S17.E07: Auditions 6

[Mr. Sparkle]

Sixth round of auditions airs Tuesday, July 12th, 8:00 PM EDT. 

[ams1001]

• What is the dream?
• To be the biggest stars in the world.
• I love that.

Isn't that everyone's dream in your world, Simon?

Get a different song and come back tomorrow? Well, that's a twist, I guess. 🙄

I wonder if it's ever occurred to the producers to, instead of having the judges scream idiotic comments narrating things that the audience can clearly see, maybe just let the audience watch the whole performance.... 

Edited July 13, 2022 by ams1001

[Maverick]

 Sophia did not like that interpreter.   

[Vermicious Knid]

Can't believe they're still letting danger acts on the show. The insurance policy payment must have gone up by at least $1 million.

I didn't think the guy in the wheelchair was all that great, actually. Last guy was definitely better. I liked the dancers but will leave it to someone with more salsa knowledge to say if they were good. Started putting together a little Ikea plastic shelving unit and some pieces didn't want to snap together so I was a little distracted. No screws with this one so nothing mysteriously left over. A capella group was nice, could have done without the sob story background.

Giant cockroaches! No. Hell no.

[InternetToughGuy]

Much like what employees say about their holidays (at least I hypothesize), one week off wasn't enough. Whole post is going to be nonsense, I assume, cause the show was boring as sin. 

///

Travis Japan - Not sure if they explained what the name meant, but it sounds like they just went with the only American name they could think of off hand. I'm sure a lot of people will think they are KPop and despite me wanting to lick both countries' female performers' sweaty armpits equally, they're not really similar and Japanese pop is not popular in the west at all, so auditioning seems like a big waste of time, even though the idea that another super complicated language somehow found an audience is confusing in its own right. Anyways, it wasn't bad per se, but it was kinda boring, along with the obvious demerit of them not being women.

Dino Don - In all these 6000 years I've never seen such nonsense. The act was terrible.

Parrot Man - I was pretty annoyed at the idea that I should listen to a bird babble nonsense, totally unaware of the irony of me repeating word for word what is recited on NBC Peacock news as gospel. It was nothing.

Shenay Kloss - I felt grossed out, as the only place some disgusting insects should be is on my dinner plate, assuming meat is banned to make the made up number of greenhouse gases on a chart no one is allowed to see go down. I didn't think this was a real act.

Ben Waites - They could have made a teary video package to milk the fact that he's bald, but they didn't, so I was proud of the editing team. It was OK, but when are singing acts not not-boring.

Duo Forza - Barely registered they were on the screen, can't say anything.

Duo Rings - They mentioned they were from Argentina, which made me yell "why are you here?!" at the TV (only at the man). The amount of applause they received before doing anything must explain why Americans get a full dopamine rush for making New Years Resolutions that they know they won't act on. On a serious note, I always think husband/wife acts must be incredibly boring to be a part of, especially when they have this sexual tint, since the idea of the man being "driven wild" when rehearsing the same thing for weeks all the while being with her 24/7 makes it very hard to believe blood even remembers how to flow down there.

Acapop Kids - Male or female, I've gotten to the age where even just seeing someone younger than me causes me to cross my arms in a passive aggressive huff. Song was OK, but it seems like any mass appeal will leave when the cloud of sympathy parts.

Henry and Klauss - It was a decent act, though the barrels were too large to inspire a sense of claustrophobia especially in a country where renting out bathtubs in San Francisco to live in is being seen as increasingly normal. I'm going to assume the gimmick was that they waved their hands on the cameras to give the impression that the cameras were always on and then the feed changed when they were inside.

Erica Glenn - I didn't see it, so probably the act of the night.

Adam Winrich - I'm guessing the comedy portion of this was that the suggestion of Americans only needing one whole roll of toilet paper at a time was too hard to believe. It didn't look very impressive.

Stefanny and Yeeremy - More foreign contestants making me feel like a Days Of Our Lives character coming out of a coma asking bystanders what country am I in, which I guess is double stupid since I don't even live there. These acts are super boring.

Alex Rivers - Perhaps my disdain for this act comes from viewing doing anything other than vegetating in front of a computer screen as a waste of time, but violin acts make me go into a mild stewing (or a dull-simmer, heh). With how many flamboyant acts come on here, I'd ask what's in the water, but Alex Jones-induced paranoia makes me boil even bottled Aquafina for 10 minutes in a pot like I'm lost in the rainforest.

Balla Brothers - What's remarkable other than the fact that it was an actual good act was that there were 2 men of their nationality and neither were named Dmitry. It was good.

Wyn Starks - I assume his first name is just spoiling the outcome of the finale, which is boldly assuming anyone will stick around long enough to see if that nonsensical theory is going to happen. I'd say the idea of losing a twin would be extremely painful had I not realized I wouldn't have to crossdress behind a locked door, so I am conflicted. Song wasn't that good.

///

Damn the show was so bad, which is why I didn't feel like making this either.

Edited July 13, 2022 by InternetToughGuy

[Neet]

Travis Japan - Simon claims to love groups, even though it's been a decade since last fulfilling his role of a more agile (and not creepy) Lou Pearlman, which is basically assembling a bunch of teen boys that would be popular anyway into one streamlined source of money for tax benefits. The group is pretty much a worse BTS, who I guess are in need of a replacement when their fans are referred to as 'the Army' and yet selfishly refuse to take the boys' places when they have to honor their mandatory military obligations. The song was rather mediocre, though probably filled with genuine excitement for Hollywood because they have yet to be screwed over in a record deal.

Dino Don - The Earth has only been around for 6000 years, so I comfortably accepted that we were watching a fictional scenario. I couldn't tell this was supposed to be a comedy act, I thought the bait and switch was it. Neither of them were good, anyway. As usual, the crowd is booing and probably screaming assumptions about the performer's sexuality, until the judges say they're not going through and it's back to a warm sendoff of applause like nothing happened.

Shenay Kloss - You can tell they're running out of material when shitty judge segments and time-wasting acts who are probably the sound guy's cousin are taking up multiple slots in the episode. Doing absolutely nothing frequently counts as humor on this show, so it's no surprise.

Ben Waites - Seeing that this guy was able to get married has me frantically searching for excuses, of course omitting my rampant unemployment. I didn't think he was too fantastic of a singer for the most part. He can sing, but it reminded me of old men with double chins whose entire vocal range is going "dum dum dum" in a low voice while plucking a guitar. It was surprising that Ben's condition wasn't mentioned, I thought the editor got lazy and cut that part out. Sofia shed a tear of relatability for his song, thinking of the disadvantaged 6'4 hunk waiting for her at home.

Duo Rings - A win for anybody who doesn't want to exercise and thus thinks all athletic people are meatheads, a ton of these acts are named after the most blunt description of what the act is about. It was good, though I wonder if making the act sensual for so long would make them think of sex as formulaic and more like work when they have to practice risque moves for hours a day. (upon recently learning that people actually have it outside of VR headsets, I guess it does require work) You'd think the last thing the guy would want to do is put a ring on it, I write in a complete deadpan.

Acapop Kids - This group is Kidz Bop, right down to every member looking like they're from a different country and probably wouldn't interact with each other if not coerced. They're doing this performance as a tribute to another member who 'died in his sleep at random', if you believe that. I thought they may have had the best vocal of the night aside from Terry saying "that's it, the show's over", but apparently they're already signed to a record deal. This show is so full of fake BS, it doesn't matter anyway.

Henry and Klauss - Another unimaginative group name, not like calling themselves The Viral Escape Brothers Experience in 3D would make the show go any faster. The reveal on the trick was well done and surprising, for once, though the in-box cameras that were supposed to follow their every move were about the same quality as any fight video that somehow always gets shot in portrait mode with the phone's operator having a seizure and not showing anything. They may be one of the few highlights to come, assuming every single trick doesn't end the same way.

Adam Winrich - A nice visual representation of the average American's ecological footprint when they need a whole roll of toilet paper for every bathroom trip. I didn't see the talent in him whipping toilet paper because he's swatting the rope fast enough that most of the paper is likely to get hit eventually.

Stefanny and Yeeremy - They're from Colombia but were destined to come to America, given that both of their names were handily spelled to show the accent we're supposed to say them in. My only observation is that the guy looked a lot better than the woman, which makes it sound like I watch the show in a hair salon and gossip with fellow old biddies. They're talented at dancing, but the enjoyment doesn't translate to entertainment when seeing it on a screen.

Alex Rivers - This guy is so feminine, his gesticulating doesn't even deserve to be called mannerisms. I thought he was in high school instead of being 26, though it's not impressive because whenever men say things like "I'm 37 and can pass for 27", they usually mean they're doughy and look like a former child actor who got stuck halfway through puberty and are trying to brag about looking estrogen dominant for a decade longer than you'd assume. Even Simon is so fatigued with the "second song" bullshit that he needs to wait a full day before continuing. I'd comment on the actual violin-ing, but it's not going to win, so what's the point.

Balla Brothers - With Simon looking over his shoulder for impending lawsuits, he'd better hope that any injuries the lawyer suffers are to his head. This was a great performance and the two guys are probably full of hatred toward each other for not being able to sing or do any other talent that doesn't require so much risk.

Wyn Starks - Of course the big reveal was somebody having passed away, even though he said his brother "went a different way" from singing and phrased it in such a way that had you think he was alive. The song was alright, though I expected his lisp to disappear and his singing voice would be like a completely different person, which is common for a big reveal. His name at least shows forethought by acknowledging the contrast between what winning AGT is promoted as and what the reality is like. Sounds like Garth Brooks' alter ego of Chris Gaines, but tailored for Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., which is a name that just alienated half the forum.

Worst episode so far, even writing about it was extremely sedating.

Edited July 13, 2022 by Neet

[Mr. Sparkle]

3 hours ago, Neet said:

Worst episode so far, even writing about it was extremely sedating.

It really was. I don't even feel like giving a play-by-play. Just variations on acts we've seen before, and more dumb stuff than usual. 

Travis Japan seemed like a parody of those kind of bands. Absolutely awful. 

[ams1001]

13 hours ago, Neet said:

Sofia shed a tear of relatability for his song, thinking of the disadvantaged 6'4 hunk waiting for her at home.

I must take small exception to this comment.

According to IMDB and Wikipedia, Joe Mangianello is 6'5".

10 hours ago, Superclam said:

It really was. I don't even feel like giving a play-by-play. Just variations on acts we've seen before, and more dumb stuff than usual. 

Travis Japan seemed like a parody of those kind of bands. Absolutely awful. 

I used to do a bullet-pointed list of my impressions of each act (and other random thoughts) as I watched. So far this season I'm lucky if I even catch the names of five acts each episode and/or come up with two or three things to comment on.

[Frisky Wig]

I was away from my TV and half paying attention when the guy with the whips came on stage. When we was asked what his act was, he said “whip cracking.” I thought he said “rib cracking” and clearly I’ve been watching this show too long because I was only slightly surprised that that would be on the show. 

[rr2911]

I guess there was something in the air last night, because I'm also finding it difficult to write my take on last night show.  So I'm going to post what I remember.

.  Travis Japan - Not good at all

.  Colombian dancers - They were good, fast paced but what else are they going to do to add to their routine?

.  Magician brothers - Best act by far of the night!  I have no idea how they did that illusion.  Look forward to their next act.

.  Wheelchair dude - Good but nothing special about his voice.

.  The act that was about Simon Cowell - Very attractive woman!  I would've passed her through just on her beauty alone!  😁

I thought it was rude of Sophia to interupt the interpreter and not let her do her job. 

I thought for sure there was going to be a "Group Golden Buzzer" like last year, especially when the wheelchair dude, the twin or the acapela group came out to perform.  I was waiting for Terry Crews to walk on stage and give one of his speeches.

I'm ready for the next round to begin!!

[Vermicious Knid]

I had to go back and check a recap to confirm there was no GB.

J-Pop actually predates K-Pop by decades, but K-Pop managed to break out in the US in a way J-Pop just never managed. I still have a fondness  for the wackiness of Shonen Knife.

[Lonesome Rhodes]

The show was improved by the absence of Howie.  And it still was bad.

The one act I thought was truly special was the husband/wife ropers.  Their aerial choreo was the best I have ever seen.  Their timing and hitting musical cues was near perfect.  So very fluid and flowing beautifully.  The grasping of feet as the only contact point was quite something, imo.  Brilliant performance.

I am genuinely surprised that Alex has any success busking in LV.  If I were a cop, I'd write him as many tickets as I had to ensure he was not on my beat.

[Mr. Sparkle]

8 hours ago, Lonesome Rhodes said:

The show was improved by the absence of Howie.  And it still was bad.

I think Howie adds something, at least a counter to Simon's pomposity. 

8 hours ago, Lonesome Rhodes said:

The one act I thought was truly special was the husband/wife ropers.  Their aerial choreo was the best I have ever seen.  Their timing and hitting musical cues was near perfect.  So very fluid and flowing beautifully.  The grasping of feet as the only contact point was quite something, imo.  Brilliant performance.

I agree. We've seen the "good looking naked couple spinning around" act a million times, but these guys were great at it. It really looked like they were floating at times. My eyes were stuck to the screen while they were on. 

[sharifa70]

On 7/13/2022 at 11:53 PM, Vermicious Knid said:

I still have a fondness  for the wackiness of Shonen Knife.

Their cover of The Carpenters’ “Top of the World” is one of my favorite things ever.

On 7/13/2022 at 4:53 PM, rr2911 said:

I thought it was rude of Sophia to interupt the interpreter and not let her do her job.

I think she was confused more than anything; when the interpreter started translating for Sofia it seemed awkward because I don’t think Sofia immediately realized the interpreter was translating for the audience, not for the contestants. Sofia was about to translate her own words when the interpreter cut *her* off. I didn’t see it as rude necessarily but a big misunderstanding on all sides.

[rr2911]

On 7/18/2022 at 4:15 PM, sharifa70 said:

I think she was confused more than anything; when the interpreter started translating for Sofia it seemed awkward because I don’t think Sofia immediately realized the interpreter was translating for the audience, not for the contestants. Sofia was about to translate her own words when the interpreter cut *her* off. I didn’t see it as rude necessarily but a big misunderstanding on all sides.

Well, that's just it, Sophia knew there was an interpreter there for a reason.  Sophia probably thought since the contestants were from Colombia, she should be the one translating.  Like I said, I thought that was rude of her.  Just my opinion.