Tooch

Oh god, season 5 is the worst, saved only by the fact that it's so short. If a re-run of the episode with Carrie's goddamn book cover is on I cannot change the channel fast enough. There is ZERO character continuity in that episode. Carrie wouldn't have been that mortified about the blow job accident, and neither would Sam. They would have laughed about it and moved on. Sam would not have picked hideous fluffy lingerie for Carrie to wear on her book cover--Sam is supposedly so successful because she knows what's current/hip/fashionable and about publicity. Miranda breaking up with a guy for being too into cunnilingus? PLEASE. To say nothing of Sad Pathetic Charlotte in the self-help aisle of the bookstore. The. Worst. Ever.

Season 4 is great, I think the stuff with Charlotte's fertility struggle and Miranda's accidental pregnancy was insanely well done, even the bit with the baby shower where Miranda finds her "maternal" side with comforting Char. And one of my favorite moments is Charlotte confessing to Miranda about her infertility and Mir asking if she can walk behind her just to make sure she's okay. I tear up just thinking about it. It took me 18 months to get pregnant with my first son* and watching other friends get pregnant at the drop of a hat is one of the hardest parts of it, because you know it's not about you, and you want to be happy for them, but your own feelings can't help but bubble up. (*I know that's not terribly long compared to others, but it sure feels long when you're going through it.) Carrie's shitty finances were a major miss, totally agree. Having the Charlotte Ring Ex Machina was one thing, and I appreciate that they at least had her freelancing to try and make up the difference between her column and her new mortgage. But they never again bring up the debt to Charlotte, and it's like 3 episodes later that she buys those hideous brand new Louboutins for her "last New York date" with Big. So she learns exactly zilch from the whole thing.

Hmm, fair point, I also love that the lead actress on Jane the Virgin has a more "normal" physique (granted she still looks more amazing than 99% of the population). I guess I am thinking more the teen shows of the CW. Like, compare season 1 girls of BH90210 to the season 1 girls of the "90210" reboot. I do love "Contrite Steve". I can never stay mad at him. Guh, now I'm thinking ahead to all the Andrea nonsense to come once she has the fucking baby. Worst character development in the history of the show. Worse than Kelly joining a cult. Worse than Kelly's AMNESIA plot line. That's how much I hate it. Least Favorite: CU having an amazing FREE fucking daycare (!!!!!) (I spend $3,000 a month on daycare, no I'm not bitter) and Ahhhhndrea pitching a fit about not wanting to use it and let "strangers" raise her child. GTFO, Teen Nana.

I had forgotten about Brenda shaming pregnant Andrea for pigging out. Fuuuuuuck offffff, Skinny Legs! And speaking of skinny, It's shocking how true this is. All of these dudes had fairly average physiques. Brandon and Steve basically had dad-bods, Dylan and David were skinny as hell. Of all the "beefcake" in the calendar, only Cress had the bod to pull it off, yummmm. I gotta feel for the actors and actresses of today. No average bodies allowed, only mega-thin (women) and mega-buff (dudes). It sucks.

Right? Howard was ostensibly a CU employee, right? He managed the radio station, which seems like it would be a full time job, and he was supplying student DJs who were barely 18 (remember chronologically David ought to be a high school senior right now) with methamphetamines so they could make it through graveyard duty. That's a huge scandal! But the EIC of the campus newspaper is following around a cockhead freshman who is the epitome of Mediocre White Man from that meme. America.

I am dying of anticipation for the super toilet. Is that this next episode? Ah!

I remember all the stupid bullshit regarding the "Task force," but I didn't remember how idiotic it all was -- did they really just present it with absolutely no information about what the hell it is and how on Earth fucking Brandon was selected to participate? What were the criteria!? Steve is right, Brandon has done exactly dick at CU so far. He turned down rushing a frat, he turned down getting involved in student government, and he didn't even really follow through on his stupid tutoring gig, unless you count blackmailing a professor. So why the hell would he be plucked to serve on some elite education policy team that will literally advise the president of the goddamn United States? I'm about to swallow my tongue.

This does drive me crazy. Maybe he was exaggerating to the horse lady. When he teams up with Jonesy to get it back it's definitely 8 million. Then he gives Jonesy half for his help, so after that he "only" has 4 million. Which....even in 1995, that's just not like "crazy rich" money. Yeesh, I had forgotten how monstrously pathetic Donna was after David dumps her. Girl - he dumped you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY which is also CHRISTMAS MORNING. He treats you like shit and yells in your face in front of people. He acts like a general asshole all the time and has his mattress on the floor with sheets on the windows instead of curtains. Why are you begging for his attention and love? JFC get a grip.

David is suuuuuch a dick, and I am somehow still on his side due to Donnas flip flopping on sex. But breaking up with her on Christmas/her birthday was so evil! Then again he did try to avoid it and she pushed him to spit it out.

Same! I hate ever defending him, but one thing about that scene at dinner is that it was a good reminder these are still a bunch of dopey teenagers. Heck if he hadn't graduated early David would still be in high school! Donna sucks and pulls her cocktease routine with every guy. She did it to David twice. Then she gets drunk one night and tries to fuck Ray with her insipid strip tease. THEN she tries to have sex with Joe only to find out he's a big old virgin too. Shit or get off the pot, woman, goddamn! And Felice is so fucking gross. In the episode after Donna and David finally do it, she's picking up birth control at the pharmacy and Felice "catches" her. She's like 23 years old at that point and still has to have Kelly claim the pills are for her? SO STUPID.

Right? Dylan and his "scene". (snort) The absolute best was having him somehow know Frank Padilla the 30-something drag racer and drug dealer who mowed down Andrea. What the fuck was this kid up to when he was 13 is what I want to know. (This is also true on Dawson's with "Jen the Bad Girl with a Past"--we met her when she was only 15 but she had a "past"?! At least the show addresses it when they send her to therapy and she talks about losing her virginity when she was 12 and getting into drugs. So I guess it's possible. But Jen was way cooler than fucking Dylan. As for Kellye's retconned bad rep, I suppose it's possible she was a BJ queen or something. My bff in high school had a rep for being "easy" even though she graduated a virgin, because she had fooled around with a bunch of different guys and blown a couple of them. It doesn't have to be full sex at that age for people to think you're slutty. Teens are the worst.

Oh, those BANGS. The wooooooorst. And I also think Brandon was only saying ILY to get laid, because I stand by my theory that this is his first time since Cheryl. They established in the episode with Rosie O'Donnell that he didn't sleep with Nicki, and I don't think he had sex with any of the other chicks he's canoodled with--at least not that they showed on-screen. As for Andrea's forthcoming pregnancy, ditto on the stupidity of writing Dan out so horribly, though I can't disagree that having her get pregnant from her first sexual relationship would have been shitty. But the bigger question is why they had her get pregnant at all. Just block her the right way and ignore it, or have some sort of dumb storyline about the freshman 15. Having her married with a baby only highlighted the fact that this actress was quite clearly in her 30's playing a college freshman, and was a VERY stupid writing decision. In season 2 when she has an affair and there's all this marital strife bullshit going on, I remember being like "she's supposed to be like 19 or 20, right? Good god."

A Donna/Brenda/Celeste simultaneous flash of 90's era Victoria's Secret Second Skin Satin bras in every shade! (I had about 40 of those things, they were terrible bras, but I was a teen and had no idea). It may have been the only time on the show Brenda actually wore a bra though, so kudos for that.

Isn't "Take Back the Night" an actual event that happened in the 90s? Or was it a fake event created for the show? UGHGH with Andrea and her "women need to take responsibility for their own rapes" point of view. Between her and Dylan's "crew cut" comment this episode may as well have been sponsored by MRAs of America. Bleh!

I had forgotten that GROSS exchange about "indoor sports". This guy makes Gil seem appropriate. Blegh. I was totally on Brenda's side this whole episode as usual. Jim and Dylan's plan was truly heinous, and I enjoyed her realizing that a prenup in their situation is 100% warranted. She's still an idiot of course, but it works for me.

PLEASE let Jo's ex be someone from Scandal land or something and have a thriller crossover! I mean why not? Scandal is fucking ridiculous now and so is Greys, and Shonda loves a crossover. A powerful politician? The dumbest thing about the Jolex crap is that if changing her name was enough to get her licensed as an MD and a surgeon in one of the top programs in the country there is NO reason she couldn't have just married Alex and not said anything. You hear all the time about those dudes with wives in other states who never even know anything is amiss. Yes polygamy is illegal, but who cares if you're in hiding from a violent psycho? Ridiculous. I can't even talk about the absurdity of the kitchen table c-section. Labor CAN move very quickly but how long did that ambulance take!? They called it before her water even broke. For fucks sake. Refuse to comment on Callie. Poor Sofia.

This is a great point, and yet another of umpteen reasons why I hated Dylan and Kelly together. They literally had nothing in common and this was communicated in a million ways. She hated black and white movies, Brenda loved them. She didn't read books. She only wanted to go shopping while they were in Europe, Brenda went out of her way to find Balzac's house. There's nothing wrong with Kelly being this way (I loved season 1 and 2 "fun Kelly"), but it was one of the million reasons they never made sense as a couple.

HA! I just snorted. Reminds me of Valerie's glorious first appearance when she complains to Ginger about the gang being so lame "we went to a club and no one even tried to get a drink!" Seriously.

Brenda really didn't try, like, at all. And I actually kind of respect it, because I think she realized immediately that she'd made a terrible mistake pretty much as soon as she got there, so the best thing probably WAS getting the f out. I did the same thing, impulsively moving from an exciting city back to my hometown to take a job (after a lousy breakup, no less!) and I ended up gutting it out for two years, even though I knew RIGHT away that it was a very bad move. Ten years later and I think those two years are still impacting my career. It's legit.

I loved it too, especially back in the day since I was in 8th grade and graduating high . Though I call major BS that Kelly claims she has no idea who Brenda means when she leaves her "the double date from hell" for her Senior Will gift!

I liked this more than any other finale the show has done, and I didn't even mind the fight because it seemed like the correct climax for that relationship. My only negative is that it seemed they were trying to portray that Laird was high when he picked up Sample, and I basically was distracted for the rest of the show worrying about that poor sweet fictional baby. One other thing: For me, Hannah's bad clothing has gotten to be too much of a joke. Hannah in early seasons was a bad/awkward dresser, and I hope that will never change because some people just are. But it seems like her outfits have gotten worse and worse, and more revealing in the least flattering ways. I noticed Hannah's "we don't have the same body type" line, as though she were offended--so it's like which is it? Is Hannah in denial about whether it looks good to let your rolls hang out of too-small outfits, or is Hannah practicing self-acceptance about her "atypical body type"?

Crazy! I fancy myself the 90210-addict to end all 90210-addicts with my knowledge of trivia and I never knew that. I've spent 23 years being grossed out by that "creamy" line and thinking Brenda wrote it. Ha!

Dylan is LVP for life, as much as it pains me to put him over Bray-don. When they almost kiss and are only interrupted by the doorbell (Brenda even admits it out loud, "oooh, saved by the bell!") I was like "BARRRRRF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND". He is such an asshole. Even if I hate her, and even if it would be delicious for her to get a taste of how it feels, it's still shady as hell that Dylan almost cheats on Kelly with Brenda twice in like three episodes. This incident is closely followed by the fishing incident, which is even more egregious because he even tries to talk her into it ("we can't do this..." "why not?" EWWWWW). I just hate him so much, and could so relate to Tara's lament about how cute he was in season 2. Oh well. Looking forward to season 4 when he shows flashes of likability for telling Kelly what a drag she is over and over as their crappy relationship takes a year to die.

I think the issue with "Why does Bailey run the whole hospital" is just one of too many characters already. They also have surgeons, who in normal hospitals would in no way be the ones called in for non-surgical consults, constantly doing completely routine things in the ER when in reality, surgeons are pretty far removed from that stuff and only brought in when, you know, there's a surgery! It drove me bonkers when they were determining that Gretchen was fine (for the moment) and paged Robbins for an "OB consult." Why would a neonatal surgery specialist be the person called in for a routine ultrasound to determine if a fetus is doing well after a car accident? Shit, a doctor wouldn't even be the one doing that! When I was pregnant with my first, my OB had to do exactly one ultrasound when their sonographer was out, and she could barely work the machine. There's a reason radiology techs exist. That's not the doctor's job! Sigh.

This episode definitely fills me with rage, it is so great. I love how Brandon was going on about Donna's "unblemished record" and how she was so perfect, as if season 1 when she was regularly throwing boozy parties at her house and smoking cigs in the parking lot after flunking the SATs never happened. On one hand, I get Donna's "I didn't mean to" argument. It sure didn't seem like anyone was trying to get hammered at Mel's (except maybe Steve, heh). It's just that she weighs two pounds and didn't eat. Then again, her friends not noticing that she was gulping down champs and slurring her words waaaaay before things got out of control is pretty shitty. Looking at you, David.