Tanukisan

Like an ill-maintained engine held together with duct tape, cardboard, and prayer (or curses), these comments are in the order of episode scenes broadcast… What could be better than a booze-filled night out with the crew and their antics? Oh, yeah, pretty much anything. Given the engine problems from the first episode and the lack of awareness of the engine condition from Day One, is it any surprise the motor finally packed it in? So after all the drama, we’re expected to believe the one part they need can’t be supplied except for one place in Amsterdam? WTF? I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night. Chase keeps things together with his yoga class. Yeah, maybe the guests weren’t expecting a master class in yoga, but still, he kept them involved and entertained. He certainly worked better than the engine did. In fact, the entire crew has come together and performed well (if we can keep Alex focused and sober). This is overall, one of the best crews of all the BD franchises ever – interior and exterior and chef. Gary has been the biggest problem. Glenn has been taking lessons (unfortunately) from Captain Queeg (Sandy) so it seems. Captain Glenn – “It’s really crazy to have two unrelated massive engine failures in such a short time.” No, man, that’s on you. The first failure happened because you were in port for *several* days and no one thought to inspect/start/test the engine that whole time. Then you jury-rigged the engine and bypassed a portion of it to just barely make it work to keep the season going. And now there’s another failure and you never thought it might be contributed to based on how you handled your most recent problem. Sorry, mate, not buying it. If it weren't for Colin, you'd be dead in the water for sure. What will happen next week? Will the boat actually sail? Will the crew navigate their problems/issues? Will the Parsifal hot tub incubate the next pandemic? Stay tuned, if you can keep it together…

Kindred jerks? (:

Like a lead deckhand who’s become a real dickhand, these comments are in the order of the episode broadcast… Chicken wing etiquette. I’d associate wings with dive bar cuisine, not 5 star cuisine. Apart from the kid, the guests don’t seem very impressed. Why not shuck a few oysters while you’re at it? Sorry that Ileisha cut her finger, but from what they showed, I think I’ve had paper cuts more severe than that cut finger. But even so, Ileisha perseveres and, despite all odds from previous chefs on this and other BD shows, keeps going with no drama. And we get to sail! Nice to see them batten down with a minimum of “things falling over” footage. So we also get an accidentally burnt dress. If you need to fill some time, how about just getting in some more time about the sails, sailing, etc.? Gary proves himself to be a dick yet again, with his demand for a cigarette balanced against waiting on him to continue entertainment for the guests. Later, even Colin calls him on it, saying it was a dick move. It always has to be something – overall, this crew is one of the best we’ve seen on any BD franchise (if we can keep Alex sober). It’s a shame to see the drama between Daisy and Gary and Colin. But we’re also seeing Daisy and Colin warming up to each other. Hmmm. The tip meeting seemed very staged. Not much comment on deck crew, but the interior crew get a lot of negative attention. Personally, I think Ileisha did a very good job on food. Certainly we never hear a complaint from the guests. In fact, I don’t recall an episode ever when the tip meeting was interrupted. Glenn kept digging at Daisy and wanting her to “speak to” this and that. And at the end of the day – it was a great tip! So why the aggro? “Work smarter, not harder”? How about not keeping your interior crew short by sending one of them to the beach to do nothing. I wish instead of inventing drama or making things out of nothing, we’d see the boat and crew in action. Personally, I find that much more interesting. What will happen next week? What drunken antics will the crew get up to? Will the jacuzzi become the source of the next pandemic? Will the Parsifal engine finally give up the ghost? Stay tuned, if you can take the heat.

Like a loudmouth guest overdosed on steroids, these comments are in the order of the episode broadcast. Watching Alex drunkenly stumble through the opening scenes is showing a pattern. The chap gets so blitzed he can barely walk. I don’t think we’ve seen the end of it by far. As Gary presided over the morning meeting with his deck crew it was kind of funny to hear him emphasise he wanted the hot tub washed. Hmmm, who was last in it and doing what… let’s see… The scene between Colin and Daisy declaring multiple times they were “not hooking up with anyone” – major foreshadowing? Ileisha shows off her previous circus skills! Now that’s flexible! All the better to twist out of Gary’s grip. Not sure at this point if the drama between Gary and Daisy is real or hyped up for the show. Although Gary is proving to be rather a dick so far this season. The guests really kept the interior crew hopping. Lots of different orders for different things – you can’t accuse them or the chef or the interior crew of being lazy at this point. What’s the point of showing Chase in his bunk farting? It was his break time, he was trying to rest – was the fart necessary? Was it even real (or just added with foley work)? Just seemed odd and out of place. And tactless. Stew to guest -- “You son is so nice and well brought up”. Guest reply -- “don’t know why, his dad’s an a-hole”. Love to see harmony in families. Once again Ileihsa crushes the dinner, even though there are multiple restrictions and requirements. Especially after all the special orders during the day. And no drama! She’s a treasure so far. I keep saying “so far” because this show has got me punchy, with some sort of trouble always around the corner. What will happen next week? Will Gary mutiny? Will Daisy mutiny? Will everyone work “smarter not harder”? What will the next drunken wander of Alex look like? Stay tuned, if you can keep calm and carry on…

What does she think of Jeremy Irons? (:

Like a boat becalmed one moment and active the next, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… Chase seems genuinely eager to contribute, but Gary’s jealously is getting in the way. And by the way – if the toys aren’t charged up – whose fault is that? Uh… Gary? Alex – you’re not Nietzsche. Stop trying to take advantage of vulnerable girls. Colin is happy the engine is purring along and everything is fine – why do I sense impending doom? Gary – “It’s far easier licking Daisy’s ass and telling her just what she wants to hear.” Yeah, that’s the basis of a healthy relationship… not. I don’t understand the fake drama of having Ileisha worry about “overcooking” something, when it’s clear the guests have loved everything she’s done. Usually if a chef thinks meat is overcooked, most people think it’s just right. These guests, by the way, are very nice and not jerks. Overall, despite editing to attempt to show the contrary, this charter has gone very well so far. The guests expressed appreciation for their “amazing sailing journey. Just one problem. No sailing. They left a nice tip though -- should cover the total cost of broken glassware, given how things have gone so far. (: Gary isn't making himself look any better on the dinner outing -- perhaps should be called Dick rather than Gary. And the trend continues back on the boat. Meanwhile Alex is passed out drunk in the hot tub (who wants to go anywhere near that hot tub) and again later in the crew mess. *sigh* Well, it was a fun episode up until the last segment. What will happen next week? Will the crew Hijinx catch up with them? Will the guests be jerks? Will Gary continue to be a jerk? Stay tuned, if you can stay focused….

Like a sea-soaked engine having undergone bypass surgery, these comments are in the order of episode scenes broadcast. So right from the start we pick up on the drunken revel from the last episode. No thanks. These gratuitous orgy scenes aren’t even entertaining, they’re just disgusting. Alex unable to successfully negotiate stairs and doing weird things with his water bottle and Captain Glenn, Madison puking in the loo, Lucy falling out of her bunk, and later on, a prolonged shot of Alex in his underwear scratching his butt… stay classy, Bravo. In looking at as much as I can with what is shown, it looks like Colin’s bypass of the after cooler involved stove pipe and wrappings. No wonder he’s worried about temperature! With reduced engine output and the heat, it still looks a bit dangerous. This is the third season of BDSY and the “S” is for “sailing”. Why is it every time the boat actually sails it’s a complete surprise when it heels over and we see drawers flying open, the galley in disarray, dishware breaking, etc.? So, a bit of drama brewing between Gary and Chase? Wonder how this is going to play out. After being a star in the engine room, Colin is also a star in the galley! Not quite sure about seeing the pasta draped over the hangars – I guess one doesn’t want to know how the sausage (or in this case pasta) is made. I suspect far worse things have happened in kitchens I’ve gotten food from. Once again Ileisha has come through and hardly batted an eyelash. What happened to the tradition of unstable chefs? (: What will happen next week? Will Gary and Chase battle it out? How many ladies will Gary attempt to kiss? Will Alex realise the anchor has been dragging? Stay tuned, if you can fast forward through the naughty bits…

For those of us Instagram-impaired, what did he say? (:

Like a disappointed guest marooned at the dock, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… OK, right out of the gate, I have my suspicions on the whole engine thing. Parsifal III came over from the Atlantic and landed in the Med for this season (according to Captain Glenn in the last episode) – with a bad engine? Unlikely. Would the series start filming without the ship being in ship shape? Unlikely. The whole thing smacks of fake drama, which is unfortunate since so many of us liked BDSY in the first place. How about just highlighting the features of the season with a crew the audience is predisposed to like? Strewth! Guest – “You don’t check your engines before the guests come on board? That’s on you.” Yes. Daisy complains her staff are “Far behind”. Well, whose fault is that? Perhaps that whole body paint thing should have been done in easily water soluble colours so a quick laundry run would solve the proboem. As tensions build and food has to be assembled for the beach, the chef really seems to have it sorted. Daisy says there’s ice on the tender – but no one can find ice on the tender. This leads to… Glenn cursing? Whoa. He must be really stressed to do that, since I don’t recall him doing that much, sailor status notwithstanding. I mean, c’mon – he’s Canadian. “Oh, darn!” would be what I would expect. (: Alex is as naïve as Lucy is… wordly? An engine victory! But really? We’ve been told how awful the situation was, how it would take 2 weeks to fix, may just a few days according to Colin if they had the parts, but miraculously… OK now? I really hate to smell a rat. Lucy has to deal with bedding “covered in blood”? Eeewww. Apparently, the coin of the realm in luxury yachting circles is… toilet paper? And towels? A guest has a meltdown because of a perceived lack of TP. Which may explain the bloody bedding… Now I also have to suspect fake drama as Gary tests positive for COVID… again. This is at least 3 times so far? Could it be he just had other commitments and couldn’t be there at the start of the show? I’m starting to think I’m more cynical than Harry Houdini. And now the drunken exploits start. Sheesh. What will happen next week? Will the boat get off the dock? Will Gary show up? Will Parsifal III survive the sea trial? Stay tuned, if you can stay dry/sober…

Like a frightened Branzino afraid of the hook, these comments are in order of the episode scenes broadcast… Well it’s an interesting start – right out of the gate! Apparently, Parsifal was in the Atlantic before coming back to the Med for the season. And Captain Glenn did confirm he was with Parisfal for 13 years now. “Here I am, serving a bunch of assholes, and I don’t understand where it all went wrong.” – I missed you Daisy! Colin – nice to see you again! Can you fix the engine? Gary has Covid! I’m surprised that’s all he has… Ileisha – looking forward to see how it goes. Chase – Hope you work out better than the last dude from the South, but my Spidey senses are tingling. Alex – You’re not getting much screen time yet. But you look the part. Mads – And some experience to boot! Lucy – Ladies from Wales are hot, personal preference notwithstanding. So nice to see much of the crew from last season, and good prospects for this one. Captain Glenn – “And when you ladies are ready, we’ll get you off…. The boat.” Classic. So far the guests have been pretty understanding about the boat not moving – though watching them shove food in their gobs and the way they chew is a bit disturbing. As the EDM party heated up it was good to see the crew step up to make the most of it, while Captain Glenn settles in to his bunk quietly for the night – to watch nature vids perhaps? Will the boat get off the dock? Two weeks estimate? Why do I suspect those two weeks would turn into two hours with the right financial incentive – or is this just Bravo-induced drama? We’ll see.

Watched the promo vids on the Bravo site -- sooo looking forward to seeing Captain Glenn again and most of his core crew. In the promo he mentioned he'd been with Parsifal for 13 years! Amazing. Looks like the boat has taken up smoking. In the immortal words of Mr. Mackey, "Smoking is bad, m'kay?" (:

Like a stunned haddock at the wrong end of a ten pound test line, these comments are about an "episode" that was more bait than hook. It was sad to see this so-called "tribute" to Captain Lee. He deserved much better. There were a couple of good moments -- like seeing Kate and Ben again. But then there were the tasteless and idiotic appearances of people like the "Queen of Versailles" barmaid and the random/irrelevant guest who sat in live. It would have been appropriate to see more clips of the highlights and lowlights of what actually occurred during the 10 season run, instead of some of the vacuous and non sequitur statements from people who often looked like they were rehearsing a scripted phrase rather than anything truly meaningful or from the heart. But it was nice to see Captain Lee, who looked a bit better than his appearance in the previous actual episode. I wish him fair winds and calm seas. I found the most ironic and tasteless moment at the very end, when the person in the shark suit came out to serve shots on a ski. But then again, after all, if it weren't for alcohol, there'd be no "Below Deck" in the first place -- perhaps no BRAVO at all! (:

The word "Medusa" comes to mind... (:

If you had included my previous sentence in the quote, you would have noted that I said there were 10 people in the scene, but the math came out to 13.33 people for the tip total. The remaining 3 were unaccounted for... in the scene picture. And I did go on to name the positions of those not seen in the scene, if you follow.

Sorry for the delay in posting, but I needed to see a man about a horse... Like a damp squib that ends a season, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… I’m just so tired of this fake season – the fake guests, the fake crew, all of it. At the end of this season, I’m convinced that 90% of this entire season is just made up. For me, one of the potential big moments of this episode was a two-second throwaway line about who would “flake” the anchor. This was made a big deal in a different episode on one of the other shows in the franchise – “flaking the anchor” meant physically guiding the anchor chain as the anchor was hoisted such that it wouldn’t tangle in the hold and be prepped for the next time the anchor was dropped. It required someone being in a cramped interior area making that happen. This could have been an interesting insight into the mechanics of the boat, etc., but it was passed over in just a few seconds. It’s this sort of thing I’d like to see more of, and less of some asshole wanting a turkey sandwich or fake crew drama about texting. Thoroughly enjoyed every “Goddamnit!” from Captain Lee during the final docking – he’ll be missed. The tip was $20K. Captain Lee said that was “$1,500 per person even money”. The math says 13.33 people are involved. Including Captain Lee, we see 10 people counting Captain and crew members. So… 3.33 people are unaccounted for – probably those doing “real” work, such as the First Officer, Engineer, and who knows who else. Would have like to have seen those people too. And so the season ends. Thank God. Let us never speak of it again – no, wait, some final comments… Things I won’t miss: 1) Alissa. You evil hag. It’s too bad you didn’t get your well-deserved comeuppance before you did, but better late than never. Enjoy obscurity, you satanic harridan. 2) Captain Queeg. I know that for some reason, almost certainly political, Bravo loves you – I don’t. Herpes, the Bubonic Plague, Cholera, or Consumption would make a better substitute Captain. 3) Speaking of herpes – Ross. You are an insufferable ass. Your predatory nature and sex pervert revelations are second only to your drunk-off-your-ass-barely-can-stand outings. Captain Queeg may think you look like 007 at the helm of the tender – I think you’re just double-oh-nothing. 4) Fraser – you were a backstabbing weasel when I first saw you in a previous season and you haven’t changed much. You’re quick to revel in praise and quicker to throw others under the bus/boat when things go wrong. You’re a gossipy phony. And it hurts to say that because I really wanted to like you at first. 5) Katie – You were a great deckhand and early on showed great promise – but then you became the Svengali-victim of Ross… and volunteered to stay that way. Lost all respect for you. 6) Camille – I honestly dislike you least of all my other dislikes. You were a lazy, selfcentred, indolent jackaninny. But you weren’t fake. 7) Tony – the endless grunting, dude. Que pasa. Things I will miss: 1) Rachel. Your cooter talk and sharp sailor tongue aside, compared to previous seasons I thought you acquitted yourself very well and was pleased to see you grow. I wish you much success in any of your future endeavours, and I’d like to see you on the franchise again. 2) Surprisingly – Haley. At first I thought you were just another insufferable chav(ette), your bad plastic surgery a lesson in what work to avoid having done. But you actually turned out to be the best functioning interior crew member, your drunken episodes and tits/ass talk notwithstanding. And we won't even mention your relationship with cake. 3) Captain Lee. All things must pass, I suppose, but I remember you through several seasons and you always were very real. And speaking of real, what will happen next season? Will the trend to being a completely scripted show continue? Will the quest to redeem Captain Queeg reach new lows? What’s the over/under on drag queen guests and crew? Stay tuned – if you dare.

Like a viewer watching a season penultimate episode, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… Oh, Ben, how disappointing. If you can’t keep it in your pants, just be honest about it. I’d be a little more sympathetic if there were any real conflict between your… heart… and your…. Head. Ross and his porn acting career? No thanks. He’s porny enough as it is. More fake drama and the docking – doesn’t look like it could be easier. Massive tip of $40k! Well done crew! Ross – “Probably not the best idea to go out and rage it into the night” – when has that stopped you before? Katie, what will it take for you to see that Ross is a massive loser? Ross, slime can take confidence it’s a step above you. I’d say this series is running on empty, but it didn’t start out much more than empty at the beginning of this season. What the hell is with the cake and the massive spew in the crew mess? It must have taken hours to clean that up! Ross and Katie – if there were ever a non-romance – you two are it. What will happen next week on the finale? Will Ross and Katie continue to hate/love each other – and who cares? Will Ben finally stop trying to be faithful to Camille? Will the last guests of the season eat the crew? Stay tuned, if you can stay interested….

Like an overjoyed viewer glad to see the back of Captain Queeg, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… Fraser – “Why are we letting guests choose what they want to do, I’ll never know, but we’ve got to cater towards their needs.” And that, sirrah, is why you’ll never be more than a waiter. And now Fraser is threatened by the new stew, because she has been a Chief Stew longer than he has. Will you ever grow up, Fraser? Just bugger on and be the best Fraser you can be. There was some brief footage of the guests introducing themselves to each other and finding out what they did for a living, etc., which lends even more credence to the theory that many of these guests are just slammed together by Production and really have no relation to each other. And one of the guests sharing what his wi-fi password was (and I won’t repeat it here) – yep, keeping it classy, Bravo (not). But as the guests drink their way through gallons of alcohol, it seems like there actually is a connexion between them in some weird, convoluted extended family that married/coupled with exes or other relations. Weird. One of the women just seems to sit and frown a lot. The men seem hell bent on out-drinking one another. There was a big stink about the wind on the beach, but once there, it didn’t seem all that bad when the canopy was being set up. Indeed, Fraser seems determined to think that the beach party will be a disaster, but everyone seemed to have a very good time and there were no complaints about wind. What will happen next week? Will one of the guests die of alcohol poisoning? Will Ben kick Camille to the curb for the new stew? Will Fraser stab the new stew in the back? Will there be enough towels? Stay tuned, if you can stay sober…

Like an irritating, feckless guest who demands turkey club sandwiches, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… I’ve always liked Rachel, but have intense renewed respect for her after the dinner. Loved her “F-U” to LaQueef by placing gold leaf on everyone’s dish. Rachel can curse like a sailor all she wants – she *is* a sailor – and she’s also a kick-ass chef. Hayley – you’re a Chav, but you’re no Geri Halliwell. Captain Queeg is so full of poo – praising Fraser after having so harshly condemning him. Fraser hasn’t changed. Neither has Queeg. I suspect she’s brown-nosing ahead of the return of Captain Lee, whom we all know likes Fraser. Spare me the fake wind drama again. There’s often wind, and the crew know what they’re doing, and their docking position couldn’t be easier. And at the end of the charter, LaQueef and company leave the lowest tip so far. Surprised? These were the worst guests so far. They remind me of hotel guests who get unexpected free room upgrades and end up stealing as many robes and towels as they can get away with, only to realise later they’ll be charged for them. What will happen next week? Will Ross continue to quarrel with Katie? Will Ben pick up where he left off with the new stew? Will Queeg finally leave once and for all? Stay tuned, if you can pay attention…

Like a fired employee who didn’t see it coming, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast. Yes! YES! YEEESSSSS! And Alissa is gone. Not before time. Surprised this was at the top of the episode – how can it get better? Oh, yeah, Captain Queeg could be gone as well. Fraser: “Alissa was great at her job.” Really? Was there another Alissa on board only he could see? And we get the sass from Alissa on her way out. Don’t let the gangplank hit you on the arse on your way out, Alissa! Or better yet, do! Tony called it right when the guests arrived in full pageant regalia: “Is it the circus in St. Lucia or what?” Do we have to see sausage in its casing? Or its speedo? I don’t know which is more annoying, speedo-boy or the bovine, braying for their lunch. These guests are disgusting. Fraser: “There’s always one, isn’t there?” You are too right, Frase. Just when you thought the guests couldn’t be more annoying, you get a request for a late-night sandwich and drink… and 24k gold on steak! No wonder some people want to eat the rich. And to top it off the guests are pigs as well as cows. Cabins are “the worst” seen given the state they’re left in. Oh,and YES again! Captain Lee will be back “in a couple of days”! Topping end for an episode. What will happen next week? Will Ben and Camille finalise plans for their DR trip? Will Alissa fly back on her broom and demand “Surrender Dorothy”? Will Alissa’s replacement drive the crew over the edge? Stay tuned, if you can keep your food down while watching these current guests… And just a brief (and first ever for me) Postscript -- When I first started watching "Below Deck" a couple of years ago, I used to think this franchise was mostly observation of events with some (but not excessive) producer-driven events. Now I think it's almost all producer-driven. Sad,really.

Like a viewer tired of being obviously manipulated, these comments are in the order of episode scenes broadcast... So, Tony gets stung by a bee – why didn’t Captain Queeg go into meltdown mode like she has in previous seasons where someone was hurt but didn’t file an injury report? And Fraser's injured feet? Same thing! The next fake event is a “teambuilding” volleyball exercise? Unless the deck and interior crew are playing someone else entirely, it’s hardly a “teambuilding” exercise. The whole volleyball thing is just a colossal farce. Queeg is trying to deliver her lines as the producers want, but no one else is buying into this. Because things didn’t go the way she (or the script) expected them to go, Queeg expresses her disappointment and blames the participants. Typical. And she blames Fraser for not filing an injury report – THERE IT IS! I’m totally over the Ross/Katie dynamic. He’s a (drunken) sexual predator and she’s a perpetual victim. I’d say you deserve each other, but I’d rather say you don’t deserve the attention. And how is he any sort of prize? Unless you’re looking for a STD in your box of Crackerjacks. Alissa – you are the devil’s hemorrhoid. ‘Nuff said. Watching Alissa lie to the authoritarian Queeg – I don’t know where to stop laughing. Alissa has no respect for authority (or anyone else) and Queeg demands respect, whether it’s deserved or not. Meanwhile, Fraser is stuck in the middle – but not unrighteously so. Fraser does need to take responsibility for his department and not cover for the errors of his staff. What will happen next week? Will Captain Queeg finally give Alissa her walking papers? Wil Ross continue to be a drunken jerk? Will Tony live to grunt again? Stay tuned, if you can continue to suspend disbelief…

Like a deckhand with a hidden talent, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast. It wouldn’t be morning on the boat without a session of Tony grunting! Fraser says he wants to do better when talking with Rachel, but when the new Stew asks him should all the beds be ironed, Fraser says he’s OK with shortcuts “as long as it looks good”. Not exactly consistent with the best of service, eh? Now Alissa has her sights on Hayley. Didn’t think it would take long for Alissa to show her true colours. I hate to admit it, but Captain Queeg is right when she points out Fraser is not doing a good job. Fraser takes it personally, regarding the tasks he’s taking on since his crew won’t or can’t do them – he’s not doing a bad job at his cleaning/service tasks, but he *is* doing a bad job as HOD for the interior crew. In the interest of full disclosure, it took me many years to learn how to delegate/train rather than taking on tasks myself in my job, but when you get to certain levels, your days of cleaning the toilet yourself are over and you must train up the next generation. And as if to prove the point, the new deckhand/stew is working hard doing laundry while Fraser and Hayley are playing fart games. Rachel asked the interior to set up the bar area with snacks, etc., before the guests arrived. Alissa said she’d ‘handle it.” Apparently, “handle it” means tossing out a bowl of crisps. And then Alissa complains in front of the guests! What a snake. Fraser is right when he supposes, since Camille’s firing, that Alissa has developed an attitude of doing whatever she wants – for example, making personal phone calls in the middle of work or yawning in Fraser’s face as he tries to give her instructions. Alissa thinks she’s a shark of some sort, but the rest of the crew are bigger fish and have recognised her for what she is. Captain Queeg says she’s “not going to get involved in Fraser’s decisions” because he needs to learn from mistakes he makes. Thing is, this isn’t a training boat – you’re there to provide a top experience for the guests. I suspect if Captain Lee were there, we’d be hearing something like “there’s better be improvement or I’m gonna be making changes and handing out plane tickets.” Queeg is no better at managing her HOD than they are at managing their crew. And with perfect symmetry, we end the episode as it began -- with Tony grunting. What will happen next week? Will Ross get drunk and put off Katie (again)? Will Alissa take the trash out? Will Captain Queeg take the trash out and clean house with the interior crew? Stay tuned, and stay under cover!

Grunting in multiple languages? Perhaps he's bi-gruntal.....

Not to be pedantic about this, but Faye was born and raised in Southeast London, not Australia. Those of us from the UK are a bit sensitive about accents, etc. For example, I have many Kiwi friends who are frustrated no end that many people not from there can't discern between an Australian versus New Zealand accent. Even in the UK, many natives where I'm from in East Anglia can't understand people from Cornwall or Manchester or Yorkshire (not to mention Wales). "It's like they speak a different language." But I digress... Faye is from SE London, which makes her a chav(ette). Were she from Australia, I'd call her a Bogan. (: Cheers, mate! (:

Like an unhappy chef who doesn’t want to be here anymore, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast… Hey, Captain Clueless – perhaps it’s best not to demean the chef on the last day of the last charter, eh? So Jess decides to honour the obligation she originally signed up for. Expecting a trophy, are we? Chav Faye: “I do feel like Cinderella: cleaning toilets and mopping floors.” But still and all, you’re a good sport for modeling the gown and you don’t look half bad. Similarly, Kasie looks great in her gown as well. Well done, ladies. Jess, back to work after quitting – “I’m just hoping Kerry can see the change.” Um, no. You haven’t changed, Jess. You’re still a big bag of mess in the head. Seth confronts Kasie over the picture she took of him while sleeping – and she stands her ground. You rock, Kasie! Seth is an ambitious idiot. Ryan, first offcer appears for 2 seconds, what, the second time in the season? Those fire alarums could be a problem! You know it’s a boring episode when they draw out the docking sequence and everything is normal. The end of the charter and half the episode left? What can happen… OMG, the exchange between Chav Faye and Seth -- <gagging>. Seth, you’re a dick. And I mean that in the most uncomplimentary way. So Chav Faye goes to Seth’s bunk to tease him… then leaves. Looks like there’s two dicks. So what have we learnt… For this series – Norway is the star. By far and away the best and highlight of the season. Captain Clueless – not much respect for you, brah. You seem reluctant to notice any real problems before they become major problems. Chav Faye – you are the quintessential definition of Chavette, and I have looked down on you through most of the season. But I have to admit you redeemed yourself somewhat at the end. Kind of a proper finale, like. Little Lewis – bosun wannabe. You have no real skill there. Mike – who? Nathan – competent deckhand -- too bad you had to suffer at the hands of Kyle and Seth. Seth – the very definition of dickhead. Kasie – very capable and the best stew. And hot. Oriana – OK. Jess – would be a great chef – in a hospital where she lived. Way too temperamental to survive in the real world. All in all, the show was more frustrating than entertaining. If it weren’t for Norway itself, I would have given up. But so long everyone, and thanks for all the fish!

Like a tasting menu that goes on for hours, these comments are in the order of the episode scenes broadcast. The back-and-forth drama with the food of “it’s not here, I’m mad” and then “everything’s great, thanks Rachel!” is getting to be a bit annoying. Isn’t there enough drama without having to fake cut more of it? Alissa’s crocodile tears over Camille’s dismissal are as pathetic as they are fake. And Alissa wastes no time trying to cheese off Katie as she shamelessly flirts with the ever-drunk-and-clueless Ross (in a later scene). Frankly, they deserve each other – you can do better, Katie – don’t go there. Meanwhile, Ross speaks wistfully of his time in South Africa where he learnt to surf – and was also thrown in jail. Was it for sexual assault or public drunkenness? Or both? Speaking of fake and tiresome, Captain Queeg’s personal management formula of “pay you a massive compliment, say how crap you are, then pay you another massive compliment at the end” is disingenuous. Queeg’s response to Rachel telling her about Fraser and his team is, essentially, to just throw it back on Rachel and tell her to work it out. Very poor management skills. The look on Alissa’s face when Camille shows up at the dinner table is priceless. At the end of the tip meeting, she was priming the crew with her fake crying and desire for attention – how the tables turned when “guess who’s coming to dinner” showed up. Sorry, Alissa – apparently Mr. DeMille isn’t ready for your close-up. Hayley (in reference to Ross’ fart in the van) – “Ross, that’s the most disgusting thing you’ve done yet." Just wait – the episode has 10 minutes left. It’s not that I’m hoping Ross stumbles overboard as he wanders off from Katie in a drunken stupor – but if it did… What will happen next week? Will Ross remain upright? Will Katie wake up? Will Alissa now try to get Hayley fired? Will Captain Queeg go off the rails? Stay tuned, if you can stand the bar to be lowered even more than it is…