to ignore the evil in their midst. And seriously, her 10 for James was pathetic. Be more of a cliché, why don't you. Mark's singing was interesting, in a Peter Brady kind of way.

Ha. I thought she was saying that, but I'm never sure with Kashia. I don't dislike her as much as most; her cooking is mediocre, but in terms of being evil, I'd say Melanie has her beat. Kashia has the evil glare down, but Melanie will stab you in the face and then be all wide-eyed, "was I not supposed to do that? I didn't know." Also, I thought Kashia was adorable when Guy Savoy was flirting with her. So ... was Joy getting ready to pick her nose but then remembered she was on camera? After service when they were choosing who to send up for elimination, Joy had her hands on the side of her face, put both pinkies in both nostrils, and then quickly took them out. Joy is my favorite this year, but that was distressing.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Of all the times I've eaten at KFC, I've never received a piece of raw chicken or one that had been hacked in half by a cleaver to check doneness. I know Gordon has a thing against thermometers because poking the meat makes the juice run out, but so does tearing it open repeatedly, saying "still cold!" and sticking it back in the oven. The blue team's fried chicken looked like Shake 'n Bake. I was hoping Bev might be a sleeper, but then she stood in the middle of the kitchen holding a tray of crab cakes and announcing they were done but with clearly no idea what was supposed to happen next. Gordon: "Well, bring them up then! My god!" Heh. Bye, Bev.

I would be okay with Kass in the Final 3 only because it means she'll be eviscerated by the jury. I usually hate over-the-top bitter juries, but in her case, I'll make an exception. She's just so smug. She was completely obnoxious in her TH after the auction, saying that she was okay with eating a full meal while Tony had to be the "martyr" for the alliance because she's already done enough. What does she think she's done? She got her panties in a bunch over Sarah and then got played by Trish. My estimation of Trish's strategic abilities went down a bit during the auction. She genuinely seemed to not understand at all what Tony was doing, repeatedly telling him to bid on something and asking him what he was waiting for. Also, she bid on the hidden item that Kass didn't choose, when it seemed likely that it was going to be either disgusting or just more of what they have back at camp. She's made some good moves in this game, but for the most part she's been passive and, as she admits, gullible. I think she could win if she got to FTC, but I'd be disappointed with that outcome.

For the most part, I love that there's no results show, but I hate that this means they're determined to stretch performance night out to two hours, even when they're down to seven dancers. The rehearsal packages get longer and more pointless every week. I thought Amy's rumba was awful. That weird squatty gyrating thing she was doing wasn't sexy at all; it looked more like she had to pee and was trying to hold it. Speaking of not sexy, oh Peta, no. Her outfit was more frightening than anything else. I did have to laugh, though, when Erin called it a "Victoria's Secret outfit" because Victoria's Secret has some tacky shit, but not that tacky. Also, it reminded me of the time I was in a VS and a man came in and asked where the crotchless panties were. The salesperson could barely conceal her rage. "WE DO NOT SELL SUCH ITEMS, SIR." I think Mark's little hat is getting smaller. If I worked on the show, every week I would replace his hat with one that was slightly larger, to see if I could make him think his head was shrinking.

Caroline's claiming on twitter that people are saying they want to murder her and Jen, which would be horrible and wrong if it were actually happening, but I don't see a single tweet that even comes close to that. People are saying they're bullies, rude, and terrible racers, but no one is threatening them. It seems like this has become the common trajectory for people who behave badly on reality shows. 1. Act like an asshole on TV. 2. Get called out on social media for acting like an asshole on TV. 3. Insincere apology/Claim that the "haters and trolls" only saw an edited version 4. Discover that no one is buying that. 5. Claim that you received death threats. 6. Regretfully shut down your social media accounts to protect yourself and your family. (Imagine a bunch of scare quotes in that sentence.) 7. Open them back a week later because you bravely refuse to let the haters win! It's interesting that Jen and Caroline are taking the brunt of it rather than Dave and Connor, but it might just be that Connor isn't responding at all and all Dave did was say "me too," when Caroline said she apologized "if I was immature" to Rachel. Caroline and especially Jen are arguing with people and feeding into it.

This wasn't a line exactly, but the scene that never fails to make me laugh is when Frank is getting ready for his date with Margaret after she's returned from R&R, not knowing that while she was gone she become engaged to Donald. While he's powdering his chest with a huge puff, he clucks like a chicken to the tune of "Back in the Saddle Again."

I was surprised to see Chris go. He wasn't any good, but Scott and Ralph were worse. Scott seems like a Steve Carell character to me, but it might just be because of his Brick Tamland haircut. Right now, It's looking like it's going to be Joy and Anton for the final two. It's not that they've done anything particularly impressive, but everyone else seems so awful. I had to laugh at Anton going out to the patio to weep with joy just because Wolfgang Puck hated his pizza less than he hated the other pizzas (except for Kashia's and Bev's figgy thing that wasn't even in the running), but I missed most of what he was saying because I was so fixated on the giant ashtray in the middle of the table with what looked like 200 butts in it. Besides which, isn't Wolfgang Puck kind of a hack these days? I know he was highly regarded in the early '90s, but now he has restaurants inside JC Penny stores. I ate at his signature restaurant in Seattle before it closed down and thought the food was just so-so. I also ate at his pizza cafe in San Francisco once, which was notable for serving me a long blond hair with a pizza around it.

I had so many questions while watching last night. What the hell is Bruno wearing? What is a Redfoo and how can we make it stop? When Candace tries to make a sexy face, why does it make me think of the depredations of war? We are an hour into the show, why have only three people danced? I was sorry to see Drew leave, but he seems to have peaked in terms of improving so it's probably better to go now rather than after the judges turn on him and order him to step it up, which they know isn't possible. Same goes for Nene, except I won't be sorry to see her leave.

Poor Victor Sen Yung. Born in San Francisco. Forced to pronounce his Rs as Ls. It's strange that Hop Sing was only in a handful of episodes, yet everyone remembers him. I just saw the episode, San Francisco, where we meet his cousins (none of whom have names, just numbers) and then the episode where Cousin Number One filled in for him at the Ponderosa. His cousin was the "Seinfeld, four!" guy! Now that I know that, it makes me love this scene that much more.

It's only Monday but I'm pretty sure that GIF is going to be my favorite thing about this week. I watched the last year or so of this show as a kid, but didn't remember anything about it and never watched it in reruns. Then a couple of months ago, I saw the season 4 DVD at my library, checked it for no discernible reason, and now I'm a little crazy over this show. It's got the right balance of decent writing and total cheese. Also, Adam Cartwright is crazy hot (yes, I realize he's like a hundred now, not to mention deceased). I've started at the beginning and am halfway through season 2. I love that almost everyone is wearing a toupee, that Little Joe gets into a fist fight within ten minutes of the start of any episode, and that the stunt doubles look nothing like the actors.

I adored the Globetrotters, but I knew they weren't going to win and with them gone, now I can wholeheartedly root for the Afghanimals, which .. when did I start to love the Afghanimals? Life is strange. Dave needs a time-out and a nap. It looks like next week, he and Conner and the "quality people" Country Girls are going to go all Regina George on Rachel. You know, I wish they'd go back to the pit stops being 12 hours of "eat, sleep, mingle" instead of isolating the teams. People were a lot less dickish to each other when they socialized a bit. Did Brendan actually say that he, Rachel, and God were an unstoppable team? Ha. If God were on the team, pretty sure he'd be unstoppable whether Brendan and Rachel were there or not.

Oh, well that sounds romantic. "... 28, 29, 30. Okay, go home now."