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Baskets Quotes: Mad Clown Love!

ElectricBoogaloo

By ElectricBoogaloo
in Baskets [V]

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ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

(edited)

I wish I had remembered to do this while watching the first episode because the drink conversation at the drive thru window killed me.

Cowboy: This guy tried to use the cowboy toilet. Clowns piss outside!

Juggs: Mad clown love!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade
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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Chip: Jealousy doesn't look good on you, Martha. Nor does that dress.

 

Christine: They date so many models. They go through women like I go through cheese.

 

Christine: Get me a glass of Kirkland and a Klondike bar, kid.

 

Christine: Your girlfriend is having a mental breakdown.

Chip: She's not my girlfriend.

Christine: Oh, you're gonna disown her because she has one psychotic break?

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ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

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(edited)

Chip: I'll have the number 57, please.
Waiter: Sir, that's the price.
Chip: In that case, I'll have a number 4.
Waiter: A carrot.
Chip: Yes.

Chip: Penelope, I have a question to ask you.
Penelope: Oh. Oh no. So embarrassing.
Chip: Will you marry me?
Penelope: ....
Chip: Are you thinking about it?
Penelope: Barely.
Chip: Darling, listen to me. I've run out of money. I kind of need to go home.
Penelope: Where is home?
Chip: Bakersfield. California. In the sunshine state.
Penelope: Okay. I'll marry you. Okay, look. You must understand. I don't love you. I don't think you're very attractive. But I want to go to America, get green card. But then when I maybe find a different guy that is better looking, I go with him and I leave you.

Drive thru: Welcome to Que Rico. Can I take your order?
Martha: What do you want?
Chip: Uh, tangerine Fanta, please.
Martha: Um, tangerine Fanta, please.
Drive thru: Uh, we do not have that.
Martha: Um, they do not have that.
Chip: Tab is fine.
Martha: Um, just a Tab then.
Drive thru: No.
Martha: No.
Chip: Pepsi Lime.
Martha: Pepsi Lime?
Drive thru: We have Coke.
Martha: They have Coke
Chip: New or classic?
Martha: Is it new or classic?
Drive thru: Just regular Coke.
Chip: Okay, Schweppe's then. Schweppe's.
Martha: Okay, just a Schweppe's then.
Drive thru: Did you say Schweppe's?
Martha: Schweppe's?
Chip: Schweppe's.
Martha: Yeah, Schweppe's.
Drive thru: You're breaking up. Say it one more time.
Martha & Chip: Schweppe's.
Drive thru: Sorry, I heard two people.
Martha: Okay, Schweppe's.
Drive thru: Say it again?
Chip: Schweppe's! It's a Schweppe's! Can I be over there please? You don't know what you're doing.
[Martha backs up and turns the car around]
Drive thru: Welcome to Que Rico. Can I take your order?
Chip: Do you have any milk water like a Yoo Hoo?
Drive thru: We don't have that.
Chip: Anything from the Slice family?
Drive thru: Don't have it.
Chip: Anything from the Welch's family
Drive thru: No.
Chip: Do you have anything that has any kind of Baja blast in it whether it be Mountain Dew, Pepsi, anything?
Drive thru: Again, no, sir.
Chip: I'll just take a water then.

Ben: I'm in town until harvest.
Chip: Oh, you're a farmer. What do you farm? Dirt?
Ben: No, no, we do almonds, apricots, beans, cabbage, cantaloupe, carrots, citrus, cotton, flax seed, grapes, hay, honeydew, lettuce, nectarines - I got more nectarines. You want a nectarine?
Chip: I'm okay.
Ben: Peaches, plums, rose plants, and watermelon.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade
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ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

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(edited)

Dale: Who keeps putting Twizzlers in the fridge?

Christine: That's our second Arby's in town. Some say it's better, the fries are curlier, though I wouldn't know. I'm loyal to the original.

Chip: Crystal, you're really favoring your mom these days. You look very Chinese.
Crystal: Our mom's Filipino.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade
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straightshooter

straightshooter

I died when Mrs. Baskets threw the huge amount of acid reducer into the cart during the Costco trip.  

 

Christine:   Do you have multi-packs in France?

 

Penelope:  I don't think we take so much medication in France, like you do. 

 

Christine:  Ah, well that's a shame.

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straightshooter

straightshooter

I wish I could remember the exact words, but Chip in the car with Martha:

 

"There's someone I want to talk to now more than you."

Got it!  

 

Chip: Hey, Martha?

 

Martha: Yeah?

 

Chip:  Can I ask you a really important question?

 

Martha:  Sure!

 

Chip:  Can I use your phone?  There's someone else I'd rather talk to.

 

Martha:  Yeah, sure - it's in my purse.  

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straightshooter

straightshooter

(edited)

I also loved this, just before he asks about using her phone, and eventually inspiring his need to use it -

 

M: Did you have a nice time today?

 

C: Uh, yeah.  I guess I did.  Why?

 

M: Well, I just thought you seemed really at home with those girls.

 

C; Martha, that was my brother's home.  I think you're confused because we look the same.  He's my twin.  

Edited by straightshooter
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ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

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(edited)

Eddie: I've been seeing you mope around lately, dragging your sad sickness behind you like a turd on a string.

Eddie: Can you unicycle?
Chip: No.
Eddie: Can you rope an ass?
Chip: No, I've never done that.
Eddie: Yeah, people love a good roped ass. A well roped ass. My ex-wife sure did.
Chip: Wait, what did you mean by roped ass in that instance?
Eddie: Donkey.

Dale: You have ruined our buttocks.

Dale: Here's a fun fact. By the 1960s. a volleyball court had become standard issue at most nudist colonies. That's from Wikipedia so you know it's true.

Dale: Chip, do you have any idea how hard it is to watch somebody that looks just like me make a complete pussy whistle out of himself?
Chip: Yes.

Cody & Logan: Everyone, we got invited to have pre-show hot dogs with the Chemical Brothers.

Christine: Let me get my camera. I need a picture.
Logan & Cody: You don't need to do that. Don't sweat it, mom. We'll send you some selfies.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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ElectricBoogaloo

ElectricBoogaloo

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(edited)

Martha: Hey, Eddie, where are we going?
Eddie: To get some cowboy justice.
Martha: Okay, but where? If I put it in my map, we can-
Eddie: Down the road, there's a big tree on the right and you turn left.
Martha: Do you have like an address? Because if you do it's easier to set it and forget it with an actual number.
[hilarious partly because one of my friends once gave me directions like this and when I got to the street that allegedly had this big tree to mark where I should turn, I saw the entire street was lined with huge trees]

Eddie: Pull over. I gotta pee.
Martha: Okay. Is that code for something?

Thelma: Careful of that bourbon, honey. It's meaner than Willie Nelson on a good day.
Martha: Is Willie Nelson mean?
Thelma: You're so young you wouldn't know. Willie Nelson, one of the most dangerous singer-songwriters that ever traveled these United States. Isn't that so?
Eddie: That is. That's so.
Thelma: And he's a dirty fighter.
Eddie: That's so too.
Martha: Well on his CD he looks really nice in his picture.
Chip: That's all smoke and mirrors. This is the real Willie Nelson she's talking about.
Thelma: Willie Nelson's the one that messed up Roy Orbison's eyes. Threw cocaine right in them.
Chip: You're kidding! Martha, shhhh.
Thelma: That's how a dirty fighter does it. They throw cocaine in your eyes.
Chip: Poor Roy.
Thelma: Don't you worry about Roy Orbison. Roy got his own, didn't he?
Eddie: He did.

Thelma: So where y'all headed?
Chip: We're going to go with Eddie to kill one of his employees.
[Thelma laughs]
Thelma: Same old Eddie.

Chip: Do you mind giving us five more minutes before you begin sexing?

Police: You haven't been drinking, have you?
Martha: Oh, uh, no. If I were drinking, I'd be a lot more confident right now.

Martha: Hey, Eddie, when this is done, I was thinking maybe we could go to breakfast. IHOP has the rooty tooty fresh and fruity. However, Denny's has the grand slam and they have the moons over my hammy. And then it's also, I think it's bacon night at Denny's.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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SWLinPHX

SWLinPHX

(edited)

Does anyone remember this exchange where Christine comes to bail Chip out of jail?

CHRISTINE: You know, Chip, I provide a house for you. I give you food. I give you money. I brought - I bought you tennis shoes. I paid for your clown college.

CHIP: I don't know what to tell you, Mom. I'm a millennial.

Would you consider Chip a Millennial?  Isn't he more of a Gen-X'er?  Seems like he's much older but trying to make excuses for his irresponsibility.

Edited by SWLinPHX
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justjen

justjen

My boyfriend's new favorite thing is to just say, "Chiiiiip!" in Christine's voice at unpredictable/annoying times. I hear it in my sleep, I hear it when the air conditioner whines itself on, I hear it right now.

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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Martha: He is very beautiful, and I don't trust that in a person.

**

Chip: Wait, you can just leave work?

Martha: Yes, it's my day off. I only came in to make long distance calls.

**

Christine: Martha, enough about your personal life! Less talking, more sewing!

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