CletusMusashi April 13, 2014 Share April 13, 2014 (edited) I mean, obviously, most of the threads here contain jokes. But I'm talking about real, old-school, formulaic jokey-jokes. How many Lannisters does it take to screw a lightbulb? Lots of them, but Cersei isn't the brightest lightbulb... :Knock, knock." Who's there?" "Arya." "Arya who?" "Arya gonna to give me one of those chickens, or do I have to stick Needle in your eye?" Why is King Joffrey like a sandwich? Because he's in bread. Heard any others? Edited April 13, 2014 by CletusMusashi 1 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/
Constantinople April 13, 2014 Share April 13, 2014 The punch lines aren't actual spoilers, just a way of telling the joke Why is Daenerys still in Essos? She's dragon ass How many Half Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Even Tyrion's too tall to screw in a lightbulb Why don't the Unsullied play games? They've got no balls What did Drogo's one night stand tell him the day after? Khal me Why is little Theon still so stiff? What is dead may never die Why was Jon Snow remorseful? He's had Ygrittes. 4 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-33911
Constantinople April 15, 2014 Share April 15, 2014 Once again, punch lines are in spoiler tags, but no actual spoilers When did the rumor start that Daenerys was a man? When she got her drag on Why do people say Joffrey loved Magaery? He choked-up at the reception Why are the Brotherhood no longer welcome at the inn? They left a big hot pie What did Merle from The Walking Dead say to a Walker? Wight Power What did Bolton's bannerman say when Jaime was thirsty? Urine luck. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the fuck away from the Hound, obviously 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-36589
CletusMusashi April 15, 2014 Author Share April 15, 2014 Knock knock? Whos there? Dire wolf. Dire wolf who? Dire wolf black and the Watch'll have to start paying him. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-36720
CletusMusashi April 18, 2014 Author Share April 18, 2014 (edited) I am embarrassed to admit that I liked some of these: (especially the Jon Snow one.) Oh, what the hell. As long as I'm here... Knock, knock. Who's there? Pycelle. Pycelle who? Pie selling a lot cheaper since that wedding fiasco. Edited April 18, 2014 by CletusMusashi 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-40165
Constantinople April 18, 2014 Share April 18, 2014 Why do people pinch their nose around Bran? He has a strong Hodor about him Why doens't Oberyn take it personally when people tell him tough luck? They keep telling him to pound sand Why do Iron Islanders refuse to pay the gold price? They're pyrite Why did Ramsay pretend to free Theon? It was another snow job . 3 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-40866
Constantinople April 21, 2014 Share April 21, 2014 Why did Joffrey stop drinking wine? He had a bier instead As always, the punchline is not an actual spoiler. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-43189
Constantinople April 21, 2014 Share April 21, 2014 Why did Joffrey open a gladiator school? He's really a lanista Why don't the Unsullied brag about their exploits? They're not cocky 3 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-43478
CletusMusashi April 21, 2014 Author Share April 21, 2014 I like your spoiler trick. I'm using it too. Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use Twitter? Because he's killed all 140 characters. 8 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-43593
Constantinople April 24, 2014 Share April 24, 2014 What does the king say to blow someone off? Talk to the Hand 3 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-47599
Guest April 25, 2014 Share April 25, 2014 Why isn't Winter coming? Winterfell and it can't get up Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-48061
CletusMusashi April 25, 2014 Author Share April 25, 2014 Why doesn't Salladhor Saan buy corn on the cob? It costs a buck an ear. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-48089
Pagali May 4, 2014 Share May 4, 2014 In honor of #Maythe4thBeWithYou day... 6 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-59915
Lady S. May 7, 2014 Share May 7, 2014 Gems stolen from tumblr: What does Roose Bolton say if someone falls down the stairs? "The bannisters send their regards." Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? When they put two twins together, they make a king. How many Starks does it take to change a light bulb? 3. 1 to angst about the honor of changing a light bulb and the duty to do so, 1 to screw a light bulb from Volantis instead, and 1 to warn Queen Cersei first so she can install her own, evil light bulb. Why did Ygritte think Jon Snow had some sexual experience? He told her about the Fist of the First Men. 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-63591
CletusMusashi May 7, 2014 Author Share May 7, 2014 (edited) Wow. ETA: OK, I've got one. How does Robin keep up on current events? Lysa keeps him abreast. Edited May 7, 2014 by CletusMusashi 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-63762
CletusMusashi May 14, 2014 Author Share May 14, 2014 Why did Cersei have Sansa's wolf killed? Because the show isn't big enough for two giant bitches. Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-72841
CletusMusashi May 22, 2014 Author Share May 22, 2014 (edited) What did Danaerys say to the masters of Mereen? I'm getting very cross with you. What was the final proof that Lysa was crazy? She fell for Littlefinger. What was Tyrion's main job responsibility as Master of Sewers? Slapping the shit out of Joffrey. Edited May 22, 2014 by CletusMusashi Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-84124
CletusMusashi June 9, 2014 Author Share June 9, 2014 (edited) Well, since he didn't get any screen time this week, I'm at least giving him a joke: What did The Hound say to the Braavosi sausage vendor? What the fuck's salami? ETA: "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Jon Arryn." "Jon Arryn who?" "Jon Arryn out for a while after The Hound used it." Edited June 11, 2014 by CletusMusashi Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-116439
Meredith Quill February 7, 2015 Share February 7, 2015 3 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-799461
Constantinople April 13, 2015 Share April 13, 2015 Why did Varys let Tyrion out of the crate? So he could think outside the box No actual spoilers - just putting covering-up the punchline. 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-1031415
WicketyWack April 14, 2015 Share April 14, 2015 Made this on a meme generator last week when it was National Siblings Day. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-1033307
CletusMusashi April 14, 2015 Author Share April 14, 2015 Again, no actual spoilers: How did Bran Stark get into Littlefinger's brothel? He used a ho door. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-1033504
Constantinople June 14, 2016 Share June 14, 2016 Three lords walk into a tavern-- a Stark, a Martell, and a Lannister. They order ale, but when the barkeep brings them over, each of them finds a fly in his cup. The Stark punishes the barkeep for failing in his duty. The Martell shows the barkeep how to prevent flies from ending up in the cup and then makes mad passionate love to him all night long. The Lannister brutally murders the barkeep, the barkeep's family and everyone in the surrounding villages. 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2328368
Maximum Taco June 15, 2016 Share June 15, 2016 Three holy men walk into a bar, a Faceless Man, a Red Priest and the High Septon. They order wine but when the barkeep brings them over each finds a fly in the cup The High Septon charges the barkeep with heresy and his him tried before seven septons. The Faceless man assassinates the barkeep, takes his face and pours himself a flyless cup of wine. The Red Priest resurrects the fly with the light of the Lord and calmly downs the glass. 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2330083
paigow June 17, 2016 Share June 17, 2016 2 Khals walk into a bar... Each orders a mug of goat blood but each mug has a fly in it. Khal #1 is so enraged that he did not get an extra fly as a show of respect,,,he kills the bartender Khal #2 takes advantage of the distraction to steal the fly from Khal #1 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2333814
CletusMusashi June 20, 2016 Author Share June 20, 2016 The Mountain, The Hound, and The Viper walk into a bar. Blah blah blah, order wine, yadda yadda, each one discovers a fly. The Mountain crushes it like a beetle, goes into a 'roid rage, and massacres everyone on the left. The Hound quaffs his drink obliviously, says something about chickens, and massacres everyone on the right. The Viper drinks his wine, smiles, and begins to unzip the fly... 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2340660
Constantinople June 27, 2016 Share June 27, 2016 (edited) As always, no actual spoilers, just punchlines in the spoilers. Why does Jaime suspect Cersei cheated on him? Spoiler She blew everyone in town Why doesn't anyone like Arya's cooking? Spoiler She's all thumbs in the kitchen. Why do people love the Tyrells? Spoiler They're a blast Why do people think Tommen was nervous on the day of the trial? Spoiler He was a little jumpy Edited June 27, 2016 by Constantinople 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2361748
paigow June 30, 2016 Share June 30, 2016 How did the High Sparrow lose his job? Too easy....... Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2369314
Harald Hardrada June 30, 2016 Share June 30, 2016 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-2371272
avawilliam July 11, 2017 Share July 11, 2017 On 14/4/2014 at 3:08 AM, CletusMusashi said: I mean, obviously, most of the threads here contain jokes. But I'm talking about real, old-school, formulaic jokey-jokes. How many Lannisters does it take to screw a lightbulb? Lots of them, but Cersei isn't the brightest lightbulb... :Knock, knock." Who's there?" "Arya." "Arya who?" "Arya gonna to give me one of those chickens, or do I have to stick Needle in your eye?" Why is King Joffrey like a sandwich? Because he's in bread. Heard any others? 1 Yup you are right Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3447023
Lady S. July 13, 2017 Share July 13, 2017 What would Jaime Lannister do if he'd taken the throne instead of Cersei? Spoiler King Jaime's first act would be to find a new King's Hand. How did Olly feel on the scaffold, after the mutiny against Jon failed? Spoiler He had no rygrittes. 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3453207
CletusMusashi July 21, 2017 Author Share July 21, 2017 What do you call a dwarf in a cold swimming pool? Peter Shrinkage. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3476995
Lady S. July 21, 2017 Share July 21, 2017 4 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3477404
Lady S. July 26, 2017 Share July 26, 2017 What was Theon thinking when he jumped overboard? "Euron your own, Yara!" 4 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3493118
Constantinople July 31, 2017 Share July 31, 2017 Why were viewers confused by Missandei and Greyworm's sex scene? Spoiler Everyone thought Missandei was the cunning linguist Sorry, couldn't resist As always, no spoilers, just using the spoiler tag to hide the punchline. 5 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3506225
CletusMusashi August 2, 2017 Author Share August 2, 2017 How did Ygritte make a snowman? Spoiler By playing with snowballs. 2 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3512044
Lady S. August 7, 2017 Share August 7, 2017 (Bts pics, no actual spoilers.) Spoiler 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3526441
ennui August 10, 2017 Share August 10, 2017 3 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3537916
Bcharmer August 12, 2017 Share August 12, 2017 This isn't a joke, per se.... but I'm a sucker for visual puns, and I just had to make this. 4 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3542691
Bcharmer August 24, 2017 Share August 24, 2017 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3577681
Lady S. September 1, 2017 Share September 1, 2017 (This is a terrible joke worthy of a 13yo. I apologize in advance.) Why did people keep thinking that the sea can't stop the white walkers? Spoiler They must have heard that Winter would be cumming onboard Dany's ship. 1 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3600583
The Companion September 5, 2017 Share September 5, 2017 2 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-3612320
CletusMusashi April 19, 2019 Author Share April 19, 2019 (edited) To the tune of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas:" I want a bunch of elephants to kill with Only a bunch of elephants will do Ships bring no glee, nor does the cavalry I want a bunch of elephants to crush the enemy I want a bunch of elephants to kill with I don't care if the rebels mind, do you? I guess they need a saddle but they never need a shoe To tromp over my enemies and stomp them into poo I can see them in our final season Marching everywhere And my revenge will be so sweet When I look beneath their feet To see my traitor brothers trampled there I want a bunch of elephants to kill with Only a bunch of elephants will do No hairy wolves, no fugly dragons Those only side with Starks and slut Targaryans! With elephants my house could have friends too! Qyburn says that elephants cost a lot to feed Mountain says a horsey's not cut out to be his steed There's lots of room for them to poop on the dead sparrow's lawn And if they see a shame nun they'll just poop on her and yawn I can see them crushing wights and dragons Trumpeting with joy And they will be so great While I use this dumb pirate To legitimize my third incest boy I want a bunch of elephants to kill with Only a bunch of elephants will do Why form alliances with tact and/or intelligence? I'd rather kill everyone with elephants! And, frankly, Mountain just wants one to screw! Edited April 22, 2019 by CletusMusashi Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-5223208
CletusMusashi April 20, 2019 Author Share April 20, 2019 I wish I could do something more season-appropriate. For example: Here come Cersei's elephants Stomping down the dumb peasants Never mind that the damn Night King's on his way... Unfortunately, a few Easters ago that Peter Cottontail thing was so extensively re-imagined by a lady on the Walking Dead forum that I can't even hear the original in my head any more, so it would feel like doing a parody of a parody. I do hope the writers get into the spirit of the season, though. Kind of like when Tyrion gave Tywin a shiny new crossbow bolt for Father's day. Maybe it'll turn out the dragons hid some eggs. Or they have to infiltrate the Night King's army by hiding inside a large wooden rabbit, because the large wooden badger was not available. Or maybe The Hound will actually have to Family-Guy-style battle a fucking roomful of giant fucking marshmallow fucking chickens. Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-5224759
Constantinople May 29, 2019 Share May 29, 2019 King Bran 2 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-5333792
Nashville May 29, 2019 Share May 29, 2019 (edited) Bran Studmuffin? Edited May 31, 2019 by Nashville Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-5333851
zandy margoon October 16, 2023 Share October 16, 2023 I love the GOT jokes they made my day 😁 If there’s one thing you can count on in the Game of Thrones, it’s that the wedding invitations are more like death sentences. Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-8177743
waqassaeed01 March 10, 2024 Share March 10, 2024 (edited) On 10/16/2023 at 7:21 PM, zandy margoon said: I love the GOT jokes they made my day 😁 If there’s one thing you can count on in the Game of Thrones, it’s that the wedding invitations are more like death sentences. Delighted to hear that the GOT jokes brought joy to your day! When it comes to Game of thrones you can always rely on wedding invitations doubling as ominous predictions of impending doom. 😁 Edited March 11, 2024 by waqassaeed01 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-8309129
waqassaeed01 March 11, 2024 Share March 11, 2024 On 10/16/2023 at 7:21 PM, zandy margoon said: I love the GOT jokes they made my day 😁 If there’s one thing you can count on in the Game of Thrones, it’s that the wedding invitations are more like death sentences. Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-8310748
waqassaeed01 March 11, 2024 Share March 11, 2024 (edited) On 4/16/2014 at 12:05 AM, CletusMusashi said: Knock knock? Whos there? Dire wolf. Dire wolf who? Dire wolf black and the Watch'll have to start paying him. Delighted to hear that the GOT jokes brought joy to your day! When it comes to Game of thrones you can always rely on wedding invitations doubling as ominous predictions of impending doom. 😁 Edited March 11, 2024 by waqassaeed01 Link to comment https://forums.primetimer.com/topic/4863-got-jokes/#findComment-8310751
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