FrancescaFiore

Jibiri & Miona: the most self indulgent wedding EVAAAAR.

OH MY DOG!! Could Emily resist being cunty even when saying "I do?" NO SHE COULD NOT. Also her hair looked so much better in her confessionals than it did on her wedding day. She clearly hired the wrong hairdresser.

Okay, so Patrick goes to the trouble of learning this dance and calling Thais' father, but he can't be bothered to put a pair of fucking socks on with his suit? I don't know how I just noticed this but it's clear he's balding just like his brother. And he's got a round little Charlie Brown head, just like his brother.

Kobe is a sweet man with terrible taste in friends and females. And while he's not a bad looking guy, he's definitely not underwear model good looking. And with that belly, he's going to need a new career.

I know she's ill and I know I'm going to hell for this, (and so very many other things) but Patrick's mom just looks like what would have happened to Siouxsie Sioux, had things gone much more poorly for her. She also slightly resembles the Easter Island heads, if they had a steady diet of Dunkin' Donuts.

Whitney Thorn-in-our-side's histrionic whine/crying short-circuited my brain. Yikes, Patrick's mom. Right on, Mohammed's mom. Okaaaay, Bilal's mom! Aw, Kara & her mom! Emily has no business being a mom.

I am DEVASTATED, y'all! I just saw the preview for next week and after an entire season of covetably cute hairdos, Kara chose THE GOOFIEST 'do for her wedding. Why the big, weird poof in front? It's like the way groomers cut poodles. "Oh, you'll want a random hair poof right.... there." Mohammed still comes off like Egyptian Jeffrey Dahmer. Patrick should just marry John. Temperature should call himself Turd in the Punchbowl instead, because way to bring a room down. But whatever it takes to save a sweet dude like Kobe from marrying that clueless lisping harpy. How freakin' sweet is Avi? I don't even like babies, but that lil guy is just so adorable, I can't stand it! Good for Shae, gettin' hers in the prenup. Touchè Douchelal. Debris getting butthurt because his parents kicked him out just shows how immature he is. 28 is too damn old to be parked at your parents' without any foreseeable plan of getting his own place.

There are no redeeming participants in this season's cast.

As if I didn't already have enough reasons to hate Emily, she says "EXpecially." And how do Emily & Kobe not know how babies are made? They already made one. Did it not dawn on them when he pulled out before and found that that was not a viable means of birth control? And while they're looking at pregnancy tests at the drugstore, it only then occurs to Emily that they should have bought condoms? I know we're not supposed to be angry at stupid people but I absolutely hate her. Kara is a kunt. "What people are driving you?" "What people are you talking to?" He has been addressing his concerns with her lack of respect for him all along and then she has the audacity to say it's coming out of left field. She is so dismissive of him. And as she sat there getting drunker and drunker and meaner and meaner, the more unattractive she got. Guillermo needs to dump that entitled, condescending cooze. Mohammed is an asshole too. "When you care about me I'll care about you?" Get your own fucking ticket home, 'Mo. Who bought his ticket to the United States? Who's buying his food and giving him a place to live? Go back home to your mommy, Mohammed. Of course all of this is Yve's fault. She should have never been messing with a 25 year old to begin with. I feel like Patrick and Kara would be a better couple. Let them duke it out over who has control.

OK, I don't know what kind of chicken stroganoff Thais was making, but I can't find any recipes for it that include mustard. That looked naaaaasty.

Mohammed is a snake. He doesn't give 2 shits about Yve, he just wants that green card so he can finally start going to circuit parties and being the bottom he so clearly wants to be. The world is upside down! John was making sense and Thais was being a bratty weirdo. The Ari/Leandro/Bini storyline is stunningly tedious. Kara is just on this show to model different hairstyles, I'm certain of it. Jibiri/Miona's matching outfits are the worst. They look like tourists.

Leandro is super attractive and smart. What does he want with Ari? He was slumming with her to begin.

Right. In. Front. Of. Him. Honestly, I have to believe this is all TLC scripted drama to punch up this otherwise tedious, uninteresting storyline. I'm thure we're all athking the thame quethtion. Why did Emily need to thay anything at all about buying her own ring?? Why couldn't thee just return it quietly like a goddamn adult?

Why is Ari's mom joining in the inappropriate sexually-charged comments about Leandro and Ari in front of Bini? WTF? Oh hey, where's Ari's cunty sister?

Ari's mom: Wow Ari, you fed Daddy! Me: Infantilize your adult daughter much? No wonder she's so fucking useless.

Ari is a sadistic gremlin. The way she lights up at Bini's discomfort with Leandro and tries to escalate it is grotesque. She gets the Grinchy-ass sadistic grin on her face that makes me want to climb through the TV to neck-punch her.

Bilal: Everyone I've ever loved back has left me. Me: Yeah, the common denominator here is you.. There's something you're doing that is repellent to these women. Look within Bilal, not without.

Bilal is a straight up doofus. He KNEW the ferriswheel was the wrong time to bring up the prenup, but he did it anyway and totally undermined the romantic date he'd planned. Shae was spot-on to say the date seemed like a ploy to butter her up before dropping that bomb. Am I the only one who's noticed there's something up with Bilal's eyes? They seem weirdly glassy, immobile and lifeless. I just can't fathom whst Shae sees in him. It's certainly not his sparkling personality. The only thing in common they seem to have is religion. Not much of a basis for a marriage unless the marriage is entirely transactional. Did I hear someone mention that Kara was already married once before? Run, Guillermo. All of Kara's friends seem to want her to stay single so they can keep their party girl. Guillermo needs a more mature partner.

I noticed that! I've never seen a real diamond ring that had a tag on it. Tags are usually put on costume jewelry. Plus she said it was 1 karat, which would be about $2500. Where'd she get that money? Daddy's credit card? She said she bought it "with (her) own money," but she doesn't appear to have a job. I also think it's super shitty of her dad to be pressuring Kobe to be the breadwinner when Kobe isn't allowed to work in the US yet. That means precious princess Emily has to get off her ass and get a job. Perhaps as a supervisor of horse stall muckers.

Ari is an asshole for putting her "bad feeling" into Bini's head and trying to talk him out of fighting. And why is she wearing a cocktail dress to a sporting event?

Emily's thuper exthited about the ghastly, gaudy, 1 karat diamond ring and inthists on a thuper expenthive wedding.

Yeah, Davide is giving me angry incel vibes.

What if he has sleep apnea later in life? Is he going to wear the C-pap mask underneath the $pace ca$h mask? What does Halloween look like for $pace ca$h? Is there a Mrs. $pace ca$h?

Know who's the most committed 90DF cast member of all time? $paceCa$h! ( I can't remember which one of his s's is a $ so I just made them both dollar signs) But seriously, $pace ca$h showed up to band rehearsal in that helmet. He never took the helmet off, even when his band mates started having fisticuffs. That's a dude who has fully committed to the bit. It made me start to wonder, at what point does space cash put on the helmet? Does he put it on in the car on the way over to rehearsal? Does he have it on at his house? Does he sleep in it?

I'm actually starting to aggressively dislike Mohammed. I hate his voice. I hate his manipulative tactics. I hate his gaslighting. And where is Yve's disabled son while all this mess is going on? Well, I guess the origins of Emily's assholery are out in the open now. Clearly, the asshole apple doesn’t fall far from the asshole tree. Bilal: still a douche. He's surely lying or delusional when he claims he's never argued with anyone as much as he argues with Shae. He argues with everybody. He wears people down with his tedious arguing and convinces himself he was right when people stop arguing with him because he's just fucking relentlessly tedious. I don't Kara about Kara. Miona and Jibiri's drama seems manufactured. And the Black Serbs' music seems like hot garbage to me. Maybe I'm just olde and don't get the kid's music today. Maybe all you kids need to get off my lawn.