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Climbing the Spitball Wall - An Unsullied's Take on A Song of Ice and Fire - Reading Complete! Now onto Rewatching the Show and Anticipating Season 6!


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Okay and I was just leafing through the end of ASOS and I just read through my third favorite burn in the series.

Bowen Marsh: Who better to command the black cloaks than a man who once commanded the gold, sire?

Stannis: Any of you, I would think. Even the cook.

The only ones that beat this are

mayhaps this was a blessing and Lord Peapod

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Somehow I forgot that this was the prologue to Feast until I started reading it, despite having looked forward to getting to it for a while.

Only sort of almost spoilerish if you haven't read the prologue to Feast yet, but I'm being cautious:

It is so much better the second time through that it's not even funny. I remember my eyes glazing over the first time I read it simply because I had no idea what was going on or why I needed to care.

This one's not for shimpy:

Which really describes the first read-through of Feast in general, doesn't it

I think you mean

gae

that really does describe first read of books 4 and 5.

I sincerely suspect that most people who hatethem read them the first time, hated them, and never picked them up again. Understanding what's going on and why you are observing new characters and when to expect your old favorites improves them by a lot imo

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Okay and I was just leafing through the end of ASOS and I just read through my third favorite burn in the series.

Bowen Marsh: Who better to command the black cloaks than a man who once commanded the gold, sire?

Stannis: Any of you, I would think. Even the cook.

The only ones that beat this are

mayhaps this was a blessing and Lord Peapod

That first one under spoiler is hands down the single best burn in the entire series and one of my favorite lines just generally.

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Have you noticed how (spoiler from the Hedge Knight)

 

 

it is unclear, and I’m completely on board with the ‘no’ option, whether Ser Arlan truly knighted Duncan?

 

Spoiler for both the Hedge Night and Sworn Sword

I did notice that, but I tend to think that the issue is that Duncan is illiterate also. So there's some question about what words Arlan said, but I don't think there's any real question that he said some and tried to Knight Duncan.  I just don't think a) Duncan then knew what to recite in his own turn, in order to knight someone else, only having heard them once b) whether or not Arlan said the correct words because he was feverish.  

Continued

I don't think there is any question that Arlan truly did attempt to Knight Duncan though.  He's absolutely aghast that Eustance lied to him, and Duncan is very fixated on living by the rules Arlan taught him when we first met him:  These would not include lying to a King or Prince, so yeah, I think there's zero chance that Duncan was lying about Arlan knighting him.  The only question seems to be if he did so correctly.  Duncan's too actually interested in behaving honorably and living by rules to try and just "oh yeah, sure, uh huh...I'm a knight, Your Grace, I pink swear it *crosses fingers behind back*" 

 

Plus, he's not believe over Aerion (who is known to be quite mad, even by his own family) because Aegon's word can't be trusted and Daeron's a: lied and b: did so to cover his own butt, which surprises Duncan.  That he has such faith in other people to tell the truth doesn't suggest that there's any possibility that he's lying.  But there's at least a hint that Arlan might have said something other than the correct words (or Duncan simply didn't know them).

 

At least that's what I took away from it.

 

ETA: Muthafucka with these failing tags. ARGH.

Victory. If you're willing to call it that. Oy.

Edited by stillshimpy
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Yes, Tywin's youngest brother I think.

 

Tywin's brother Gerion lead the mission to get the sword back...and never returned. He's the subject of a few fan theories. The sword was originally lost centuries IIRC.

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Feast!!!!!!!!

 

I should get this book and do a read through as well - Feast and Dance are foggy for me.  I remember enough to know the show has diverged but I could use to catch up on the details for this thread.

 

Oh and I did check out the chapter summaries and realized (feast spoiler):

It will take all of two chapters for shimpy to realize that the Dorne plot of the books and Dorne of the show have very little in common.

 

PS: So if I understand things right from a few sources, Dorne only joined the seven kingdoms about 100 years ago? And immediately married into the Targ family?  I know Dorne wasn't conquered per their family words, but I didn't realize they were so new to the 7 kingdoms.  Sometimes I really do wonder why anyone would think the kingdoms would stay together once a Targ wasn't on the throne and dragons were dead.  It makes me think that the only logical conclusion from all of this can be the seven kingdoms divide or Dany and her dragons do end up on the Iron Throne.

Edited by nksarmi
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I remember being slightly bored by Feast when I first read it, which was only a couple of years ago and I did not have to wait for Dance because it was already out. But on subsequent read throughs, I ended up really liking it. I actually think Feast has some of George's best prose writing. So many beautiful chapters.

 

Areo's specifically.

 

It definitely helps knowing who all the new characters though, how they are all interconnected and why you should care.

Edited by Alayne Stone
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I didn't hate AFFC. I'm definitely curious as to what Shimpy's observations will be. The main thing I enjoyed about the book IIRC were

all of the Jaime and Cersei chapters. I think I might have actually fistpumped when he crumpled up that letter. I also found Cersei's chapters to be weirdly funny at times. I think I actually giggled when she tried to make a run for it once she realized that she was busted.

 

I didn't mind the Dornish chapters. I really liked the crown Myrcella plot I was just disappointed with the whole Darkstar thing.

 

I liked

Sam's last chapter too.

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Yes, thus far I've gotten no sense of why Egg is along for this ride and (Dunk and Egg spoiler)

 

D&E Spoilerish but not really:

At the time of the Ashford Tournament, Egg was pretty far down the line of succession (at least 13th and I may have missed some children of his middle uncles in that count.  I think Aemon mentioned that too many Targaryens was as big a problem as too few, which was why he was shipped off to the Citadel.  My impression was that Egg was doing a little pre-teen rebellion at Ashford, got himself squire-ized as a one-off.  After getting to know and respect Duncan, he wanted to make it more formalized, and his father agreed to it, providing him the signet ring as a "just in case", like an emergency credit card.  The Spring Sickness cleared a few heirs out ahead of him, but he was still below his senior uncles and his elder brothers, so there wasn't a huge concern for his well being.

 

Delta1212 -- what's the context of the "single best burn" because I'm drawing a blank?  Also:

 

 

So far my big take away has been the reminder that it took me longer than it should have the first time around to realize that the nickname isn't pronounced "Damfair"

 

Me too, for the longest time I read that as a GRRM intentionally different spelling of Damphyr and wondered why he was adding vampires into the story.

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Okay, so I read the Prologue of Feast and that was one of the more mystifying prologues, almost completely lacking context. So the Oldtown Citadel has someone loose in it, looking for....something. Is that a Faceless Man, come to wreak some vengeance or another player, looking to steal or destroy all the knowledge within?

The Captain of the Guard chapter (which I haven't finished yet) almost immediately suggests that Obarra Sand (very different depiction on the show of that same moment) thinks they ought to get busy doing something to the Citadel and Oldtown.

I also got a kick out of the fact that for once, all the "I heard it was ...." and "I heard it was...." rumors, all were true about the dragons and were accurate. That's sort of awesome.

So, I also read "The Prophet's" chapter and boy, is Aegon Damphair seemingly ever aptly named. What a complete drip. A religious fanatic, who thinks god is in the CPR details? Does he get less tedious(she says hopefully) or, barring that, are his chapters at least ever a little shorter because that was a lot of "Oh goody, religious fanatics, my NOT favorites. Ugh." to start a book with, but luckily the prologue made up for that.

I felt for poor Pate, I know he's betraying vows etc. but I have zero patience with asking thirteen year olds to take life long vows of celibacy, etc. anyway. Plus, when your dream life is maybe being able to wander the land on a Donkey, pedaling your leeching and lice picking services, maybe with a spot of hair cutting.....with your big crush with you...it's not like he was betraying them for anything other than a life more ordinary, to which he was suited.

It was clear he was going to die, I'm just trying to figure out who was the most likely suspect for having killed him.

The Oberyn of Feast taking away a woman's child and leaving her to die of the grief? Yeah, what a Prince. Argh.

ETA:

So far my big take away has been the reminder that it took me longer than it should have the first time around to realize that the nickname isn't pronounced "Damfair"

I realized right away that it was Damp Hair, but that's because the guy conjured the essence of mildew very easily. Sorry, I just genuinely can't abide a flogging Zealot just in general, but throw in misogynistic zealotry and I'm pretty much unlikely to enjoy the experience much.

Edited by stillshimpy
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Okay, so I read the Prologue of Feast and that was one of the more mystifying prologues, almost completely lacking context. So the Oldtown Citadel has someone loose in it, looking for....something. Is that a Faceless Man, come to wreak some vengeance or another player, looking to steal or destroy all the knowledge within?

 

I don't know how much to say about this particular plot point. Put it this way: it is a solvable mystery given the information you already have, and part of that information is an extremely specific description of his killer.

 

I'll withhold my thoughts on the first Dorne chapter until you finish it. But I do have many thoughts. . . .

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Spoiler tag test (not really spoilery but must check b4 posting a real one):

(Spoiler)But but what about Season 5? Should we just keep quiet? It could be confusing.(/spoiler)

Argh! It failed dammit?

What'd I do wrong?

How do I edit? Do I need to be on a PC/mac?

(Spoiler) do I need to leave a gap? (/spoiler)

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Spoiler tag test (not really spoilery but must check b4 posting a real one):

(Spoiler)But but what about Season 5? Should we just keep quiet? It could be confusing.(/spoiler)Argh! It failed dammit?

What'd I do wrong?How do I edit? Do I need to be on a PC/mac?(Spoiler) do I need to leave a gap? (/spoiler)

Use [ ] brackets instead of ( ).

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Can you use the full editor when posting, Ashara?  You can do all sorts of things by clicking on the little symbols. The spoiler feature is the little red circle with the line through it. When you click it a box comes up and any text you write into the box will be spoiler tagged automatically. That's how I do all my spoiler tagging here. I am on a PC and use Chrome as my browser.

Edited by magdalene
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I look forward to shimpy's full thoughts when she finishes the Dorne chapter.

 

Oh and does that first chapter reveal who Balon wanted to be his heir?  I think it does, but I don't want to say anything more until I'm certain.

Edited by nksarmi
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No Tywin's youngest brother tried to find the sword a while back. The Lannister's Valyrian sword has been lost for hundreds of years though.

No Tywin's youngest brother tried to find the sword a while back. The Lannister's Valyrian sword has been lost for hundreds of years though.

Ahh that's right. Thanks Windy and Protar.

I think we should definitely just try to prepare shimpy since it's such a dramatic shift between SoS and AFFC. But I'm so looking forward to this read because this is when things really start to go "wait, where was this in the show?!"

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Ahh that's right. Thanks Windy and Protar.

I think we should definitely just try to prepare shimpy since it's such a dramatic shift between SoS and AFFC. But I'm so looking forward to this read because this is when things really start to go "wait, where was this in the show?!"

It is a dramatic shift from the first 3 books. I really think she is going to have trouble making it through the Ironborn chapters.

Edited by ImpinAintEasy
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I don't know how much to say about this particular plot point. Put it this way: it is a solvable mystery given the information you already have, and part of that information is an extremely specific description of his killer.

I'll withhold my thoughts on the first Dorne chapter until you finish it. But I do have many thoughts. . . .

Same here. All I'll say is you may want to really look at that killer's description. You've met him before.

And I can't wait until she gets through that first Dorne chapter. Not only is it showing the Sand Snakes in the books are quite different than the ones in the show (especially their physical appearances and personalities) but I believe shimpy learns right away

about Arianne and Dorne having a female heir

. Shimpy that prologue is really intriguing for so many reasons. *evil grin*

Oh and notice how the timeline is sort of drifting back with the Greyjoy chapters? In Damphair's chapter (and I too assumed it was Damfair because Damphair was just like, really?) he's just learning Balon is dead. So it's taking place pre-RW even.

It is a dramatic shift from the first 3 books. I really think she is going to have trouble making it through the Ironborn chapters.

Those were the hardest for me that's for sure. Edited by jellyroll2
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It's funny because I thought the Ironborn chapters were some of the best in the book.

The story is tight and well-paced. Aeron and the creaky door, Vic and his hate for Euron, Euron himself and Asha were all cool characters.

On my first read through,

Brienne's chapters were kind of a drag to read through at least until she killed some of the Bloody Mummers. And I felt that there was an overabundance of Cersei and I really disliked Arys Oakheart. He was such a tool. Now I've come to appreciate them except for Arys.

Edited by WindyNights
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The first time I read AFFC I came to a halt every time a Victarion or Damphair chapter came up. Those are my two least favorite POV characters. Victarion is just too much of a dullard for me to want to be in his head. With Damphair, it just felt like he was so damn repetitive. I don't think being abused by Euron makes him interesting. Euron is a sick fuck. He does terrible things to pretty much everyone. So that alone isn't enough to make Aeron interesting to me. I just look forward to all of the Greyjoy brothers joining Balon in the drowned god's watery halls.

Windy, you missed putting a / in your final spoiler code. Either edit it or ask Mya to.

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@Shimpy

I'm not that sure, Dunk shifts his feet when lying or 'lying', when he thinks of Egg he reflects how he knows how it is, to want something so badly yo be willing to tell some monstrous lie, he really doesn't want to knight the young Fossoway - probably not to stain the lad's honor - and when he lies half unconscious in the mud he thinks 'I'm not a knight, I'm nothing', or something along these lines. Further, a very minor spoiler from semi-canon sources, if I remember correctly,

Dunk his knighted again by Egg upon entering the Kingsguard, and that's not the normal procedure

. I think, knowing how poor some of his tournament skills were - as Baelor himself noted -, that Arlan thought

him not ready yet, or just died too quickly for the two of them to think about the dubbing too

. But it's definitely an 'your mileage may vary' situation.

 

 

On to Feast!

On my first read I immediately and duly took note of the killer's description, knowing for sure it would have been important the second time it came up... and completely forgetting that it was ALREADY the second time ^^'

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Ironborns except Theon put me to sleep too, I'm afraid. Strange that so many people have problems with

Brienne's chapters. I found it fascinating to get into her head, as before she was just some generic good gal to me.

I see having watched the show before really helps with the start of this book. Because as much as I always defend it as my favorite bar ASOS. On my first read I was as utterly puzzled (what in the who know, GURMy?) as many after those first three chapters. Still think he should have put the first

Cersei chapter

before Areo and Aeron, though I guess there are some continuity problems. *and then she thought about the last three words she wrote and laughed.*

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Strange that so many people have problems with

Brienne's chapters. I found it fascinating to get into her head, as before she was just some generic good gal to me.

 

Loved the characters. Loved learning about the characters especially 

the way we learn about Pod. Tyrion treated him like furniture. Brienne cared enough to learn about him.

. I just could not get invested in the tale.

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No love for

Vic? Reading his chapters are amazing. I feel like I should read them to metal music especially in ADWD.

Also there's something deeply hilarious about him meeting the pre-requisites

of AA even it's as a joke by GRRM

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So excited for Shimpy to be starting Feast. Feast is the most divisive book in the series so far, but I feel like Shimpy will like it. It is slower, more reflective, more...literary. The Dorne chapters are some of my absolute favourites in the entire series. The Ironborn chapters...not so much. There's a couple of cool bits in there but don't worry Shimpy, not many people are keen on Damphair.

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So excited for Shimpy to be starting Feast. Feast is the most divisive book in the series so far, but I feel like Shimpy will like it. It is slower, more reflective, more...literary. The Dorne chapters are some of my absolute favourites in the entire series. The Ironborn chapters...not so much. There's a couple of cool bits in there but don't worry Shimpy, not many people are keen on Damphair.

NO GODLESS MAN MAY SIT THE SEASTONE CHAIR

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Although I'm no fan of Feast or the Ironborn (they're all jerks - and proud of it!) 

I did enjoy the Kingsmoot. Funny to think that the most barbarian of the 7(ish) Kingdoms is the one that chooses its leaders democratically (at least some of the time). I liked Jon's election too and I thought that was in Feast too, but I realise it was at the end of Storm. Reading Game of Thrones I wouldn't have thought electoral politics was likely to feature in any way!

 

stillshimpy Does he get less tedious(she says hopefully)?

 

Well, they do say it's better to travel hopefully.... but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

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Although I'm no fan of Feast or the Ironborn (they're all jerks - and proud of it!) 

I did enjoy the Kingsmoot. Funny to think that the most barbarian of the 7(ish) Kingdoms is the one that chooses its leaders democratically (at least some of the time). I liked Jon's election too and I thought that was in Feast too, but I realise it was at the end of Storm. Reading Game of Thrones I wouldn't have thought electoral politics was likely to feature in any way!

 

 

Well, they do say it's better to travel hopefully.... but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

 

I would get your hopes up. I mean

Damphair only has two POVs IIRC and the next one is the Kingsmoot which is a great chapter imo.

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So I guys, I really did read the description carefully the first time out and did just again. Closely cropped dark hair, curling close to his head. A scar on one cheek, a "hooked" nose "full cheeks" -- but I'm drawing a blank on who it could be. There are certain characters I've seen described so much, I'd be able to recognize them, however, I just don't know who the alchemist could be.

I'm trying to run down a list of likely suspects: Okay, he must have just poisoned Pate so that makes me think....yeah, I got nothing over here. I got from the description that I was supposed to take note of the guy, or had met him before -- that's a fairly common trick with descriptions and Martin uses it (he likes wens as identifiers also) -- so any time a scar is described, that's like holding up the big "TAKE NOTE" sign for a character.

And yeah, not coming up with anything. The downside to having seen the series already is that occasionally, I purposefully skim a character description, so that it doesn't interfere too much with the mental vision I already have.

Like at the Wall? The actor who plays Sam -- who is nowhere near as substantial as the character in the books is described as being -- is the person I see-in-my-head. So I initially got tripped up by thinking, "Okay, so that description fits show Locke, but what the hell did book Locke look like?" and I couldn't remember if I'd met a book Locke yet.

So then I tried to figure out who'd want to get into the citadel: Well Qyburn might (season five spoiler)

if it has anything to do with the Mountain storyline

but that didn't sound like him and Qyburn is the last guy who would just attempt to sneak into the Citadel, because they'd know him there.

The description fits a Dornishman -- depending on which part. Then I swear to God, I tried to remember what Syrio looked like, because I just that bloody confused and realized, "Yeah, first of all, he wouldn't poison some poor jerk who just wanted out of his hopeless life of being a Granmpy Nanny and had taken vows at an age where he shouldn't have..."

So I don't know who it is, but you also have to keep in mind, oh my god, the number of characters I've met for the first time since....June? Mind boggling. I guess I'll just settle for "Who's that?" "If it's important I guess I'll find out." on this one.

Yes, Balon wanted Asha/Yara to be his heir. That's where Aegon Damphair lost me pretty much immediately. "No, it could not be a woman! The Green Laws from the Green Land...." Whatever, Mildew-Head Patriarchal Supporter.

Edited by stillshimpy
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You have the information, but just haven't put 2 and 2 together yet - would you like the answer?

Clue (but not outright answer)

you saw him through Arya's eyes

Heavy Clue

you him a lot through Arya's eyes, but he looked different to start with

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Dude, I completely read those both, thank you for the clues, Which Tyler. I also got from the coin symbolism and that it might be Jaqen Hagar , but for the life of me, I didn't connect that description to who Jaqen morphs into, that's why I asked if it was a Faceless Man.

Is it Jaqen post face-switch? That was actually first thing that occurred to me, but (and this is going to be super embarrassing if it is) I didn't think the description fit the Second Coming of Jaqen.

I need more coffee. I need a lot more coffee.

Plus, here's another area where I just tripped myself up mentally: I figured if it was Jaqen then he'd only be killing Pate if Pate pretty much had it coming for some reason and it would specifically be for justice/vengeance and then I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to think who had been harmed by whoever had sent out White Ravens and the only person I came up with was the old Maester at Dragonstone and that was sort of a peripheral thing.

Yes, I'm very good at driving myself bonkers (more so) . It's a good skill and highly prized among...yeah, pretty much no one.

Edited by stillshimpy
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shimpy- don't feel bad - I never made that connection before or took note of what was really going on with the alchemist.  Now I'm sitting here wondering why the hell the Faceless Men want in the Citadel lol.

 

Anyway, I don't care much for the Ironborn at all, but I do like that Balen wanted his daughter to rule when he died.  It's such a terrific combination of "all my sons died in my rebellion - to hell with it, I will make my daughter strong enough to rule" that just so fits the "Ironborn" philosophy of "we do not sow."  And I love that she wants to rule and doesn't care that her uncles have returned to try to take her place.  But yea, Damphair never had me and I pretty much hated him for the word go once I realized he wouldn't back Yara/Asha (which is it?).

 

Anyway, have you finished the Dorne chapter yet?  I so want to hear your thoughts because I think that chapter gives you a really good first taste of what's to come.

 

Oh and let me say how though I didn't realize it on first read through - Feast has an interesting theme of women trying to come into power/claim their birthright/rule, etc.... The more I think about it - the more I really wish Arienne had been on the show and they had done the Queenmaking plot. That really was a great subplot and then of course, we really should have had "Fire and Blood." D&D totally failed Doran and Dorne and that is one area where I don't know if they can make it up in season six.

 

 

Edited by nksarmi
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It's only on my second reading that I truly liked the Iron Born chapters. There's actually quite a lot of interesting tidbits about their culture in those. Truth be told, even if for the most part, they're a bunch of brutal retarted (in the "living in the past" sense) bunch, they're also the most progressive of the 7K on some aspect.

 

And you'll meet someone or something (not saying more than that) epic in these chapters ! ;)

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So, I also read "The Prophet's" chapter and boy, is Aegon Damphair seemingly ever aptly named. What a complete drip. A religious fanatic, who thinks god is in the CPR details? Does he get less tedious(she says hopefully) or, barring that, are his chapters at least ever a little shorter because that was a lot of "Oh goody, religious fanatics, my NOT favorites. Ugh." to start a book with, but luckily the prologue made up for that.

As far as I remember, there aren't that many Dumbhair chapters anyway. Unfortunately for the readers, he has two equally obnoxious brothers. I'd say it's best you lowered your expectations a bit for this book. It ain't no ASoS, sadly. 

 

Did I mention that I can't stand the Ironborn?

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The first time someone pointed out the Jaqen theory to me, I immediately looked up the description of post-face change Jaqen, and yeah, it's totally him.

He even says that he's "no one" in the Prologue, which I didn't catch until this time around.

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