Tanukisan

General question -- is it the natural state of a 4-peckered goat to be intoxicated? If so, how? And a whole herd of them? It boggles the mind.

Impressions: “Crouching Tiger Hidden Stew” was the best line in the episode. Well done. Should have been an episode title. The charter guests remove all doubt as to why the French Revolution happened. Heather with a feather is better than leather in bad weather. But she’s still a cr@p Chief Stew. Go Fraser. Interesting sub-culture with the charter guests – a tribe where “Go Eff Yourself” is the rough equivalent of “Good Day”. “She needs to go away now.” The primary charter guest (Justin) is apparently ordering Heather to escort/remove/guide Terri to her room. How quaint that we apparently live in such Medieval times. Can’t wait to see the resolution of the drunken festivities next week. Also: I think the camera tried to hide it as best they could, but Captain Lee looked quite frail compared to how he has been before. If he’s got health issues, I wish him the best.

Some general impressions: Captain Sean: "I don't micromanage. I'm hands on." Dude, you are the poster child of micromanagement. I hope there is never a severe problem on a boat when he's captain, because the boat will sink while he's rearranging the deck furniture. I don't know why I didn't notice this until the current episode, but Eddie reminds me of the character Andy Bernard from "The Office" -- especially when he breaks into song or dance. Rachel is pretty well behaved so far, but you know the crazy is on a slow simmer. So far the Chief Stew is more talk than action. The deck hand that has General Custer's facial hair is going to be a problem. Very glad Captain Lee is back. He's the calm in the storm! Oh, and one more thing -- I know sailors have a reputation for cursing, but so far with this crew -- Holy S&!t!

Impressions: The look-ahead for the season is interesting. Some cool vignettes. Dunken propane burner flame and hair? What could possibly go wrong? (: Crazy Rachel and Eddie are back! Either one has potential alone. Eddie "doesn't know" what being a First Office entails? It looks like Eddie hasn't shed his lack of faith in himself and still hasn't developed any real leadership skills. He knows what it takes to do a good job, but can he inspire others or even delegate properly? We'll see. Eddie has had a chance to learn from the master, Captain Lee, but he so far doesn't seem to be applying anything he may have learnt. If Eddie wants to be a good Captain someday, he needs more Lee and less Eddie. Heather... hmm.... First of all, her plastic surgeon should be shot for what was done to her lips -- very distracting. We'll see if she can hold it together. Somehow I think she'll fold pretty quickly under pressure. Fraser -- I love this guy! He's arrogant but unlike some previous stews (e.g., Lexi) he's got the skills to back it up. I love his side commentary. He obviously knows his trade. Very much looking forward to seeing more of him. Jake, Rayna, Wes, etc. -- not terribly impressed with the rest of the interior and deck crew so far. And is it now de riguer to have a deckhand with impossible facial hair? This one (Jake) looks more at home at Custer's Last Stand than on a yacht. Captain Sean reminds me of what would happen if someone from the local loony bin escaped and decided to be a yacht captain. Unlike Captain Queeg (Sandy) he's just nuts, as opposed to a naricisstic loony. Wow, someone who *prefers* laundry? Smart move -- farther away from the drama. Does anyone else think Rachel bears a striking resemblance to the actress Missi Pyle? Hmmm.... Fraser says "yes" to all guest requests, but doesn't know how to make a chocolate martini. But that doesn't stop him! He perseveres and ends up producing a product the guest loves! Heather and Rachel are getting off to a good start with their menu planning/serving. Odds are this won't last, but it was nice to see the synchronicity. The whole trash bag thing seems staged. Can't believe it really happened that way. All in all, it's a good start. My fave out of the gate is Fraser. Close second is Crazy Rachel. The sooner we get rid of Sean to get Captain Lee the better. What is it with Captain Sean and cushions? Was he frightened by a cushion as child? And the whole delay, delay, delay thing -- while Sean fiddles and the guests burn.

Impressions: Mat – “I get insecure whenever I get criticism – even the smallest thing.” Mat, your inability to handle anything but rose-scented compliments is legendary at this point. If someone likes food more spicy – spice it up. If they like it in larger portions – add more. If it’s undercooked to taste – cook it more. It’s not rocket science, dude. The fact that 90+% of the time people like what you cook should be a baseline compliment that anyone would be glad for. Oh, and one more thing – learn how to cook eggs. It’s basic. And invest in better non-stick pans – or butter. Katie just can’t seem to grasp the concept of “less help means more work.” Maybe should have kept Delaney, eh? Katie – “What is wrong with me?” How about – you don’t know how to do your job? Mat – “I’m gonna lose it.” Mate, you never had it. So, Captain Queeg doesn’t know how to set an anchor? Funny watching Captain Queeg “supervising” at the dinner table. To Katie – “I’ll help you any way I can.” Except making sure you have the staff needed to do your job. Mat is often annoying, but even more so as he tries to pressure Katie into approving his dinner choices. You know that Mat is setting her up for blame if he tanks it, but won’t share any praise if he doesn’t. I am soooo tired of this fellow. If this show has any value at all, it’s to tell other yacht owners who never to hire. Mat’s constant need for praise combined with his “whipped puppy” look is something I won’t miss. Soooo glad Lloyd found a follow-on job to do a crossing. He’s a good person and it’s nice to see he’s taken care of. Wait – deck crew complaining they’ve been “awake 20 hours”? Not unusual in the service. Of course, you don’t want to make a habit of it. How many hours have you been passed out with your drinking? But wait – aren’t there strict laws about time on duty, break time, etc.? Something is not right, methinks. Courtney taunting Mat – “Are you ready for an Eggselent breakfast?” Priceless. Laughed my posterior off. Whoever did the editing on the last docking – nice try. Those lines that were shown to be cast never made it to the dock, but bravo to help tell the story. At the end of the last charter, Captain Queeg tries to make Malia feel better. Don’t worry, Queeg – we know who you are. So….. there was a backup chef? Luca? It’s almost as if the show anticipated there would be a problem. Hmmm.. Why would that be? Because they hired a psychotic in the first place? Yeah. And this whole reveal is so ironic. Near the end of the episode, Katie refers to Mat – “He only quit, like, twice.” I can only think that the show expected Mat to walk off and stay off. They had to have a backup. It only makes sense. And just like that – he was gone. Good that his presence was acknowledged, anywise. But Mat – as expected – retreats into a self-defence land where he alone is the savior of the universe. Um….. No. Despite her best effort, Captain Queeg did not make her case as a significant player. And of course there’s the SPLIT commercial.

Impressions: Quote from Captain Queeg: “I do not want the client to feel the impact.” Well then maybe you should stop shedding staff. And down to two interior people? Lucky your deck crew helps out, even though they have enough to do on their own and they’re down a member as well. Since luxury charters are all about keeping the guests happy, you’re insane for doing a charter with several guests and only 2 stews. Mat is continuing to obsess about Queeg’s fish? Please. He’s got bigger fish to fry – literally. And right on cue the guests complain about the fish. So glad that Lloyd’s problem was “just” a panic attack. Scary enough to have one, but not as serious as other things could be. Poor Lloyd just doesn’t have the temperament to survive in a yachting situation like the one he’s in for this season. I feel a bit badly for laughing so hard at the guests and their attempt to master their watercraft, but it was funny as heck. Is it just me, but watching these guests eat – are they unfamiliar with cutlery? Some of what I saw just looked… awkward. Malaria: “I need the deck team to help me keep the guests as entertained as possible.” Maybe sacking DeLaney wasn’t such a hot idea, eh? Mzi got game! When it comes to golf, anywise. He was brilliant when working with the guests on their golf competition. Although – helpful hint Mzi – the tip might be bigger if you let the guests win. (: Captain Queeg trying to soothe Lloyd – creepy. “Call me any time.” Really? Except….. never. The guests aren’t trying to break you, Katie – they just want the service expected on a yacht. The talent show was great – everyone did very well. Mat – “I basically lied unintentionally.” Sure, mate. Mat looks like the whipped puppy pleading for attention…. That hasn’t been whipped. Mat has constantly demonstrated his ability to not pay attention to the preference sheet of the prime guest. You’re an obnoxious person, Mat. The best thing about this show is to warn all other boat captains never to hire you. And eggs… really, Mat? You lose it over eggs? It’s the simplest thing you can do. Mat: “Can you do me a favour? Can you shoot me in the head?” A pleasure, Mat. Which temple? And the scenes for next week – will we survive Mat the drama queen/king? Almost certainly.

Impressions: As predicted, the big docking cliffhanger turned out to be a yawn. “Crisis averted.” Indeed. OF *course* Courtney is made Second Stew – there’s on 2 of them left! Polite and courteous guests! How nice! Don't think their luck will hold... Malia – not exactly the best pep talk giver. Inspire your people, don’t treat them like 2-year olds. Looks like the new charter guests are the polar opposite to the last ones! Will be interested to see how they are. Had to laugh at Mat’s comments regarding his “perfect record” with the guests and no complaints. He’s been the drama homecoming King this season! Definitely the potential poster child for the saying “More trouble than it’s worth”. Courtney in that out-on-the-town outfit! Strewth! What’s more dramatic than Lexi at the dinner table? The ghost of Lexi at the dinner table! And poor drunken Courtney doesn’t help. At the end of the dinner everyone is miserable. And how the heck are these people sober just a few hours later? They’ve consumed enough alcohol to fuel the boat! What was with the fake drama of Lloyd taking in the port bow line? He was obviously hauling as fast as he could. Oh, wait, there it is – building up for the cliffhanger of the week. Several times, Malia has mentioned how something is “off” with Lloyd, but apart from criticizing him, she takes her time doing anything about it. I do feel bad for him – hope he’s OK! We've seen he has anxiety issues...

Some observations: Just in general – the childish way the crew behaves sometimes mystifies me. Aren’t they supposed to be older than 2? So anyway… Captain Queeg is more unbalanced than ever. First screaming at Malia about how “I can’t trust you”, then a full pivot to “I trust you 1,000 percent”. Sheesh. What’s next – a full investigation into who stole the strawberries? For a change we have charter guests that aren’t drunken schoolboys/girls. Moderation? What a novel thought! They seemed nice -- Too bad the show had to make fun of them. Mat’s constant need for praise wears really thin. Several times we’re told that the crew have been working X and Y hours without a break. You’d think Captain Queeg would be all over that, what with laws and all. Queeg complains about “too much dark fish” – really? Just do your job and entertain the guests, Queeg – they obviously had no complaints. Because the guests aren’t blackout drunks they were up early, but Queeg is on the warpath because a guest had to ask for a paddle board (which took all of 20 seconds to fulfill). Now we’re being set up for some docking cliffhanger which will likely turn out to be a big routine yawn.

If it weren't so tragic, it would be funny to see how flipped out Captain Queeg got over Dave's injury versus her emotionless sacking of Lexi. Queeg was actually surprised to learn someone she fired didn't want to talk to anyone right away. Great people skills, Queeg! Having said that, though, the whole "injury" fallout did seem particularly staged. Queeg -- not a great Captain; worse actress. And regarding Lexi -- you'd think someone who was so "rich" could afford a better wig.

Impressions: "It's up to you" -- Except it's really not. Way to deflect responsibility, Captain Queeg. First you bring on the new hand then you pawn off getting rid of them on someone else. Delaney has a better attitude than Lexi. Delaney wants to work -- Lexi doesn't. "I'm gonna miss you" -- yeah, sure Lexi. Phony. Katie is a spineless waste of space. Why are people fawning over Mathew? He should have been sacked several episodes ago. Way more drama than he's worth. Delaney had a huge amount of pressure on her when throwing the heaving lines. She did good at the end of the day. "$17,000 tip at "$1,300 each" and it works out to 13 people. Except we see only 10 people. Hmmmm..... And for all the douchebags who complained about Delaney stealing their tip -- a hundred dollars? Really? -- Jerkwards. Thank you Delaney! Yeah, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. The whole dinner thing -- most uncomfortable. What do you do with drunken sailors, what do you do with drunken sailors, what do you do with drunken sailors? Put 'em on TV. A day without Lexi is a day.... that's FANTASIC! Captain Queeg -- just stay there and do what you do best. Nothing. "No one woke me up." That's right, Lexi -- you still haven't woken up.

Impressions: 1) Captain Sandy is the worst personnel manager. But Katie needs to grow a pair and push back and not cry about it. 2) Delaney is obviously there for her figure, but she also genuinely seems to want to do a good job and works hard. It's not her fault that Sandypants didn't know from the start that the company doesn't allow co-ed cabin sharing with people not in a stated relationship. But hey, Delaney -- "how do I fold a fitted sheet?" -- spend 10 seconds online and youtube will offer several examples. 3) Lexi loves her phone more than work. She doesn't know how to make a bed, either. 4) There's more grease on the guests' faces than on their plates. 5) Mathew is a mega-whiner. Should have dumped him the first time he walked out. He should pay more attention to his own job than the job of others. Especially when the crew (lloyd) sweeps in to help out. 6) Sandy's meltdown over the jetski reminds me of the Caine Mutiny. From now on I'll call Captain Sandy Captain Queeg. Malia consistently handles the deck OK. Queeg puts of things on others. 7) Delaney to Lexi -- "Why did I trust you?" Indeed. 8) Lexi -- "I'm just being lazy." Yep. By the way, breast chips -- not good. 9) Mathew -- "Should I quit a third time?" Please do. Do us a favour. 10) Welsh Princess Courtney can just stand there -- I'd watch her for hours. (: 11) As usual, the guests urge people to eat the rich -- no class jerks.

Does anyone else notice a resemblance between Lloyd and Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip? (: