Uncle JUICE

Oh my fucking god, how has no one created the social media pages for these twats yet? Talk about untapped comedic potential. Dylan's facebook would be even more intolerable than regular facebook. Steve's twitter! Brandon's Linkedin! WHERE ARE YOU, INTERNET???????

I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be taking Ali to the other one's cheer prep. She's going to be at an age now where she recognizes the difference between her and her twin sister and it will just get more and more fucking heartbreaking. That scene made me wish MTV would just cut them out of the show entirely, because the more seasons we watch, the more we'll have to watch that poor kid's condition affect her life. It's one thing (and not to downplay how tragic it is, but) when the two of them are basically just crawling and being babies. Now there is a very stark difference in what they can and can't do the same, and both of them will start to recognize it. And it's worse because Leah and her ilk are not mentally or emotionally equipped to know how to minimize the differences for them. Corey's not innocent here either, he keeps insisting she walk first when the doctor clearly says that's the opposite of helping; he thinks that some miracle is going to occur I guess if she just shows sticktoitiveness. It isn't, this is science. This show's going to end up doing long term damage, and all of Dr Drew's and MTV's self congratulation over how they're responsible for lowering teen birth rates in some way (I wish someone would explain correlation versus causation to those people) will have to balance against the inevitable negative stuff that's going to happen with these poor kids. Seriously, what's the over under on Jace's first mug shot? 14.5? He's got zero chance after watching what happens to that poor kid tonight. Why would a kid MAKE UP what he said to Barb both before going over there and after? What's he get out of that? I guess the idea is he's telling Barb what he thinks she wants to hear somehow, but I don't think that kid has the artifice for that. Jenelle definitely is not doing any activities with him, I mean when the cameras are around, she lives in Myrtle Beach, why not take everyone to the boardwalk or Barefoot Landing or something easy, just for appearance's sake? Why fight to have the kid come over then lock yourself in your room?

I had this same question, then my wife informed me it was a country music concert. So...nope. Also, there's an even money chance that he doesn't understand irony that way. I'm reminded of Danny on 30 Rock claiming to not understand sarcasm because "Canada doesn't have a large Jewish population." It's like a language they don't speak there.

We'll find out around 10:54 ET. I wish they'd just lead with that, but as they have footage, it has to close the episode. No footage and they'd have made a PA make a fake 911 call (a la the Nathan / Jenelle DV incident).

Isn't she ALSO an asshole, too? I mean if you ask me, anyone who wants to spend time with Jenelle is probably a good bet to BE an asshole anyway, but she's just as big an asshole as they are. What the fuck, lady, go on the fucking pill! Though I bet she has a prescription and just doesn't take it.

I wonder what MTV producers "aren't happy about." Clearly they make good revenue from this show, could it be knowing that now they have ANOTHER one of Jenelle's guys on the payroll long term? It can't be like "Well, we're enabling these bad decisions, this is sort of on us, guys," I mean that wouldn't be how the people who make this show seem to make decisions or assessments.

I think someone should try to figure out how many actual "friends" these people have had. Of all of them I think Chelsea is theone with the least (and that's a good thing). She has other Chelsey and Landon the Fabnicifent with lots of repeat appearances. How many different friends has Adam had in his segments? How many non-family members for Leah? Kailynn, too, I think she's in third though.

I feel like if Dave wrote it, it would be the handwriting of someone who holds the writing implement in a full fist grip. Huge block letters. Barely distinguishable from the kid's handwriting.

Teen mom 2 is going to the "very special episode" font on the bumpers and promos this week.

I often wondered this too! The lack of Donna ever being protrayed as legitimately horny makes her seem unhealthy, she has to have some libido too, but they definitely don't portray them as the "We're way into oral!" types. I picture Donna as grossed out by David's dick most of the time, and him furiously beating off after forty minutes of kissing and light groping over clothes.

I'm not saying stepkids can never call their step parents mom or dad, it just seems like in THIS particular instance, it's fair to at least ask the question, given what we've seen from Kailyn on the show as far as her behavior. "I don't want that bitch in the car when you pick up your son!" and so forth, it seems like she'd have an objection to it if the tables were turned.

Another Nathan: "Have you ever heard of parental ellenation?"

One of the all time hall of fame moments on this show. Her lawyer was hilariously flabbergasted, because Jenelle was facing jail time if she didn't show up to court, something like that. The lawyer probably didn't know who KESHA was, and Jenelle literally says "She's why I have these feathers in my hair!!!" I think that was the lawyer before Lawyer Dusty. I imagine the rest of the scene after Jenelle storms out of the office had the lawyer asking the camera crew "Wait, are you still filming that show Punk'd? Is that what this really is?"

Damn you and your totally sensible point! I wonder what he'll end up calling him when they inevitably get divorced.

This has bugged me for weeks. Jo isn't some uninvolved dickbag of a dad. I'd object to Aubree calling Cole dad, I object to Chelsea constantly reminding Aubree that Cole isn't a replacement for her unfortunate real father, but no one here ever says boo that Kailyn allows, and probably at some point even encouraged, Isaac to call Javi 'daddy'. It seems right up her passive aggressive alley.

The tone that lawyer had told me "This is the fourth time in three days you've called," that's straight addict behavior, as others have pointed out. I think she probably told Leah at the outset how long a ruling takes, and Leah just couldn't fight back the urge to consistently call. To me the only other way her tone makes sense is MTV TOLD her to call the lawyer and ask for dramastic purposes, not really giving a shit that Leah had called the day before and before that, when they weren't filming.

I'm telling you all, the show about this show from the lawyer's perspective MUST be made. I want so much to see the other end of the phone call when Leah calls and asks if they'd heard anything. that lawyer couldn't be more annoyed, you know she hung up and was like "Yeah, because I heard something and fucking forgot somehow to call you." And we weren't even treated to the rambling craziness that must have been Jenelle's call to her lawyer about Nathan kidnapping his own son. I need to see Adam's latest low-cost attorney trying to explain why his rap sheet IS still a valid point of contention, and that when he files for custody, the first thing he's going to hear about is all the child support he's in arrears over. Please!!! MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

It's the possessive version used by Leah. As in "I just picked up the girlses nutritious dinner while Im out on the prowl to score: an Arby's sandwich to share."

TO paraphrase Kathy Griffin (Don't ask me why), yes, they will be the next IT couple, as long as you mean like the last two letters of shit couple. I feel like we deserve this lady and her craziness, with how we consume and create celebrity nowadays. It's like a fame Frankenstein: once you create it, you can't be too surprised at how it quickly turns ugly.

That's exactly the point of my show :). I want to see the hard downfall.

Sorry, that's the pre-title sequence to my show about the team of attorneys who assist all Teen Moms. Jenelle's lawyer is Linda Lovely, of Lovely Law. And that's not something I made up, it's real, the law firm. :) Horry County, SC, is Jenelle's current municipality. ETA: THis show could also feature Farrah's agent. I'm not sure if he'd be super sleazy ("Endorse this chin lift strap on your twitter feed, they'll give you $3K, and no one will EVER remember the picture of your face in traction!") or some earnest young intern who has her as his only client at a really low-rent talent agency, where he's trying hard to get her work but she won't take a role on a soap opera (think that episode of 30 rock where Lemon had an agent for her Dealbreaker series, Farrah would torture the guy with "Would Merle Streak (because she doesn't know who Meryl Streep is, just heard the name) do Days of Our Lives, asshole????") and his dickhead much richer and more successful coworkers do stuff like give him her fake pussy when it's secret Santa time around the office.

(Phone ringing that office "boop boop...BEEE boop" ring). Receptionist answers, "Lovely Law, this is Brenda Jo, how may I direct your...oh, hey....mmhm...mmhm. okay...yep, please hold." (presses button) "Linda?" (interior of poorly appointed law office, many Precious Moments on the shelves, woman examining miscellaneous papers) "Yes?" "Horry County on line three." (lawyer lady sighs heavily, removes reading glasses, pinches the bridge of her nose) Receptionist: "Linda?" Linda: "Yeah, I'm here....just...(another sigh)...is she in holding? Am I going to see another mug shot?" (phone rings again while Linda steels herself to pick up the first line...Brenda Jo back on the line, inaudible, then pops back up on Linda's office) Receptionist: "Line 5, it's her, I'm pretty sure she's drunk, or outside, or driving in a car, maybe I couldn't understand everything, lots of cursing." Linda: (groans) "This bullshit wasn't in any of those Grisham novels. Put her through."

Ok, so I've been watching the TM franchise since it first started, and as much as I hate to say it, I'm pretty sure these shows now have to end. It has to do with what made the show interesting. Basically, I think breaking the fourth wall was a giant mistake, but I understand why it happened: these kids got so over inflated that their regular lives, it is now impossible for them to have real 'friends' and relationships like regular people, so they could only really interact naturally with producers. Or maybe MTV got tired of going deep down the bench of people we've never seen before and giving them a $200 gift card to best Buy to appear for one of Ryan's soliloquies, I don't know. In any case, now that the kids are so aware (any time a six year old is talking about their mic pack, we've gone too far, in my view), and these idiots are so convinced they're the center of the universe, this show (and I'm afraid for TM2, the better product) is no longer viable. But that doesn't mean say goodbye. It means see you later. See, when it first started out, this was in large part a study of being poor in America (Farrah notwithstanding). It was less about what it's like to be a parent at that age than it was about how expensive a responsibility kids are, how heavy eh every day bills get. Kailynn, for example, gamed the welfare system for housing and food assistance. Maci lived in a straight shack until this last year. That's baically the first phase of the Teen Mom...then it's obvious when MTV checks start coming in. Every one of these dopes leases a car that's too nice, or rents a house, or goes on ten vacations...it's drunk sailor time. Now, there's no stopping that train by the time we get to this latest season. Everyone's getting new butts, fake lips, starting ill fated businesses...but you can't not pay them, so there's no putting the genie back in the bottle. Essentially, this has become a study of F+ fame, people famous for nothing at all, just famous for fame, becoming separated from the lives they know at an age where they're no where near fully socially developed or capable of adapting appropriately. That's already gotten boring. But I have a fix. You turn this into a straight-faced documentary about how money gets fucked up, how young people who think they have the world by the balls because they make a couple hundred grand will immediately fuck that money up, and how they'll end up exactly where they started out. If I'm MTV, I would offer each of these folks what they think is real money today, even if it's $250K each. I'd tell them you can have $100K now, and the other $150K (or $250K or whatever the balance is), I will keep in a trust against which the talent cannot take any loan or whatever (not sure if this is even legal but whatever, it's not like anyone's going to do this really). You can't access the funds until five years from now, after production is complete. Production on what? For the money, you sign up for a two hour no holds barred look at your lives five years from now. It's a straight documentary, not led by Dr. Drew, no production crews (all of those people would be talking head sort of "I don't understand why Amber didn't see Matt's scheme coming" interviews). The kids would be 12, the parents nearing 30, That interval gives the current low level of fame time to fade entirely, which I think in cases like Tyler and Catelyn and Maci, it absolutely would. I think watching Farrah claw for the remnants of hers (she is convinced, as others have posted, that she's either a new Kardashian in the wings, or that she's a junior league real housewife) would be grotesque, even more so than now. I know Amber will be broke, that guy is basically a tick. The thing is none of them now have any skills at all, and their 'fame' has morphed into 'notoriety.' If you're the local UPS Store, for example, are you going to want to bother hiring Tyler from Teen Mom? If you're the Anderson IN Cracker Barrel, do you want Amber from Teen Mom as a waitress? I think the answer's no. And I don't think any of them will have the self awareness to take the money MTV gives them up front and invest it in an education. Think about the questions you could ask in five years, think of the potential...how incredibly capitvatingly sad it would be. Which kid is going to Scared Straight? Which kid is developing a reputation in sixth grade? Who's a bully? What happened to your $2M home? Why are you driving a Tercel, when last we saw you, you were in your third Denali? Sorry for the length. My other show is a show about their various attorneys, I'd be glad to cover that one, too :).