S18.E02: Auditions 2

[Mr. Sparkle]

Second round of auditions airs Tuesday, June 6th, 8:00 PM EDT. 

[ams1001]

• Kid dancer bullied at school. Check.
• "We're a trap choir. Meaning we sing trap songs." Well, thank you for clarifying.
• A dangerous balancing act. Let's be as loud and distracting as we can possibly be while sitting right in front of them.
• The Japanese dance group was fun.
• Golden Buzzer girl has a lovely voice.
• The same kind of magic trick we see every season but done by an older British woman is a twist, at least.
• Oh, boy, a little kid singing Lady Gaga. That's fun. If she wasn't an adorable six-year-old she would have been buzzed.
• That red-headed guy in the audience while the Guinness Book adjudicator was talking looked like he was checking to see if he was supposed to look shocked yet.
• A country singer with a tragic story? How novel. Not much of a country fan but he has a nice voice.
• Guess we like original songs again this year.
• Remember, boys and girls, don't light yourself on fire. It's dangerous.

[Frisky Wig]

Watching Putri’s audition, I thought it was kinda funny how when she was talking about wanting to go to Julliard, become the biggest diva in the world like Whitney Houston, Simon sat there with this smile like he’s heard all of that 2,482 times. Because he has. I thought it was sweet how the sound/prop guy was asking her about the height of the mic, telling her to have fun, etc, but have we seen them do that with other people auditioning? Also, she needed to enunciate, I had a hard time understanding what she was singing and was glad I have captions on. Maybe it’s a language thing? 
 

I was talking to my mom and now she’s singing again? Why? What did I miss? Her second song was much easier to understand. 
 

Also, I bet she’s gonna get a golden buzzer! 

Edited June 7, 2023 by Frisky Wig

[rr2911]

Last week I asked my wife why we bother watching this show if the outcome seems to be determined already.  Tonight we just looked at each other and laughed because we both were asking the same question as last week.

.  Like last week, I didn't think tonight's GB deserved it.  She was a bit shouty but then again the GB isn't about how good the contestant is.

.  The Japanese dance group were the best tonight and should've received the GB in my opinion.

.  What's with Simon Cowell's fascination with the 4,000+ numbers?  

.  The two dudes balancing act was the second best of the night.

 

[InternetToughGuy]

This show really flu bye, as in it was so long I became ill and had to turn the TV off. It was actually probably better than last week's, though.

///

Christopher (Lambros) Garcia - Since most martial arts focus on attacking the air leading to helplessness in a real fight, the transition to dance isn't as much of a dent to one's masculinity as one might think. I was initially judgmental of his choice, before my extremely poor memory kicked in and recalled that Bruce Lee invented KPop. Anyways, the act was boring and I don't know who it's for. He says he is bullied at school, which makes me feel as though shaping your behavior for others' approval isn't such a bad thing, although when I'm told adult men are supposed to work and contribute to society has me spouting off ideas about being a lone wolf while simultaneously holding out my hand for the allowance I should've stopped receiving 20 years ago. Oh yeah, the act. Boring.

Sainted Trap Choir - They said in their intro to watch your mouth because they're from the south, which I will interpret as staying out of the whole city to avoid being on the receiving end of the knockout game after the hostile activity of minding your own business. Another quip was the leader saying AGT puts people on the map, which to use that metaphor, Forte are like the Bermuda Triangle of relevance. Overall it's an interesting idea, especially since rap is the biggest genre (if going by BMI, that'd be gospel) but doing nothing but covers would be pretty unfulfilling. The version that aired on TV included them doing Bad and Boujee, which isn't on the YouTube upload, possibly because the phone call threatening legal action from the 5 foot 2 featured artist Lil Uzi Vert was possibly answered by a 4'11 Filipeno receptionist and thus taken seriously.

Ramadhani Brothers - This act was probably born out of their Father telling them "I'm sure if you put your heads together you can come up with something". Anyways, an actual good act is rarer than a sighting of the downright false Halley's Comet, but this was actually entertaining. When they posed on top of the ladder, I figured they were imitating the star decoration on top of a Kwanzaa tree, even though that is based on nothing as usual. Due to their last name, you would figure they've been fasting all month to get such lean physiques. Good act for once.

Virginia Stone - She called for a husband that didn't come, probably because he's hanging out with teenagers like a normal old man.

AvantGardey - I wonder if there will be any temptation to switch the language of this act after it's realized that the United States is a Chinese-owned company. Anyways, I liked the act, though not knowing how old they are makes me unsure of whether to clap for only their talent or their appearance as well.

Putri Ariani - I was thinking that Kodi Lee got a gender and ethnicity surgery to top up a level of relevance that dwindled to near zero 5 minutes after his season ended. Stupidity aside, they do seem pretty similar. We were treated to two songs in a row, which described in the most journalistic styling I can muster "stunk". She said her goal was to win a Grammy, which is the most meaningless metric these days, which is odd for her to be 17 and somehow not realize.

Mandy Muden - Wanting to be complimentary as well as rude, I was thinking "I wish she was my great great grandmother". For once I will say a woman this old made me rock hard, which is to say a stone statue, since I was expressionless the entire time. I don't even know why that is, since looking at everyone in the audience act so lively while I look freshly exhumed certainly doesn't make me think my behavior is correct. The act was what you already saw coming. Never much to say.

Zoe Erianna Cuí - She's apparently big on TikTok, which means up to 0.01% of her following will be tuning into this. Born This Weigh is a nice fat acceptance anthem for overweight Americans to blame their doughy physiques on various glands they can't name or locate. No one wants to see this.

Muhamed Kahrimanovic - I don't know if it's this month's festivities or my own neuroses that made the sight of large nuts being smashed into a pulp so satisfying, but I thought it was a joke that he supposedly fell so short of his own record, but I guess not. I heard Guinness presented a certificate to commemorate the record for "longest perpetuated lie" to the inventor of the globe after the show. Good for him.

Mitch Rossell - I haven't lost a family member, so I have no idea, but does a loss from 25 years ago still affect you that much? The song was pretty decent, so I have nothing bad to say other than him saying how he was more into sports made me think this song was originally written on a tennis racket. *ahem*. Anyways, Howie said the song will be the #1 most downloaded song by tomorrow, which much like Americans wearing "only" size 40 jeans is a measurement that lost meaning long ago.

Ray Wold - This act was pretty good. I was pretty sure I had seen knives being thrown while on fire on TV before and then  I remembered that iconic game show called the Minneapolis riots where the grand prize of negative $500 million was given to the community. Yep. There's never anything to say when the act actually delivers. Props to his Mom for participating, even though she probably secretly hopes for one of the knives to hit her, since despite turning 30 this year, I still think life is over after high school.

///

Not terrible. Not good. NEVER good. That's about all you can hope for.

Edited June 7, 2023 by InternetToughGuy

[Neet]

I naively thought that the show's initials sounding like "agate" meant we'd be seeing diamonds in the rough tonight, but it was more like unpolished junk.

Christopher (Lambros) Garcia - His moves were pretty similar to Kevin from Home Alone dancing in celebration that he has the house to himself aside from the microwave and dishwasher spying on him, which is to say he didn't look very coordinated. Another act with no appeal, and anyone who legitimately shows enjoyment at a little boy dancing should get the side eye. At least competing in this show during summer break will defer his bullying to the next school year.

Sainted Trap Choir - Congrats to this group for defying the usual black stereotypes of sassy choirs and obsession with rap music by combining them. They call themselves a trap choir, yet one of the songs they did (Just Wanna Rock) is referred to as "Jersey club" music, which is a blend of hip hop and EDM. Trap beats are known for skittering high hat drums, which that song doesn't have. The guy who did the vocals (Lil Uzi Vert) was also featured in the first song they did, Bad and Boujee, so not respecting my severe nitpicking and ignoring the clear difference between those instrumentals is kind of odd. The last song they did clearly wasn't trap either. I'm annoyed that songs about waving guns around in the park aren't being categorized correctly. Anyway, this was hot garbage.

Ramadhani Brothers - If you've ever seen those charity commercials of Africans carrying water jugs on their head for 40 miles, this was the next logical step. Good lil act that was pretty different from the usual strongman routines, and kudos to whoever told them to not each be sporting gigantic afros that cover their eyes. The American diet is so toxic, NBC will probably be spending quite a bit on airfare to rush them out of the country after each performance to maintain their physique, but any more performances like this will be worth the cost.

Virginia Stone - I don't believe her 'husband calling' has any right or wrong technique. He can hear her perfectly fine, but he's most likely Snapchatting his teen girlfriend.

AvantGardey - The cuteness overload made me want to jump the line to immigrate to Japan to pursue a lifetime of watching cartoons and eating pink KitKat bars, all the while rolling my eyes at seeing an Indian doctor in my hometown. Anyway, it's pretty clear that acting adorable is the crux of the group. Their choreography was "smooth like butter", to quote a song from not-Japan, but I wouldn't say it was anything mind blowing.

Putri Ariani - America's borders are so open, blind people can find their way in. That's impressive, and so too was her vocal ability, although this is of course a story first performance. Her first song was an original about being heartbroken, which shows how easy it is for women to date even if they have a disability, but at least the guy in question is probably hideous since she'd never know. She's talented but I will admittedly never seek out her music, unlike the fake "die hard" Kodi Lee fans from years ago that disappeared instantly. Simon gave her the golden buzzer despite her not even knowing what gold is, which brings us all closer to the same level of apathy.

Mandy Muden - These drawn out magic tricks are frickin' painful to sit through because they tell you what's going to happen long in advance and then you powerlessly watch it happen, much like the ancient passages that speak of men being forced to eat steaks made of mung beans. (coming to your kitchen soon) The audience laughs at everything so they're not much of a barometer, but I didn't think anything she said was amusing. Half the time, it's like someone being from a country is automatically funny.

Zoe Erianna Cuí - Another crappy act that we'll be repeatedly subjected to because the Brit everyone pretends is still a jerk can't say no to anything other than limiting cosmetic procedures. I don't get where the non-imprisoned audience of people who want to watch kids on TV is, this is so boring. When Lady Gaga was popular around 2010-11, there was much concern that she was indoctrinating the children with her lyrics. Now we've come full circle and they're brainwashing everyone in return, much to the applause of my vasectomy-stricken frat brothers.

Muhamed Kahrimanovic - For an elderly German guy, he seemed pretty 'with it' to know that Americans will attack anything that contains water.

Mitch Rossell - Nice to see a slightly older singer throw his oversized hat in the race, at least in one of the few genres where you don't have to be under 25 to succeed. He's already had a successful career writing for Garth Brooks and other big names that the show will never mention, which would only make sense to keep secret if it was a catalog of racist songs for Garth to perform under the Chris Gaines scapegoat. Despite having so much experience, the song Mitch did here had some very literal lyrics and thus left nothing to the imagination.

Ray Wold - It's not every day that we get representatives of both generations responsible for young adults never being able to buy a home. Not much to say. This was one of the few good ones aside from the overly careful knife throwing, but what do you expect. It seems rather obvious that he's trying to become the show's first premature winner of a million dollars by killing his mother for the insurance money.
 

Edited June 7, 2023 by Neet

[Mr. Sparkle]

I agree, much better than last week. Which means next week will be a snoozer. 

• Young dancer - I don't really like dance, and this didn't change my mind. 
• Trap choir - I didn't like them at all. 
• Head balancing - I'm usually not a big fan of this type of act, but these guys were good and I was nervous during the whole thing. 
• Pig caller - dumb. The lady seemed nice.  
• Japanese dancers - I liked them. Well choreographed and funny. 
• Indonesian singer - this is the kind of act that wins this. Guaranteed top 5, if not winner. 
• British magician - yes, we've seen this exact trick, but I liked her act and presentation. 
• Little Lady Gaga - awful. If she wasn't 6, she wouldn't be on there. 
• Coconut guy - embarrassing for everyone involved. 
• Cowboy singer - I'm sorry his father died, but what a dreary song. Not a great voice. 
• Grandma on fire - it's rare that I say this for this show, but that was something I haven't seen before. More entertaining than expected. 

[BuckeyeLou]

Not too many 'thrilling" acts last night.  Although I did not know whether to be amused or appalled by the man throwing flaming knives at his Mother.   And the young woman from Indonesia reminded me of Kody Lee...she had an average voice but was over-praised, I did not think she was worthy of the Golden Buzzer.  The most fun to watch was the young dance group from Japan.

[ams1001]

10 hours ago, Frisky Wig said:

I was talking to my mom and now she’s singing again? Why? What did I miss? Her second song was much easier to understand. 

I think Simon asked her to do another song, but not with his usual "Stop! This is a bad song choice! Do something else!" schtick. More that he just wanted to hear her sing again.

8 hours ago, rr2911 said:

.  What's with Simon Cowell's fascination with the 4,000+ numbers?  

I was asking the same thing. I guess there are ~4000 seats in the place?

1 minute ago, BuckeyeLou said:

And the young woman from Indonesia reminded me of Kody Lee...she had an average voice but was over-praised, I did not think she was worthy of the Golden Buzzer. 

I liked her voice but I don't know that I would have given her the GB. But then I wouldn't have given it to anyone else on this episode, either; not like there were any mindblowing standouts. If I had to pick I'd probably go with the Japanese dance group.

[marketdoctor]

I liked this episode better than last week, but it was another "like, not love."  The Japanese dancers and the GB singer were the ones I liked most, though the head-balancing guys were better than the acrobatics last week. 

Just once, I want someone with a very tragic backstory to say "...but enough about my history, here's a song about my favorite toothpaste."

[LennieBriscoe]

I recall only two acts.

1.) Lambros Garcia: FABULOUS! If little Reginald Dwight had taken to dance instead of the piano...! Lambros's agility, kicks, stag leap, split, cartwheel, and struts were superbly executed! Add in some flamboyance and I'm there, honey! 

Now, where would his act fit Sin City? WTH knows?! But compared to the unutterably boring head-to-head balancing duo, Lambros is the entire Rat Pack!

2.) Avantguardey, the snarky synchronized "Japanese Soul":  Awesome! Parody succeeds most when brilliantly done, and this performance, with its kooky moves and wacky facial expressions, was. 

 

[Lonesome Rhodes]

The raw talent the girl from Indonesia possesses requires the guidance of SYCO!  Run, kid.  Run very fast.  And very far.

The dance group was fun.  Will they come back after another exhaustive and expensive trip? 

The East Tennessee boy reeked of being a plant (and not the vegetable type).  He performed a heckuva song, though.

My favorite  moment was when the Wolds were to head offstage after judgment.  The mom took a right turn to go speak to Simon.  She told him that he scared her el mucho.  Now THAT, is speaking truth to power.  I didn't like it...I LOVED it.   Ruh roh.  What is happening to meeeee?

That auditorium, is actually rather small, imo.  The facility as a whole is large, with several rehearsal rooms and a main ball room.  But it seats ~ 3K (basically 2K lower level, and 1K balcony).