Tanukisan

Captain Lee is back! I do like Captain Lee – he always seems more interested in what’s going on with the boat than with the cameras. Unlike some other Captains who shall remain Queeg-less. But oh, no. That weasel Fraser is back. And the chief stew?! Oh, my giddy aunt. I remember him from a previous season – he was a backstabbing, sniping, disingenuous a-hole. He couldn’t wait to blame others for his faults. I pity those who will have to work for him. But then… maybe he’ll change his stripes… or spots… or whatever he has. Not holding breath, though. And as dismal as the last crew member is we have a ray of light and sunshine – Rachel is back! She was a bit unstable in her first appearances in the franchise, but held it together and ended up being extremely reliable and a great chef. Fantastic. So glad to see her again – and her sauciness (not just in the galley). Ross – Bos’n. Your hair and makeup tell me you’re not necessarily the best choice for this job. Alissa – nice that you admit you’re a gold-digger who is there for her own advantage primarily. Good that we all know your priorities – which is you. Hayle – and I quote from herself – “The three things I like most about myself – ass, tits, hair.” Chavette, much? Katie – deckhand – seems uncharacteristically stable compared to the others. Ben – deckhand – don’t blink or you’ll miss his intro. Which likely means he’s competent and not nuts. Tony – deckhand – que? Camille – She’s been assigned to both the deck and the interior? Disaster. The poor thing is doomed – I predict both sides – especially Fraser – will throw her under the bus. Ross – “I’m attracted to a few girls on the boat.” Um, yeah… OK…. Going to be an interesting season….

I can attest that this is a real thing. A couple of times going from one part of the world to a very different part, I had stomach problems and the type of poo that goes along with it. I saw a doctor about it and he said I had "traveler's gut" -- my digestive system had to adjust to the local bacteria. Sure enough, after a couple of days, everything was fine.

To be fair, Texas *was* a separate country for a while. Texas was an independent Republic from 1836 to 1846 (when it joined the Union). It was officially recognised by several other nations.

Like the Quote of the Episode from Oriana regarding the crew – “It’s just a bunch of horny single dudes trying to figure out who they are”, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… Lewis – you’re just too nice, mate. You will be eaten alive by Kyle and his ilk if you don’t get it together. And I know it’s early in the episode, but it’s a bit of a dick move, Lewis, to tell Kyle he’s the “obvious choice” for First Deckhand, when you yourself said you have no intention of doing that. Not buying the whole fake-drama of engine lost while docking (though they did lose an engine). There is more rubber on the walls and dock than in a condom world’s fair and it didn’t look like there was any real danger. Looked like a smooth and easy docking, despite trying to portray Kyle as the “savior of the line toss”. So with a tip of $20K @ $1,667 per person that’s 12 people. We typically see 9 (1 Captain, 1 Chef, 3 Stew, 4 Deck) and after the 2-second appearance of Engineer Toni explaining why the engine went down, there are still 2 people we haven’t seen yet. Kyle, you have a troubled history, no doubt, and you’re obviously able to do the work on deck, but you’re headed for disaster and a very unpleasant life if you can’t reign it in (see what I did with a cowboy reference there?). You are still a little kid craving attention and you need to grow up. Lewis is putting the moves on one of the locals (much to Oriana’s chagrin). But “Nice Lewis” is still rather awkward. “I can show you the boat but I can’t take you on board – it wouldn’t be professional.” I’m sure all the girls will melt with an attitude like that. What’s next? “I’d make love to you, but I can’t take my clothes off – it would be unprofessional.” Sheesh. It was interesting to see Jess go into the town and get some provisions herself. I don’t recall seeing any other chef do that in the franchise. It’s a beautiful town, and it’s nice to see more of Norway on display. I do feel a bit bad for Kyle – he has potential, but he does need to grow up. I can’t help but wonder if we’ll see him again. It was obvious from the start that Kyle and Nathan didn’t mix well. Nathan really should have gone to Lewis before the Captain, but we've already seen Nathan doesn't really have a lot of respect for Lewis (see "too nice" comments above). With Kyle gone, will Nathan have a problem with anyone else? Or am I just paranoid? What will happen next week? Will the junior stews keep it together? Will the deck crew keep it together? Will Jess keep it together? Will Kyle become a pirate? Stay tuned, if you remember to tune in next week.

With apologies to the Mills Brothers, "You always eat... the one you love...." Yeah, I get it. I suppose if God intended us not to eat chickens or cows or any of their ilk, He wouldn't have made them so tasty. (: But the whole octopus thing just gets to me. I mean, I have a farm, and the neighbours do too, but we don't farm Octopus. Or dolphins. Or elephants. You get the idea. (: Oh, and to stay on topic, did you ever wonder where these boats get their provisions from? Do they shop organic, or vegan, or non-GMO, etc.? Or is it just the cheapest, easiest supplier? They certainly order copius quantities of booze... (:

Like an annoying deckhand who uses a squeegee for drinking rather than working, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast. Chef Jess is good at starting galley fires and yoga poses. And eggs. So far. Lewis is a conscientious Bos’n, but he’s letting Kyle walk all over him. Not good. Nathan also seems like a good deckhand – he should deck Kyle. Wait, Lewis is giving Nathan crap because Nathan suggested guests wear vests in the water? And that Kyle was “offended”? WTF? Make Nathan Bos’n and get rid of both Kyle and Lewis. As predicted, Norway is the star of the show so far. Makes me want to consider there my next holiday spot. Chef Jess served octopus as an appetizer. In my experience, octopi are sentient beings – they’re intelligent, sensitive, and aware. Tragically, from small to large, they have a life span of less than 3 years. Jess might as well have served dog. Yuck. So there’s an overall breakdown in communications already. The “chef” and interior crew aren’t talking, yet chav Faye seems blissfully unaware (but grabs her breasts). Captain Kerry and Nathan seem the most levelheaded so far. Lewis is just too weak to be an effective Bos’n. The interior crew are like a female Three Stooges but without the comedy. Chav Faye: “We’re 5 star service and no plates.” Yes, dear, that’s *your* job. And now we have a made-up squeegee shot routine. Come on, Bravo, it’s getting too obvious. What will happen next week? Will the impending engine failure turn out to be a big nothing (as always)? Will the deck crew kill each other (or the right one)? What remarkable Norway sight will we see? Stay tuned, unless you can find anything else…

Like an annoying stew who just won’t go away, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… OK, so right out of the gate Elena is late for her shift – not the best first impression, but what are they going to do? It’s the last charter of the season. Elena’s tardiness is bad enough but Natasha, as Chief Stew only notices this an hour after Elana should be on station. it’s not like Elena is hiding in a storage compartment somewhere – she’s in her bunk. No extreme detective skills required to locate her. And yet no one looks for her! She gets up 2 hours late on her own. Crackerjack management skills, there, Natasha. Charter guest: “How cool would it be if we did an iowaska retreat?” Less chance of losing your jewelry – though… maybe not. Oh, and charter guest, your obscene limerick: real class, mate. If that’s a class in no class. Pancake Man should do his next charter at IHOP. He never did get one he liked. It was like Goldichain (lost) and the 3 Bears – these pancakes were too thin – these pancakes were too thick – and there was never one just right. Though I do suspect the whole thing was staged/made up, much like the missing gold chain. Dave: “The least I could do is cook something amazing for the last dinner.” How about… pancakes? Elena is a quick study – she’s two hours late for work and then gets Reid to do her work as well! Although Storm has to warn her about not sticking a metal fork in the toaster – “It explodes.” Elena: “How did I not notice?” Brainbox. And so we come to the end of the season. I did like seeing Mzi and Courtney again, though I do think Mzi is still carrying a bit of a torch for Courtney from a previous season. Things I will *not* miss: 1) Kyle. The only positive thing I can say about him is that I positively loathe him. 2) Natasha and Dave’s nutty relationship. A study in ignorance and self-destruction, respectively. 3) Storm and Natalya’s nutty relationship. See above but slightly more diluted. 4) The twerking. The endless twerking. 5) The Sterile and Characterless Boat: It’s like sailing in a giant bar of ivory soap – also with no stabilisers 6) Captain Queeg – though she was delightfully not in it much. What will happen next season? Will Kyle come back like a toe fungus you can’t get rid of? Will there be any normal relationships amongst the crew? What’s the over/under on how many times Captain Queeg will lose it? Stay tuned – if can remember to do so. For my part, now I have to choose what I want for supper. I’m thinking…. Pancakes! (:

Like a Viking horde storming your village uninvited, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… First impressions: Norway – So far the hands down winner of the series. What a gorgeous place. Any photography of the area makes you wonder why they didn’t just make a show about Norway instead of another boat full of doomed people. Captain Kerry – Aussie. Seems sensible. Chief Stew Faye – Brit. Chavette. Seems more at home on Coronation Street than a yacht. Stew Oriana – Answers her cell phone during a meeting. She and Kasie have a history and are already talking trash about each other. Stew Kasie – Delusions of grandeur? We’ll see. Seems to sample her drinks as much as she mixes them. Chef Jess – Inherited a filthy galley. Seems more comfortable posing on the beach for pics than in the kitchen. Does weird yoga poses in the galley. Bos’n Lewis – Seems dedicated but not a firm authority. Deckhand Nathan – Provide for seven sisters? Sheesh! Deckhand Kyle – Jughead. Cowboy? More like rodeo clown. Seems like everyone in this franchise named “Kyle” is a problem. Deckhand Mike – Confident. The Boat – not remarkable. Apparently, storage is awkward. Chef is not impressed. Kasie, talking about brushing her teeth: “I just like oral health”. Kyle: “I just like oral.” Real class, dude. Kyle continues to unimpress as he tries to shoo away Nathan, who’s trying to tell him what needs to be looked after during anchor watch. What will happen next week? Will the chef continue to impress? Will Oriana stop being sick? What’s the over/under on how long Kyle will last? Stay tuned!

Like a string of malformed pancakes, these comments are in order of the episode scenes broadcast… OK, I’ve never before commented on the “previously on BD” segment, but I have to here. Kyle, your crocodile tears are ineffectual, mate. You are a massive phony who only cares about himself. And as regards Dave/Natasha – Dave, your attempt at Svengali-like manipulation of Natasha is only exceeded by Natasha’s continued determination to be a femme fatale in search of attention. And by the way, Natasha, your words ring hollow – if you “can’t deal with the messages” – block them. Wish this is the last we see of you, Kyle, but this is Bravo – so I’m not holding me breath. Elena, the new steward, is a tall drink of water. A delicious, tasty, refreshing drink of water… Natalya – jealous much? The rest of the crew seems to notice as well. Plus, Elana communicates at a pitch only dogs can hear. Courney – to Mzi, regarding the new stew Elana – “She’s sexy. You’ll like her. She’s double your height.” Final charter guests on approaching the boat: “The boat’s not big enough – I want a refund.” Oh, my Giddy Aunt, assholes approach. “I’m not comfortable sleeping with that much water close to my head like that.” Well, then, don’t charter a yacht, douche. Thanks for giving us the heads up on koalas, Natasha, and how they can give you a STD. So BD is a nature programme as well. (: So Elana and doors… don’t mix. Good to know. How long are we going to have to put up with the drama between Natasha and her (ex?) boyfriend? Apparently she loves playing the victim and thrives on the drama. So Pancake Man tells Dave in excruciating detail how he wants his pancakes… and doesn’t get them his way. Dave did it exactly right from the initial description. So guest Jordan “lost” his necklace. Why do I suspect shenanigans? His bad acting is matched only by the obvious setup. If you’re that incredibly stupid to wear a valuable necklace doing energetic watersports, you get what you deserve. But still, not buying it for an instant. And if making an assurance claim, I also suspect he paid a fraction of the value for the claim being made. How the rich get richer. Elana “just happens” to have *two* playboy bunny costumes she brought with her. Sure, we all travel with one of those, don’t we? “Just the tip.” Not that I’m complaining about the result, but please, Bravo, don’t wee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. Just do your thing. The whole noodle thing was absolutely disgusting. Way to contrast 5-star service with 1-star guests. Now the whole Dave/Natasha drama spills over into Dave texting Natasha’s, what, boyfriend? Ex? Thing? Elana: “I work my behind as much as possible.” Well, then, you’ll fit right in with this twerking crew. (: Next week: How much lower will the Natasha/Dave/(ex)boyfriend triangle devolve? Will Reid hook up with Elana? Will Pancake Man get a pancake he likes? Will Captain Queeg again be randomly inserted in a scene to remind us she’s there? Stay tuned, if you can suspend disbelief…

Kyle strikes me as the inspiration to the Post-Beatles Paul Mccartney song "Uncle Albert" -- "We're so sorry... Uncle Albert... But we haven't done a bloody thing all day..."

There was one time the crew got no tip at all, albeit under special circumstances: Below Deck: Crew Received No Tip Only One Time In All Franchise Seasons (screenrant.com) It was the very first charter in 2013. What looked like possible drug use was discovered among the guests and Captain Lee took them straight back to port and kicked them off. We've seen before in other episodes how possible drug presence could jeopardise the licenses of all the crew, etc., and it was/is treated very seriously.

Like a captain too slow to respond, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… OK, I’ll reserve judgement on how staged the Kyle ankle drama is, but good Lord – with all the grief Captain Queeg has given others for not having their radio or responding, could her response have been any slower? Natasha/Dave – I’ve seen children behave with more maturity than you two. You’re both needy, high maintenance, and annoying. The Curse of the Boat continues – can’t get off the dock, tender anchor fouled, Kyle is still aboard, etc. Honestly, if Kyle put half the effort into work that he does into whingeing, the crew would have a much easier time of it. So the guests have to tell the crew how to unfoul the anchor? Yikes. The crew should be tipping *them*. Captain Queeg finally wakes up, or sobers up, or whatever, to make an appearance and pretend she did something. Kyle, why is it when you’re trying to explain the pain in your foot you are as normal in your speech and manner as ever you are. You, sirrah, are a lazy toad. What will happen next week? Will Dave And Natasha grow up? Will Kyle dry up? Will the audience be able to wake up? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake…

Like a damp squib at the end of your fireworks celebration, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast…. Synchronous vomiting – not exactly what I’d expect to see at the next Olympics. Benny was scared by fire. But Benny is also scared by work, so, no…. All in all, a lackluster final episode. Impressions on the season: Ryan/Magda – the only reason you lasted as long as you did, in my opinion, was because Covid dictated so many restrictions at the time. Unfortunate, but that’s how things were. Culver – you’re a phony. Just embrace what you are. You know what I mean. Benny – Didn’t like you from Day One, still don’t, despite attempts to redeem you. You’re a lazy jerkwad. Jamie – Liked you at first, but you proved yourself to be a whiny bitch. Play the hand you’re dealt. Aesha – your hippy/trippy style is really annoying. Tumi – You are the goddess of the series. Of all the stew staff from every season of BD I’ve seen, you’re the best. Any ship would be proud to have you aboard. Brittini -- *sigh* Don’t be distracted by others who don’t appreciate you. Nate – great job taking over as chef. You obviously care about what you do and it shows. Taylor – didn’t get to see enough of your work but I have to say your cheekbones are rather disturbing. Jason – You’re not as bad as Captain Queeg (BD:M), but you’re not as good a leader as you could be. Your “disco helmet” is very demeaning and not a team builder. You should listen to your crew more and micromanage less. The Boat: It’s an older yacht with older technology issues, but I like the wood and “Titanic” feel to it. I’d love to spend a few days on it. The fish: The star of the show to me were the scenes of fishes around the reefs and such. We didn’t get that on any other BD series.

I thought much the same when I watched "Deadliest Catch". It's always the same -- cold, looking for crab, finding or not finding crab, someone does something stupid, repeat. Yet I found it fascinating, because every once in a while, something interesting would break the monotony. (:

Like a mental hospital missing the exact number of patients that are on this crew, these comments are in the order of the episode broadcast… Right, who’s the person responsible for continuity on this show? Because they need to be fired. Last episode, Wanker Kyle did a full-on apology to Natalya, and now this episode, it’s like that never happened. Pick a bloody lane, people. And Kyle – your “Hamlet played by a 1960’s actors’ shirt” is less than impressive, especially considering what’s beneath it. Reid – you’re not helping. Don’t offer sage advice when you’re not a sage. Natalya digs cash out of her bra from 7:33 to 7:39 – woo hoo! Keep it coming! Dave asks if Natasha’s boyfriend is still around – she doesn’t directly answer. No wonder these people have problems. You know, at first, I felt sorry for both of them. Now I don’t care what happens to either one. They’re both co-dependent enablers. They thrive on drama. Ugh. Enough. Kyle: “I’m not playing the victim.” Oh yes you are. That’s what you do. Nothing is your fault. Fortunately, our glasses aren’t rose-coloured. So the interior crew have a session where… WTF? Everything ends up all touchy/feely/apologetic… how long will that last? Five minutes? Comment from guests coming aboard: “The hot tub looks a little dirty.” If you had any idea what’s gone on in that hot tub just this season alone… Considering that the stabilisers on this tub have failed at least twice on this series, it’s no surprise that Captain Queeg doesn’t want to take the boat into rough waters. Having said that, how crap is it that one pays for an expensive boat charter – and doesn't leave the harbour? Dave, you’re even more of an emotionally troubled nutbag than all of the other emotionally troubled nutbags. But that’s no reason to take it out on the guests. And you were doing so well the last couple of charters. Very disappointing. Just dumping a bunch of broccoli into bowls? I’d expect that at my house, not on a 5 star yacht. And at the end we have more potentially fake drama with Kyle not managing stairs. No footage of any actual fall, mind you, just some staged aftermath shots. We’ll see. What will happen next week? Will Captain Queeg demand an injury report be filed immediately? Will the Minnow depart for a 3 hour tour? Will charter guest Isaac do anything but stare ahead and say nothing? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake…

Like a penultimate episode several hours into the series, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast. Benny, you squeal like a stuck pig. Nice job (not) telling Brittini that Culver was making out with the primary guest last night. Well, at least Brittini can now put douche and douche together and figure out Culver isn’t into her as much as he’s into Culver. What a contrast between Nate and Ryan. Nate is really concerned about what the guests will like and works hard at it. These guests and their never-ending drinks orders! How are they even conscious after a couple of hours? I’ve discovered Bravo’s technique when an episode is particularly boring (like this one) – edit very quick cuts that happen so fast you can’t tell nothing is going on. Seriously, increasing the scene-changing pace to frenetic will *not* substitute for nothing really happening. When Tumi came downstairs and avoided disaster with the wineglasses that almost fell off the tray, I immediately thought “We all know what would have happened if Magda had been doing that!” Aesha: “I’m sure Jaws is going to come on the boat any second!” Yeah, well at least that would be something interesting. Mind you, the drunken guests wreaking havoc in the wheelhouse were cringy, but apart from that… I feel we’re being set up for more fake drama with the tides. These are not strange waters, and I find it hard to believe they’d be caught by surprise in that situation. Not buying the “all of a sudden we need to change plans” routine. What will happen next week? Will the crew be stuck on stranger tides? Will Culver continue to “do his thang, dawg?” How many guests will die of alcohol poisoning? Will anything interesting happen for the final episode? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake (or sober)…

Courtney made an offhand remark, asking Reid if he was attracted to anyone else on the crew besides her, or something like that. Reid called her a narcissist (and I think he was making a bad attempt at a joke). Courtney didn't know what a narcissist is (because apparently she didn't pay attention in school). Reid then went on rather a bit too long in explanation. The final result was Reid's words made her cry because she says she has a bad self-image regarding her body, etc., and she was hurt by it.

Like a charter guest smacking a jet ski into the boat, these comments are in order of the episode broadcast… Watching Captain Queeg and Kyle hold each other’s arms for a while as they chat while discussing Kyle’s latest douchebaggery was a bit creepy. Personally, I’d reserve that kind of touching for blood relatives or people in a relationship – and definitely neither applies. And speaking of creepy – these charter guests! Whether it’s the outfits or the lack thereof, they definitely vie for oddest yet. And this is a “fitness” charter. Not for all of them, obviously. Dave was finally able to chisel the Great White Whale out of the tiny oven, but now with two guests snoozing through dinner, what’s the over/under on when they’ll wake up and want dinner later? Oh, now I get it – the “Fitness” charter is the women working out, doing yoga, pelvic thrusts – while the Perv Twins take pictures of them doing that. Got it. No really quite sure what to make of Reid yet. On the one hand he seems keen at his job, yet also exhibits symptoms of “foot in mouth” disease. But it does bring home the fact that everyone on this boat is a tad psycho. And now we have the cliffhanger drama of Natalya and Kyle getting into a “who’s calmer” contest (as Kyle practically screams his calmness). What fun for the rest of the crew. What will happen next week? Will Kyle and Natasha calmly toss Natalya overboard? Who next on the deck crew will suffer a meltdown? Is Natasha’s phone broken because we haven’t seen her texting? Will people be awake to eat Dave’s food? Stay tuned (and calm), if you can stay awake…

Like waiting for a Primary guest to show up before serving, these comments are in the order of the episode broadcast… The whole “dinner is ruint” because they must wait for the Primary to show is so medieval. It reminds me of the story of Tycho Brahe, a 16th century nobleman and astronomer, who died of complications of the bladder because he would not excuse himself from a banquet table for relief because someone of higher rank was at the table. Man, not me. I’d be like “Clean up on Aisle 5!” So Benny is DJ Lazy Susan? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more appropriate name in me life! Just a brief comment on the cake – I don’t know what it is about the Southern Hemisphere, but I’ve never been able to get a cake to properly rise there. I spent a few years in New Zealand, which is sort of an organic Australia, and no matter what I tried, cakes and baked goods just did not behave the same way they do north of the equator. Maybe it’s directional spin, maybe it’s gravity, maybe it’s Mordor… but cake is just not cake down under. Nate – I feel for you, mate. You’re not a failure. You took over from a crap chef and Aesha is a crap Chief Stew. It’s not you. It’s them. You did everything right. Aesha messed it up. Benny – hearing you complain about someone else is like hearing an infection complain about antibiotics – useless and misdirected. Taylor seems very grounded, and with her experience, much better than Aesha’s hippy/trippy approach. And speaking of Aesha, now that she’s doing her job at dinner and serving promptly, the guests are happy! Who would have thought! So, wait, drunken Jourdi (the Primary Guest), who was not supposed to be drinking but is wasted, goes topless and climbs into the hot tub with her brother…. WTF? I know they’re in the Med and all, but how far do you take Ancient Greece and Rome? Hey Benny – nice job lowering the ramming fender – about 5 minutes late! The preference sheets for the next charter shows it’s very challenging on all fronts. And they have to be on deck by 8AM the next day. So what do the crew do? GO OUT AND GET WASTED, YYYEAAAAHHH! Numpties. What will happen next week? Will Nate catch his breath? Will “Entertainment Officer” Culver pull his head out? Will Brittini flash us again like she did at the end of this episode (hopefully)? Will Benny not mess something up? Will Tumi continue to be the perfect goddess that she is? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake…

Like a bunch of bad decisions made even worse, these comments are in order of the episode broadcast… Natasha: “I think Natalya wants to be Chief Stew and she just wants to make me look bad.” No, darling, you’ve made yourself look as bad as it gets. You have no managerial skills. You let Kyle walk all over you. You have to make drama about cleaning a pantry area. Please. Not buying the whole Storm/Mzi “behind the door” drama at the start of the episode. Hey, Bravo, here’s a tip: If you want drama, film actual drama, not “radio” drama. At least I might be inclined to believe the former. And here we go again. Drunk Courtney wants to get with Drunk Mzi. Drunk (and sober) Mzi wants Courtney. The next morning this will come to naught. Lather, rinse, repeat. So, Kyle has established himself as the Svengali to Natasha. I wonder how long it will last. Courtney (commenting on her being lead deckhand over Mzi): “I think he’s fine.” He has a massive crush on you, Courtney, and has had since the last season. He’s not “fine”. We’ve all seen this. Kyle, you are an utter douchebag and the laziest interior crew member I’ve seen since Bravo started doing these shows. The docking sequence went smoothly and without drama and very quickly – no dolphin drama. Improvement on the part of the crew? Or just dismissive because the camera crew didn’t want to hang out in the rain? Kyle, you are such a lazy douche. We have to put up with you not just for the rest of this season, but another as well? Your excuse for not cleaning is “time limitations”? What, limited by your inability to do your job or anything else? And then you try to make excuses to a guest because of your own laziness? You are a piece of work, mate – a bad piece. Next week: Will the guests sink the boat? Will the Interior Crew kill each other? Will BDSM equate to Below Deck Substandard Mediterranean? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake…

If you've been watching BDM, Natasha and her boyfriend seem like a rough equivalent. (:

Like an uncomfortable decision made at a bad time, these comments are in the order of the episode broadcast… I haven’t been a fan of Captain Queeg for quite some time, but I thought she handled the Storm/Jason situation with uncharacteristic aplomb. She was thoughtful, considerate, practical – who is this person and what have they done with Sandy? Jason – won’t miss you, buddy. Don’t let your man-bun strangle you on the way out, and write when you learn to be less petulant. These guests – thank goodness it’s a short charter. Virtually each and every one has very picky diet preferences, etc. Kyle says to Natasha, in reference to her decorating, “That might be the best work you’ve done. Or only work.” Huh? Kyle you’re the laziest sack of poo on this boat, with Jason a close second. So far for this short charter Kyle is behaving more like a guest than a crew member. His big task is to distract the guests for a moment while the surprise guest is ushered aboard – hope you didn’t break too much of a sweat there, Kyle, taking that picture! Even Nat1 and Nat2 complained about him later. So we have the “Cliffhanger” drama of Storm and his decision during the crew night out. So many feelings about this. On the one hand, I fully understand the need to designate a lead deckhand – it’s meant to establish a line of authority and a hierarchy in an environment where that sort of thing is necessary. You can’t just have people milling about doing what they want to do when they want to do it. I’ve been sailing myself on tall ships and I came to really appreciate how every crew member knew their responsibilities and areas of expertise, yet did what was needed when it was needed. But on the other hand – Storm, mate, have you no couth at all? This was absolutely the *wrong* time to bring this up and should have waited until first thing in the morning before the new deckhand arrived. What will happen next week? Will Kyle lift a finger to do actual work? Will Natasha stop crying over her boyfriend’s texts? Will Natalya be tossed overboard by a mutinous interior crew? Will the deck crew sort it? Will the new deckhand be named “Benny”? Stay tuned, if you can stay awake.

After a long absence, I’ve watched this episode again and have comments in the order of the episode broadcast: Benny: “I’ve been given another chance…” Yeah, and I can’t help but wonder “why”? I can only conclude it’s one of the following: 1) Benny is the secret love child of Captain Jason, and therefore unfireable, 2) Benny has pictures from a network party that would leave some in a very awkward position if revealed, 3) Benny does not really exist – he’s a leprechaun, or pixie, or honest politician – you know, a mythical figure. I must admit, I do find the whole name-calling/bitch-gate situation interesting. Or maybe that’s because my brain has been trying to chew its way out of my skull this season. Since the crew are generally behaving like grade-schoolers, I’d say Brittini is actually attracted to Jamie, and wants to get his attention by calling him a name he doesn’t like. And in defence of Jamie, he has said in previous episodes he doesn’t like being called that name. From Jamie’s point of view, he’s a Bosun with a deck crew that has no respect for him. From the deck crew perspective, they’re upset because “Daddy doesn’t love us in the way we want him too. Waaahhh!” Brittini is surprised and crying because Jamie went to the Captain and complained – after Jamie told her *multiple* times not to do that? Bitch, please.

It worked for my dog when housebreaking. Apart from that... (:

Good Lord, if I spoke to my boss the way Benny spoke to Jamie I'd be fired instantly. What an arrogant d-bag (Benny, obviously). Props to Jamie for not decking that deckhand. Becoming less and less a fan of Captain Jason and his people skills -- or lack thereof. And Brittini practically institutes a mutiny by having the crew all talk behind Jamie's back? They all want to be "led" in a certain touchy-feely-everyone-gets-a-trophy way but don't understand that, on a boat, you can't just do what you want to do. There's a hierarchy at sea for a reason -- it's a dangerous place and crew have to do their jobs correctly whether they want to or not. For a drinking game this episode, take a shot every time you hear "intimidate" or "intimidation". If you want to die quickly of alcohol poisoning, add the word "communication".