Do You Consider Yourself A Feminist?: Why Or Why Not?

[RealHousewife]

1 minute ago, Bookworm 1979 said:

Stuff like that happens in "respectable" places, too, not just places like Hooters.  These men are going to be disgusting no matter where they are.  I know people who have worked in restaurants, and I've worked retail and... it's ALL bad.

Oh of course! I'd just imagine a place like Hooters is going to attract more men who are sexually aggressive and see women as mere objects. 

[peacheslatour]

18 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh of course! I'd just imagine a place like Hooters is going to attract more men who are sexually aggressive and see women as mere objects. 

Yep. It's their entire business model. It's just so exploitative and brings out peoples worst impulses. They utterly lack imagination, it's just "look, boobies haw haw haw."

[Guest]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

What do you all think of places like Hooters? The concept has always bothered me. There are people a lot more conservative than I am who don't have an issue with it. Strip clubs honestly don't bother me nearly as much. I think part of what makes Hooters so gross to me is how it's seen as just another place to eat and people take their kids there. A tit-themed restaurant shouldn't be considered family-friendly. I don't have kids, but I'd never want my son to think objectifying women is cool. Men seem to get admiring women's beauty confused with objectifying. And I'd never want my daughter to work somewhere she had to show cleavage and wear booty shorts and have men twice her age ogle her. All of this feels very patriarchal and wreaks of toxic masculinity to me. 

As gross as I find breastaurants, to be clear, I am not judging the young women who work there. I understand it can be hard to make good money, and many of them don't love working there themselves, which is just sad. 

I completely agree with you. What bothers me most is that it is objectification masquerading as empowerment. 

[RealHousewife]

2 minutes ago, Dani said:

I completely agree with you. What bothers me most is that it is objectification masquerading as empowerment. 

This is honestly one of my issues with modern "sex positive" feminism. 

Women should never be shamed for being sexual or made to feel ashamed of their bodies. If a woman enjoys dressing sexy, she shouldn't expect harassment. I'm all for respecting sex workers as human beings. But hookup culture can be damaging and dangerous. Men and women do have differences, and the normalizing and glorifying of sex work and stuff adjacent to it feels yucky to me. It just feels like we're going backwards. You still don't see men's bodies being objectified a fraction as much. There are Hooters, Twin Peaks, and strip clubs featuring female strippers everywhere I live. There is occasionally something like the Chippendales that tours here, but that's it. We still seem to live in a world where it's centered around the straight male gaze and catering to what makes them happy, even to the disrespect and discomfort of women and kids.

[Bethany]

This is in no way meant to defend Hooters but at least they are blatant about what they are - my niece got a job at a local restaurant/bar near us a few years ago and the "girls"  (which is how all the female staff were referenced) all were required to wear mini skirts and high heels.  They didn't seem to care too much what the guys wore.  She lasted 3 months before she quit.  She was telling us it wasn't really the clientele that were the problem, it was the managers being idiots.  

[peacheslatour]

6 minutes ago, Elizabeth Anne said:

This is in no way meant to defend Hooters but at least they are blatant about what they are - my niece got a job at a local restaurant/bar near us a few years ago and the "girls"  (which is how all the female staff were referenced) all were required to wear mini skirts and high heels.  They didn't seem to care too much what the guys wore.  She lasted 3 months before she quit.  She was telling us it wasn't really the clientele that were the problem, it was the managers being idiots.  

"Idiots" what a nice way of putting gropey predators.

[PRgal]

I also have a problem with people (often women my age or younger) who tell me to "live a little" (which they also use when I tell them I don't like super-sugary drinks) because I don't wear heavy make-up, short skirts or anything "sexy." Or get tattoos or multiple piercings.  I prefer to be a bit more modest, but not super-modest.  They, too tell me that I'm adhering to traditionally male-dominated "rules."  

[peacheslatour]

16 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I also have a problem with people (often women my age or younger) who tell me to "live a little" (which they also use when I tell them I don't like super-sugary drinks) because I don't wear heavy make-up, short skirts or anything "sexy." Or get tattoos or multiple piercings.  I prefer to be a bit more modest, but not super-modest.  They, too tell me that I'm adhering to traditionally male-dominated "rules."  

The Patriarchy hurts everyone.

[Bastet]

I remember nearly falling out of my chair when visiting family friends mentioned they were taking their pre-teen daughter to Hooters for lunch because she likes chicken wings.  Well, so do I, but I choose to eat them in establishments that have not chosen reducing women to their breasts as a business model!  And what a terrible age for a girl to have her parents normalize the sexual objectification of women.  All the stuff these folks clutched their pearls over, yet this passed muster.  No wonder I never liked them.

[PRgal]

54 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

The Patriarchy hurts everyone.

Except we don’t know what we’re supposed to even do anymore.  It seems you’re wrong no matter what you do.

[peacheslatour]

4 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Except we don’t know what we’re supposed to even do anymore.  It seems you’re wrong no matter what you do.

Kindness and respect never go out of style.

Edited October 7, 2022 by peacheslatour

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

Kindness and respect never go out of style.

The younger generation (Gen Z) seems to think otherwise.  

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, PRgal said:

I also have a problem with people (often women my age or younger) who tell me to "live a little" (which they also use when I tell them I don't like super-sugary drinks) because I don't wear heavy make-up, short skirts or anything "sexy." Or get tattoos or multiple piercings.  I prefer to be a bit more modest, but not super-modest.  They, too tell me that I'm adhering to traditionally male-dominated "rules."  

I hear ya. Wholesome shaming is a thing. I'm a very openminded person, but I live my own life somewhat traditionally and am a goody two shoes. I've been told to live a little because I don't drink and am not wild. 

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

I remember nearly falling out of my chair when visiting family friends mentioned they were taking their pre-teen daughter to Hooters for lunch because she likes chicken wings.  Well, so do I, but I choose to eat them in establishments that have not chosen reducing women to their breasts as a business model!  And what a terrible age for a girl to have her parents normalize the sexual objectification of women.  All the stuff these folks clutched their pearls over, yet this passed muster.  No wonder I never liked them.

Yes! I know people who are very religious, who are anti LGBT, who think premarital sex is wrong, who don't think women should wear bikinis, who clutch their pearls over so many things, but think Hooters is perfectly wholesome and acceptable. I don't get it.

I worked with a woman who was very judgmental about what women wear. She'd complain about her niece showing cleavage, but she saw no problem with Hooters. She said it was like any other restaurant. If that's true, why is it named "Hooters," and why do they only hire young attractive women who must show cleavage and have shorts that go all the way up to their butts? Really, it's no different form Applebees?

Edited October 7, 2022 by RealHousewife

[Bastet]

9 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I worked with a woman who was very judgmental about what women wear. She'd complain about her niece showing cleavage, but she saw no problem with Hooters.

That is so ass-backward, getting huffy over what women choose to wear for themselves, but taking no issue with women being made, as a condition of employment, to wear skimpy outfits for the enjoyment of men. 

[RealHousewife]

1 minute ago, Bastet said:

That is so ass-backward, getting huffy over what women choose to wear for themselves, but taking no issue with women being made, as a condition of employment, to wear skimpy outfits for the enjoyment of men. 

Thank you! 👏 

I am not offended by the skimpy outfit itself. It's the skimpy outfit being part of your job in order to make men happy that grosses me out. 

[PRgal]

27 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I hear ya. Wholesome shaming is a thing. I'm a very openminded person, but I live my own life somewhat traditionally and am a goody two shoes. I've been told to live a little because I don't drink and am not wild. 

Yes! I know people who are very religious, who are anti LGBT, who think premarital sex is wrong, who don't think women should wear bikinis, who clutch their pearls over so many things, but think Hooters is perfectly wholesome and acceptable. I don't get it.

I worked with a woman who was very judgmental about what women wear. She'd complain about her niece showing cleavage, but she saw no problem with Hooters. She said it was like any other restaurant. If that's true, why is it named "Hooters," and why do they only hire young attractive women who must show cleavage and have shorts that go all the way up to their butts? Really, it's no different form Applebees?

One woman once told me that I needed to get out of only wearing neutral nail polish.  I *DID* wear blue and green on my toes when I was a teen, but that's feet.  And I haven't done that in 25 years.   

[RealHousewife]

Just now, PRgal said:

One woman once told me that I needed to get out of only wearing neutral nail polish.  I *DID* wear blue and green on my toes when I was a teen, but that's feet.  And I haven't done that in 25 years.   

Gosh, people can be so silly! Who cares what nail polish someone wears?!

[JustHereForFood]

I've also had some colleagues in the past who were very pick-and-choose about what to be sex-positive about. They had no problems with having multiple sexual partners in a short time, birth control and stuff like that (not that I have any problem with it) and I'm sure they would be very insulted if anyone had any negative comments about that. But they could make some horrible comments about LGBT+ people, partcularly trans women, also women who are not conventionally pretty and/or thin, some female celebrities and the worst of the worst: women who had partners younger than them, even if they were both adults with not that many years apart.

[ebk57]

I've always said that if I were starving to death and the only place to get food was Hooters, I'd just go ahead and starve to death.  

[RealHousewife]

18 hours ago, JustHereForFood said:

I've also had some colleagues in the past who were very pick-and-choose about what to be sex-positive about. They had no problems with having multiple sexual partners in a short time, birth control and stuff like that (not that I have any problem with it) and I'm sure they would be very insulted if anyone had any negative comments about that. But they could make some horrible comments about LGBT+ people, partcularly trans women, also women who are not conventionally pretty and/or thin, some female celebrities and the worst of the worst: women who had partners younger than them, even if they were both adults with not that many years apart.

Those people sound like bigots/misogynists then. Lots of men are perfectly happy if women are willing to sleep with them and sleep with them quickly, not get pregnant, but only want anything to do with conventionally attractive cis gendered straight women. They could give a rip about how purity culture can damage women or issues affecting communities they're not a part of. 

1 hour ago, ebk57 said:

I've always said that if I were starving to death and the only place to get food was Hooters, I'd just go ahead and starve to death.  

I'm glad I'm not the only person who finds the place problematic. A lot of folks will think you're uptight if you refuse to go there. 

[peacheslatour]

Quote

I'm glad I'm not the only person who finds the place problematic. A lot of folks will think you're uptight if you refuse to go there. 

They know it's wrong so they try to cast you as a prude for objecting for perfectly valid reasons. It's like the way they try to rationalize their porn addiction.

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Those people sound like bigots/misogynists then. Lots of men are perfectly happy if women are willing to sleep with them and sleep with them quickly, not get pregnant, but only want anything to do with conventionally attractive cis gendered straight women. They could give a rip about how purity culture can damage women or issues affecting communities they're not a part of. 

I'm glad I'm not the only person who finds the place problematic. A lot of folks will think you're uptight if you refuse to go there. 

I have a feeling @JustHereForFood is referring to women as well, not just men.  Personally, I DO have issues when one partner is much, much younger than the other...but that's no matter what gender the people are.  What if one is being taken advantage of (and yes, it could be the younger half taking advantage of the older!!!)?

[RealHousewife]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

I have a feeling @JustHereForFood is referring to women as well, not just men.  Personally, I DO have issues when one partner is much, much younger than the other...but that's no matter what gender the people are.  What if one is being taken advantage of (and yes, it could be the younger half taking advantage of the older!!!)?

Women can absolutely share those views too! I was just thinking more men because when it comes to a place like Hooters, I know way more women offended by the concept. 

And also agree that if I saw a 35-year-old woman with an 18-year-old man, I'd be grossed out. I do think it's silly how people won't think twice seeing a man 15 years older than a woman, but there's a huge deal when a woman is five years older.

[PRgal]

10 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Women can absolutely share those views too! I was just thinking more men because when it comes to a place like Hooters, I know way more women offended by the concept. 

And also agree that if I saw a 35-year-old woman with an 18-year-old man, I'd be grossed out. I do think it's silly how people won't think twice seeing a man 15 years older than a woman, but there's a huge deal when a woman is five years older.

I'd be grossed out if an 18 year old of ANY gender is seeing a 35 year old.  It's different from, say 30 and 45.

[RealHousewife]

24 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I'd be grossed out if an 18 year old of ANY gender is seeing a 35 year old.  It's different from, say 30 and 45.

💯 

[JustHereForFood]

On 10/8/2022 at 11:49 PM, PRgal said:

I have a feeling @JustHereForFood is referring to women as well, not just men.  Personally, I DO have issues when one partner is much, much younger than the other...but that's no matter what gender the people are.  What if one is being taken advantage of (and yes, it could be the younger half taking advantage of the older!!!)?

Yes, thank you, I meant female colleagues. Sorry for not being clear in my post, the conversation before was about women being assholes to other women, so I wrote about my own experiences.

As for the age difference, I am generally ok with it as long as both partners are adults, there is no other factor to make it unequal (like teacher-student) and the difference is not so huge that one could potentially be the other's parent (double weird if they also have a child of the same age as their partner). But the examples I was talking about were like woman in her early 50's with a man in his 40's or late 30's, or even both in their 40's, just maybe 6-7 years apart.

[PRgal]

3 minutes ago, JustHereForFood said:

Yes, thank you, I meant female colleagues. Sorry for not being clear in my post, the conversation before was about women being assholes to other women, so I wrote about my own experiences.

As for the age difference, I am generally ok with it as long as both partners are adults, there is no other factor to make it unequal (like teacher-student) and the difference is not so huge that one could potentially be the other's parent (double weird if they also have a child of the same age as their partner). But the examples I was talking about were like woman in her early 50's with a man in his 40's or late 30's, or even both in their 40's, just maybe 6-7 years apart.

The 6-7 age difference would only be (kind of) weird if the younger partner was a kid you babysat when you were a teenager!!!   

[JustHereForFood]

22 minutes ago, PRgal said:

The 6-7 age difference would only be (kind of) weird if the younger partner was a kid you babysat when you were a teenager!!!   

Yeah. My father is 7 years older than my mother and I never thought that it was any significant difference. But some people think that when it's the other way around, it's a huge deal.

[Bethany]

I saw a commercial tonight that could have been a throwback to the '60s.  It is for cheetos of all things and the father has the wife and kids sitting at the kitchen table while he loudly demands to know which of them has been eating the cheetos.  Anyway the reason I bring this up in this thread is forgodssake - we're in 2022 and we still have commercials on the air where "dad" is clearly the boss and "mom" is being treated exactly like one of the kids while he blusters and bullies and throws his weight around.  It is exactly this kind of crap that reminds me of why I am a feminist.

[Bastet]

Not to mention all the commercials for cleaning products where Dad joins the kids in making some ridiculous mess he should have been stopping them from making, and Mom swoops in smiling because she has just the product to clean up after them.

Or all the commercials where men are inept at cleaning and other domestic tasks; their superior male brains just aren't meant for such drudgery, so let the little woman step in and take care of it, as, after all, she is innately suited to such tasks.  The messaging hasn't evolved, it has merely grown more subtle from the old ads that blatantly instructed husbands to buy their wives X,Y,Z product so they can most effectively keep the husband's life running smoothly.

The laundry commercials are getting better at showing men as the ones doing it, but we usually see them alone.  I know I've complained about this before, but ad makers want to give themselves more credit than they deserve for this change.  Maybe the guy is half of a same-sex couple, maybe he's single, maybe he has a female partner who's doing something else, but it would be nice to see more commercials where there is clearly a woman in the family, yet the man is the one doing the laundry (bonus points if there's a shot of her in the background working, or doing some stereotypically "masculine" household chore -- it's a small measure of progress to see men doing laundry but only when there's no woman around.

Edited October 11, 2022 by Bastet

[peacheslatour]

20 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Not to mention all the commercials for cleaning products where Dad joins the kids in making some ridiculous mess he should have been stopping them from making, and Mom swoops in smiling because she has just the product to clean up after them.

Or all the commercials where men are inept at cleaning and other domestic tasks; their superior male brains just aren't meant for such drudgery, so let the little woman step in and take care of it, as, after all, she is innately suited to such tasks.  The messaging hasn't evolved, it has merely grown more subtle from the old ads that blatantly instructed husbands to buy their wives X,Y,Z product so they can most effectively keep the husband's life running smoothly.

The laundry commercials are getting better at showing men as the ones doing it, but we usually see them alone.  I know I've complained about this before, but ad makers want to give themselves more credit than they deserve for this change.  Maybe the guy is half of a same-sex couple, maybe he's single, maybe he has a female partner who's doing something else, but it would be nice to see more commercials where there is clearly a woman in the family, yet the man is the one doing the laundry (bonus points if there's a shot of her in the background working, or doing some stereotypically "masculine" household chore -- it's a small measure of progress if we only see men doing laundry when there's no woman around to do it.

It's gotten so that one of my favorite commercials is the one for thing thing that hardboils eggs in the microwave because it shows a guy making his own breakfast.

[PRgal]

What’s with people forcing their own version of feminism on others?  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a woman I’ve never met in person once tried to start a flame war with me on social media over…get this…bra wearing.  She was anti-bra and I told her I liked wearing them.  She told me I was “oppressed.”   I was like “you’re only oppressed if you feel that way” and “my wardrobe/lingerie, my choice.”

[RealHousewife]

5 minutes ago, PRgal said:

What’s with people forcing their own version of feminism on others?  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a woman I’ve never met in person once tried to start a flame war with me on social media over…get this…bra wearing.  She was anti-bra and I told her I liked wearing them.  She told me I was “oppressed.”   I was like “you’re only oppressed if you feel that way” and “my wardrobe/lingerie, my choice.”

Wow! I don't know if I've ever met a bra-burning feminist in person. To each her own, but I'm with you. I like wearing bras. I mean it's nice to take it off at the end of the day when I'm going to sleep, but I don't think they're uncomfortable when they're the right size. I also prefer not to bounce around, and I enjoy wearing stuff that's pretty and lacy. I do resent how expensive they are. I bitch a lot about how expensive and energy-zapping it is to be a female. 

[peacheslatour]

35 minutes ago, PRgal said:

What’s with people forcing their own version of feminism on others?  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a woman I’ve never met in person once tried to start a flame war with me on social media over…get this…bra wearing.  She was anti-bra and I told her I liked wearing them.  She told me I was “oppressed.”   I was like “you’re only oppressed if you feel that way” and “my wardrobe/lingerie, my choice.”

I was in a thread yesterday and this woman was being shamed by her rommates for trying to lose weight. They were telling her that it was "anti feminist" to care about your looks. People be cray.

[Bethany]

9 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

I was in a thread yesterday and this woman was being shamed by her rommates for trying to lose weight. They were telling her that it was "anti feminist" to care about your looks. People be cray.

Weight is a huge hot button issue with a few people I know but mostly I don't think it's a feminist issue. I've learned that for some people the concept of loving yourself the way you are has been taken to such an extreme that my ordering a diet coke when I'm out with them is taken as an insult.  Sigh.  I am not going to police my choice of beverage because someone is "a size 20 and proud of it"  I don't care what she weighs, why does she care what I drink???

[meep.meep]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

What’s with people forcing their own version of feminism on others?  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a woman I’ve never met in person once tried to start a flame war with me on social media over…get this…bra wearing.  She was anti-bra and I told her I liked wearing them.  She told me I was “oppressed.”   I was like “you’re only oppressed if you feel that way” and “my wardrobe/lingerie, my choice.”

Someone you have never met in person castigating you on social media is called a troll.  How do you know it was even a woman?

Good for you for standing up for what you want to do.

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

I was in a thread yesterday and this woman was being shamed by her rommates for trying to lose weight. They were telling her that it was "anti feminist" to care about your looks. People be cray.

Whoa.....so she wants to take care of herself.  Isn't that a good thing?  If her roommates are going to have health conditions in the future, well, that's their problem.

[Bastet]

52 minutes ago, PRgal said:

If her roommates are going to have health conditions in the future, well, that's their problem.

How do you know her roommates are going to have health conditions?

[PRgal]

17 minutes ago, Bastet said:

How do you know her roommates are going to have health conditions?

That’s why I said “if.”  If I knew, I’d say “when.” 

[Bastet]

6 minutes ago, PRgal said:

That’s why I said “if.”  If I knew, I’d say “when.” 

Since all that was said of them was their roommate posted online she was being shamed by them as anti-feminist for wanting to lose weight, I was just curious what in there led you to raise the possibility of future health conditions for them, since there wasn't even any mention of her health (only her looks) let alone theirs.

[JTMacc99]

On 10/9/2022 at 8:10 PM, JustHereForFood said:

As for the age difference, I am generally ok with it as long as both partners are adults, there is no other factor to make it unequal (like teacher-student) and the difference is not so huge that one could potentially be the other's parent (double weird if they also have a child of the same age as their partner). But the examples I was talking about were like woman in her early 50's with a man in his 40's or late 30's, or even both in their 40's, just maybe 6-7 years apart.

A few years ago, one of my coworkers said that the rule for adults with age differences is "Half your age plus seven". Don't know where she got that from, but she runs our marketing analytics department, and her math is always spot on..   

So everybody who was standing around her at the time ran the numbers for themselves... "Let's see, so I'm 48, so that's 24 + 7, which makes 31 my floor. Got it." 

Somebody needs to send this rule to Leo DiCaprio. 

[PRgal]

27 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

A few years ago, one of my coworkers said that the rule for adults with age differences is "Half your age plus seven". Don't know where she got that from, but she runs our marketing analytics department, and her math is always spot on..   

So everybody who was standing around her at the time ran the numbers for themselves... "Let's see, so I'm 48, so that's 24 + 7, which makes 31 my floor. Got it." 

Somebody needs to send this rule to Leo DiCaprio. 

Haha...I'm 43.  Half my age would be 21 1/2.  Plus 7?  28 1/2.  Since it's half, would someone my age round up or down?  Doesn't matter for me, since I'm happily married.

[partofme]

5 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Haha...I'm 43.  Half my age would be 21 1/2.  Plus 7?  28 1/2.  Since it's half, would someone my age round up or down?  Doesn't matter for me, since I'm happily married.

If the decimal is .5 or higher you round up.  Or you could date someone exactly 28 and 6 months.  Since my birthday is on Sunday I have a few more days to date and then my number is going to increase by six months.  🙃

[Guest]

2 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

A few years ago, one of my coworkers said that the rule for adults with age differences is "Half your age plus seven". Don't know where she got that from, but she runs our marketing analytics department, and her math is always spot on..   

That was originally to calculate the ideal age of a wife and not the lower limit. 

[PRgal]

3 hours ago, partofme said:

If the decimal is .5 or higher you round up.  Or you could date someone exactly 28 and 6 months.  Since my birthday is on Sunday I have a few more days to date and then my number is going to increase by six months.  🙃

Ahhh...elementary school math.  I have a different rule - 10 years either way.  That way, one wouldn't be that 80 year old with the 47 year old.  

Edited October 12, 2022 by PRgal

[JustHereForFood]

On 10/11/2022 at 10:34 PM, PRgal said:

What’s with people forcing their own version of feminism on others?  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a woman I’ve never met in person once tried to start a flame war with me on social media over…get this…bra wearing.  She was anti-bra and I told her I liked wearing them.  She told me I was “oppressed.”   I was like “you’re only oppressed if you feel that way” and “my wardrobe/lingerie, my choice.”

Wow, I wasn't sure whether to reach with a like, sad, or mindblown reaction. I would totally understand it with a corset, as that is seen as archaic symbol of women's oppression. But bras are actually useful and for many women it would be quite difficult, I imagine, to not wear them, maybe even create health problems. 

I don't wear a bra at home all summer, not even when I am home all week, but my breasts are pretty small, so it's not a problem for me. Now it's gotten cold though, I feel very cold without it. And I would probably be afraid of getting pneumonia if I didn't wear it out in winter.

4 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

A few years ago, one of my coworkers said that the rule for adults with age differences is "Half your age plus seven". Don't know where she got that from, but she runs our marketing analytics department, and her math is always spot on..   

So everybody who was standing around her at the time ran the numbers for themselves... "Let's see, so I'm 48, so that's 24 + 7, which makes 31 my floor. Got it." 

Somebody needs to send this rule to Leo DiCaprio. 

I also know it from some movie, I think, and sometimes use it. I think it's pretty good, because it keeps the acceptable difference smaller for young people and bigger as they get older and mature, which makes sense to me.

[Annber03]

I just turned 38 last week, so 19 plus 7 would mean 26 would be the starting point for me. 

But I tend to like older guys anyway, so they'd likely be the ones who'd have to do the calculating :p. Mind, since I am in my late 30s, I don't know that the age gap matters nearly as much by this point, unless, as noted above, I started dating a guy in, like, his 70s or 80s :p. Which would definitely be too old for me. I think at most, five years older or younger would be my personal comfort limit. 

[Bastet]

Significant age gaps generally only matter if the parties being in different life stages means there's a power imbalance.

But with the part of the brain responsible for all the things that go into decision-making not being fully developed until around age 25, even a smaller age gap can feel creepy when one person is in their early twenties.

And these male celebrities who, after they divorce their long-term, similarly-aged wife, go on to have a string of girlfriends and a subsequent wife, ALL of whom have fully matured brains, yeah, but are 20+ years younger?  That's a pathetic pattern.  You're not just happening to fall for someone young enough to be your child in that case, you're intentionally and exclusively seeking such women out. 

Edited October 13, 2022 by Bastet

[PRgal]

20 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Significant age gaps generally only matter if the parties being in different life stages means there's a power imbalance.

But with the part of the brain responsible for all the things that go into decision-making not being fully developed until around age 25, even a smaller age gap can feel creepy when one person is in their early twenties.

And these male celebrities who, after they divorce their long-term, similarly-aged wife, go on to have a string of girlfriends and a subsequent wife, ALL of whom have fully matured brains, yeah, but are 20+ years younger?  That's a pathetic pattern.  You're not just happening to fall for someone young enough to be your child in that case, you're intentionally and exclusively seeking such women out. 

The power imbalance thing...that's why I have that +/-10 year rule - once the older half is 35 (because 28 and 18 is a bit creepy).

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Bastet said:

Significant age gaps generally only matter if the parties being in different life stages means there's a power imbalance.

But with the part of the brain responsible for all the things that go into decision-making not being fully developed until around age 25, even a smaller age gap can feel creepy.

And these male celebrities who, after they divorce their long-term, similarly-aged wife, go on to have a string of girlfriends and a subsequent wife, ALL of whom have fully matured brains, yeah, but are 20+ years younger?  That's a pathetic pattern.  You're not just happening to fall for someone young enough to be your child in that case, you're intentionally and exclusively seeking such women out. 

I mostly feel the same way. It’s much less about the actual ages than the dynamics of a situation.