S04.E09: Birthdays and Boyfriends

[IndianPaintbrush]

Quote

It’s the Bates girls’ turn to celebrate as Allie Jane and Carlin share a big birthday. The family prepares for the birthday bash but quickly realize it’s a lot harder to plan a party for both a 1-year-old and an 18-year-old then they originally thought. Then, Kelly Jo and Gil take advantage of their time in Florida when they decide to meet Tori’s boyfriend’s family.

[Sew Sumi]

Note that Alyssa was in dresses/skirts in all scenes. I wondered if she'd wear pants around her parents on her turf, but apparently, the answer is no. She has worn pants around her siblings on her turf. Wouldn't that be worse, since kids are impressionable? 

I get that she respects her parents, but respect is a two-way street, and Alyssa should wear pants at home anytime she wants and not let her parents dictate her wardrobe choices. 

[cereality]

My impression -- Alyssa really does NOT like having her family around. She doesn't act like someone living 10 hrs away from her family who appreciates whatever little time she gets with them. Rather you can see the stress on her face that they are loud, will mess up her perfect home etc. Though that being said, I think the older siblings can act pretty boorish. When Kelly asked -- what can we do to help you with Allie's party, she said she wanted the girls' help with food. So Gil dutifully takes all the other kids out someplace and leaves behind Tori, Carlin, Josie, a few other girls and Lawson (what is up with that -- can't he go with the men??). All they had to do was dip strawberries into chocolate, she asked them not to eat them, and they ate berry after berry. Honestly it looked like they'd dip 1 and eat the next one. Give me a break! These "kids" are 18-25 yrs old. They don't realize it's unsanitary to eat food with your hands as you're preparing it for others? They don't realize that Alyssa bought enough food for the party and it'll look bad if there isn't enough bc the kitchen staff ate half of it? As many times as Alyssa and Kelly tried to get them to stop, they didn't. Then the men return, they say -- don't eat the strawberries -- and Nathan grabs a few. WTH!? And then Judson/Jeb climb up on the counters to the food.

I will say Gil and Kelly know their kids. As Gil came back and saw Alyssa's blood pressure rising, he was quick to say -- ok we need to get out of the house, we're going to the park everyone. I can't decide if the kids are just boorish, or if in a large family like that you sometimes don't get expensive things like berries so you pack them in when you see them?!

As for Bobby and Tori -- they're a decent match. He seems very outgoing, so he'll be able to put up with her loud/know it all attitude better than say a guy like Brandon, John, or Chad. It's good that they have some privacy to get to know each other and are acting like normal 20 yr olds -- spending every spare moment texting their boy/girlfriend in their room; and while the Bates said Tori shows them texts, it did NOT seem like that was mandatory so at least they have time to talk privately. I'm kind of surprised that they both intend to finish college - esp. her. I figured he'd finish next yr and she'd drop out rather than do 2 more yrs -- that's what Alyssa did to marry John and move to Fl.

[Sew Sumi]

Alyssa didn't go to college at all. However, Erin got married with a semester left of school. I could see Tori getting married after Bobby graduates next spring and transferring to PCC to finish her "degree." 

[IndianPaintbrush]

Yeah, I was also surprised that they intend to finish college.  Also that these kids are allowed to talk on the phone privately with their significant others.  

I don't blame Alyssa for wearing skirts around her parents.  There's definitely things I won't do when my parents come to visit, because some battles just aren't worth fighting.  

Someone with OCD tendencies like Alyssa is probably better off with 1 or 2 children rather than 6, but props to her anyway.  Loved the jokes about the tiny spoons.

My husband cracked me up last night.  He doesn't usually watch the show, but after a brief 30 seconds he said, "This family is like the Woodstock Music Festival compared to the Duggars."

Edited July 29, 2016 by IndianPaintbrush

[Micks Picks]

I will miss this whole series of episodes again since once more I'm not getting this channel.  I'm usually staying in a place that doesn't get the channel until it's over but I am pleased that I can come here and "see" the action through your words. I was wondering how a guy could deal with Tori.

[Absolom]

Alyssa went to Crown for I think one semester and then said it wasn't for her.  She already had her plan in process for getting out of Dodge. 

[BitterApple]

I'm not really a huge fan of Alyssa, as I tend to think she leans towards the snobby side, but I can understand her frustration. She grew up in poverty sharing a shack with a dozen siblings. Now she finally has a cute little house and nice things and her family tears it all to shit every time they visit. Hopefully Alyssa at least got a decent paycheck out of it.

[Absolom]

Alyssa and Grandma Janie are very, very much alike. They love their family, but do dread the disruption.

[melbelle]

I believe Alyssa was wearing jeans in one scene.  While they're at the park (supposedly to get out of the house so Alyssa can continue the party prep) there is a quick cut-away to a girl on a swing wearing jeans and a black and grey striped top.  I paused on this scene and it definitely looks like Alyssa to me.  Now since Alyssa was suppose to be at the house while they went to the park, I suppose there's a chance it was someone else, but I'm inclined to believe that they were all at the park and it was just edited/voiced over to imply they did this to get everyone out of the house. 

Allie Jane has such pretty eyes! 

[Sew Sumi]

3 hours ago, Absolom said:

Alyssa went to Crown for I think one semester and then said it wasn't for her.  She already had her plan in process for getting out of Dodge. 

I'd forgotten that. I do remember that she worked at a florist for a short period of time as well. But hell, she married when she was 19 1/2, so it's not like she had a ton of life experience under her belt before she settled into the housefrau role. Wasn't she the one when asked if she was going to get a job after she got married replied that she'd have to quit soon enough because she'd be pregnant/having a baby? It is interesting that she helps John with the cleaning business, as small and part-time as it is. I doubt they are out every night doing deep cleaning, especially since John plays in both softball and basketball leagues

[cereality]

Alyssa's neat and tidy - everything in its place and behaving normally w/o being rowdy- personality may just be who she is; after all Grandma Janie is just like that. But I do think you all are right, it also comes from how she was raised. This family was fairly poor for a lot of years until the kids got older and started earning and presumably helping Gil and Kelly out a bit financially; others started moving out so there are fewer kids to now buy food, clothing, drs. visits etc. for; and the show came along, etc. Now it looks like the parents have loosened the purse strings bc they can -- there's lots of shots (like when Ashley came to visit with Nathan) where they're deciding what to eat and Gil says -- oh lets go out -- very likely bc they can expense meals while they're filming. Likely Alyssa got very little stuff that was just her own while growing up. I bet all toys, clothing etc. -- were shared with her sisters. And likely they got very little that was ever new. And while that home has a lot of love, I'd be surprised if there were very many presents etc. in the early years.

So now she has a cute little house decorated exactly how she wants. You can tell it grates on her every nerve when her brothers and sisters show up and start climbing on her counters and scratching up her floors. I've know people like that -- when they move out on their own for the first time and they/their spouse used their own money to set up a home, they get incredibly irritated if anyone does anything to mess up their furniture or floors or whatever bc they have already invested a lot of money into it and they know that it isn't an easy fix.

[Sew Sumi]

You could tell it was KILLING Alyssa when Allie dug into that smash cake (that was soooo cute!). She whisked Allie away to be cleaned in no time flat, or at least that's how they edited it to keep with the neat freak storyline. But in reality, I bet Alyssa didn't let Allie sit with that cake much longer than they showed us; it was already getting pretty ugly! LOL

And to Zach: smash cakes have been around forever! They aren't anything special to your family or anyone else's. Everyone, even Godless heathens, does them. 

[BitterApple]

Unfortunately, in Gothardland a woman ranks slightly below a dung beetle unless she's married and pumping out Warriors for Christ. 

Even though the Bateses are arguably more likable than the Duggars, both families can be very crude and boorish. It's like they expect a pass because "aw, shucks, we're such a big family and that's just how it is." I don't even think it's necessarily a Fundie thing because both John and Brandon seem suitably horrified at the kids' behavior. I also wonder if it was secretly a turn-off for Ashley, even though she'd never admit it. 

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, XrystalPond said:

I feel for Alyssa. I don't have a ton of siblings, but I have a million and one cousins who drive me absolutely insane at every turn. While I prefer simplistic and classy, these are my family members who prefer NASCAR with a side of beer and pizza. I would never say that my way is better than their way or whatever, but I know what I like and can tolerate. My children are being raised to be more open minded of cultures and beliefs, but these cousins seem determined to undermine everything I do. While I love my family, it is a stressful time for me when they come over or when there are family events. 

I realize that for filming it was better that the whole family went. However, it would have been so much easier on Alyssa and her little family to only host Gil and Kelly. 

I cringed at the behavior of her siblings in the kitchen - eating food that was meant for the party when she had stated clearly that it was not for consumption then. But I also cringed at the way some of them descended upon Allie upon arriving. Many babies and toddlers need a few moments to warm up to someone before passing them around. She seems like a happy baby, but seriously...give her a minute. I hate that there is already that pressure for Alyssa to have another baby. She seems happy with her life. Why pressure her? A woman's worth is not and should not be wrapped up in her fertility. 

I feel for Alyssa too - seems like her home was invaded by hostile frenemies.  But, that scene could have been done a few times before it was good enough and Allie Jane was probably used to it by then.  

[andromeda331]

58 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Unfortunately, in Gothardland a woman ranks slightly below a dung beetle unless she's married and pumping out Warriors for Christ. 

Even though the Bateses are arguably more likable than the Duggars, both families can be very crude and boorish. It's like they expect a pass because "aw, shucks, we're such a big family and that's just how it is." I don't even think it's necessarily a Fundie thing because both John and Brandon seem suitably horrified at the kids' behavior. I also wonder if it was secretly a turn-off for Ashley, even though she'd never admit it. 

I do think that's exactly how they are. Their expecting the pass because of that "aw, shucks, were such a big family and that's just how it is". They do the same thing when they go to visit Grandma Jane and break her hammock every single time then giggle and think its funny. Its really kind of hard to be that excited when they come to visit if you know they'll ignore what you tell them like Alyssa telling them not to touch the food or break something and then laugh. Their not being respectful to the person who's house their visiting.

[SongbirdHollow]

Lawson was not just condoning that they ate more than they actually put on the plate for guests. He was explaining how to get around getting caught - waiting for Alyssa to go wash her hands.

Lawson is pretty to look at, but over the last several episodes, he's really coming off as a jerk.

I'm ashamed to admit that I would have FLIPPED OUT over the strawberry-eating. Kudos to Alyssa for limiting her reaction to a bitch-face. And to Gil for recognizing that she was pissed.

[BitterApple]

40 minutes ago, SongbirdHollow said:

 

Lawson is pretty to look at, but over the last several episodes, he's really coming off as a jerk.

I agree, he's incredibly immature. You can tell he's going to be one of those husbands who's a babyish, needy lifesuck. I feel bad for whoever gets stuck with him.

[Absolom]

I wonder how much of that scene was reality and how much was punched up for the show. 

[JessDVD]

We're still UP-less, so all my comments are based on what's discussed here - so from what's discussed here, I get the distinct feeling that the show is careening straight into every moment is "made for TV" rather than "filming what we're already doing" and when every other reality show I've ever watched has arrived to that point, was when the show careened off a cliff. I do not find this encouraging, when it comes to the Bateses, whom I still find to be fresh air over too many years of following the Duggars.

[Sew Sumi]

3 hours ago, SongbirdHollow said:

Lawson was not just condoning that they ate more than they actually put on the plate for guests. He was explaining how to get around getting caught - waiting for Alyssa to go wash her hands.

Lawson is pretty to look at, but over the last several episodes, he's really coming off as a jerk.

I'm ashamed to admit that I would have FLIPPED OUT over the strawberry-eating. Kudos to Alyssa for limiting her reaction to a bitch-face. And to Gil for recognizing that she was pissed.

I'm skipping jerk and going straight to asshole. He's banned me from Instagram, and I don't ever recall commenting on his page in either of my iterations. Like Jessa, he's a serial deleter/blocker who can't take even constructive criticism. I don't think his music career will go well at all if he can't listen to what people, aside from his YES men (like Skaggs and Leftwich), have to say. If he wants to succeed, he's going to have to break out of that little circle at some point. 

It's a shame he's also an inconsiderate ass to family members as well. I think that behavior they exhibited at Alyssa's was all real and revealed a lot about this family without expostulation. As was noted above, it starts at the top. Gil is also an ass.