Milz January 21, 2015 Share January 21, 2015 (edited) Just for fun. What if Cookie guest starred in another tv show or in a movie. Here's what I think would happened if Cookie guest starred on Downton Abbey The Crawleys are gathered in the drawing room about to have tea. Carson enters the room. Carson: Milord, there is a young woman who.... Enter Cookie wearing a full length mink coat, animal print leggings, gold stiletto heels, and carrying a large metallic purse. Lord Grantham: What is this about? Cookie: I'm here to see my house! Cookie walks to the center of the room. Stops and looks around, staring slowly at everyone, and eventually her gaze stays on Violet. Lord Grantham: Who are you? I demand to know! Cookie: You aren't in the position to demand anything. Looks at Violet, who looks very nervous. I see you didn't tell him. Cookie turns to face Lord Grantham. I'm your sister. And I've come for my share of this estate. Everyone looks at Violet then at Cookie then at Violet then at Cookie then at Violet. Lady Mary: Good golly! Granny's got a past! Violet: Yes, Robert. This young woman is your sister. Your half-sister, obviously. Your father met her mother somewhere. He set aside a secret bank account to support her the rest of her life. He did that because he knew you were terrible with money. Really Robert, who else but you could lose money investing with the railroad? Your father had a feeling you would mismanage all of Cora's beautiful money, the only reason why I ever liked Cora. But I digress. Miss Lyon was never to make herself known to the family. Never. Lady Mary: I can see why. Mary rolls her eyes and sips her tea cup. Cookie: I know you. You're that ho with a dead guy in her bed that you, your mama and that little maid girl dragged out of your room and put him in his room. After playing like you were a virgin, you got married. Then he died. Then you hooked up with another guy and spent a week with him in a hotel. Now you're thinking about dumping him now because the sex wasn't all that! Lady Mary: I....I..... Lady Edith: My sister needn't be insulted by the likes of you. Cookie: And you that sister ho who got knocked up by a married man, gave birth to a baby girl, then brought her here to be raised by that farmer. Looking at the giggling Lady Rose. You're that cousin ho who wanted to knock boots with a brother last season, then he dumped your ass because she pointing at Lady Mary told him too. Lady Mary: How do you know? Cookie: Cookie knows everything! Edna Bunting: I can sincerely understand your dilemma because I am more enlightened than these toffs. I like to think I am more sensitive to downtrodden peoples like you because I advocate for the oppressed all over the world. You poor, poor, oppressed woman. Know that I stand in solidarity with you in your effort to claims your rightful place in the Crawley family. I feel your pain. Cookie: Bitch please. After consultation with multiple legal experts, the family agrees to accept Cookie as a member of the family. Meanwhile downstairs, Thomas is too stupid to realize that Cookie is cray-cray and purposefully annoys her. At last, Cookie ventures downstairs to confront Thomas. Carson: Miss Lyon! Everyone stands up at attention, as Cookie makes her way toward Thomas, who is sitting at a table. Cookie: Chill, Carson. I'm here to talk to Thomas. Carson: Whatever business you have with Mr. Barrow you can tell me. That is the proper procedure, Miss Lyon. Cookie: I like you Carson. I like how you act like you're better than everyone when all you do is clean up after my brother and his family, when you are no better than anyone I know back in the 'hood! My business is with Thomas. Not. You. Cookie walks over to Thomas who is busy doing acting like he's folding napkins. I'd like to know, what's your problem with me. Thomas continues to fold the napkin. Cookie grabs the napkin and tosses it aside. I said, what's your problem with me! Thomas: My duty is to serve you and attend to your needs, Miss Lyon. Cookie: What I need..... What I need is RESPECT! Cookie grabs a broom that is conveniently leaning against the wall and begins beating Thomas. The servants all stand with their mouths wide open unable to move. Anna (whispering to Bates): It's high time someone 'round here did that. Edited January 21, 2015 by Milz 8 Link to comment
Tiger January 22, 2015 Share January 22, 2015 I really need Cookie to blow through Salem and Port Charles and read so many people for the filth they are. The thought of her hitting Will Horton & Sonny Corinthos with a broom brings a smile to my face. 8 Link to comment
Congo January 22, 2015 Share January 22, 2015 My life will be complete if they show a scene of Cookie getting hooked on watching Orange is the New Black. 7 Link to comment
Scarlett45 January 22, 2015 Share January 22, 2015 My life will be complete if they show a scene of Cookie getting hooked on watching Orange is the New Black. That would be hilarious. 3 Link to comment
wanderingstar January 24, 2015 Share January 24, 2015 My life will be complete if they show a scene of Cookie getting hooked on watching Orange is the New Black. This so needs to happen! 1 Link to comment
Sparger Springs January 26, 2015 Share January 26, 2015 She should go on Person of Interest and kick the ass of who ever she thinks is responsible for killing her identical responsible twin sister. 5 Link to comment
Minneapple February 13, 2015 Share February 13, 2015 Cookie hires Annalise Keating as her lawyer. Nothing more needs to be said. 6 Link to comment
Actionmage February 19, 2015 Share February 19, 2015 Bringing this over from Arrow: I might think about maybe forgiving "Amanda Waller" some of her bs if she can take Federal Witness Cookie Lyons and plonk Cookie down in Starling to straighten out this hot mess. Optional? Whether Cookie cleans everything up a) on her cell from the back of a taxi, or b) sitting down in Felicity's office and talking with her and calling everyone in for a bunch of truth-bombs. I could see Cookie giving tips to Felicity on Difficult Men 201.# Buuuuuut, since we will not get to have fun like that... I was daydreaming about someone not having people's bullshit could fix a lot over there. I watch Arrow right before Empire, so sometimes I get mash-ups stuck in my head. 1 Link to comment
Milz February 20, 2015 Author Share February 20, 2015 Cookie on "Celebrity Apprentice". Donald Trump: You're fired! Cookie: Kiss my azz! 4 Link to comment
sereion February 22, 2015 Share February 22, 2015 Can Cookie have guest role in The Haves and Have Nots? I would love for she and Candy team up and take down Veronica. Actually, I would just love to see her give Veronica a severe tongue lashing for her horrible treatment of Jeffery. Link to comment
Milz February 24, 2015 Author Share February 24, 2015 What if Cookie guest starred on an classic evening soap like Dynasty as Blake Carrington's and Dominique Devearoux's illegitimate half sister (their dad really got around!)? Cookie would and could smack down Alexis, Fallon, Krystle, Sammy Jo all at the same time. Link to comment
Actionmage February 24, 2015 Share February 24, 2015 (edited) Cookie as a guest judge on Idol? Gold! I can see her also trying to snag a couple of the booted singers to the label. Seeing Simon Cowel face down the Cookie Monster should be fun enough to get him for a small bit. Right? Cookie in Hell's Kitchen, as a patron, on a night everything is going wrong? Cookie on Shark Tank? As a Shark, of course. Cookie on The Amazing Race, with either Portia, Hakeem, or Mr. Deveaux. Cookie deserves a whirlwind tour of the world. With someone in a pre-existing relationship with her. Her P.A. her youngest son, or her security consultant seem perfectly fine choices. *g* Cookie as a guest judge on Project Runway? Gold! She may ask where the fedoras are. ( TPH can rock nigh-unto anything!) edited for clarity. Edited February 25, 2015 by Actionmage 1 Link to comment
Milz February 25, 2015 Author Share February 25, 2015 Cookie on The Amazing Race, with either Portia, Hakeem, or Mr. Deveaux. Cookie deserves a whirlwind tour of the world. With someone in a pre-existing relationship with her. Her P.A. her youngest son, or her security consultant seem perfectly fine choices. *g* If she's on TAR, she HAS to be on it with Portia! 5 Link to comment
Congo February 25, 2015 Share February 25, 2015 A Cookie/Porsha TAR team would be the greatest thing ever. 2 Link to comment
Actionmage February 26, 2015 Share February 26, 2015 Cookie working a reservation desk, even with limited funds? The rules would be hugged so tightly that they'd think they were long-lost family. Our Cookie, though, would be working and deal-making and getting good seats in some fashion. Cookie on TAR would be a season of Find-A-Fern ( a local happy to help show you where you need to go/ tour guide/driver, where applicable.) I imagine she could charm almost anyone and it would be TV gold. Link to comment
kpw801 February 26, 2015 Share February 26, 2015 So, what is Cookie's status financially now? I see she has wads of cash in her purse whenever needed? Did her ex just give her a blank check or something? Link to comment
Milz February 27, 2015 Author Share February 27, 2015 (edited) Cookie guest starring on The Partridge Family. The episode occurs shortly after the Soul Club (guest starring Richard Pryor and Lou Gossett Jr) episode. The Family needs to record another album. Still thinking how great the Family did with the firehouse block party, Reuben suggests the album is produced by Cookie. Fun and laughs occur when the Family boards the psychedelic bus and head to the Big Apple. Enter Cookie in her fabulous 70s funkadelic fashions. Cookie adds enough soul into the Family's sound that they have their first crossover hit album and land an appearance on Soul Train. But first both families must get over Hakeem and Laurie going on a date. (Episode Title: Partridges in the Lyon's Den) Edited February 27, 2015 by Milz 2 Link to comment
scruffy73 February 28, 2015 Share February 28, 2015 Cookie on Scandal. Olivia needs a sister-friend that tells her how stupid she is for fooling with Fitz AND Jake. Someone who won't back down when she raises her voice or tries to be authoritative. Can you imagine her DEMANDING that Cookie gets over something? Ha! Cookie will clap back so quick that Liv would prefer to hear her Daddy's monologue than to get her ass handed to her by Madame Cookie. And Cookie can hook Liv up with some animal print to set off those pastels she wears. Liv in a leopard print fedora....YASSSS 3 Link to comment
johntfs March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Cookie on Person of Interest as the PoI. Damn, I still miss Det. Carter. 2 Link to comment
thuganomics85 March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 (edited) Well, after the probably soon to be famous "Take these cookies!!" line, I have now thought up of the worlds most adult and disturbing Sesame Street episode: Cookie Monster: ME WANT COOKIE! Cookie: Hey, Monster. Why don't you get your blue, fury ass over here and "take these cookies!!" Cookie Monster: YES, ME WANT COOKIE!! Big Bird: Uh... I don't think she's talking about the foo.. Cookie: Shut it, you yellow beaked bastard! Elmo: Elmo has a bad feeling about this... Cookie: Hey! If I wanted you to talk, I'd put my own hand up your ass and do it myself!" Ernie: Today's word is fines. As if all the fines the FCC will no doubt give us for this episode. Bert: And don't forget complaints. As in, all the complaints the PTC is going to send us. Cookie: Why don't you two lovebirds just shut it and go get a room? Main difference is that Cookie's insults would be way, way more creative then the ones I can think of. Edited March 5, 2015 by thuganomics85 5 Link to comment
Congo March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 (edited) So, what is Cookie's status financially now? I see she has wads of cash in her purse whenever needed? Did her ex just give her a blank check or something? According to Lucious, Cookie makes $3M a year in her position at Empire. With Anika gone, Cookie may well be promoted to head of A&R and make even more. Edited March 5, 2015 by Congo 2 Link to comment
Milz April 14, 2015 Author Share April 14, 2015 (edited) Dang! I never thought of Cookie on Sesame Street. Kudos to the SNL writers for thinking of that. Boo to them for ripping off this thread. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJAq8iWf3YY Edited April 14, 2015 by Milz 4 Link to comment
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