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Small Talk: Ughngnggh! Ugghhnnn!


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14 hours ago, Superclam said:

I'm sure that's true, but aren't there many people in the UK who absolutely worship them? I can't believe there aren't. 

Unfortunately your quite right, my dad was one of them. He was a teenager during the war and was raised, along with most to believe in King & country. As the older generations pass, support for them is waning but you’ll always get those willing to doff cap or tug forelock. Thankfully the ginger whinger and sidekick are aiding our cause no end 😁

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I think I'm going into a new line of business. I'm gonna put up a gofundme and for as little as a dollar a day I will do all your drinking for you. I will feel your pain for you, spare you the peeing, barfing, drunk dialing your ex. This past year got you feeling down? Stress at work? Your wife bothering you? Say no more. I will get positively obliterated in your honor, nobody even needs to hold my hair back. I make this sacrifice because the only fuck I've got left to give is to spare you the time wasted down in Margaritaville. This is absolutely affordable, no fancy drinks from a bar, you can even send me the booze. I'll explore prison toilet wine, hobo moonshine, you name it, I'll drink it.

No more of this "I went to college and actually know how to do my job" bullshit for me. I'm doing a menu for a dude who doesn't want to pay his usual guy. I did a brochure for a girl who I don't think knows how to do print media, she's a "web" person so it takes 5 tries to get a working file and then THEN it's a complete whackadoodle size that does not fold in any logical way. But I'm fairly certain she gets paid about 5 times what I do. I know I don't know how to do web stuff, guess what? I don't do web stuff or tried to get paid for shit I don't know how to do. basically pay me to drink, I know how to do that.

Remember "Grumpy Old Men"? And Burgess Meredith is making up euphamisms for sex. I think what they went with was "taking the tug boat to tuna town" but they had a whole slew of bloopers and it was just hilarious to see Burgess Meredith being a dirty old geezer. I told a friend of mine who asked what I was up to the other day "taking the tuna boat to tug town" it didnt really make sense but I don't care anymore.

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8 hours ago, Superclam said:

I like the Smiths, but I'm not interested in Morrissey solo. Weird what he turned into. 

I always thought he was a bit of a dick, especially when mincing  around on stage with a tree hanging out of his back pocket 🙄

 

2 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

Is that code for masturbation?

Well if you want to pleasure yourself whilst thinking about a 94 year old woman or a 99 year old guy, then I suppose it could be 🤢

Edited by OoohMaggie
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1 hour ago, icemiser69 said:

Tom Poston and Bob Newhart work so well together.  Going all the way back to, The Bob Newhart Show, where Tom Poston would should up every so often as "The Peeper".

Bob Newhart, I thought I recognised the face in the clips, I have to admit though that the whole thing didn’t make me laugh once. It’s fascinating what differences there are in peoples sense of humour, Seinfeld was supposed to be one of the most popular shows in the US, I struggled through two random episodes and never managed to raise one smile, yet any episode of Frasier has my sides aching 🤔

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This weekend I proved once again that I'm an idiot on an epic scale. I find very little time in my schedule for drinking. I work too much so I determined I shall drink on Saturday. Guess what? I have a wine with a plastic screw on cap, guess what further? I can't get the lid off. Am I so elderly I can't turn the screw? Guess what? I opened that damn thing with a cork screw because why not? I poked 2 holes in the lid and had to shake most of my wine out like it was soy sauce. DO NOT JUDGE ME. I was determined to drink that wine.

And then Sunday I set about to put together a shopping/laundry cart. Guess what? I failed. >:( I want to say they gave me a rod that was too long. Basically I just gotta put the wheels on the damn thing and I couldn't even do that. It goes washer-spring-washer again-wheel-washer-cotter pin. Push that into one side and then do the reverse washer-wheel-washer-spring-washer but for the life of me I cannot squeeze it into the hole it's supposed to go in. I think they are big fat liar faces because I was not drunk while I was attempting to assemble. I know I can't unscrew a plastic lid but this damn things all cock-a-hoop. humph.

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I TOOK DRAFTING! It didn't do me any good, life wise. I did set out to college thinking I was going to be an architect. The first year we drew blocks of wood. Second year nuts and bolts and tools. Third year we designed a house from beginning to end. Floor plans, studs, electrical and plumbing, door and roof schedule etc. This one kid in my class drew a house with an interior room with no windows or doors. Teacher man asked him what it was for? We laughed at him. I think mine was exceedingly boring, probably like a block house I grew up in, I don't think I threw in anything particularly fascinating architecture wise.

I ran out of money and changed my major to something equally useless. Wheeeeeeeee!

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Chief impact officer 🤔............. there’s a joke in there somewhere but I couldn’t possibly.

Sooooooooooooo the Ginger whinger’s a life coach now, I wonder what nuggets of wisdom he can pass on about life, maybe that even when it’s 6am, raining, freezing cold, the work still has to be done.......... so don’t forget to tell the butler to tell the chauffeur to warm up the Bentley before you get in  👑 

Edited by OoohMaggie
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Things are making me laugh today. I just got off the phone with a lady who called to talk about graduation certificates for 8th graders and before she hung up she said "did you guys know that when you google your business and click the website it takes you to a pharmaceutical website?" I clearly thought the lady was mistaken. I hung up, googled and it shows our business, address and phone number are correct. Click the link...sure enough VIAGRA. I googled again and did not choose the top most one, at least 3 take you to a pharma site. One is a sub "printing" listing and does list us correctly. I don't know why this tickled me.

Second, sometimes I truly am the dumbest cluck on the planet. I'm putting seals on a mailing, the little round plastic tab thingys, if you get a booklet or pamphlet in the mail so that it doesn't all flap open? Them thangs. So we ran out of our big machine roll and I just need a few to get this one job finished. So I went to Office Depot and got a little pack and I was about to get all Karen and go complain and see what kind of fuss I could raise because I knew I needed less than 500 and the pack is 480 but I ran out. I was gonna complain they shorted me....um if you put 2 on each thing then you need 1000 not 500 BECAUSE YOU ARE A STOOPIT! Math is not my friend.

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1 hour ago, OoohMaggie said:

 

 

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Chief impact officer 🤔............. there’s a joke in there somewhere but I couldn’t possibly.

Sooooooooooooo the Ginger whinger’s a life coach now, I wonder what nuggets of wisdom he can pass on about life, maybe that even when it’s 6am, raining, freezing cold, the work still has to be done.......... so don’t forget to tell the butler to tell the chauffeur to warm up the Bentley before you get in  👑 

There are so many jokes in this I don't know where to start.

Yes, I'd want some coddled, clueless, "Let them eat cake" doofus coaching me on my life and mental health, when he has yet to find out what Real Life is. I guess this company hired him as a sort of mascot and gave him a little desk of his own, figuring it will give them a big name or something. Frickin' McDonald's wouldn't hire him to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"

Maybe Meghan can go back to holding up junk on game shows, while complaining that the "inexpensive" shoes they made her wear hurt her tender tootsies sooo badly.

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1 hour ago, nachomama said:

Things are making me laugh today. I just got off the phone with a lady who called to talk about graduation certificates for 8th graders and before she hung up she said "did you guys know that when you google your business and click the website it takes you to a pharmaceutical website?" I clearly thought the lady was mistaken. I hung up, googled and it shows our business, address and phone number are correct. Click the link...sure enough VIAGRA. I googled again and did not choose the top most one, at least 3 take you to a pharma site. One is a sub "printing" listing and does list us correctly. I don't know why this tickled me.

Nothing wrong with anything that -ah- stimulates interest in the business.

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10 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

So I am watching this episode of Assembly Required, and I have no clue how one of the contestants doesn't burn himself.  That flame comes back at him, and I thought he was a goner.

When I was in school there were two paths to take, home economics, or shop classes.  Most guys (not all) took shop classes.

I was terrified of drill presses and huge band saws, and I couldn't cut a board straight with a hand saw.

Metal shop was just as bad.

Automotive was even worse.

Drafting which shouldn't have been difficult was impossible for me.

Strange though it seemed at the time, this nearsighted undersized (at the time) egghead excelled at all things shop - drafting, carpentry, electrical, metalworking, plastics molding even - enough so that I ended up becoming one of the “shop guys”, which meant the shop teacher got approval for me to skip study hall and work in the shop.  Mr Trent discovered I had a particular gift for sharpening things, so he had me sharpening lathe chisels, planer blades, knives, etc. - anything requiring an edge - and when not doing that, we were free to work on any project we wanted so long as we cleared it with him first.  Some of our stuff went to regional competitions and won awards; I haven’t seen them in decades, but I still have some of the ribbons socked away somewhere.

Now contrast THAT with the last couple of generations, where both my daughters have more than once had to educate dudes on how to successfully change a tire.  😛

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47 minutes ago, Nashville said:

Now contrast THAT with the last couple of generations, where both my daughters have more than once had to educate dudes on how to successfully change a tire.  😛

Change a tire? In your dreams. From what I've seen, knowing which end of a hammer to use is a mystery for most of these young 'uns. Even I've learned some skills, like installing ceiling fixtures, tiling walls, changing a faucet, etc. which I know none of this generation would dream of even attempting. Google is our friend, if we can get off Instagram long enough to try and learn something.

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5 hours ago, AngelaHunter said:

There are so many jokes in this I don't know where to start.

Mine would have started with an S-class Mercedes, but I do have to show some self control in public. The little Ginger bitch had the nerve to go on Oprah and whinge that the royals cut him off financially? The poor thing then had to try and survive on the £10 million + that his mother left him, plus the millions that great granny left him, I just wish he had a go fund me page, I’d be whipping my credit card out so fast it would melt the plastic 💳 🥵

 

3 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

I don't know why people get so invested in them.

Unless you’re a British citizen I absolutely agree, it’s just that from the very first pay packet I ever worked for, to the very last, some of my hard earned taxes have been given to him and his ilk to live in unbridled luxury and privilege. Admittedly this is boring and irrelevant to most, but it’s very cathartic to snark on them as we do on the show, forgive my self indulgence 🤗

Edited by OoohMaggie
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8 minutes ago, OoohMaggie said:

it’s just that from the very first pay packet I ever worked for, to the very last, some of my hard earned taxes have been given to him and his ilk to live in unbridled luxury and privilege.

"Some"? I bet most of your hard-earned cash was pilfered. They need it. After all, it costs money to hire someone to go around at massive dinner parties with a measuring tape to make sure each plate is the same distance from the edge of the table.

At least Oprah made her own way in the world, unlike all the royal parasites.

 

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3 hours ago, Nashville said:

Now contrast THAT with the last couple of generations, where both my daughters have more than once had to educate dudes on how to successfully change a tire.  😛

Good for you, teaching them the basics.  I have boys and one is much more mechanically inclined than the other.  I mean, he changed two oxygen sensors in his Jeep while states away and without help from either me or Mr. Max.  But both of them can change a tire, change the oil, and use all of the standard tools, including torque wrenches.

Two of my nieces can also change tires and change the oil, but usually call on one of the uncles or their dad to do it.  Now my other nieces?  Wouldn't know what a wrench was if it smacked them in the face.

I miss when schools taught the basics - auto repair, budgeting, cooking.  

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12 hours ago, nachomama said:

I TOOK DRAFTING! It didn't do me any good, life wise. I did set out to college thinking I was going to be an architect. The first year we drew blocks of wood. Second year nuts and bolts and tools. Third year we designed a house from beginning to end. Floor plans, studs, electrical and plumbing, door and roof schedule etc. This one kid in my class drew a house with an interior room with no windows or doors. Teacher man asked him what it was for? We laughed at him. I think mine was exceedingly boring, probably like a block house I grew up in, I don't think I threw in anything particularly fascinating architecture wise.

I loved drafting and became an engineer, so it worked out for me. I also took architecture for a year before I realized I'd be better as an engineer. Which is good, because most architects I know do window details. 

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I was probably more engineered to be an engineer. Although I went to super artsy college which meant they handed me a picasso painting (not literally, a picture of one) and said create a space inspired by that. I was kinda more inclined to 3 bedrooms and 2 baths with handicap access. I was scared of the math.

My father taught us to change a tire, actually change the oil. (Have never done it in my adult life but I know where it goes) He taught us how to drive on a stick shift. Actually parked the car on a hill and said "go". I was 12...New Mexico laws you can start earlier. I've packed bearings! My friend Marcy's dad was a mechanic and he'd put us to work. Marcy was driving down the highway and yelled "your alternator is going out" to a passing vehicle, on our way back, sure enough they were pulled over and she said "it's not the battery it's the alternator" I have been the only person to show up with jumper cables to many situations.

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There’s very little mechanically I haven’t done with a vehicle at one time or another; changing tires, brake pads, oil, spark plugs, ignition coils, hoses, alternators, power steering pumps, exhaust systems, heater cores, clutch pads, head gaskets, recharging AC systems, packing/replacing bearings, swapping engines, swapping radiators, grinding down valves - you name it, I’ve probably been into it.  Only things I’ll take a vehicle to a shop for are automatic transmission repair (can’t stand dealing with the blue million tiny parts), AC compressor replacement (Freon recovery is beyond me), and body work (no talent for that whatsoever).

 

1 hour ago, icemiser69 said:

One of the reasons that I wasn't mechanically inclined is because my dad wasn't interested in teaching me how to do any of those things.  He wanted to do it himself.  He had an old Sears riding mower with all metal construction.  He would constantly order replacement parts from Sears and fix it himself, but wouldn't allow me to help at all.

My father was an garage mechanic turned Army drill sergeant/SIGINT turned railroadman, while I was a scrawny egghead with glasses thick enough to be Vito Scotti’s understudy as the Lost Japanese WWII Sailor in a Gilligan’s Island episode.  Besides hunting/fishing/knives, working on autos was our only together time.  That’s where I discovered another previously unknown talent: profanity as an expressive medium.  When Pa and I were working on a car, my mother wouldn’t even come out of the house except to say supper was ready.  That talent carried well through college - I had folks offer to pay for lessons.  😄

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I could never do any of that until I met Mr. Max.  With him, I've rebuilt transmissions and engines (just finished a rebuild of our Grand Cherokee engine).  We completely overhauled the Grand Cherokee about 10 years ago - we bought it for $500 for our son.  We're now working on a complete rebuild of our Wrangler.  When I say complete, I mean EVERYTHING off the chassis, parts to be sandblasted, painted, repaired, replaced, etc.  It's been a project for over a year, but we keep getting interrupted by other vehicles needing the garage (not just ours).  He's an autobody tech by trade, but can do damn near any mechanical work, and does.  

He had both of our boys in the garage at an early age, but only one really took to it.  Still, as I said, even the one who doesn't like to do mechanic stuff can do it.  

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My dad's truck was not power anything, standard transmission, no power steering and no power brakes. If I drove the thing, I had to practically stand up to mash the clutch and then it was a week and a half to make a tight corner. Cuz you went around and around with that thing, tugging the wheel. But I think it qualifies as tank driving skills. You can't hardly see anything, we had a camper so no rear view mirror.

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I had a nostalgic cinematic journey this weekend. When I work from home I have my tv on in the background but with no sound. Usually I have Food Network or Hgtv on just so there's no "plot" to follow, not really a distraction just stuff going on so I don't get bored. Anywho, I hate Bobby Flay so I had to change the channel. I ended up on a free preview and the movie "Carrie" was playing. This for me is "comedy" ...when I first saw it as a kid we saw the "edited for tv" version so there were many things I missed upon first view. I had no idea what prompted them to taunt Carrie in the shower at the beginning of the movie. Also later in the movie when Piper Laurie is begging Carrie not to go to the prom and she says "They're all gonna laugh at you" my sister misheard her and said the mother said "Get a little altitude" which has struck me as hilariously funny for so many, many years. Saw it in college and went "oooooh, all these things I missed" So now it's been probably 20 years since I've seen it and it never disappoints, always something new. This time I caught the bj scene, maybe it went over my head when I was younger, maybe I legit never saw it. So immediately after "Carrie" , "Saturday Night Fever" came on...never liked it. again very young when I saw it, DID NOT LIKE. Again I'm really only seeing bits and pieces when I look up from work. and it's muted so realistically only time I've ever "noted" the dialogue. I get it, it's the 70's, they were mysogenistic creeps. I completely did not remember most of this movie. I remembered them tricking the girl. I'm watching the dance competition and my only remembrence was Johnny 5 the "short circuit" movie parodying the dance sequence. I was legit thinking "these other dancers seem so much better than JohnTabolta" (JohnTabolta is how he's referred to in my househouse because my niece was obsessed OBSESSED with JohnTabolta and that's how she said it. I'm 4 years older than my neice so if she came over we didn't play "house" we didn't play tea party we played JohnTabolta and I either had to be Danny from Grease or Saturday Night Fever or Urban cowboy, we always made my sister the "aunt" or landlord or some bit player and she was always mad. Anyway, I googled and the trivia I learned was the bj scene in Carrie was the first time in film there was a "depiction" of the activity (other than porn) and in Saturday Night Fever was the first time the words BJ was used. Plus after watching these movies back to back it occurred to me how creepy and rapey JohnTabolta's characters were. He had exactly the same moves launched at women in cars in all 3 of these movies. What were my parents thinking? What was my sister thinking (the mom of niece) she was 4-6 ish coming over and playing JohnTabolta. I even had an email discusion via prison email with her about these hilarious JohnTabolta discoveries. She thinks he's weird looking NOW but she thinks his early skinny gangly long haired self was attractive. I don't know if she considers him rapey now but she is in prison so...I think the child was warped by too much exposure to 70's whacko cinema! I have no idea why so many JohnTabolta movies were on but "blowout" was on as well and had to catch that, he wasn't rapey in that one. but I did Nancy Allen (in Carrie also) she's legendary.

18 hours ago, Nashville said:

I see what you did there.  😄  The dialogue in that bit, though:

“Billy... Billy... Billy... Billy... I hate Carrie White.”

WHO!?!?

Ha Ha! You remember dialogue! Nerd. Something about lip gloss in the 70's, it was so prevalent.

I'm going to see Minari tonight. That's the movie Steven Yeun (Glen) is nominated for an oscar for.

Edited by nachomama

I love me some offspring, I knew he was some sort of science guy but I looked him up and I'm pleased to know he's 55. He probably understands Covid 19 very well.

Minari was good. I actually did a double feature because it's $5 on Tuesdays so I wish my movies were in reverse order but Minari was only playing at 8:15 but "nobody" was the other movie. Minari is not a movie you come away skipping and farting rainbows. No spoilers, it's very good. Nobody was fun, Bob Odenkirk ( I really, really hated him before Better Call Saul, actively hated him in Breaking Bad) He's like a regular dude who gets robbed and everyone kind of dumps on him because he didn't fight back. Come to find out he's basically John Wick. Completely unrealistic but they blow up enough stuff that you don't care, murder and mayhem shouldn't put you in a good mood but it did.

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19 hours ago, OoohMaggie said:

Well, at 76 F today, we’ve had our warmest March day in 53 years ☀️, maybe we won’t need planes this summer!

I saw a post on twitter about a park after the warm day and people all got out to enjoy the weather...holy cow the trash they left behind! And I'm not calling out any countries, you saw our Florida spectacular on UK tv and every year where I'm at they always show us on the news the clean up crews after St. Patrick's day, it's like New Orleans after Mardi Gras and Times Square in NYC after New years. Humans are just pigs, we destroy everything and no wonder we coughed up a pandemic.

It's not that I'm any better... I'm lazy as hell but in order to not have to haul back any trash, I take nothing with me. And then I carry that a step further and say "why go out at all?" Our beaches have signs that say "Leave nothing but your footprints behind"

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2 hours ago, nachomama said:

holy cow the trash they left behind!

It certainly makes you proud 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿, unfortunately that thankfully small minority tarnish the decent people. 

 

1 hour ago, Superclam said:

Littering and leaving your dog shit behind are two things that make me see red. I've seen people litter next to a garbage can. Who the fuck taught you how to do that? 

I think people who launch their rubbish out of the car window should be summarily dispatched on the side of the road  💀

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2 hours ago, Superclam said:

Littering and leaving your dog shit behind are two things that make me see red. I've seen people litter next to a garbage can. Who the fuck taught you how to do that? 

So many people are filthy savages when dealing property not their own.

1 hour ago, OoohMaggie said:

I think people who launch their rubbish out of the car window should be summarily dispatched on the side of the road

While the car is in motion.

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1 hour ago, AngelaHunter said:

So many people are filthy savages when dealing property not their own.

Of course you're not wrong, but I live in an apartment building with lots of other families. I can't tell you how many times I've seen trash and shit (literal) left in the common areas. I'm like "this is your home, too, idiot!" 

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16 minutes ago, Superclam said:

Of course you're not wrong, but I live in an apartment building with lots of other families. I can't tell you how many times I've seen trash and shit (literal) left in the common areas. I'm like "this is your home, too, idiot!" 

Yes, but they didn't pay for the common areas with their hard-earned money. They don't own it so don't give a shit what they do to it, which is the point I'm making.

Edited by AngelaHunter
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1 hour ago, Nashville said:

Well, dogwood winter just landed on us with army boots; yesterday the high was in the 70s, tonight’s low will be in the low 30s, and tomorrow will dip down into the mid-20s.  At least I hadn’t shucked the windows off my Jeep yet, although I was considering it.

Yeah, that's what we're getting here.  Maybe slightly higher temps.  

Can't wait until we get the Jeep back together so I CAN shuck the doors and windows!!

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13 hours ago, AngelaHunter said:

They don't own it so don't give a shit what they do to it, which is the point I'm making.

I don’t know if you have, or what you call this type of housing, but the people who live in a place provided by the state and who also get the rent state paid because they can’t be arsed to get a job, mainly because they can’t get off their backs long enough to not become pregnant,  these and their ‘boyfriends’ are generally the worst blight we have. Don’t own it, don’t pay for it so why should I keep it clean or give a shit what it looks like

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