Stress, Depression, Anxiety and other Mental Health-related things

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

Being unemployed has really done a number on my mental health…it’s now been about seven weeks since I lost my job because of a layoff. Some of it is comparing myself (my family and friends are all working; why did it go right for them and not for me?), some of it is from getting rejections, especially not getting a remote job, and some can be how people seem to just dismiss me. A friend of mine has basically been blowing me off for weeks but is still socializing with others and catching up on TV, and I get the impression she just doesn’t want to hear it and is claiming “too tired from work” to get out of talking to me. It makes me feel worse and feel vengeful…like “next time she needs a friend I’ll turn my back on her” kind of retaliation feelings. The whole experience makes me feel worthless, like I don’t deserve to work or have income for whatever reason and everyone else seems to have done something “right” or “won” since they’re working.

I also get picked on in other online spaces and excluded a lot, so that hurts too. People trolling my post history and saying I say something in “every post” when that’s not true, get told to go to therapy over really petty things, “you must be fun at parties” type of stuff. I basically deal with it by deciding I don’t care what online strangers think but it does still hurt to see everyone else forming online friendships in fandom and getting close while I’m left alone. I even stopped listening to a fandom podcast because I basically lost interest and felt left out of the inner circle. I have quit/lost interest in a lot of things recently even before my layoff. I’ve quit multiple volunteer gigs, figure skating, etc. because I just don’t enjoy putting in the work. 

There are a few things I have not quit at least. I still write fanfic when I have time. I bake on Friday nights. I do enjoy volunteering at my church and though I considered quitting choir, I decided to stay when the other ladies actually noticed my absence at a practice and said they missed me. It made me see I was valued and at least some people wanted me around. I also manage by seeing my mom twice a week. But being inside my own head and questioning my worthiness sucks a lot. I want to get back to work so it stops. 

I'm so sorry. I've been in your shoes before, and it was rough on me too. Trust that you will get a job and feel better though. Try not to compare yourself to others. We all have highs and lows throughout our lives. I wish I knew what was up with your friend, but unfortunately some people just aren't loyal friends. 

People online can be vicious. I mostly just post on here, and I think most folks here are pretty nice. Moderators will usually take care of the rare nasty person quickly. But even on here, I know if I don't word everything perfectly, there may be people who I can offend or think the worst of me. Those who know me in real life know my intentions are always good, and I think people miserable in their own lives unfortunately oftentimes take it out on others online. Remind yourself that it's them and not you, and avoid any online space full of negativity. 

I'm glad there are a few things you haven't quit. Being busy really helps from being inside your own head, which so many of us do when we don't have a job. There was a time in my life when I had no job, no place of my own, no car, single, not seeing friends, felt like a burden on my family. I couldn't find one positive thing other than the fact I was physically healthy. I wasn't sure why I was even here and how much longer I wanted to be. I'm not saying everything is perfect for me now, but even with my issues, I'm doing worlds better, and I know I deserve happiness. You ARE worthy, and you WILL find something, and I know everything else will start falling into place in your life too. 

Edited January 22, 2023 by RealHousewife

[Cloud9Shopper]

3 hours ago, stewedsquash said:

Just looking in, from another perspective, do you feel as if you might be growing/changing in another direction and that is why you are dissatisfied with a lot of things you found pleasurable in the past? You have a very good “pivot” trait when you talk about jobs/hobbies. I hope you find a balance between the legitimate stress thoughts versus hey I can do this instead that works.

No snark, since you are adept at online fan stuff are you able to start your own thing? (I am clueless about it but there was a Snarkfest thing I was asked to join years ago  by a fellow poster that had twop posters in it and it worked…until it didn’t).

Using the fandom example, I have considered that maybe I’m changing as a person or even that fandom as it exists online isn’t for me. It seems to be a very personal thing for some people (feeling upset when someone doesn’t like a character they identify with, bragging about having been around a fandom for X years), whereas for me, I think it’s more something I enjoy but it doesn’t consume me or mean anything too personal. If someone doesn’t like a “ship” I do, I don’t let it bother me or feel the need to go to the mat for fictional people. 

As far as other things…I had wanted to try skating for a while, for example. I did meet nice people and got to learn some new things. But when I looked at the reality of it, even as a non-Olympian or whatever, I just didn’t feel interested anymore. I didn’t like getting up on Saturday to go to practice in the morning after working all week. (Ice time is limited where I skate so it was basically Saturday morning or nothing.) It also costs a lot of money for various expenses (buying skates obviously but there are also fees for things like the holiday show, ice time, coaching fee, test fee, dresses for competitions, etc.) and I was not as made of money as other people I skated with were. 

I think maybe once I realize things aren’t the fantasy I thought they would be and I feel different from everyone else I tend to drift away. The podcast I stopped listening to…it just wore out its welcome and I wasn’t that intrigued by the content anymore. Whereas I stayed with choir because there’s no fees to join, the practice time works for me, and the director is happy with whatever people give, plus I enjoy participating in Mass in this way. It’s a lower stress commitment like my writing and baking, that I can do it when I can and want to, so I guess that helps me stick with it. 

[oliviabenson]

Trying to date was the worst idea I ever had. It’s so awful in the dating scene. I rather date a coat rack. Men are awful to me, treat me like garbage.

It made my mental health deteriorate rapidly.

[shapeshifter]

6 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Trying to date was the worst idea I ever had. It’s so awful in the dating scene. I rather date a coat rack. Men are awful to me, treat me like garbage.

It made my mental health deteriorate rapidly.

I’m sorry you had to go through this. 

At least it reinforces my own decision not to date after my divorce over 30 years ago, which I regularly reconsidered, but always wound up being convinced that there was nothing there worth risking going through the mental and emotional anguish again of disappointment over another failed relationship.

Still, my youngest cousin has found a really great guy after giving her best to two Mr. Wrongs. Interestingly, her father, my Mom’s little brother, also found “true love” (and a terrific extended family) with his 3rd wife after having been cheated on and left by his first 2 wives, both of whom he paid alimony to. Uncle R has been married to wife #3 for over 25 years now (he’s 90).

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

Trying to date was the worst idea I ever had. It’s so awful in the dating scene. I rather date a coat rack. Men are awful to me, treat me like garbage.

It made my mental health deteriorate rapidly.

I'm so sorry. I've read your posts about those awful men on the apps. Have you had luck meeting men in person? Maybe you'll find nicer men volunteering, going to church, through a hobby you enjoy, etc. 

[oliviabenson]

10 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I'm so sorry. I've read your posts about those awful men on the apps. Have you had luck meeting men in person? Maybe you'll find nicer men volunteering, going to church, through a hobby you enjoy, etc. 

I tried meeting people through meetup/Reddit. Did not work so then I decided to try dating apps. 

I can’t even get a coffee date… I want to cry on how horrible the guys on apps are to me. 
 

 

Tried bumble just to make female friends and that didn’t work either.

[nokat]

I've had anxiety lately and got prescribed benzos. I think I need something else. Apparently I am out of it with my eyes dilated. But then if I drink tea in the morning I'm almost high off of caffeine.

[nokat]

On 1/24/2023 at 6:37 AM, oliviabenson said:

Tried bumble just to make female friends and that didn’t work either.

I'm so sorry. I've found it more difficult to find friends as I get older. People move or die. Sometimes I think I can't deal with grief again. There are some good people here.

 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I've had anxiety lately and got prescribed benzos. I think I need something else. Apparently I am out of it with my eyes dilated. But then if I drink tea in the morning I'm almost high off of caffeine.

Almost 20 years ago my therapist who was also a psychiatrist prescribed Risperdal, which at the time was only considered “off-label” for anxiety.
The positive effect was waking up in the mornings for the first time in my life without that tense, twisted feeling in my stomach.
But the negatives included sleepiness, dizziness, and weight gain. 
Nevertheless, I stayed on it for 3 years, during which my body “learned” to not be so tense. 
Well. Sort of. I still get sweaty and get hives.

Edited January 28, 2023 by shapeshifter

[nokat]

3 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Almost 20 years ago my therapist who was also a psychiatrist prescribed Risperdal, which at the time was only considered “off-label” for anxiety.
The positive effect was waking up in the mornings for the first time in my life without that tense, twisted feeling in my stomach.
But the negatives included sleepiness, dizziness, and weight gain. 
Nevertheless, I stayed on it for 3 years, during which my body “learned” to not be so tense. 
Well. Sort of. I still get sweaty get hives.

I hope you know I consider you one of the good people here. You are so kind.

 

[nokat]

I'm taking a generic form of Lexapro.

I also don't want anyone to feel lonely.

[shapeshifter]

7 minutes ago, nokat said:

I'm taking a generic form of Lexapro.

I tried Lexapro too back in the 2000s. 
I regret not keeping a diary of the meds I took, how long I took them, and what positive and negative effects they had. 
I assumed that would all be "in my records," but I've moved, changed doctors, and when doctors retire or die, their records seem to disappear after a while. 

[Jaded]

5 hours ago, nokat said:

I'm so sorry. I've found it more difficult to find friends as I get older. People move or die. Sometimes I think I can't deal with grief again. There are some good people here.

I've had an easier time making friends online over the years although it's still kind of hard for me too. Having people to reach out to online in the early 2000's in places like mental health chatrooms on MSN probably saved me a couple times at least because there was easy access to people who could relate and understand. I miss a lot of people I met online back then and lost contact with.

I've always lived in the Deep South so lt's been harder to find people who share my same beliefs and/or respect them even if they don't agree. I'm not even loud and vocal about those beliefs. When some have found out about me not really being in agreement with them their behavior towards me changes into a type not always exactly comfortable to be around.

I've been accused of being too nice quite a few times over the years. I so wish I could stand up for myself the way I did for my Mom when she needed someone to advocate for her. I either backdown too soon or what I want to say stays in my head and never escapes through my lips so I end up ruminating about all sorts of stuff while trying to go to sleep.

[Jaded]

5 hours ago, nokat said:

I've had anxiety lately and got prescribed benzos. I think I need something else. Apparently I am out of it with my eyes dilated. But then if I drink tea in the morning I'm almost high off of caffeine.

 

4 hours ago, nokat said:

I'm taking a generic form of Lexapro.

I also don't want anyone to feel lonely.

Ask about trying Buspirone next time you see who prescribes meds for you. It's not a benzo and has been found to have less side effects. From what I've seen on here over the years your one of the good people too.  You're important and deserve to be cared about too even if it may not feel like it sometimes. When we're not in good places mentally our brains like to lie to us to try to say otherwise.

[nokat]

1 hour ago, Jaded said:

You're important and deserve to be cared about too even if it may not feel like it sometimes. When we're not in good places mentally our brains like to lie to us to try to say otherwise.

Thank you for this.

[nokat]

I'm being serious about this. Read the labels. I accidentally mixed two.

[PRgal]

On 1/28/2023 at 1:29 PM, Jaded said:

I've had an easier time making friends online over the years although it's still kind of hard for me too. Having people to reach out to online in the early 2000's in places like mental health chatrooms on MSN probably saved me a couple times at least because there was easy access to people who could relate and understand. I miss a lot of people I met online back then and lost contact with.

I've always lived in the Deep South so lt's been harder to find people who share my same beliefs and/or respect them even if they don't agree. I'm not even loud and vocal about those beliefs. When some have found out about me not really being in agreement with them their behavior towards me changes into a type not always exactly comfortable to be around.

I've been accused of being too nice quite a few times over the years. I so wish I could stand up for myself the way I did for my Mom when she needed someone to advocate for her. I either backdown too soon or what I want to say stays in my head and never escapes through my lips so I end up ruminating about all sorts of stuff while trying to go to sleep.

I think it's hard no matter where you live these days. With the exception of a year in Bermuda (and not counting my undergrad years), I've lived ONLY in Toronto.  And lately, I feel like everything I say and do is wrong and not PC.  Not a fan of body art?  Oh, sorry, lady, you're not allowing people to express themselves (same if I said that I wasn't a fan of out-there hair colour or multiple piercings.  That's just the tamer issues...wait until we get to integration, diversity, etc.....oy vey!  Wait, am even allowed to say oy vey?  

[Bookish Jen]

Reading all off your mental health issues makes me feel less alone.

I've always dealt with depression and anxiety but I could keep the demons at bay.

Then several years ago, my life took a turn for the worse. I was laid off and was out of work for a very long time. A romantic relationship fell apart. Two of my friends ghosted me. My dad died. And once the pandemic, I went in a tailspin. I contemplated suicide. In the spring of 2020 I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a psych ward for a month.

While hospitalized, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. One of its symptoms is depression. I got on the right meds and went to therapy. I'm doing so much better now.

Still, I have my sad moments. I've been feeling bummed lately. It's been really cold for the past couple of weeks. I haven't been able to take walks outside and I haven't been to the gym due to the cold. Luckily it's going to be much warmer next week.

[PRgal]

So I'm still seeing the same therapist (he totally rocks!) for a check-in every three or so months.  A (somewhat former) friend recently criticized me, saying that I shouldn't be constantly seeing one.  Not quitting means the therapist isn't helping.  I like the idea of checking in.  And every three months is easier on my wallet than going every month.  It's still virtual, so it lowers my anxiety and it's easier for me - I don't have to rely on someone to drive me.  I still feel like I'm being criticized by my family for every move I make, including what I eat and how I feed my family.  I don't know if it's because my mom is getting older (it mostly comes from my mom.  My dad doesn't like it either, but he usually keeps his mouth shut) or what.  I'm just tired of hearing her tell me I'm not feeding my son enough and that's why he's so skinny.  He's thin because that's how he's built!

[RealHousewife]

On 2/2/2023 at 4:52 PM, PRgal said:

So I'm still seeing the same therapist (he totally rocks!) for a check-in every three or so months.  A (somewhat former) friend recently criticized me, saying that I shouldn't be constantly seeing one.  Not quitting means the therapist isn't helping.  I like the idea of checking in.  And every three months is easier on my wallet than going every month.  It's still virtual, so it lowers my anxiety and it's easier for me - I don't have to rely on someone to drive me.  I still feel like I'm being criticized by my family for every move I make, including what I eat and how I feed my family.  I don't know if it's because my mom is getting older (it mostly comes from my mom.  My dad doesn't like it either, but he usually keeps his mouth shut) or what.  I'm just tired of hearing her tell me I'm not feeding my son enough and that's why he's so skinny.  He's thin because that's how he's built!

It's crazy how our family and fiends often have no idea what's best for us. I've learned no one will look out for ourselves the way we can. 

I've personally felt happier since I stopped seeing my therapist, but it was good to have someone to talk to when I was really down. If I feel like I need someone to talk to again, I'll pick a different person. It's wonderful you found someone who "totally rocks." 

Also, as some of you may remember, I was pretty depressed for awhile. Life has gotten better and better for me, and I hope that gives anyone struggling here some hope. Please do not give up on the light at the end of the tunnel. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

On 2/4/2023 at 12:44 AM, RealHousewife said:

It's crazy how our family and fiends often have no idea what's best for us. I've learned no one will look out for ourselves the way we can. 

Very true. Ever since I got laid off it seems like everybody, whether my mom and dad, my Instagram friend or the big mouth in a Discord server I’m in, or the former coworker I haven’t even worked with in 10+ years, has an opinion as to where I should work, what jobs I should apply to, and/or what could be wrong with me that I didn’t get this job offer or that interview. It’s like they totally ignore that I am me with preferences and financial needs and that you know…I’m the person whose name will be on the resumes and any job offers. Yet they all act like they get a say and think they’ll know where I’ll do well.

Speaking of which I came here to post that I can’t take much more of being unemployed because now the stress of it is bleeding into my non-work life. I went to a small concert tonight and wanted to buy a shirt afterward. The card machine/reader they had on hand would not read my bank card for some reason and I almost started crying. Apparently my bank’s cards don’t work well with the reader. I just could not cope with something so simple like a machine not working. I almost lost it on the poor lady who kept swiping my card and saying she didn’t know what was going wrong. I should be able to take something like that in stride and I just couldn’t tonight.

I got irritated with my mom before too when she said we should go back to my apartment the day after I move out of it so we can clean. She doesn’t seem to get that landlords want you to clean before you move out, not come back the day after and fix up. But she just doesn’t listen. I told her I’d have to see if that’s even allowed under my lease terms. Nope. The fact that she lives in some fantasy land and wants to go back and clean after I move out is also enough to send me over the edge. 

[PRgal]

I'm very open about seeing a therapist.  Though I sometimes wonder what my family thinks.  Some must think it's bad to air dirty laundry like that.  Traditionally in many East Asian cultures, those with mental health issues are seen as being cursed/damaging to the family's reputation.  Harmony is a thing in Confucianist societies, so going to a therapist means you're throwing things off.  Funny, though.  The point of the therapist is to help you become MORE harmonious, no?  Because without the therapist, you'd be off.  Your family would be off.  It's like when you're making bread and the dough is too wet.  You don't still bake it - you add more flour.  So what if the bread is larger?  You need to make sure everything blends properly so you'd get good bread.

[nokat]

I opened up to a family member that I am now seeing a therapist and taking some meds, and it seems I'm getting more crazy responses in return. I've been supportive and suggesting therapy too because it has been helpful. I'm in a better mental place and I'm tired of a person who won't do it too and lashes out.

 

I now ghosted this sibling. It hurts my heart, but I just can't deal with it any more.

Edited February 11, 2023 by nokat

[shapeshifter]

54 minutes ago, nokat said:

I now ghosted this sibling. It hurts my heart, but I just can't deal with it any more.

I have to ghost my sister pretty regularly.

I don’t think she learns any better ways of communicating because of my ghosting, but it gives me a break. 
👻

[nokat]

5 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I have to ghost my sister pretty regularly.

I don’t think she learns any better ways of communicating because of my ghosting, but it gives me a break. 
👻

I found out about the resentment she has on the last phone call. I have a degree and she doesn't, like I had an easy time of it. I had one year paid for and then the rest was on me. I get sneered at because it took more than four years but I had to work during those years. If she wants that BA she can do it now. 

I don't have any children, so I'm supposed to set up a trust for her kids. No, money is going to shelters for humans and animals.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I don't have any children, so I'm supposed to set up a trust for her kids. No, money is going to shelters for humans and animals.

Might be interesting to see her reaction if you suggest that if you're around long enough to see her kids mature into adults with goals and values that align with yours, then you might consider writing them into your will or list them as beneficiaries (in the event of your passing) on your savings account(s).

You could just text/email her as much.👆

Edited February 11, 2023 by shapeshifter

[nokat]

May I add that I don't want to be the person that has to be the go between. Work your sh*t out. I have contact with your kids, but please can it not involve you.

2 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Might be interesting to see her reaction if you suggest that if you're around long enough to see her kids mature into adults with goals and values that align with yours, then you might consider writing them into your will or list them as beneficiaries (in the event of your passing) on your savings account(s).

You could just text/email her as much.👆

I actually asked her oldest to be an executor. It is a heavy burden. Oh, it is such a time of tip toeing through the family mess.

[nokat]

I might have sounded heartless above. Nobody is going to struggle if I can help.  I have contact with my lovely nieces who don't want to talk to their mom. 

We all need to sit down for therapy for different reasons.

[nokat]

I felt like an addict with how fast I sucked down a coca-cola. I don't usually drink soda, but it was like crack.

[nokat]

Any stress I feel goes to my stomach. I don't want a night of vomiting. It's painful.

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, nokat said:

Any stress I feel goes to my stomach. I don't want a night of vomiting. It's painful.

Stress would make my stomach tense, but my sister was/is the vomiting one. 
After 3 years of therapy and meds, my stomach doesn’t react; I “just” perspire and itch🙄
 

I don’t drink soda.   
Mom always told us we wouldn’t like it because it’s “fizzy,” LOL.  
I was into drinking soda briefly in my late teens when I lived in spaces with soda machines. Especially when upstairs in the summer with no AC. And wasn’t Mountain Dew addictively high in caffeine?
 

But I probably should get a can of ginger ale for an emergency.😉😳

Anyway, when I do feel nausea for whatever reason (suppressed stress maybe??)
I make ginger tea this way:

1. cut off a few slices of fresh ginger root   
   —hiding in the produce section next to the mushrooms — I guess because they’re the same size and color?🙃  
   A few inches costs 50 cents at the most
2. pour boiling water over the slices in a favorite mug or teacup 
3. let steep a couple of minutes 
4. remove pieces of ginger with a fork (sometimes save on a saucer for a second cupful)
5. Add a bit of honey

Or chamomile tea or peppermint tea.

I did about a year of Mindfulness therapy/training, but thinking about stuff is who I am, so…?

[nokat]

I took half of a benzo and I'm feeling it.. Wow that hit me hard.

[nokat]

8 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Or chamomile tea or peppermint tea.

I heard grapes are good for nausea. I had a glass of grape juice, and the nausea was gone.

[Bastet]

12 hours ago, nokat said:

Any stress I feel goes to my stomach.

Me too, especially if the stress is due to being nervous about something. 

6 hours ago, nokat said:

I took half of a benzo and I'm feeling it.. Wow that hit me hard.

I've been needing my Ativan lately, and I'm good on half a pill.

But, wow, the few times I've needed a whole one, I feel like I've taken a horse tranquilizer. 

[nokat]

So I emailed my brother. He is sounding healthy but my sister is still going mental. When do I step in? She's been showing paranoia and forgetting things we talk about. She is the oldest and has no contact with her daughters.

It is probably up to me to get her help.

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, nokat said:

So I emailed my brother. He is sounding healthy but my sister is still going mental. When do I step in? She's been showing paranoia and forgetting things we talk about. She is the oldest and has no contact with her daughters.

It is probably up to me to get her help.

Some day when I'm gone 2 of my daughters may be having to deal with their other sister that way. 😞

[nokat]

On 2/12/2023 at 3:00 PM, shapeshifter said:

Some day when I'm gone 2 of my daughters may be having to deal with their other sister that way. 😞

You want to help, but I don't know when to start calling care homes. She calls our work places if I don't answer a phone call soon enough. This can get you fired.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

You want to help, but I don't know when to start calling care homes. She calls our work places if I don't answer a phone call soon enough. This can get you fired.

You could just talk to someone at a place or two, and hear what the options and costs are. 
Based just on what happened with Mom (which was not so much a mental health issue as physical) I would suggest not rushing into anything. Changing course can be nearly impossible.

[nokat]

I've set up an appointment. Thank you.

[Cloud9Shopper]

Does anyone else struggle with catastrophizing? This is a long standing habit of mine and I don’t know how to stop, even when 99% of the time, I have catastrophized and none of the stuff I’ve fantasized about or predicted has come true. 

For example, today I’m starting a new job and I should be excited. And I am! But right now I’m stressed and still feeling the effects of being laid off a couple months ago. I have a probationary period in New Job and part of me can’t help but think, what if I fail it and lose a job again in a few months? What if I get fired or laid off for some other reason? I won’t be able to afford my new place again and will have to go back on unemployment. I can’t deal with the system anymore. (I think part of this fear comes from the fact that I really want to settle in a job and a place for the next few years and get my life back together, and I am freaked out something will happen that will ruin my goals.) 

Then yesterday I made a mistake filing my unemployment claim, it automatically got flagged and now I can’t get through to anyone to fix the mistake and talk about what happened. Even though this is my last weekly claim since I’m back at work today I have terrible thoughts like: They’ll catch it first and accuse me of fraud. I’ll have to explain I misunderstood the question and they won’t believe me even though I have a signed offer letter for a new job and lined up the freelance work before my layoff. I’ll have to pay back money and my new job will find out and fire me and I’ll have a criminal charge and may even have to go to jail. Not being able to get through on the phone line and needing to wait forever for an email reply is only intensifying these thoughts. 

I wish I could stop this! I’m supposed to be happy about my new job and new place and instead I am stressed and scared. If anyone has any tips for how to stop this or at least slow my anxiety I’d appreciate it. I think I should use my new benefits to get some counseling but other than that I’m not sure. I have even imagined frightening things on a smaller scale. Like every time my grandmother calls I automatically think “she’s calling to say my grandfather passed away” and then it turns out she’s inviting me to her house for lunch and everyone is fine. 

Edited February 27, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[supposebly]

I've been there and the pandemic made it worse. Therapy has helped.

I find this channel quite useful.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bS2LPNlO07s

[shapeshifter]

40 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

Does anyone else struggle with catastrophizing? This is a long standing habit of mine and I don’t know how to stop, even when 99% of the time, I have catastrophized and none of the stuff I’ve fantasized about or predicted has come true. 

For example, today I’m starting a new job and I should be excited. And I am! But right now I’m stressed and still feeling the effects of being laid off a couple months ago. I have a probationary period in New Job and part of me can’t help but think, what if I fail it and lose a job again in a few months? What if I get fired or laid off for some other reason? I won’t be able to afford my new place again and will have to go back on unemployment. I can’t deal with the system anymore. (I think part of this fear comes from the fact that I really want to settle in a job and a place for the next few years and get my life back together, and I am freaked out something will happen that will ruin my goals.) 

Then yesterday I made a mistake filing my unemployment claim, it automatically got flagged and now I can’t get through to anyone to fix the mistake and talk about what happened. Even though this is my last weekly claim since I’m back at work today I have terrible thoughts like: They’ll catch it first and accuse me of fraud. I’ll have to explain I misunderstood the question and they won’t believe me even though I have a signed offer letter for a new job and lined up the freelance work before my layoff. I’ll have to pay back money and my new job will find out and fire me and I’ll have a criminal charge and may even have to go to jail. Not being able to get through on the phone line and needing to wait forever for an email reply is only intensifying these thoughts. 

I wish I could stop this! I’m supposed to be happy about my new job and new place and instead I am stressed and scared. If anyone has any tips for how to stop this or at least slow my anxiety I’d appreciate it. I think I should use my new benefits to get some counseling but other than that I’m not sure. I have even imagined frightening things on a smaller scale. Like every time my grandmother calls I automatically think “she’s calling to say my grandfather passed away” and then it turns out she’s inviting me to her house for lunch and everyone is fine. 

I do a lot of catastrophizing too. I vaguely recall the first time I heard the term when I was visiting my parents around the 1980s or 90s and my Dad told me to "stop catastrophizing!" I had some therapy a few years ago that used Mindfullness Meditation. I'm sure there are podcasts you could listen to. 

I will watch this video a little later:

1 minute ago, supposebly said:

I've been there and the pandemic made it worse. Therapy has helped.

I find this channel quite useful.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bS2LPNlO07s

[BlueSkies]

Sort of venting here.  Throughout my life and even today my mom repeatedly told me she didn't want me to grow up like my aunt.  She never left home, never married, and never had kids.  She's been employed but more often than not it's been part time work.  She qualifies for a lot of lower income support.  Affordable care Act, medicaid, etc......

 

 

I hear where my mom came from but I still live at home, never had kids, never married, never been in a relationship, poor self esteem, and well I save the whole sob story.  I've been able to work full time though.  But more often then not I feel stressed out by it and just retreat in my room after work for hours and just sit in silence.   I have a job interfacing with people and well I'm not very social by nature.

 

It feels like my whole mission in life is not to be like my aunt so to speak.  But I mean I doubt she has nearly all the mental health shit I struggle with.  So what's so bad about her lifestyle?  Most days I dont have much motivation either 

[Cloud9Shopper]

A cross between work and mental health. Having to work in a call center again is making me a really bitter person and depressed all over again. I even threw out everything I still had from a leadership development program because I believed it was worthless since I have a job anyone could probably get anyway. I also trashed my college diploma a few years back (I was a receptionist at a law firm and had a bad day and now I don’t even remember what the problem was…difficult client maybe but who knows beyond that). The stupid breaking point this morning was me needing to reschedule my hair appointment because I got assigned to work the same day as the appointment and I did not know when I booked that I would be put on the work schedule. It pissed me off because I had to find another salon to begin with and now I have to rebook again when every spot is getting filled up fast. 

I was sitting around last night and this morning telling myself that I’m too stupid to work anywhere else but a call center (otherwise a job in my field would have hired me), my education is worthless, and I have no special talents that mean anything to anyone. I had bad days in my last two jobs too but since they were not call center I went with the flow easier and didn’t self-destruct. (Although job hunting was stressful when I was trying to leave two jobs ago.) I know I shouldn’t tie a job to my mental health but I want to be proud of my work and feel more equal to my peers in the leadership program. My career is very important to me, and having a call center job while my peers and family have jobs with more freedom and don’t get why I’m not exactly happy makes me feel inferior to them. (And forgive me but I also feel like saying to them, if you think a call center job sounds like a good deal, why aren’t you applying to them? I guess they realize they could never do it!)

Edited April 5, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[BlueSkies]

8 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

A cross between work and mental health. Having to work in a call center again is making me a really bitter person and depressed all over again. I even threw out everything I still had from a leadership development program because I believed it was worthless since I have a job anyone could probably get anyway. I also trashed my college diploma a few years back (I was a receptionist at a law firm and had a bad day and now I don’t even remember what the problem was…difficult client maybe but who knows beyond that). The stupid breaking point this morning was me needing to reschedule my hair appointment because I got assigned to work the same day as the appointment and I did not know when I booked that I would be put on the work schedule. It pissed me off because I had to find another salon to begin with and now I have to rebook again when every spot is getting filled up fast. 

I was sitting around last night and this morning telling myself that I’m too stupid to work anywhere else but a call center (otherwise a job in my field would have hired me), my education is worthless, and I have no special talents that mean anything to anyone. I had bad days in my last two jobs too but since they were not call center I went with the flow easier and didn’t self-destruct. (Although job hunting was stressful when I was trying to leave two jobs ago.) I know I shouldn’t tie a job to my mental health but I want to be proud of my work and feel more equal to my peers in the leadership program. My career is very important to me, and having a call center job while my peers and family have jobs with more freedom and don’t get why I’m not exactly happy makes me feel inferior to them. (And forgive me but I also feel like saying to them, if you think a call center job sounds like a good deal, why aren’t you applying to them? I guess they realize they could never do it!)

I completely emphasize.  Many days I really wonder what was even the point of going to university.  

 

A call center job sounds very hard... I could never do it.

 

Hang in there 

[EtheltoTillie]

Aw, sorry, @Cloud9Shopper about your hair appointment after all that discussion a couple of weeks ago about switching!  Surely there's somewhere else you could go for an appointment?  Any walk-in type salons nearby for your next day off? 

Hang in there.  Sending positive vibes, or whatever. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

9 minutes ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Aw, sorry, @Cloud9Shopper about your hair appointment after all that discussion a couple of weeks ago about switching!  Surely there's somewhere else you could go for an appointment?  Any walk-in type salons nearby for your next day off? 

Hang in there.  Sending positive vibes, or whatever. 

Thank you. :) I was able to get the appointment rescheduled to this Thursday so all’s well that ends well!

I’m still feeling a bit down about the work stuff and am considering researching career coaches. I know they come in all stripes and some aren’t that great but you can say the same about people in any profession. There are bad lawyers, doctors and dentists too…I’ll just do my research and try to find coaches that take free or low cost consults before doing anything big. 

Edited April 11, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[Spartan Girl]

On 2/27/2023 at 9:40 AM, Cloud9Shopper said:

Does anyone else struggle with catastrophizing?

All. The. Time.

And it’s only gotten worse since the pandemic.

For example, the sinusitis/allergy coughing I’ve been dealing with since December has affected me mentally. It hasn’t helped that the 5-day supply of oral steroids I’ve been taking might be giving me insomnia—either that or the Zyrtec. I just want the coughing to stop, not flare up intermittently and the fact that nothing I’ve tried has made a lasting impact as of now is wearing on my nerves. And while I’m waiting for my doctor to take the next step, I catastrophize by looking up shit on the internet that immediately takes me to the worse case scenario of needing some kind of surgery. 

Mom: Well, your mindset is only making things worse!

Yeah, that’s not helping. My mindset would be fine if it just went away. 

As you can imagine, this wears on my mom too because she can’t give me any answers  and I wind up snapping at her it she snaps at me…

I’m just scared I’m going to be stuck with this the rest of my life. And the fact that I’m always scared of getting covid when it seems like everyone else is getting it and nobody gives a shit about exposing others doesn’t help either.

 

[nokat]

3 minutes ago, Spartan Girl said:

Mom: Well, your mindset is only making things worse!

Yeah, that’s not helping. My mindset would be fine if it just went away. 

Yes to this^. Anyone with chronic pain or a chronic health issue can get frustrated and depressed. Get rid of the issue and surprise, our mindset improves!

I hope you can get relief, and you may have to decide if you can face surgery if it improves the quality of your life. What you are going through has to be miserable.

[Spartan Girl]

15 minutes ago, nokat said:

Yes to this^. Anyone with chronic pain or a chronic health issue can get frustrated and depressed. Get rid of the issue and surprise, our mindset improves!

I hope you can get relief, and you may have to decide if you can face surgery if it improves the quality of your life. What you are going through has to be miserable.

Well the only thing that’s really making it miserable is the fact that it’s gone on so long. And I’m sick of being scared into thinking it’s covid only to have a negative test.

The doctor didn’t tell me I had nasal polyps last time I was there, so I don’t know if I need surgery. Like I said, I catastrophize. And yes, I know I should listen to my mother and not look stuff up on the internet instead of just trusting my doctor. I just want it to stop.

And all my anxieties just makes me feel more of a burden to my parents because they hate it when I get like this, constantly as both worrying about people wearing masks or crowds, etc. It drives them crazy I know. And I’m in therapy but that only does so much; “focus on the things you can control” but there’s too much I can’t control to my liking.

I often wonder if I would have made any progress if this pandemic never happened.