"Well, I refuse to believe you have ever read a scientific journal!" / "Believe what you want! See if I care. ...Hypersexual bitch."
"Oh, shut up! Just shut up you bubble-headed, bleach-blonde, b-, b-, b-" / "Baboon." / "BABOON!"
"Oh God, here it comes! The honeysuckle mint julips, three-legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd in the barbershop! Blanche, just get to the point!"
"Sophia, wills are no laughing matter. Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!" / "But you must have been relieved when you won." / "Oh, yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak..." This whole episode just had me on the floor, really.
Probably a lot more that aren't coming immediately to mind.