IOU Payne

Hi everyone! Hah y'all doin'! I'm off to fix my snack of puffed wheat with salt and Splenda. Kind of like kettle corn, but wheat. So that's my eating habit this munt.

Jamie Oliver did a lot of sheet pan meals. I got the idea from him. I used chicken breasts, potatoes cut into wedges, and a ton of veggies. A little olive oil, some seasonings, and I was good to go.

Going on record to say that I want no part of Dawayne's sausage. I'll be here all week, folks.....

Inspiration? As in the wind beneath my (butt) wings? I don't know if the world is ready for this level of glam! Oh, look. They're gonna use an actual stove! And yet, this is more instructional than an episode of Pioneer Woman.

Okay, it's on like Donkey Kong. *dons fake butt wings to look more appealing*

The expression that comes to mind is "hopeless copeless". God, I wanna shake them until their synapses start charging.

I'll bring a batch of chocolate chip mandelbread. If it's Thanksgiving, I volunteer to make a pan of my mom's stuffing. It's a 50s recipe that uses corn flakes as the base, with veggies. It sounds weird (almost Ree-like), but it's seriously delish!

We've got quite the lexicon! Not to mention the Pee Pad Wontons, Owww Mah Laigs, etc., etc.

Horizontal stripes, Schenee? Fuck it, at this stage I wouldn't even sweat it. 665.2. BMI of 123! And FWIW, as a lifetime WW member, the more you weigh, the more points you get. So she's not that inaccurate.

Sugar in spaghetti? I don't see how more than a teaspoon in a large pot of home-made marinara would be needed. Even that's controversial according to my Sicilian friend. I'm calling 678

Time for the cruelty.

Hah y'all doin? My eating habit tonight is matzo with butter. Happy Passover!

Glad you asked! My cat Iggy passed away in January from kidney failure at the age of 18. I'd had him since he was a kitten. It took all this time to be ready to welcome a second cat into my house. We'll see what my other cat Max says. As much of a doofus kitty as Max is, he apparently is very territorial, because he can intimidate a cat that could crush him like a bug by sitting on him. More kissing, less hissing, please! And it looks like Diesel is okay with licking himself. Also with eating. He trotted over to get the liquid from the can of salmon I took for lunch. Cats like Diesel are not considered very adoptable. I think the volunteers at the SPCA were surprised when I kept calling every four hours to make sure nobody else had snapped him up.

I adopted a rescue kitty from the SPCA yesterday. He's a 22-pound purring machine! He was listed as a humanitarian adoption because of his obesity, although his "fighting weight" will probably be around 16 pounds. My other cat, Max, is about 15 pounds and can cheerfully lose a few as well. My vet (who hasn't met the new cat yet - his name is Diesel because he's the size of a freakin' locomotive!) will probably put them on a weight loss program. They have one, like Weight Watchers for cats. I can see it now, the entire household counting points..... But there's got to be a better way! Can Dr. Meow come to my house to talk to my cats about their eating habit? Can we have a show called My Nine 22-Pound Lives? Does poor Diesel have to have closed captioning for his meows that say "Oww my paws?"

So, I prefer Killmonger over T'Challa and Judas over Jesus. I think I have a type. And when BVD did the Wakanda salute, I scared the cat when I yelled YESSSS!

Squeeee! Alice Cooper!!!

Hi everyone! Hah y'all doin? My eating habit du jour is puffed kamut, with salt and sugar substitute. (Still no popcorn) Fuck a duck. She's crawling up the stairs. (I did this when I was non-weight-bearing on crutches after ankle surgery. Not fun)

Lura, sending you healing vibes. Feel better soon, and a daily dose of snark has been proven to promote feeling better.

But she said she had "stanima". Not so much, I guess.

I'm guessing 687 pounds. Not sure I'm even close, because I filed to guess the correct number of jelly beans in the jar at a bridal shower.

Oh, fuck. I went to Urban Dictionary and looked up "squashing". If I had a time machine, I'd go back five minutes in the past and not look that up.

We're used to setting the bar low, eh?

Hah y'all doing? My eating habit tonight is puffed kamut instead of popcorn and hot chocolate. Gahhhh, the shower scene!

Awww, we're getting Ow Mah Laig 2.0. Can't even make it 45 minutes in the car without drah-ma.

Crossover with Toddlers & Tiaras, anyone?