pagooey

Ohhh, Darin Morgan. Thank you for being.

If anybody's still looking for a co-litigant, I can steal a mobility scooter-cart from the grocery store and run you over. Just a little bit! I am also available to Sharpie on some temporary titty tats. "No Ragrets!" The idea of this whole crew in the courtroom audience is also delightful. Every so often, I'll notice someone in the background on JJ who doesn't appear to be one of the regulars (Googly Eyes, Side Bun, Cranky McSquints, etc.). They'll usually catch my eye because they are BEAMING WITH JOY to be basking in the glory that is JJ, as would I. What I wouldn't give, to be there in person, biting my tongue bloody to keep from guffawing out loud!

I can't remember a single other thing about the case, but I remember delighting in the time JJ said "schtupp." And wasn't bleeped, though the censor typically has a pretty heavy hand on the button for even the mildest naughtiness.

As much as I would watch the HELL out of that also, I think that for the 20th-anniversary season they just trimmed the credits so we could get a few seconds more of our Recommended Daily Judy. Those "the cases are REAL!" shots in that credit sequence were either a decade old, or shot on a different (earlier?) faux-courtroom set that looked nothing like the current one, while JJ gesticulated madly. Those seemed the only "fake" part, in fact. :)

If you don't know how to drive it, I'm sure your stepdad or your momma's boyfriend could give you a few pointers!

Aw, crap, I was being so creative and hilarious, and then the internet ate my post. I want $5K for my pain and suffering. Congratulations and best wishes to the future Mrses teebaxes! Can I bring a plastic drum of cheez balls as my plus one? I will buckle it securely into a seat on my low-rent, bait-and-switch Party Bus, because safety first! And my sister's boyfriend's mother-in-law's cousin does hair, so I can hook you up to make sure you look your best on your big day. I recommend a wig or a weave, whatever your current style is--the more hurr, the better, amirite? I don't post often, but I love this board. Hugs to all y'all!

I keep reading this title, and both here and on my onscreen guide, I see it as "CHILI Dog Wreaks Havoc," which 1)is plausible, especially digestively, and 2)is a case I would watch the hell out of.

I think BitchFaced TopKnot might have forgotten her glasses, and so is squinting all over the place? Shoutout to Blonde SideBun behind her, sans side bun today!

The Mark Linn-Baker joke was the hardest I'd laughed at anything all day; mad props to him for agreeing to it. (And holy crap, what timing--after the Steve Razzasanawhatever 9/11 scandal, that was kind of amazing, frankly.) I don't understand anything yet, but I find this show so compelling and so beautifully shot. I love just looking at it.

When they cut to Vanessa Williams's mama, I teared up. The apology was long overdue, yes, and much classier than I'd expected...and Ms. Williams is freaking REGAL. Good for her, and for them. Meanwhile, as for goony "talents"--Tara, I so hope you saw 2011, Miss Arkansas: TWO ventriloquist puppets, PLUS YODELING, in a sequinned jumpsuit. A friend of mine used to host an annual viewing party, where we'd sit around wearing tiaras from the Halloween store and drinking copious amounts of wine. Assorted husbands and boyfriends would go down to the basement and Xbox, or something. But when THIS happened, we all screamed so loudly that the menfolk came racing upstairs to see if we were being murdered. This remains one of the greatest things I've ever seen on television. This gal was ROBBED, I tell you:

I think that might be a bas-relief of Der Bingle...? But your discussion of Corpse Crucifixion Camp (...holy crap, ISO) made me wonder if you've ever read Mary Roach's Stiff, Sarah? It's all about the myriad ways bodies donated to science are used, from med-school courses to forensic study and automobile safety (it's not always a crash-test dummy in there, turns out). About 50% of my book club was flat-out appalled...but my late Grammy had rather recently donated her remains to the local university, and I found myself much more impressed and moved by her choice after reading.

Well, Alan just makes cartoon hearts pop out of my eyeballs. I was beaming in delight at those plastic-bottle fish traps. He is the shiznit! I did worry about Lovely Mitch; they showed his despair at losing his net to the tides, and then...nothing. Every commercial break I was all, is Mitch still alive?!? I guess he's managed to hold on. Lucas's canoe still amazes me. Imagine what kind of survival compound these guys could develop if they actually got together at this point. At any rate, Lucas seems to be a sensitive soul, so I will accept his daily weepfest. I would seriously not have stopped crying, so I get it. And finally, Sam is indirectly responsible for my favorite educational chyron of the year and possibly ever, in which I learned that a field mouse is the caloric equivalent of a Totino's pizza roll. I like this too...and I think that it speaks to how brutally boring so much of their days must be. It's sobering, for sure. Someone upthread mentioned bringing a book as a survival item, but what book? I'd need a behemoth tome of literature, or the Oxford Dictionary or something. Probably you are not allowed a Kindle, heh.

I actually once assembled bingo cards for this purpose. Some of my squares: Dispute involves car over 10 years old Dispute involves motorcycle Dispute involves ATV! Litigant sports obvious wig, weave, or more than one vividly unnatural hair color Litigant has neck tat ...and my personal favorite, nervous litigant addresses JJ as "sir." :D

As a fan of the show, in that I watch it and find it entertaining (most especially when some whiny butt gets their comeuppance), I'm super curious about what segment of the self-proclaimed fan base watches this week after week and thinks "Well, I don't even have fundamental wildlife survival skills, but SIGN ME UP!" I mean, I've hated camping since Girl Scouts...but how much of the target demographic thinks this looks like fun? (As opposed to the gleeful schadenfreude with which I enjoy the show.)

Did we know that Cory Chalmers was also a certified paramedic? The hoarders themselves are exhausting, but my love for the doctors and cleaners and organizers knows no bounds.

Alan is a true Renaissance man...and an excellent teacher. When he was laying out the coverage for his cook shelter like shingles...! I am learning things from Alan! Not that I ever hope to use this knowledge, heaven forbid, but he is a straight-up delight and Mrs. Alan is one lucky woman. Poe! Bouilliabase! :swoooooon: I once lived in a janky apartment with a mold problem, so my heart aches for Lovely Mitch. Mold is no joke, ugh. I'm also envious/covetous of the big honking salmon these guys are pulling out of the water, because buying it in the market--even in Seattle--is a treat I have to carefully justify to myself. :) Finally, what a surprise--that no one tapped out in this episode. In the high-stakes, manufactured-drama universe of most reality television, that would be unthinkable, and it makes this odd, quiet show all the more compelling. I'm also fascinated by the raw, open emotions these guys are exhibiting, even just a week or two in. They're no doubt accustomed to being tough, hard-core survivalist manly men, in a lot of ways...it's interesting, to me, that so much isolation and introspection is leading to tearful breakdowns that, I'd wager, none of these guys have experienced--or allowed themselves--in years.

Just the little sneak peak glimpse of her future meltdown was plenty for me to assess: Honora is the fuckin' worst. I can't imagine that she was cast again for anything but drama...feh. In her original episode, though, did she confess to her eating disorder? That was new information to me, and shed some light on how quickly she'd berated her last partner (who essentially saved her life) as "fat." She comes across as pretty despicable on television...but if she's reading these boards, I say with all sincerity, Honora, you're not well. Recovery is a process, and repeatedly torturing yourself with survivalist reality teevee is probably not conducive. Get more help, for real.

Damn, Lucas--nice find! A backpack full of chanterelles would probably cost me a car payment at the local market. Now he just needs to connect with Mitch and they can get all Top Chef: Vancouver Island out there. I felt a bit of sympathy for Brant; he seemed like a decent guy totally overmatched by the environment, to the point where he made terrible choices (start a fire, dude! maybe you are weak and dizzy because you need to eat something!). He got such a bad case of the willies from the forest that I started to wonder if he had some unresolved PTSD issues going on. At any rate, I give him (and the editors?) bonus points for not starting to heave in glorious HD closeup. I'm still all in for Alan, and was quite amused when he "snapped"--an interesting juxtaposition with Brant slowly, actually losing his mind. Meanwhile, we saw so little of Sam that I suspect he's the guy to beat.

Heh. Yeah, I wondered about this too; probably "a bear looked at me funny" wouldn't have summoned the rescue squad with a quickness. I did notice that the rescuers were "HEY BEAR"-ing it up loudly as they crashed through the woods, WAYNE. I also laughed like hell when Wayne leapt in the air when his sat phone rang, because jump scares are never not funny.

Watching JJ makes me feel very pretty. Watching any hoarding-type show inspires me to clean like a mofo, and then I sit around in my anti-filth congratulating myself. :) This has to be true, and I kind of admire her for it. Not that racking up some more $millions$!!$1 isn't also an enticement, but she's in her 70s. She could quit any time, but she sticks around to entertain us...and herself. My favorite moments are the ones where she so clearly relishes taking some ding-dong apart, or even asks this or that yammering litigant to shut up and let HER do the demolishing. "Let me have my fun." Mr. Life Parter or Spiritual Mate or whatever the hell he was had an amazing facial tic that I could have watched for hours. grimace....precision date recall...grimace

No kidding. A couple tentative "hey, bear"s while you sit quivering under your tent-tarp? They don't print enough money to get me on this show, but you can believe I'd be all Hey, bear! HEY, BEAR! HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR CAN YOU SEE BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT at the top of my ever-loving lungs. Meanwhile, if my man-child husband knocked me up and then ran off to play Wolf Boy for an indeterminate length of time, the biggest angry predator he'd need to worry about would NOT be a bear.

Hey, Bear! I'm in! Right now I'm rooting for Eye Hat and Julia Child, and pleasantly surprised by how "interestingly quiet" this show is, as several folks noted upthread. This is what I always wanted "Survivor" and even "Lost" to be: fewer smoke monsters/running an obstacle course in your bikini, more TRYING NOT TO DIE. I mean, I know they can tap out, but. And I too was sourly amused that the first two departees were weepy with relief to get home to their...guns. I'm a Seattle native, and all I could think of when they plopped these guys down on Vancouver Island in the fall was this diorama they used to have at the local history museum: a vignette of the Denny party, landing on Puget Sound. In it, the menfolk are trying to build a cabin, and the wives are sitting on a log crying (historically accurate, I later learned). As a kid, I didn't get it--they were founding Seattle! How exciting! What was there to cry about?? As an adult, imagining them there in November...on the raw, sodden beach...oh my god, I would nut-punch a husband who dragged me to such a godforsaken hellscape. It is beautiful, and I am whatever the polar opposite of a wilderness survivalist is. Mesmerized by their suffering, though--good TV!

Is the Baptist mission/church/soup kitchen in those Flickr photos meant to be some kind of Easter egg? The motto over the door appears to read "Some Things Must Be Believed to be Seen." Anyway, DD is still awfully pretty. I would gladly volunteer to be his hillbilly bluegrass-musician dedicated jacket-holder. As for the separation, whatever its nature, all I can think of is that moment in "Arcadia," only extrapolated over decades: "38,476th time, Mulder: toilet seat!" Maybe Scully finally snapped...? ;)

The ear-comparison bit: sudden, immersive sense memory of this entire episode. A !

Ohhh, I wanted to smack Smirky's entire face right off the front of his skull. Clear and present douchebag, and I was thrilled and moderately appeased that JJ was able to at least wrest half the vet bills out of him. Sad case. As for the daughter, she had so much makeup spackled on that I totally thought she was a girlfriend/trophy wife until told otherwise, yikes. How old is that girl?