ELR Quotes: Turd Hats?

[FormerMod-a1]

What are your favorite ELR quotes?

[Guest]

“You are an idiot wrapped in a moron.” 

I use that one often.

[BlossomCulp]

Kill is going to Debra you.

I'm tired, call yourself an idiot.

When you're on the Titanic you lower the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.

[WildStyle]

Ray "I don't see any Lilies of the Valley "

Frank "I see a pansy of the family"

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(after beating Ray arm-wrestling)

Marie "Frank see what you did! He's hurt!"

Frank "And i'll take his sandwich too!" 

(Frank grabs Ray's lunch,and eats it)

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Frank "What in Hell's bathroom was that?!"

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(Frank singing karaoke)

Frank "Than you, ladies & gentlemen. My wife thinks i'm in the bathroom"

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Marie "You are not getting a tv in the bathroom!"

Frank "Then i'm bringing the toilet into the livingroom!"

[Mrs. Hanson]

Robert:  "I am really tissed!"

Ray: (Regarding Ally)  "She's the devil."

Robert: "Thank goodness, I thought I popped a stitch."

Marie:  "Lips that have kissed Harriet Lichman will never kiss mine!"

[Snow Apple]

When I get overwhelmed, I've been known to exclaim "I can't think! There's too much fruit in the house!"

[ByTor]

"Second floor, croissants!"

"It's not idiotic, it's right-iodic!"

Russell: "Are you with the I. R. S.?" Ray: "No!" Russell: "You look like I. R. S."  Ray: "I do?" Russell: "No, that's just it. You don't."

[BlossomCulp]

I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.

In the episode where Stephania comes to the US Ray gives this whole speech about how the love he and Debra have for each other is a like a pot of cream of wheat cooking on a low flame, Debra looks at him and says dryly:  Hands off, girls, he's mine.  I use this one a lot :).

[WildStyle]

Ray "My dad doesn't make those  connections. He thinks the moral of Adam & Eve is don't eat when you're naked."

Edited January 1, 2018 by WildStyle

[BogoGog24]

Pat: When you find a rodent in your basement, you don’t want to bang it with a shovel. But you do!

The way Georgia Engel says this in her trademark baby voice makes it that much more hilarious.

 

Marie: Your father and I have been married for 40 years. We’ve seen the lows and we’ve seen the highs.

Frank: What day was the high?

 

I can’t remember the exact quote but in the same scene of that episode Marie is talking about how no marriage is perfect and goes “Look how he eats.” It’s just the way she says it that cracks me up. 

[schnauzergirl]

11 minutes ago, BogoGog24 said:

Pat: When you find a rodent in your basement, you don’t want to bang it with a shovel. But you do!

The way Georgia Engel says this in her trademark baby voice makes it that much more hilarious.

 

Marie: Your father and I have been married for 40 years. We’ve seen the lows and we’ve seen the highs.

Frank: What day was the high?

 

I can’t remember the exact quote but in the same scene of that episode Marie is talking about how no marriage is perfect and goes “Look how he eats.” It’s just the way she says it that cracks me up. 

In that same episode, Amy asks how can there be hate in a marriage and Marie says "You make room."  Three little words, but Doris Roberts was the best around with those kind of comments.

[WildStyle]

Loved when Ray tries to prove he's mature, and says he'll have the sex talk with Ally. Debra scoffs and Ray asks if she thinks he can't do it. Then Debra responds

You can be there tomorrow and i'll explain it to the both of you.

[Guest]

In “Not So Fast,” the whole scene in the office is hilarious. Starting with “I don’t understand. Frank and Marie seem very happy here.” “I can assure you, they are the only ones.”

[CherryAmes]

That is one of my favourite episodes.  Good line after good line.  I think I love "we have people to help you pack" best but that whole scene is gold.

[WildStyle]

You're the one who sunk us, Molly Brown!

And you're the one who ate the whole bologna!!!!

 

Or when they fight over who Frank & Marie should live with.  

Robert "I'll fight ya both!"

Amy "Robert!"

Robert "NO! I don't care anymore! I'll go to prison. Put her on your shoulders Raymond!"

Ray "I don't need her."

Robert "How about I hit you with your own wife!"

[Guest]

“She has a way of appearing to give a compliment, but really she’s insulting you!”

[WildStyle]

6 minutes ago, deaja said:

“She has a way of appearing to give a compliment, but really she’s insulting you!”

I think my favorite is when he talked about Frank.

 

Your father has been tearing around on his cart, endangering pedestrians. When our security guards warn him, he turns his cart & aims for them. One time he shouted "Hit the monkey, win a cookie." 

[BogoGog24]

I do love the scene in the episode when Robert interviews with the FBI and the agent receives Marie’s letter and reads it aloud.

 

From the same episode, Marie confesses later that she went to the diner and thought about what happened over some banana cream pie. Then says “Actually, it was coconut. I don’t know why I changed it.” So something Marie would do haha!

[Inquisitionist]

Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.

Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

[WildStyle]

Frank "Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am?! I USED TO BE A GENTLEMAN!!!!" 

[CherryAmes]

Not a quote, a visual -  the episode where Robert joins the cult it starts with Ray talking about why he likes pickles. "They're a food and a beverage".  In the background we see Debra slowly leaning forward and resting her head against the fridge.  Her facial expression and sort of sad defeated movements make me laugh out loud every time.

[ByTor]

Ray's fear of Marco in Italy Part 2:

Robert: "Hey, Ray, you wanna go get a gelato?"

Ray: "I'm not going there with that father."

Robert: "Come on."

Ray: "Get out of here! He'll use me to beat you to death!"

[WildStyle]

My favorite Holy Crap moment from Frank, when the door comes off of the fridge when he opens it.

Holy Crappin' Crap!

The same episode when Roberts says he could teach Ray how to fix stuff.

That's true. You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass, do ya son?

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And Marie when she & Frank argue about him leaving 2 drops of juice in the fridge, and he does it again at the end of the episode. 

That son of a bitch

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Same episode where Ray asks Marie to come over and show Debra how to make her meatballs. He thinks Debra would like it, but she says it'd be a terrible. After she says it,Marie comes in, and she glares and Ray who says

I'm a good person. Really, I am.

Edited January 3, 2018 by WildStyle

[ByTor]

Hopping onto the holy crap train, from one of my favorites, Mia Famiglia, upon realizing Zia Sarina isn't a realtive:

Frank: "This is my family!"

Robert: "It's not her family."

Marie: "Oh my God."

Sarina: "Holy crap!"

[Guest]

From Baggage:

Debra:You don't like the big fork and spoon?

Marie: We hate the big fork and spoon.

Debra: But they're like a fixture of the house- the big fork and spoon.

Marie: They're horrible- look at them. They're completely without nuance. 

Later on in the scene:

"Don't let a suitcase filled with cheese be your big fork and spoon."

And of course the ending

Marie "This is all your fault!!!!!"

Frank "Hey, when did we get those?"

[ByTor]

5 hours ago, deaja said:

Marie "This is all your fault!!!!!"

Frank "Hey, when did we get those?"

LOL!  I could SO imagine an exchange like this between my parents :)

[WildStyle]

All from season 5 The Canister

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Frank "She was gonna yell at me like that later anyway. I ate the backside of that ham"

Marie (from the kitchen) "FRAAAAANK!!!!"

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Robert "Dad got into the ham. He's lopping of slices and putting it in the toaster. Like pork pop tarts."

Marie "It never ends with your father. Last year, I caught him in the car with it."

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Debra "I threw it in the outside garbage. Boys, where did you get this?"

Michael "In the garbage"

Ray (to Debra) "YOU GOTTA FEED THEM MORE!"

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Marie "I felt bad for thinking you didn't return this. And to be honest, whenever I see it now, it makes me think of your father-in-law. So I either give you this or give you him."

Edited January 4, 2018 by WildStyle

[BogoGog24]

From that same episode my favorite part has always been when Ray and Robert fondly reminisce about all the treats their grandma made in that canister until finally Debra shouts, “Hey fat people! Who cares?”

[Inquisitionist]

Debra:  You listen -- if my parents lit an orphanage on fire on Christmas Eve, they wouldn't be as bad as your parents! (Fighting Inlaws clip)

 

Frank: You're still handsome, nice tan, you got all your teeth and then some.  What gives?

Warren: ... it's not all about looks and sex for me.

Ray: OK, but... is any of it?  (Older Women, which has tons of other great lines, too, but this scene slays me.)

[WildStyle]

(Debra imitating teenage Ray)

Oh no, where's my retainer, oh. Hey, what's that -a pimple? You know, all the other guys have hair down here....

Edited January 4, 2018 by WildStyle

[BlossomCulp]

"Fondue date night" -- we use that one a lot.  Not that we have fondue terribly often, it's what we say when we're trying to convey how super excited we are about something we're going to do.  

[bigskygirl]

The scene when Debra ends up in jail, and Ray is talking with her while she is still in the cell. Robert walks by and notices Debra is in the cell and he said "Oh my god! She finally killed Ma!"

[Guest]

Ray in Thank You Notes “You have to understand before she gives up a drop of power, she will truly kill us all” about Marie.

[Guest]

Assorted favorites:

Frank: Kill is going to Debra you. (The Older Woman)

 

Ray:  Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up- she's there. You come back from work- she's there. You fall asleep- she's there. You eat dinner- she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing. But, it's not. Not if it's the right person.

Frank: I'd like a minute for rebuttal.

[Starry Eyes]

Frank Barrone:  You did what you did, and then you die.  

[ShadowSixx]

Marie: I find Harriet Lichtman's flirtatious behavior towards you distasteful, but I do not hate that slut.

 

Natalia: What?! You're his wife? Ray said you were dead.

 

Debra: Their marriage was like a rock. The one solid rock for me.

Ray: Well maybe it was like a stone, and now it has passed.

 

Ray: Come on, look at the bright side the moustache will distract from the cellulite.

 

Frank: I always thought you had a Mr. Potato head face, and glasses come with the kit.

 

Marie: Oh stop Ray, I'm trying to heat up soup from a can.

[WildStyle]

Marie (to Frank about ogling Robert's young girlfriend)

Congratulations Frank. You are officially a dirty old man.

[Mrs. Hanson]

"Okay, I am REALLY TISSED!"

On 1/3/2018 at 9:11 PM, BogoGog24 said:

From that same episode my favorite part has always been when Ray and Robert fondly reminisce about all the treats their grandma made in that canister until finally Debra shouts, “Hey fat people! Who cares?”

Me too!!  

Per The Canister:  "You didn't tell me we were dealing with THE SUPERNATURAL!"

The whole premise of the Canister reminds me of my job - I once told everyone, "No, I DON'T have that file!  Please stop asking me!"  Guess who found it buried deep down a few weeks later?  

And:  "Is it money?  We can pay more money!"

Edited January 27, 2018 by Mrs. Hanson

[ByTor]

22 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Per The Canister:  "You didn't tell me we were dealing with THE SUPERNATURAL!"

Also from The Canister (which I LOVE)...

Raymond (wearing winter jacket): "I'm not sick. I just think that this is a bitchin' jacket."

Marie: "That's not Easter language."

Also, Debra trying to distract Marie so Ray could replace the canister: "Marie, I am a terrible cook! I really want you to look at these potatoes. I didn't know what the hell I was doing!"

[Mrs. Hanson]

And I say "I am really TISSED!" all the time, along with "Tur Hats!" cause I am weird that way.

On 1/25/2018 at 2:18 PM, ShadowSixx said:

Debra: Their marriage was like a rock. The one solid rock for me.

Ray: Well maybe it was like a stone, and now it has passed.

HAHAHAHA!  love it!

 

Also: "I want a sister!!!  Not a sister sister!"  I also use the "pray for me" a lot.

Edited January 28, 2018 by Mrs. Hanson