Small Talk: Ughngnggh! Ugghhnnn!

[nachomama]

Sean of the dead is on! :D I never liked the c word before deadwood and I didn't like pussy before sopranos. If there was an Olympics for cussing I been training my whole life!

Once upon a time my father called the house in the middle of the night. He worked swing shift. So I'm like middle schoolish age. My mother is on oxygen he's calling at 2-3 am. He wants me to look for his lighter. Is it in his pants pocket on thd dresser? Nope. Under the dresser? Nope. Under bed? Nada. Go check the laundry room. Make sure it's not in the dryer or in the basket of clothes on top. Nope nope nope. So I've run all over the house my mom hollering instructions I finally yell back "what's so f'ing important about the g-d f'ing sonofabitch f'ing lighter anyway?" Probly not verbatim but there was a couple f bombs in there. He heard me. So the next day we have a chat. "Ladies" don't talk like that yada yada. I'm like good thing I'm not a lady. Anywho guess what lighter I was hunting for ? Come on I know you know. It said

[Irishmaple]

Crazy weekend in these parts.  Some people are enjoying the Family Day long weekend, but those people are not me.  Work held a brunch for the same sex families who are part of our centre and it was awesome.  Saturday was all deliveries and wrinkles associated with deliveries.  Today was cooking, place setting, eating and maybe having a mimosa or two.  Since I appear to be the only competent person at my work, I was swamped.  Luckily, the caterer and I bonded over our ability to Get Shit Done, so the day went smoothly.  Tomorrow is cleanup, since the place is closed for the holiday.  I'm not looking forward to that, but guess who isn't getting the day off because she's single and doesn't have kids?  Right.  That would be me.  I saw the movie Jupiter Ascending last weekend and now my question is: do I look as cute as Mila Kunis when I hold a toilet brush?  Somehow, I doubt it!  Anyway, I get Tuesday off in lieu of tomorrow so after nine consecutive work days, I get to sleep in!  See you guys on the Live Thread.

[nachomama]

I'm definitely as cute as Mila Kunis when I'm holding a toilet brush. I never hold a toilet brush. :O

 

I'm in desperate need of a haircut. Tired of looking like cousin it.

Edited February 16, 2015 by nachomama

[Disraeli Ears]

I'm definitely as cute as Mila Kunis when I'm holding a toilet brush. I never hold a toilet brush. :O

My SO and I (who tend to be frugal in general, like cooking at home and such) have a housekeeper who comes once a week so I never touch toilet brushes anymore! :) I have become so spoiled, as I was bragging to my mom this weekend. My mom would never pay somebody to clean her house (which, by many people's standards, is always clean), but SO and I would live in a pig sty if we didn't. It is totally worth it, for our time and sanity. And he has been using the same woman for years. We know her quite well now, too. we have actually started paying her to keep our dogs when we go out of town (she loves them so much, she said she would do it for free but we wouldn't take advantage). It's really nice to have someone we can trust. Edited February 16, 2015 by Disraeli Ears

[nachomama]

I would love to have someone come clean but I would clean before the cleaner gets there. But I need them because the person doing it now (me) sucks at it. I'm just tired! I work 6 days a week and sleep on the 7th. I can maintain on a good level. I love laundry, nothing in the world is more awesome to me than wonderful smells of clean laundry, sexiest cologne on the planet is a dude that smells like downey. I just don't hang it up, iron it, fold it, put it away properly. I drape it on a chair. Towels are clean and they smell great they're just piled on the dryer. And Martha Stewart can shove it where the sun don't shine on folding the fitted sheets. 

 

but my mother did teach me to clean properly. When I was in college most of my friends/roommates looked at me like I was a wizard because I knew how to take apart the stove and clean the guts out underneath the burners. And my little gay roommate in college liked to scoff at me because he was neater than me. Yes you are quite tidy but actual physical clean, like with a toilet brush and scrubbing the tub was me. He swept with a broom, my ass was the one with the mop. 

[Anela]

I can't wait until I get to complain about the heat, instead of this "Frozen" crap.

The board keeps messing up on me.

Edited February 16, 2015 by Anela

[kj4ever]

I would love to have someone come clean but I would clean before the cleaner gets there. But I need them because the person doing it now (me) sucks at it. I'm just tired! I work 6 days a week and sleep on the 7th. I can maintain on a good level. I love laundry, nothing in the world is more awesome to me than wonderful smells of clean laundry, sexiest cologne on the planet is a dude that smells like downey. I just don't hang it up, iron it, fold it, put it away properly. I drape it on a chair. Towels are clean and they smell great they're just piled on the dryer. And Martha Stewart can shove it where the sun don't shine on folding the fitted sheets. 

 

but my mother did teach me to clean properly. When I was in college most of my friends/roommates looked at me like I was a wizard because I knew how to take apart the stove and clean the guts out underneath the burners. And my little gay roommate in college liked to scoff at me because he was neater than me. Yes you are quite tidy but actual physical clean, like with a toilet brush and scrubbing the tub was me. He swept with a broom, my ass was the one with the mop. 

I'm like you - I work at least 6 days a week and the hiring a housekeeper to do all the deep cleaning type stuff each week is the best money I have ever spent. 

[nachomama]

BUT I'M POOR! :( 

 

I want to spray down the cat with duster/floor stuff and push him around with a broom stick to gather up all his damn hair he put there in the first place. I just give up, I won't let anyone come to my house cuz the cat probly puked somewhere. Either the zombies gonna eat me when I'm dead or the cat will. 

[Disraeli Ears]

Sometimes I tell my dogs things like: "Why don't you two layabouts get jobs? You don't even sweep up your own hair!" No, I'm perfectly sane...really. :)

Speaking of dogs, I love that they used barbecue sauce to make the dogs look all grotty this past episode. LOL! One of our dogs has longish hair and she likes to get underfoot when we cook so the odds of discovering condiment residue on her are oddly high.

"Honey, do you smell barbecue sauce/Dijon mustard/soy sauce?"

*sniffs dog, finds sticky clumps of pungent hair*

"Ewww. Let me get a wet rag."

[nachomama]

When I get home from work and my cat looks at me, I tell him get a job and he may think his name is lazy asshole. 

[walnutqueen]

BUT I'M POOR! :( 

 

I want to spray down the cat with duster/floor stuff and push him around with a broom stick to gather up all his damn hair he put there in the first place. I just give up, I won't let anyone come to my house cuz the cat probly puked somewhere. Either the zombies gonna eat me when I'm dead or the cat will. 

 

 

But I'm poor AND have semi-disabled arms!!!  :-D 

 

I know how to clean, and used to do lots of stuff; now, not so much.  I thought retiring & resting my injuries would heal me; instead I've just entered the Twilight Zone of a holding pattern.  Since I also need new glasses, the dirt doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.  My cat doesn't care, either - he regularly appears on my lap with dust bunnies or cobwebs hanging from his whiskers - it's hilarious!

 

Thank goodness for TV and PTV to distract me from my life of filth and disrepair.  :-)

[Ocean Chick]

Best decision I ever made was to sacrifice a few things (like food) and hire someone to clean my house once a month.  I know how to clean - I just hate doing it.  But I love a clean house.  And I, too, have a lazy ass cat who spends his days shedding.  I can comb him and remove enough fur to knit another cat, and the next day he's STILL shedding like a tree in the fall.  If we had the answer to how he creates THAT much fur, I could bottle it, sell it to people with thin hair, and retire to a life of ease and luxury.

[kj4ever]

I was dangerously getting to the point of worrying that my family would turn me into hoarders if I didn't do something.  I also had a new puppy (who will be 9 tomorrow) and it was outright dangerous for him to have so many things to get into.  I'm just not a housekeeper.  Never have been, never will be.  My Mom always told me I better make sure I had a damn good job because I would never be able to keep my house by myself, and like always, she was right!  I'm way to ADHD and when I start to clean I end up making a way bigger mess than what I started with because I get things half way done and then get distracted by something and pull that out.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

[walnutqueen]

The dirt that does not kill you makes you stronger.  (I haven't been sick in YEARS and YEARS!).  :-)

Edited February 16, 2015 by walnutqueen

[BrokenRemote]

Sometimes I tell my dogs things like: "Why don't you two layabouts get jobs? You don't even sweep up your own hair!" No, I'm perfectly sane...really. :)

Speaking of dogs, I love that they used barbecue sauce to make the dogs look all grotty this past episode. LOL! One of our dogs has longish hair and she likes to get underfoot when we cook so the odds of discovering condiment residue on her are oddly high.

"Honey, do you smell barbecue sauce/Dijon mustard/soy sauce?"

*sniffs dog, finds sticky clumps of pungent hair*

"Ewww. Let me get a wet rag."

 

I always remember an old Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom's owner tries to make her "freeloading cat" do some housework.  Her cat gets a broom and starts sweeping, but she's not amazed at the sight of the cat on his hind legs sweeping the floor.  No, she starts yelling at him that he's doing it wrong.  I don't know why that stuck with me, but I yell her line at my cat all the time: "You're making more dust than you started with, you freeloadin' cat!"  Of course the cat thinks I'm nuts. 

 

If I could get my apartment ever to a kind of average clean I'd hire someone to clean after that in a heartbeat.  My health problems make it very hard to keep up with housework, and just holding down a job is more tiring than I can handle a lot of days.  (This having day after day after day of temperatures 5 and 10 below zero before the wind chill during the part of the day when the sun is out, and 35 and 40 below with the wind chill have send my arthritis into super overdrive.)

 

 Of course, it'd take me forever to get the place clean enough that I wouldn't die of shame letting a cleaning person see it anyway.   I think we're all that way to some extent.  But having someone to do my dishes and maybe laundry and clean the floors once a week?  No way I'd be too embarrassed for that!  Bring it on!

 

You guys make me feel way better about my place, though.  I always imagine everyone else in the world has a sparkling home that looks like the pages of Better Homes and Gardens, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one with a messy house.

[kj4ever]

I always remember an old Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom's owner tries to make her "freeloading cat" do some housework.  Her cat gets a broom and starts sweeping, but she's not amazed at the sight of the cat on his hind legs sweeping the floor.  No, she starts yelling at him that he's doing it wrong.  I don't know why that stuck with me, but I yell her line at my cat all the time: "You're making more dust than you started with, you freeloadin' cat!"  Of course the cat thinks I'm nuts. 

 

If I could get my apartment ever to a kind of average clean I'd hire someone to clean after that in a heartbeat.  My health problems make it very hard to keep up with housework, and just holding down a job is more tiring than I can handle a lot of days.  (This having day after day after day of temperatures 5 and 10 below zero before the wind chill during the part of the day when the sun is out, and 35 and 40 below with the wind chill have send my arthritis into super overdrive.)

 

 Of course, it'd take me forever to get the place clean enough that I wouldn't die of shame letting a cleaning person see it anyway.   I think we're all that way to some extent.  But having someone to do my dishes and maybe laundry and clean the floors once a week?  No way I'd be too embarrassed for that!  Bring it on!

 

You guys make me feel way better about my place, though.  I always imagine everyone else in the world has a sparkling home that looks like the pages of Better Homes and Gardens, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one with a messy house.

You shouldn't be embarrassed...The cleaning services are used to it and don't really think more than it's just another job.  I've become friends with my housekeeper and they actually love people like that because they are sure they will get a regular job out of it!

[AngelaHunter]

You shouldn't be embarrassed...The cleaning services are used to it and don't really think more than it's just another job.

 

This is completely true. There's nothing they haven't seen and I agree you shouldn't let embarassment keep you from getting the help.

 

If you feel that way, you could just tell whoever shows up that you have health issues that prevent you from cleaning the way you would like. IF you do get someone to clean, try and get a referral from someone you know. It's hard to find a person you can trust.

[walnutqueen]

I always remember an old Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom's owner tries to make her "freeloading cat" do some housework.  Her cat gets a broom and starts sweeping, but she's not amazed at the sight of the cat on his hind legs sweeping the floor.  No, she starts yelling at him that he's doing it wrong.  I don't know why that stuck with me, but I yell her line at my cat all the time: "You're making more dust than you started with, you freeloadin' cat!"  Of course the cat thinks I'm nuts. 

 

If I could get my apartment ever to a kind of average clean I'd hire someone to clean after that in a heartbeat.  My health problems make it very hard to keep up with housework, and just holding down a job is more tiring than I can handle a lot of days.  (This having day after day after day of temperatures 5 and 10 below zero before the wind chill during the part of the day when the sun is out, and 35 and 40 below with the wind chill have send my arthritis into super overdrive.)

 

 Of course, it'd take me forever to get the place clean enough that I wouldn't die of shame letting a cleaning person see it anyway.   I think we're all that way to some extent.  But having someone to do my dishes and maybe laundry and clean the floors once a week?  No way I'd be too embarrassed for that!  Bring it on!

 

You guys make me feel way better about my place, though.  I always imagine everyone else in the world has a sparkling home that looks like the pages of Better Homes and Gardens, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one with a messy house.

 

Fuck everyone who says you shouldn't feel shame - of course we will feel it!!!  I try to live in filth shamelessly, but am feeling anxiety knowing my Mum will eventually visit, and this time I can't afford to pay anyone to clean the shit I can't.  I am trying to figure out ways to sell off jewelry or other treasures without the benefit of camera or internet savvy just to get a semi-working toilet & shower before me Old Mum comes down ....  and yet, I still manage to find the humor in my predicament  - thanks to the antics of my strange head-standing cat and my moonlight raccoon baby visits (tomorrow is another day, as Scarlett O'Hara might say).  Misery loves company ...

[BrokenRemote]

You have the best attitude, walnutqueen.  I want you to know that you've often made me feel better just reading your comments.   I hope things work out--when I owned a house I had the plumbing go to hell. once thing after another, and it was a nightmare.  I used to be pretty handy and able to fix those things myself-- installed a new water heater, a new toilet, a new well pump--can't do any of that anymore.  If I was near you at all, we'd make an attempt though :)

 

Is the jewelry one of a kind, or might it be something you could find another picture of somewhere already existing on the internet?  (If it's worth money, it's probably unique, but worth a shot...)

[nachomama]

I need an apocalypse so that my house with newspapers and magazine piles and Mail on the table and laundry draped on the chair is considered tidy. My plan for when I can scrape up money to get someone in here is that this wash aunts house or we just evicted some pesky kids. :D and for the love of Pete I will only have outdoor cats from now on! They can wave at me or send post cards.

[Nashville]

My world is currently encased in 3-4 inches of ice. I went outside today, and I'm not even breaking through the crust. Just hoping the power doesn't go out.

[kikismom]

If I could get my apartment ever to a kind of average clean I'd hire someone to clean after that in a heartbeat.  My health problems make it very hard to keep up with housework, and just holding down a job is more tiring than I can handle a lot of days.

Do you have friends or relatives nearby? My mom is someone who finds this type of situation like a hit of crack; we knew someone with health probs who wouldn't let anyone help because she was embarrassed. Mom finally got permission and stormed through there like the most fun she ever had. Then she went out and bought her shelves and storage containers and files...some people feel really good doing this. But they also understand; it's something lots of folks have had to deal with having illness or long-time illness patient in their home.

 

 

 I am trying to figure out ways to sell off jewelry or other treasures without the benefit of camera or internet savvy

You can try checking with local university/college or museum/galleries; sometimes they have someone in historical stuff that will appraise things and knows dealers or collectors and they could take pictures and find buyers without you listing on Ebay. Be careful though. Get someone bonded and trustworthy. They might want some percent of the sale price, but if they do the legwork and the contacts they earned a little. Some places will look at stuff for free and list it  But that also keeps buyers from coming to your home and can be more secure than ads. (Craigslist is known for dangerous sales deals.)

Edited February 17, 2015 by kikismom

[nachomama]

Yeah, never rely on craigslist. Local antique stores might appraise or do consignment if you trust them.

 

Caught up last night with girls and SNL 40th. And I hope you guys with bad weather and freezing are doing ok. I whine but it's just wet and chilly, no power out and just because I'm cheap and don't turn on my heat at least it's an option. Friend of mine had her boiler out. eeesh.

[walnutqueen]

Yes - I watch WAY too much of the ID channel shows to trust anyone (other than the folks I meet here on PTV, of course!).  When I was young, an old Sicilian farmer gave me words to live by: "Some trust is good; no trust is better".  He also gave me the secret to his looong and happy marriage:  "When I-a close-a my eyes-a, she become Sophia Loren!".   :-)

 

My kingdom (OK, queendom) for an obsessive cleaner with handyman skillz; animal lovers ONLY need apply to be my sole heir, eh!  :-)

 

 

You have the best attitude, walnutqueen.  I want you to know that you've often made me feel better just reading your comments.  

 

My work is done, then!  You are MUCH too kind, though.  :-)

 

 

I need an apocalypse so that my house with newspapers and magazine piles and Mail on the table and laundry draped on the chair is considered tidy. My plan for when I can scrape up money to get someone in here is that this wash aunts house or we just evicted some pesky kids. :D and for the love of Pete I will only have outdoor cats from now on! They can wave at me or send post cards.

 

Hoarders' goat trails will confound the zombies when they try to come for you, though.  And those huge stacks of mags will fall on them and turn them into sail-zombies.  So bless the mess, I sayeth unto you!  :-)

[nachomama]

Hoarders' goat trails will confound the zombies when they try to come for you, though.  And those huge stacks of mags will fall on them and turn them into sail-zombies.  So bless the mess, I sayeth unto you!  :-)

I have nightmares about if I ever get robbed and the police say OMG they really tossed the place and I have to say no they just took the tv. I believe it is my alarm system, if the cat trips me nearly every day he should send them flying but he's a chicken and hides from people. But there's no way anybody is creeping in my house in the dark that doesn't bump into a table, push over a pile of mail or even kick the grocery bag of canned goods I was too lazy to put away. booty traps! yeah that's what I said. 

 

brokenremote, got drugs? :D

[walnutqueen]

I have nightmares about if I ever get robbed and the police say OMG they really tossed the place and I have to say no they just took the tv. I believe it is my alarm system, if the cat trips me nearly every day he should send them flying but he's a chicken and hides from people. But there's no way anybody is creeping in my house in the dark that doesn't bump into a table, push over a pile of mail or even kick the grocery bag of canned goods I was too lazy to put away. booty traps! yeah that's what I said. 

 

brokenremote, got drugs? :D

 

I dread death and having my hovel be part of crime scene photos for anyone to see!  ID channel, again.  :-)

 

My cat tripped me once and I broke many ribs (I think - never did see a doc); just before last Xmas he ran ahead of my shuffling-to-the-john in the dark old self and knocked a wingback chair into my path.  I think I cracked or bruised my sternum on that, when I tripped over it.  One fine day, when I get a chest X-ray, the doc will quit looking at my diseased lungs long enough to ask me if I was a battered wife (because of all the broken ribs that sounded like Rice Crispys for months), and I will say : "No, but I do own a cat!".  hee

 

Only you guys will get the humor.  The doc will just try to have me committed.

Edited February 17, 2015 by walnutqueen

[nachomama]

When I die it's gotta be off a cliff, or in a blaze of glory because number 1 don't wanna nobody poking at my dead nekkid corpse. number 2 my phone gotta go with me so no one ever sees the crap I got on there. I like the old viking tradition of putting you and your junk on a boat and setting it ablaze, Navajos have a pretty good idea too, they set your hogan on fire with you and your junk in it. It saves time and money! 

 

I am that idiot that if I broke all my limbs I'd still decline a ride to the hospital. I'd be bicycle girl trying to crawl, anyone passing by might ask if I need help. No, no I'm fine. Just peachy. Just taking a stroll. 

[walnutqueen]

A woman after my own heart, nachomama!  I royally fucked up my foot on January 1st (torqued it on a 4 inch step IN MY HOUSE) and was peeing in a bucket next to my chair for 4 days before I made it to the front door to meet the cabbie who drove me to the emergency room (because I don't have a doctor, eh).  It's Feb 17th, and I'm still limping like a stultified zombie with a walking bootie thing, icing my foot every few hours, and telling myself I am healing.  :-D

 

I pray to the gods of non-existence that I don't float around after my demise, because the thought of a watching a coroner or my own autopsy makes me want to live forever, or self-immolate!

[nachomama]

I keep re-injurying the same foot. Several years ago I fell in a gravel parking lot with sandals on, took off all the skin under my big toe. I jumped up real fast in case anyone saw me and spoke to a tow truck driver, who did not seem to notice, and afterwards noticed that my entire shoe was full of blood. I hobbled home, washed it, went to the doctor the next day. When I had to re-wrap and clean and change bandages I cried for like 6 hours while soaking and wiggling the gauze because it was stuck in the wound. It didn't physically hurt but I couldn't bring myself to RIIIIIIP it out. So it got it down to a tiny swatch of gauze, cut the rest of the gauze, slathered on ointment and slapped 6 layers of bandages on top. Remarkably I healed fine and didn't get infected and no scars. So then I'm walking across the street to lunch, tripped in the road, once again jumped  up real quick acted like nothing hurt. My entire toe was instantly black. Took a year for the nail to fall off, a year for the new nail to regrow and now I'm in a weird zone where I kinda have 2 toenails??? My regular toenail looks normal, fine and then underneath sort of a helper toenail layer. I make such a good impression, huh? :D

[Too Late Kev]

nachomama, have you ever toed that story before? (hahahaha -- sorry. Once I think of a pun, I have.to.say.it.)

[nachomama]

I love to describe my injuries, it implies I have an exciting life. It's like the addage "chicks dig scars". I usually say I hurt my foot saving a busload of orphans from a fire or zombies. Like I also tell how my car was stolen and I chased the guy down, which if you dig into finer details, he was going for a smash and grab but accidently found a broken key in my car so just figured he'd go for a joyride. and the "chasing" was me trying to dive into the car and him draggin me about 2 feet before I fell. But I still feel like I scared him since he ditched my car couple blocks away. 

 

I AM a superhero!

[Nashville]

When I die it's gotta be off a cliff, or in a blaze of glory because number 1 don't wanna nobody poking at my dead nekkid corpse.

Not me! When the me which is me has gone walkabout from this husk, I don't really care what they do with it. But I do kinda like the thought of the ME staff saying to each other, "Just what the HELL did this guy do to himself...!?!?"

For starters, they'll probably have to recalibrate all their testing equipment.... :D

[BrokenRemote]

OMG, walnutqueen, I'm so sorry about your foot! Be careful and take care of yourself!

Too bad we walking wounded can't all form a commune together! We could probably combine our limited bodies to equal the labor of one whole healthy person :)

I once had one of those whole body scans. Can't even remember what that was for. The tech was horrified at all the places that lit up and/or were full of steel and titanium. I'm sure he thought I was some former daredevil or adrenaline junkie as opposed to a klutz with bad genes.

[CarpeDiem54]

For those of you comptemplating your "end times", may I suggest cremation. You don't want to be embalmed, trust me. Cremation is so much less invasive and expensive. Having worked in a funeral home (in the office) I'm telling you, that's the way to go. Choose a small indedependent establishment that has an on-site crematory. You, and whoever is left or will be making the arrangements, will get much better care. If possible, pre-pay for your care and make all of the arrangements yourself. A reputable firm can help you buy an insurance policy that will pay for your funeral costs. Buying an insurance policy means that your care will be paid for and the money will be there when the time comes. Don't just pay the funeral home and hope that they place your money in trust for the future.

Also, appoint a Personal Representative to handle your final wishes. A Power of Attorney ends at your death and the executor of your estate won't cut it. Let them know your wishes and the establishment with whom you've made arrangements.

Pick out your urn or scattering tube and pay for that, too. If you have something you'd like to use already (my Dad is in his cigar humidor and my Mom is in a beautiful porcelain cookie jar her sister had given her). If you've made pre-arrangements, it will save everyone involved at lot of headaches.

This is the end of my Public Service Announement. Carry on.

[kikismom]

I'm going either to the local University Hospital for the med students to cut up, or if I'm lucky and get approved, to the Body Farm for forensic fun and games. No embalming for the crime school, the med school will come pick up the body (but needs an upfront fee for embalming), no fee for getting left in the woods or stuffed in a 55 gallon drum of acid or whatever for fake murder victim---but have to pay for plane fare to be shipped.

Edited February 18, 2015 by kikismom

[Irishmaple]

I decided on cremation when I was about twelve and read a book in which a young psychic learned valuable information by going to graveyards to tap into the lingering consciousness of the corpses.  I was so horrified by the thought of being in any way conscious of my own burial that I went pro-cremation on the spot.  I like to comfort myself with the thought that if I'm not dead dead going into the crematorium, I'll sure as hell be dead dead after.  After that, I'm having my ashes divided into two containers.  One is going to the east coast of Canada and the other back to Ireland, where those charged with the task will toss the ashes into the Atlantic Ocean.  I grew up on one side of the ocean and have lived my adult life on the other side.  I figure the ashes might meet in the middle somewhere, maybe in Bermuda where I will have a warm, pleasant afterlife.

.

I had a very lazy day off today.  I took myself to a matinee showing of Kingsman, the new Matthew Vaughn (Kickass) movie with Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Michael Caine and Samuel Jackson in it.  It was a lot of fun.  The day itself was so cold I had a nosebleed in Bed, Bath and Beyond which was less fun.  Seasonal norms are -1 for this time of year; today it was -16.  I'm sick of freezing my ass off to get anywhere.  To compensate for the blood loss, I went and got my nails done.  They're purple now.  First time in a week my nails have been purple from polish as opposed to just cold.  My neighbours have no water because their pipes froze, poor bastards.  Their landlord had the plumbers in this morning so I hope their situation improved.  It's supposed to be a balmy -5 tomorrow; can't wait. 

[kikismom]

My friend Francie was in a car wreck and hit her head and was a little screwed up, and also had a nosebleed. She was laughing and yelling from the stretcher Does anyone have a tampon I got my period, does anyone have a Kotex?

[Too Late Kev]

Too bad we walking wounded can't all form a commune together! We could probably combine our limited bodies to equal the labor of one whole healthy person :)

 

But there are a lot of us to feed, so shopping, preparing food, and cleanup is going to be hellish. Are any of us really rich, to be able to take care of the group's financial needs?

[nachomama]

My friend Francie was in a car wreck and hit her head and was a little screwed up, and also had a nosebleed. She was laughing and yelling from the stretcher Does anyone have a tampon I got my period, does anyone have a Kotex?

Oh gosh, hope she was ok? My friend Marcy fell in the gym at basketball practice and had honest to pete amnesia, not like soap opera amnesia. Freaked me the fuck out! They kept quizzing her on who she recognized, her mother and sister yes but her youngest sister who was only 5 she didn't remember, hey she was "new" and it broke my heart that she was afraid of me. I was the only white chick hanging out, everybody else was navajo and I guess you fear whats unknown and I was unknown. They told us don't let her sleep and got her to the doctor and she was fine within a couple of hours but holy smokes. 

 

kev 2 points from Gryffindor, you said "hellish" which is a banned word. That jack wagon, Nick Jonas, used it in that STOOPID song...It's my right to be hellish, I still get jealous...which doesn't rhyme and is just plain fucking idiotic. 

[BrokenRemote]

But there are a lot of us to feed, so shopping, preparing food, and cleanup is going to be hellish. Are any of us really rich, to be able to take care of the group's financial needs?

Don't rain on my unrealistic utopian parade! :)

We'd have to find something to barter with or con some healthy people into joining...

[nachomama]

I'm healthy, I can do it, me just no likey. And I'll do virtually nothing for myself. Like cook. I enjoy cooking, for other people. If it's just me I'll nosh on chips and cocktail weiners ( I said weiner and cock!)  :D  And please if we are starting a commune and find a rich idiot who wants to fund us can we please please get them fancy japanese potties? Absolutely no composting!!  

[BrokenRemote]

Oh, yes, fancy heated robot toilets go without saying!

[kj4ever]

For those of you comptemplating your "end times", may I suggest cremation. You don't want to be embalmed, trust me. Cremation is so much less invasive and expensive. Having worked in a funeral home (in the office) I'm telling you, that's the way to go. Choose a small indedependent establishment that has an on-site crematory. You, and whoever is left or will be making the arrangements, will get much better care. If possible, pre-pay for your care and make all of the arrangements yourself. A reputable firm can help you buy an insurance policy that will pay for your funeral costs. Buying an insurance policy means that your care will be paid for and the money will be there when the time comes. Don't just pay the funeral home and hope that they place your money in trust for the future.

Also, appoint a Personal Representative to handle your final wishes. A Power of Attorney ends at your death and the executor of your estate won't cut it. Let them know your wishes and the establishment with whom you've made arrangements.

Pick out your urn or scattering tube and pay for that, too. If you have something you'd like to use already (my Dad is in his cigar humidor and my Mom is in a beautiful porcelain cookie jar her sister had given her). If you've made pre-arrangements, it will save everyone involved at lot of headaches.

This is the end of my Public Service Announement. Carry on.

When my parents passed away last year we "planted" them as a tree in an old family cemetary.  That's how I'm going out too.  Put it in my will as soon as I got home!

 

My siblings think I have reached a new level of crazy because I took my dog to the Doggie Spa and got him an hour long body massage for his birthday yesterday.  He is an old boy for his size (130 pounds), 9 years old, so I thought he deserved the treat of getting those old joints worked over.  His eyes kept rolling back in his head...lol  Considering this dog has helped me keep my sanity over the last few hellacious years I'd say he deserves it, dog or not.

 

Re:  Commune

 

I can retire in 6 years and I'm sure I'll be a walking wounded by then.  I'll buy us a sancutary.  Where are we going to live?

[nachomama]

Someplace warm, but not too hot. Sorry Canadians, you'll be migrating south. Maybe an island? So zombies can't get us cuz we can't run, we will fall and become zombies.

Edited February 18, 2015 by nachomama

[Too Late Kev]

kev 2 points from Gryffindor, you said "hellish" which is a banned word. That jack wagon, Nick Jonas, used it in that STOOPID song...It's my right to be hellish, I still get jealous...which doesn't rhyme and is just plain fucking idiotic. 

 

I'm too old to change my vocabulary for a song I've never heard of! So take the points if you must, and thanks for assuming I'd be Gryffindor. It's my favorite house. :)

[nachomama]

Be thankful, I drove 14 hours to my sister's for thanksgiving and kept hearing it over and over. And I yelled YOU SUCK NICK JONAS every time. 

[Too Late Kev]

I constantly change the radio station looking for songs I like. Commercial? Song I don't like? Heard too much? Sounds too teeny-bopper? Immediate change of channel. I can almost always find something better my first time through. Of course, when you're traveling, there are some parts of the country where there aren't many stations and therefore very few options!! That's when it's good to have a few CDs and a CD player in the car.

 

I wish I had Pandora in my car. I love Pandora.

[kj4ever]

Someplace warm, but not too hot. Sorry Canadians, you'll be migrating south. Maybe an island? So zombies can't get us cuz we can't run, we will fall and become zombies.

If we want an Island I'm going to have to start playing Powerball...lol  I'd rather spend the money on alternative power so that we have running water and functioning bathrooms.  I can live with about anything else, but I have to have a toilet that isn't like the woods...lol  I also vote for Tree Houses so that we never ever have to run.

[nachomama]

I would love a treehouse! OMG omg OMG I used to obsess about getting a Swiss family Robinson tree house!

I got a bunch of CDs in the car but I had run out. And yes I pop through channels but it's mostly texas. Can't listen to no preaching. I'm allergic to preachin. And back to me being poor there ain't no such thing as XM satellite radio in my car.

[BrokenRemote]

OK, now I'm imagining a Lord Of The Rings style eleven tree village. I always wanted a tree house! We'll have some kind of elevator-pulley platforms for us lame-types getting up in, ones that we can disable quickly in case of trouble. Zombies and bears probably can't figure out elevators.