S01.E07: Hit Me With Your Best Shot

[OnceSane]

Quote

The housewives are regrouping in Auckland after the Port Douglas fallout.  In an attempt to lighten the mood, Michelle takes Anne to a hip hop class. Angela has a special photo shoot and Julia invites the others to another kind of shoot.

[queenjen]

I stopped counting after Anne did her annoying giggle after a dozen times. I don't think anyone at all, including production, missed the staggering hypocrisy of lecturing about animal cruelty, boycotting the clay pigeon shooting, feeding the Parnell pussies (heh, heh, heh)  etc whilst carrying a snakeskin leather handbag and never missing an opportunity to leave the house in a fur coat. Even the rocket scientists in this bunch, Julia first among equals, picked up on the cognitive dissonance. Anne says that it's alright for her to be an animal rights activist and wear fur because she inherited her fur, poor thing. Anne tucks into a fish lunch after boycotting clay pigeon shooting whilst making remarks about how none of her fellow hos could slit their meal's throat or skin it. Anne says that it's alright to wear a FOX fur, because they are going to die anyway, they're lesser animals because they are pests. Like rabbits and possums, as Michelle helpfully adds. Anne is batshit crazy and maybe gets a pass only because of this. I also get the feeling she doesn't much like children (never had any), and she intends to mix her own ashes with those of her cremated pussies (heh, heh, heh). Oh, and shooting is ok provided it's shooting at a FIXED target, not a moving one, because a moving one is like practicing for shooting at real animals.  Yup. 

Louise and Gilda are the only house hos in this franchise who really pique my interest. Louise presents as a real human being. I was actually moved when she was turned down for the acting role she auditioned for, and watching her go through the process of being knocked back and coming to terms with it was relatable. She took it like a trooper and she didn't go all Angela and preach some hokey half baked self help nonsense. Which is a relief, because the back end of this episode was ALL about Angela Stone and her latest schill venture (ANOTHER book!!!!) where she preaches her version of 'being real'. This woman's delusion pips Anne's at the post. When she AGAIN upstaged someone else's event to promote her One Amazonian Woman crusade to restyle the world in her image - a prospect that is so staggering in it's lack of appeal that the other ho's are again seen giving side eye and reaching for alcoholic bevvies - another of her many THs has her completely misread their reaction yet again. In Angela's eyes, the ladies are really coming around to her world view! I think the word she was searching for and never found was 'authentic'. So she's written another self help book about finding one's 'authentic self'. Except she's obviously done no market research, despite also being the gun business woman she claims to be, and hasn't yet heard of this quite tired concept. Her exploited French PA, Lea, will probably bear the brunt of the consequences when the book goes the same way as 'Switch the Bitch'.  I'd borrow it from the library for shits and giggles, but not for any kind of advice. I really did feel my gorge rise at her photo shoot for the cover. Not because we were all exposed to way too much naked Angela, who is a whole lot of woman in the way LuAnne Delasepps is a whole lot of woman, except that Angela is creepy, 'intunse' and weirds everyone around her totally out, no, it was because her 'artsy' Scottish photographer was shooting every cliche in the photography manual: Angela kneeling on a bed in a men's white shirt (the shirt must have been truly enormous to look oversized on Angela, who is never naturally going to achieve the boyfriend look), click, Angela lounging on a bed in a satin outfit, click and worst of all, Angela exposing herself. Not her body, as she tells us, she feels she has mind melded with her photographer and they have reached a mutual spiritual consensus to expose Angela's soul by sitting her naked in a bath blowing bubbles at a camera. Because that it so original and will really stand out on the self help shelf. I can't wait.

The best part of Angela yet again upstaging the feral orc nosed racist Julia at her lunch was Gilda, gun shade slinger, casually mentioning that her own SECOND book was being launched in 3 weeks also. We haven't, of course, even heard that Gilda has written a first book. And Gilda's book is actually fascinating: a graphic novel about the cosmos aimed at 7s and ups. The artwork looked topnotch and I really want to know if she did these illustrations herself. Gilda's book I actually WILL look for because I'm actually interested. 

I don't even want to devote oxygen to Julia the Racist because she should have been pulled from the screen after calling Michelle a n***r last episode. Julia has had a lobotomy, or she's just narcissistically stuck at age 5. When Julia gets comfortable in a new social situation, she brings out a paper bag full of used sex toys to impress her guests, and follows this up with dropping the racist slurs she uses in everyday life into her conversations. there is no room on television for this trogolodyte. She blatantly attempts to rehab her image in this episode by accompanying batty Anne on her stray cat feeding mission. She whines and is generally useless throughout the whole pointless and transparent exercise. I wish she'd fallen off the 'cliff' she kept whingeing about. I wish Anne had pushed her, except then she'd have wanted casseroles. She needs to go 6 rounds in a ring with Vicki Gunvalson, they deserve each other. Julia actually looked as though she was about to cry when Gilda and Louise were better shots on the clay pigeon range and she only came a dismal tied third with best bud from last episode Angela. Then at lunch she finds her usual form by becoming moist and animated about the 'stimulation' she feels from guns. Again, Gilda wins this event by mentioning to the gun guy that although she hadn't used a shot gun before, she'd used an AK47. Because Iran and revolution. Go Gilda, you and Louise are the only hos on this franchise of any interest, so why are the episodes clogged like pubic hair in a drain with the awful Angela? I KNOW that NZ cannot be that hard up for beautiful women that Angela can be considered a fashion model, as she keeps claiming. And not a plus sized one, either. In what universe?

I really can't stand people who acquire a pet as an accessory. Michelle is one of these people. In the introductory episode she chose to have herself filmed showing off her daughter's horse and it was evident she hardly knew which was the business end. In this episode she lures Dan the Dog Trainer to her lair and proceeds to sexually harass him to the point of making the audience and Dan and Gilda cringe. Having a dog enables Michelle to say 'Louis Vuitton leash' over and over again. Animals suffer when humans expect them to behave like humans. Michelle lives in an icy morgue of a house where shoes are not allowed. She very obviously hates touching an animal's coat unless it has been converted into something she can wear and dryclean. Michelle should not be allowed to acquire any more sentient beings. Gilda has real chemistry with her dog, the same breed as Michelle's, and it looks as though Michelle has seen Gilda's 'accessory' and ordered as close a copy as possible, Watching her lock this beautiful animal behind a pool fence and then mimic it barking at her made me sad. And angry, actually. I wish Gilda the Good Witch would take Marley home with her.

Angela and Anne tie for most deluded and Louise and Gilda tie for most 'real self'. Julia is human garbage. Michelle is barely likeable, though she is the only one who can forgive Julia for her racial slur. Maybe that is why Julia is still on the television.

[strongoxman]

I thought Michelle's dog was actually her daughter's?  I might be misremembering, though...

 

I agree with your other points, though--as much as Gilda is slaying and Louise is keeping it real blunt, there's way too much Angela on this show.  I'm on the fence, though, if Julia simply needs to be recast for any subsequent seasons, or if Angela should join her in the scrap heap, too.

 

I still like Anne and her eccentricities enough, but she definitely isn't the reason I watch the show.

[OnceSane]

I see we're still stuck on the "Poor Julia is having such a hard time living her life as an outed racist" narrative.  How is this compelling TV?  Maybe if one of the other women "accidentally" shot her, I'd be into it.

Angela would be laughable if she wasn't a) so pathetic, and b) the asshole to end all assholes to her assistant.  And that wasn't a photo shoot, it was the desperate cry of a woman too useless to live.

[CrinkleCutCat]

I'm starting to love Gilda and her dead pan delivery....just drops in tidbits about MK47s and second novels like she's talking about her grocery shopping!

[Lady Writer]

Love, love, love the architecture and landscapes in this show. So different from shows like the OC. (Where even Heather with all her pomp was staring into her neighbor's window -- but I guess land isn't as much of a premium where these women live.) Even a lot of the houses Jeff Lewis works on on Flipping Out feel cramped to me compared to these. I guess a lot of areas in SoCal are just too tightly packed for me, no matter how vaunted they are. Love Michelle's minimalist fireplace room with the swing in front.

It does make me uncomfortable when Housewives are pawing all over strange men who may well be married or in relationships and not want other women all over them.

Louise's face did look really young in that restaurant scene with Angela, but maybe a hair makeover would help her a bit in her search for roles? She was worried about making over Anne's skin color a couple episodes ago but that was something I'd never even noticed. We all have our different points of focus.

[walnutqueen]

On 10/2/2016 at 5:51 AM, queenjen said:

I also get the feeling she doesn't much like children (never had any), and she intends to mix her own ashes with those of her cremated pussies (heh, heh, heh). Oh, and shooting is ok provided it's shooting at a FIXED target, not a moving one, because a moving one is like practicing for shooting at real animals.  Yup. 

Crapballz.  I don't have kids, feed & fuss over my backyard ferals (and raccoons, possums, skunks, & birds), and fully intend to find an heir who will mix my ashes with those of my dearly departed cats (and my Mum's, with her full blessing).  I used to target shoot, too, before my arms gave out.  Except for the owning furs and being rich part, I could BE Anne!   ;-D

Bitchface and her fugly nails with her inability to even pet a dog can go fuck herself, instead of trying to hump the dog trainer.

I can't even look at racist dildo receptacle, much less listen to anything she has to say.

The others?  Meh.

[HunterHunted]

Michelle's dog is actually her kids' dog. I don't know how wise an idea it was to get a dog for kids who were in boarding school. It's pretty clear that Michelle is scared shitless by the dog. I imagine that her husband must take care of the dog when the kids are at school.

I hate it when Housewives paw at men. Ugh.

I made a friend watch the episode. She's never watched Auckland. This is her text, "That woman with the book was never a model. A professional photographer took pictures of me too. At the Sears Portrait Studio. I'm not a model and neither is she." 

[politichick]

I just binge-watched this show and LOVE it! I watched on-demand, but when does it come on live tV or does it?

I think Angela is truly unhinged. 

Michelle's daughter, who is the dog's alleged owner, goes to day school. It's the son who goes to boarding school.

[biakbiak]

44 minutes ago, politichick said:

I just binge-watched this show and LOVE it! I watched on-demand, but when does it come on live tV or does it?

 

Saturdays at noon.

[schmickschmack]

I cannot stand Angela, but her ability to always read a room exactly wrong is fascinating to me.

[Toothbrush]

Angela just kills me. My parents & sister used to say that I lived on Planet Toothbrush, but this woman...Lawd! I love that being your real self involves doing what others (photog, stylists - why exactly does a stylist need stylists?) tell you to do. OK then. She did look pretty though. 

Didn't think Michelle was at all cute flinging herself at dog trainer Dan, and making sexual innuendos. Doggy Style Dan & Missionary Michelle? Ick. But I guess she thinks that men love being flirted with by former models. It was funny when she mentioned her friends & Dan asked if they were dogs or humans. I feel so bad for her dog; poor baby was miserable around her. 

Gilda's purse game is on point. That purple one she had at Michelle's house was a dream! The emcee for her book launch party seems too try hard, but I loved Gilda's idea for bowls of flowers to represent the planets and the sun. Her book sounds awesome! 

Edited September 15, 2017 by Toothbrush