PhilMarlowe2

The great romance of our time!

I was at the reality TV awards the year of BB8 (is that even a thing anymore)? Jen was there with Dr. Will and Boogie. I got to witness this amazing moment where Will was standing around and Dick approached him with total reverence and this attitude of, "Now we're going to be all simpatico" and Will just totally gave him the cold shoulder. It was quite awesome to see Dick energetically shrink from someone (especially his idol).

Ugh. I wasn't going to mention this because I ultimately don't feel like it's fair to judge anyone's emotional process, but since this has come up, it did occur to me that Dick spent some of that summer publicly slamming Daniele's game after he left the house. I know everyone has their own way of dealing with things, but really? You were diagnosed with HIV, and you're taking time out of your life in the immediate aftermath to slam your own daughter in a very visible, social way? Might there be better priorities for you? That guy is just an emotional infant. It's amazing Daniele turned out as well as she did (speaking here of BB13, not BB8).

I guess I am a horrible person, because the first thing that sprang to mind reading about Dick was vague recollections of when he would sexually harass Jen Johnson and say things about her getting raped and contracting AIDS - or maybe it was gay Dustin that he said would get raped and contract AIDS - and I just can't dredge up that much sympathy for him. I am not actively glad that Dick has been dealing with this, but I can't say I feel all that bad for him either. It is what it is. I sort of respect him for owning it and using his "fame" as a platform - though even that respect is mitigated by the fact that if it were someone else coming from the BB world out as HIV+, he'd probably be making fun of them about now. At the end of the day, he is who he is - and while I can have compassion for him in the sense that I would have compassion for anyone contracting this disease - it doesn't make me feel any less contempt for who he has shown himself to be on these shows.

"Phaedra's having an affair with an African man named Chocolate?!" has to be the most life-giving thing I have seen on Bravo in ages.

This was the first season since BB2 I was finally able to stop watching. Still, I find Frankie reprehensible. He is now talking to media about he "fell in love" with Zach in the house - while of course saying things like, "The Zankie reality show needs to happen immediately!" It is so glaringly obvious that he knows the public liked Zankie as an entity and now he is totally trying to leverage that for more exposure (kind of like what that skeezbag Nick did with Gina Marie last year). Frankie has clearly learned nothing from his time in the house and I don't understand what Zach sees in him.

Mileage obviously varies, but I think there is a world of difference between Marilu Henner getting frustrated with the Hulk or Arsenio reaching his limit with that awful Aubrey (was that her name?) and the kind of ongoing, sustained, "drama for the sake of drama" theatrics shown by people like Nene, Lisa, Dennis or that horribly self-involved Hulk guy (Lou something?). Yes, conflict will happen to everyone at some point, but I think there is a difference between occasionally having friction with coworkers and essentially being a lightning rod for pissing people off wherever you go. When there are multiple episodes of how you're negatively affecting the team, I think it says something. And, in my mind, there is no way tricky editing is responsible for Lisa Lampanelli's portrayal - I remember there was one time, late in the season, where she just went off on some totally harmless, pretty model - they were in a backstage make-up room someplace - and Lisa just tore into her in the most needlessly abusive way. You can't create that with editing. That is all her. Re: Kenya, I neither love her nor hate her. But one thing that does annoy me about her is that she does play the part of the pot-stirrer and then she cries victim when it blows up in her face. It's like she almost seems self-aware, but then she just loses me with her need to act like this innocent woman who is just being unfairly targeted by others. RHoBH Brandi is kind of the same way. Mind you, I hate the vicious way the other women go after Kenya, but she is definitely not an angel in my eyes, and I won't use reality TV demands as an excuse for her behavior. Because on RHoA, there are the the Nene's and the Kenya's - and there are also the Cynthia's and the Kandi's - all of them get into conflict, but some of them are just constant lightning rods for unending, unnecessary drama.

I would counter though that all of the people you listed there were horrible, self-involved players who indeed brought unnecessary conflict upon themselves. Stephen Baldwin, Nene Leakes, Lisa Lampanelli (especially Lisa Lampenelli) really exhibited some off-the-wall, egotistical behavior. There is a reason why they clashed with so many of their peers, so I am not really buying them as examples of how anyone can find themselves stumbling into conflict on a reality show (I am not including Penn because, while people did have issues with his condescension, he did not get into the same kind of theatrics that the others did). And for every Nene or Lisa Lampanelli, there was also a Lisa Rinna, an Arsenio Hall, a Trace Adkins, a Brett Michaels, a Marilu Henner, etc, who handled themselves gracefully. In other words, using CA as an example, I think you are always responsible for your behavior regardless of whether its a reality show or not. And if you have a way of consistently attracting heated conflict amongst your cast mates on different shows, I definitely think it says something about you. Nene is also a prime example of this.

For all the firing talk, I kind of believe this article.

That article was amusing to me because of the author's insistence that everyone be polite. If someone were to say to me, "Sorry, mister, you need to back off and get in the back of the line, you're not that special," I would probably fire back something snotty as well. Yeah, cutting in line sucks, but the author's own description of her words makes her sound pretty abrasive.

Well, if the reports are true (and of course I take them with a grain of salt), they're making it sound like Kyle is the aggressor here - that Brandi just went to check on Kim and Kyle started in with her - and then pushed Brandi (and also scratched Kim). Guess we'll see how it all plays out.

Well, when you are following in the footsteps of epic musical acts like Jo De la Rosa, it's tough to compete. Let's face it, Gretchen could sing like Barbara Streisand, but it will always pale in comparison to the raw talent and magnetic force of Jo's debut single: "Those eyes...that smile..."

Reports now saying that it was Brandi and Kyle who got into a fight - apparently, because Brandi came to Kim's side during one of the Richards' sisters feuds - and Kyle even pushes Brandi. For some reason, this story feels more true than the last one about Brandi and Kim getting into fisticuffs, which sounded like total B.S.

One of my biggest disappointments with this show is that Heather never tried to open her restaurant. That would have been reality TV gold - and certainly a more interesting storyline than Gretchen doing a Pussycat Dolls performance.

This whole discussion got me thinking about Vicki and the difference between her and, say, Tamra and Simon. Vicki has obviously been a huge narcissist in her family and I do feel she has emotionally dumped on her children. The difference, to my perception/intuition, is that I have never sensed an "intimacy" between Vicki and Michael/Brianna. I definitely think she has browbeaten them, and I do think we are seeing the effects on Brianna (and her terrible life choices). But we have never seen Vicki exhibit any sort of flirtatious energy with Michael - and she never posts on social media in this mopey, self-victimizing way about her children and how all she can do is try and be a good mother - thereby implying that Donn is not a good father figure and was the one to ruin the family (something Simon used to do all the time on Facebook - he still does it sometimes). Based on what I have seen, Vicki has always seemed to keep her relationship with Donn a separate issue from her relationship with her children. So, I think there is a different quality to the dysfunction. Having said that, I have always maintained that I think there is a lot we haven't seen with Vicki in terms of what goes on behind closed doors. She herself said (of Shannon) this season, "If this is how she behaves in front of people, I can only imagine what is happening when others aren't around." For all I know, Vicki may have been a lot more inappropriate when cameras weren't rolling, we'll never know.

I wasn't making a diagnostic conclusion. I was explaining why I found him creepy and how that excerpt typified an overall pattern from Simon that I found emotionally controlling. There is a general vibe I get from him that reminds me of patterns of covert incest. I am simply having my own reaction to what I see and hear of Simon on the show/in the media. Mileage can obviously vary. I don't want to talk about this too much more because I am aware it is getting away from the point of this thread, but my understanding of covert incest lies in this sentence from the linked definition: "What makes it child abuse is the fact the adult is actually exploiting the child for his or her own benefit while neglecting the needs of the child." That is not always going to be a sexual benefit. Sometimes, it is emotional, which can be equally damaging. The gist is that the child becomes a surrogate partner, fulfilling needs for the parent that should only be met by other adults (great book about it), there can be absolutely no inappropriate physical or sexual contact in covert incest. A big part of it is when a child is made to feel more like a "partner" in the parent's life/emotional life rather, that they bear some responsibility for the parent's emotional well-being. All that said, at the end of the day, the term itself isn't really important (to me) - my basic point is that I feel Simon is a very self-involved man who has a tendency to put his own emotional needs in front of what is best for his children, I feel he uses his children as props in his "I'm a victim" feud with Tamra and uses his role as "Daddy" to fill an emotional well - I feel he has done this a lot, especially in social media. The blog is just on example. I also think it can be hugely destructive to children if it carries over to their home life, which I absolutely believe it does. Yeah, definite shades of this - huge alarm bells went off in Tamra's first episode when they were kind of "flirting" over her panties lying around the house. Also, on an emotional level, the way Tamra seems to want Ryan to comfort her in times of distress - her emotional reaction to his leaving ("But what about how this affects me? This is about my emotional life! You have to take care of me and make me feel better about my life! Now am I going to cry hysterically and you have to comfort me and make sure I am okay with everything!"). Generally speaking, a child shouldn't be intimately familiar with a parent's tears - and I have a feeling Ryan has had to take care of Mommy a lot over the years when she has one of her emotional reactions. That's not a kid's job. And I think this is a prime example of how Simon and Tamra have more in common than they like to believe - I think they both use their kids as part as their self-victimization. This is why I just can't feel bad for either one of them.

Covert incest does not necessarily mean a sexualized relationship. Covert incest relates to a blurring of emotional boundaries - parents having their children fulfill emotional needs or emotional demands that should only be fulfilled by other adults.

Yeah, it's that last paragraph. Evoking your love for your children in the context of your marital woes and how your mother allegedly destroyed the marriage through the pursuit of fame is all kinds of unhealthy. That is a horrible burden to place on your children. "I couldn't tame your mother, who changed and became a really bad person, woe is me, your mother deeply betrayed me, but I would do anything for you, Daddy loves you very much." Just no. That is tangling his aborted relationship with Tamra (and his disappointment in her) with his love for his children. He is using his "noble" love for his children to victimize himself and literally directing the sentiment at his children. There is a term for parents who use children to fulfill their personal emotional needs: covert or emotional incest. It can be devastating to children. Simon writing that bespeaks an inability to shield his kids from his emotional distress over Tamra. His love for this kids should never be crossed with his upset over his marital woes. I can't articulate enough how gross I find that last paragraph. I mean, it would be completely different if he wrote something like, "Regardless of what has happened with Tamra, our marriage gave us three beautiful children. I want to let my kids know that what happens between your mother and I has nothing to do with you and we both love you very much." That would be a healthy separation between his relationship woes and the kids. Instead, he just mixed it all together. This is the kind of stuff that makes me feel he is super controlling, unhealthy and creepy.

That last line seriously made me shudder.

In the words of Judge Judy, "You picked her!"

Oh, I totally agree that Tamra was manipulative and played her part in the whole thing. But it still says something to me that Simon would blame a friend for troubles in his marriage. If there are troubles in the marriage, it's because of you and your partner, not some outside person. The fact that he tried to badger Tamra into colluding against Vicki as the source of their problems was just creepy to me.

I found Simon to be an emotional infant. He actually tried to blame Vicki for the problems in his marriage, which is laughable. And he would also be so vocal about how he would never control Tamra, which, what the fuck? Why would that even come out of your mouth if you're not controlling? I have never used that as leverage in a relationship: "I never try to control you!" Well, why would you? Why would that thought even cross your mind? Why would you think you deserve some reward for that? I actually went and looked up the episode where Simon and Vicki have tension at the Curtin's dinner party. Simon storms out like a baby at one point, and Tamra follows him, and this is what Simon has to say: "She doesn't like the fact that we're happy. You want to be married to me? Be married to me. I give you the best. You stop listening to other people...I love you. I've always loved you. I've let you do whatever you want. I've never controlled you. Right? All the issues we've had is since you've been talking to her. Go back before her. How thick was our marriage? How in love were you with me? How in love was I with you? And you're going to let this person interrupt our marriage? Huh?" None of this makes sense to me. He was just a constant victim and he has this weird brainwashing way about him where it's his way or the highway. He applied so much weird pressure on Tamra (and she fed into it hook, line and sinker). I will never buy him as a man who was simply concerned for the good of his wife and children. I see Simon as a big whiny baby who would deflect on anyone and everyone before taking any scrap of self-responsibility for his personal problems. ETA What's amazing watching this dinner again is that Vicki was kind of the voice of reason that night - her utter revulsion at Tamra talking about Simon in bed, her boredom over Alexis' ridiculous story and her classic "He works!"in defense of Donn not going on the "girls' trip" - because it was totally true, they were the only couple with honest jobs at the time.

I feel so much second-hand embarrassment for Alex McCord in those videos.

Simon is so creepy.

On that same note, Tamra accused Lizzie at the reunion of "wanting to take [Tamra] down." Andy caught it and kept asking Tamra, "Did you just say Lizzie 'wants to take you down?'" In perfect deflecting style, Tamra totally glazed over it and then got really melodramatic, "I am so mad right now I am about to lose it!" And Andy dropped it. Very interesting choice of words on Tamra's part.