Wiendish Fitch

I want to see James McAvoy and Felicity Jones do a movie together. The adorability factor would be practically fatal, but completely worth it!

The fact that Jonah Hill has two Oscar nominations while Michael Fassbender only has one really, really sticks in my craw.

I have never, ever, ever understood the appeal of Jennifer Aniston. She's not particularly talented, has the charisma of a popsicle stick, and I see better looking women working at the mall. Normally I'm thrilled when women over the age of 40 continue to get work in Hollywood… but why Aniston instead of someone else? I've never found George Clooney attractive. Smugness is a big turnoff for me.

More crushes of mine: James McAvoy: I'm a complete weakling for beautiful eyes and accents, so when an actor possesses both, I'm a goner. McAvoy not only has stunning baby blues and that badass Scottish brogue, but he's also a damn fine actor with a sexy voice and wonderful personality: a mix of boyishly shy and mischievous that gives him a great, yin-yang quality. Chris Hemsworth: Again, gorgeous eyes and accent! Plus, that commanding voice married with that enviable bone structure. Anyone else would make Thor boring or goofy, but he makes him someone worth rooting for (not easy, when you're sharing the screen with Tom Hiddleston's Loki). Classic film crushes: Word on Burt Lancaster. Oh, to be Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity for one minute... Paul Newman: So yummy, so charismatic, such a natural talent. Errol Flynn: Yes, he had a torrid, maybe even unforgivable private life… I don't want to know! He was Robin Hood! Sidney Poitier: I'd pay good money to listen to this man read the menu at Taco Bell. Fred Astaire: I know, he was far from conventionally handsome, but you know what? When you can dance like that, who cares! All attractive men, but the following actors really get my foolish heart pumping in the following roles: Charlton Heston in Ben-Hur, Peter O'Toole in How to Steal a Million, Kenneth Branaugh and Denzel Washington in Much Ado About Nothing (the Joss Whedon version can jump in a lake), Jeremy Northam in Emma, Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy, Clark Gable in Mutiny on the Bounty, Laurence Olivier in Pride and Prejudice.

Me, too. In fact, I highly recommend the Nostalgia Chick's review of Reality Bites. It is friggin' priceless. I don't like Woman Under the Influence, because it never addresses that Peter Falk, not Gena Rowlands, is the one with mental problems. Rowlands is awesome, though, can't deny that.

I have such a schoolgirl crush on Michael Fassbender. His intelligence, talent, and charisma are completely overwhelming, and like Burt Lancaster, Paul Newman or Christopher Plummer before, he's undeniably masculine, but there's almost an otherworldly beauty to him. Those eyes, that square jaw… I'm going to pathetically swoon now, don't wait up.

Dr. Austen Sloper from The Heiress is one of cinema's worst fathers. He is passive aggressive and belittling to his loving daughter Catherine simply because she's shy and not that beautiful (though considering she's played by lovely Olivia de Havilland, you really need to suspend your disbelief). He rants to anyone who will listen about what a failure Catherine is, and how she'll never find a husband, instead of loving her and accepting her for who she is. He constantly compares her to his dead wife, who he has made into this untouchable goddess that no one on earth could live up to. This also indicates what type of husband he was, for, as Cracked writer David Wong said, "there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them". It's no wonder Catherine is a nervous wreck: the only parent she's ever known has never told her she's good enough. The scene where Dr. Sloper finally tells Catherine what he thinks of her breaks my heart every time. I've actually come across people who think he was right in what he said, and I think these people have cut glass where their hearts ought to be.

Thanks for that, aquarian1! See? Jennifer Lawrence isn't the only one with a sense of humor!

Awww, any time, BizBuzz!

Snow White and the Three Stooges is one of my all time favorite bad movies. No one alive could pitch this movie and make it sound good: "Okay, we've got the story of Snow White, you with me?" "Sure, always a classic, but the Disney movie is a hard act to follow…" "Like fun it is! I'm going to make everyone forget the Disney version, because I've got a heck of choice to play Snow White!" "Natalie Wood?" "No, better!" "Leslie Caron?" "No, beter!" "Holy crap, you really think you can get Audrey Hepburn?!" "No, even better! Carol Heiss!" "…Carol Heiss?" "You got it!" "She's an ice-skater." "I know!" "Why would you cast an ice-skater as Snow White?" "Come on, she's an Olympic sweetheart! We can stage ice ballets to showcase her! It worked for Sonja Henie!" "What does ice skating have to do with the story of Snow White?" "Eh, we'll make it work somehow!" "I don't remember any ice skating in the story…" "Shut up, wait 'til you hear who I have in mind for the seven dwarves!" "I'm now afraid to ask." "Instead of seven dwarves, we'll cast the Three Stooges!" "Um, aren't they getting a little long in the tooth? And they haven't been the same since Curly died. And I'm sure Curly Joe is a sweetheart, but, bless his heart, he just isn't as good..." "Ah, we'll make them work! But we won't introduce them until nearly twenty minutes into the movie!" "Won't that bother their fans? After all, they're more famous than Carol Heiss…" "And the most Stooge-like thing they'll do will be a pie fight!" "I don't think…" "And there will be songs, lots of 'em! Sung by someone else, of course, 'cause I'm sure Ms. Heiss can't sing a note!" "Ummmm…" "And the love interest will be this strapping, amnesiac muscle-head who wears skintight, flesh-toned clothes that the Stooges adopted from boyhood, and it won't be weirdly homoerotic at all! And the evil Queen will be driven more by power than vanity! And there will be a magic wishing sword! And the prince will awaken Snow White just by asking her and hugging her! And they will skate off into the sunset with the Stooges' stunt doubles close behind! And- hey, where are you going?" But, damn it all, I own this stupid movie and I watch it at least once a year. It is, at least, enjoyable awful. Weird trivia… one of the screenwriters (yes, plural) was Noel Langley, who was also one of the screenwriters for The Wizard of Oz! How he went from there to Snow White and the Three Stooges will always baffle me.

I dunno, Bane's voice tickled me (though I'm sure neither Christopher Nolan or Tom Hardy were aiming for that); to me, he sounded like WC Fields trapped in a well. I kept waiting for him to say "Godfrey Daniel!" More UOs (gosh, this is fun!): I don't hate Anne Hathaway. I couldn't care less if she's snooty, phony, annoying, whatever. She's not my neighbor, my friend, or my co-worker, her personality is immaterial to me. She's a good actress, and that's all that matters. Her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" in Les Miserables had me spellbound, and I would have been royally miffed if she hadn't won. Same goes for Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't care how snobby, hateful, and out of touch with reality she is: I will love Emma and Sliding Doors 'til my last dying breath. I love, love, love the 1999 film version of Mansfield Park. So Fanny Price in the movie is nothing like the one in the book? Good! I found Book!Fanny horribly dull, and Frances O'Connor (who looks and acts every bit the Austen heroine) brought her to spirited new life. I didn't think Tracy in The Philadelphia Story was in the wrong at all. She was right to kick her alcoholic wastrel of a husband to the curb (I don't care if he is played by Cary Grant), and to be pissed at her father for dumping her mother for some little bimbo. Tracy is not the one who needs to learn a valuable life lesson. So yeah, The Philadelphia Story is not a favorite of mine.

Judah and Tirzah in Ben-Hur have a lovely relationship. He nobly took the blame when she accidentally injured that Roman senator (it was all for naught, but that isn't his fault).

I started this thread at TWoP, so I thought I'd bring it here, too. Here's my original first post to get things started: There are threads for romance, friendship, and parents, but how about that most complex relationship, that between siblings? Here are some of my picks for best and worst: Best Ali and Zahra from Children of Heaven: I love, love, love this movie. It's one of the most refreshing depictions of a loving relationship between brother and sister. Ali would do anything for his little sister, and Zahra is a sweet girl who appreciates her older brother. Why can't more movies have brothers and sisters who aren't always at each other's throats? The Pigeon sisters from The Odd Couple: Okay, so they're basically plot devices, but they're so similar in personality, they must get along great! Also, Carole Shelley and Monica Evans have a delightful chemistry. Nicholas and Kate from Nicholas Nickleby (specifically the 2002 version): All girls should be so lucky to have such a loving, protective (but not in a creepy, annoying way) older brother. Honorable mention to poor Smike, who is sort of "adopted" in a sense. Elizabeth and Jane Bennett from Pride and Prejudice (any version, pick one):What's this? Sisters who can tell each other anything? Who don't fight over some guy? Who don't stab each other in the back? What fresh madness is this?! Seriously, though, one of the sweetest depictions of sisterly love ever. The Cratchit kids from A Christmas Carol: They look out for one another, and never resent Tiny Tim for all the attention he receives. Worst Scarlett and Suellen O'Hara from Gone with the Wind: Scarlett's a great character, but, oh boy, is she a lousy sister. It's bad enough she picks on Suellen and Careen (it's much worse in the book), but she steals Suellen's fiancee! Yeah, Suellen is a whiny, annoying brat, but she did not deserve that in the slightest. The sisters in Cries and Whispers: Poor Agnes is dying, but Maria and Karin barely lift a finger to help her, since they care only about their own stupid problems. For God's sake, the maid shows more compassion! Bernardo and Maria in West Side Story: Bernardo crosses that line of "lovingly protective" to "creepily overbearing". Dictating what Maria wears was bad enough, but practically demanding and expecting her to marry Chino (a boy Maria isn't even interested in) is just... ugh! Marty and Jackie O. in The House of Yes: Cree. Pee.

How about that sword fight from The Adventures of Robin Hood? Absolutely gorgeous, stirring music, exquisitely choreographed, and that cinematography! I loved seeing their shadows projected against the walls, and the fact that both Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone did their own stunts made it all the more exciting.

I hate Grease, always have. Sandy didn't have to change. At all. It pisses me off she became a spandex-clad bar wench just to nab some guy she'll probably break up with by August. I wish the film instead had ended with her telling Danny, Rizzo and Kenickie where to get off. I respect Citizen Kane… but I love (and vastly prefer) Touch of Evil. Touch of Evil is twisty, suspenseful, and fun as hell. The Birds is easily Hitchcock's most overrated film. So interminably, unforgivably dull. It takes a good half hour for anything of interest to happen, and by the time it does, you just don't care anymore. I am extremely forgiving about shaky special effects in old movies, but when I watch The Birds, all I can think is, "blue screen, blue screen, birds aren't really there, blue screen". And how can anyone find dull-as-sand Tippi Hedren appealing when Suzanne Pleshette is right there? Oh, right, Hedren's a blonde, and Pleshette's a yucky ol' brunette, silly me. I love Miyazaki, but I hate Spirited Away. Ever watch a movie that you felt was personally antagonizing you? That's how Spirited Away felt to me. Likewise, I love the somewhat maligned Ponyo. Princess Mononoke is good, but I think it suffers from a somewhat clumsily written villain. Lost in Translation was boring, shallow, frustrating and I wanted nothing more than to give Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson's characters a slap. If I were married to either of these dullards, you can bet I'd be unfaithful, too. Speaking of characters I want nothing more than to kick in the pants, The Breakfast Club. I hated each and every one of those snot-nosed, navel-gazing little punks, and I really don't get its "masterpiece" status. I like Sixteen Candles better, because at least it doesn't take itself so seriously. I love Charlton Heston. I couldn't care less about his politics, and while he could occasionally veer into hamminess, the man had presence. I completely believe he earned his Oscar for Ben-Hur, I thought he was magnificent in in (and, okay, I'm shallow, he looked pretty as all get out, too).

That, and he had impeccable hair. Seriously, I scratched my head at the idea that JFK was a mutant. Or maybe Erik meant he was a human who cared about mutants? No, that doesn't work, because then Magneto would have to consider other humans who are okay with mutants, and then he wouldn't have this permanent vendetta against the human race. Magneto wouldn't be Magneto if he didn't have a friggin' ax to grind (or levitate or whatever).

Thanks, BizBuzz!

Maybe I'm a terrible feminist, but I liked Tangled better than Frozen. I wanted to love Frozen, I did, but did anyone else think the story felt like a sloppy first draft? That there would have been some real gold in it, but no one bothered to tighten it up? Also, since we're being candid, here are some other issues I had with Frozen: I'm sorry, but Anna annoyed me! There, I said it! Pelt me with all the rotten fruit you want! I'm not saying there weren't things to like about her, but I felt that the writers were pandering to women. "Hey, look, ladies, Anna wakes up with drool on her face and messy hair! You can relate, amirite? Oh, and she's nervously shoving chocolate in her mouth! Ha! I know you can relate! She's so adorably awkward and clumsy and endearing and real and RELATE, DAMN YOU!!!" I also bristled when someone said Anna was the greatest Disney Princess ever because she wasn't "passively waiting around for a prince to save her". Yes, you could certainly make that point when comparing her to Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora, but what about Belle and Mulan jumping on horses to save their fathers, then risking life and limb to save the men they loved? Tiana working her fingers to the bone, overcoming societal prejudice to open her own restaurant, and single-handedly defeating Dr. Facilier? Rapunzel taking a chance on a stranger to help her venture out into the world, fighting off thugs at a tavern, and discovering her true identity? Merida refusing to acquiesce to an arranged marriage? Because Anna's popular now, she trumps every single female Disney protagonist who came before? Anna's so awesome that everyone else sucks by comparison? That's a little biased, don't you think? Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven, you're all cool… but no one can replace Flynn, Pasquale, and Maximus in my heart. Sorry. I didn't see the chemistry between Kristoff and Anna at all. It felt like she only fell in love with him because she was flattered that he liked her (and, it must be said, he was convenient at the time), and because the trolls had a whole damn song about how wonderful he was. This made her lose points with me, because I don't like it when characters fall in love due a second hand account on someone's qualities. It makes them look weak-minded. This brings me to my real beef with Frozen... I. Frickin'. Hated. The trolls. Didn't dislike them. HATED them. What contrived characters who came from nowhere. I wanted to take a sledgehammer to them. And "Fixer-Upper" is one of the worst Disney songs ever. What exactly is the moral of that song, anyway? A "fixer-upper" implies just that, that something or someone needs to be fixed. But, wait, then they backpedal, saying that you can't change people, "because people don't really change (um, I beg to differ)". Wait, so can you fix someone or not? If Anna should fix Kristoff, why are you telling her she can't? If she shouldn't, why are you singing the damn song at all?! And thanks for wasting time, And I didn't like how they sang about trying to break up Anna and Hans's engagement. Characters like you are the reason people hate musicals!