Demian

Hee.

For me, it's whiskey. If I end up dead from alcohol poisoning, you'll know what caused it.

Man, this Queen cover band sucks.

The older actors on this show must be having the most fabulous time working on it -- this show is daytime soap crap combined with nighttime network budgets, and that's got to be a fun environment to play around in. (Well, daytime soap crap and nighttime budgets combined with incredibly knowing scripts. which is kinda like catnip to me.)

"KDK 1 calling KDK 12.  KDK 1 calling KDK 12."

This "Documenting Hate" series just makes me want to kill either myself, because I'm sick of dealing with it after 50 years, or all of the hateful bags of shit the series is documenting, because they fucking deserve it. Especially now that I live smack in the middle of red-state Pennsyltucky, where said hateful bags of shit grow and thrive.

No. This show is GLORIOUS TRASH, and I LOVE IT.

"The Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center"? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, as a reminder: Leopold and Loeb both began their sentences in Joliet (home of the Blues Brothers) before being transferred to Stateville, where Loeb was whacked by a fellow inmate in the showers via a straight razor. Archie's screwed.

I'm done -- this is the stupidest season of American Horror Story yet. (Even though it's also the most fascinating season, design-wise, and I still love Leslie Grossman.) Ryan Murphy sucks and is also one of the most intriguing show runners going right now, but this crap is just dumb, to the point of being both insulting and infuriating. Christ, I'm so conflicted.

I already feel stupider for watching this, the most stupid of American Horror Story premieres, but I gotta admit: I never knew that Goth Kathy Bates was a thing I needed in my life.

I kinda hate saying this, but Mariska Hargitay really, really, really needs to rethink her makeup and hair strategy for the new season. She's really starting to look like Sarah Huckabee Sanders. (Or maybe Sarah Huckabee Sanders is trying to look like her. Whatever. Olivia needs a new beauty strategy.)

Wow. I did a stage adaptation of The Waves when I was in college, and it's not really about "a group of friends who are 'bff's' then they go on with their respective lives and then reconnect" -- it's more a story of a group of friends who were BFFs and how they split apart, and then get old in their particular ways, and then die. Esparza's going to be great, I'm sure, but I'm way more interested in how they're going to adapt that particular novel into a musical. Wow.

Correction: Putin (and Putin's allies) will protect them, and if Philip/Mischa is smart enough, he'll cash in on Russia's privitization of, like, the domestic telephone industry. And then Elizabeth/Nadezhda can score some ownership points in the formerly state-owned television/mass media industries, and then the two of them will be billionaire oligarchs buying up overpriced real estate in London, New York City, Vancouver, Hong Kong, and Dubai. Seriously: Don't you know how post-Soviet Russia operates?

"Feminist" isn't the first word that comes to my mind when thinking of the original. That would be "crap," with "boobalicious" running a close second.

In fabulous formation, even.

Bless you! You know I'm gonna carve out some time to watch this over the weekend.

I want to go to a high school where the cheerleading squad has mourning uniforms.

I'd go: Glee, Pilot; Glee, Madonna; Glee, Something Else I Can't Think Of Right Now, But Was Probably Pretty Good For Glee; and then Buffy, Once More With Feeling; mainly because the Buffy people couldn't sing for shit. You and me both. There are bits of it here, but I'm sure I'm gonna hunt down and find a full version of this glorious pile of shit before the end of the week. Well, I'll desperately search for a full version of this glorious pile of shit before the end of the week, desperately fail in my search, and desperately weep into my pillow for about two minutes before moving on with my life. God, I'd hope The Simpsons people were better at it, but you are definitely not wrong. I will say, though, that turning Shannon Purser's Ethel into Edie McClurg's character from the original movie was both obvious and really, really satisfying.

Okay, I've known for a very long time that Carrie!: The Musical! is quite infamously one of the worst productions ever to grace the Broadway stage, but I've never heard a bit of its score, ever. Thus, this question: Riverdale's making this Carrie! shit up, right? RIGHT? "The World According To Chris?" Are they fucking serious with this shit? And that "Do Me A Favor" quartet? What the fuck is going on? (And for some strange reason, it's reminding me of Songbird! from Death Becomes Her.)

I'll just leave this here. I always thought that story would've made some sort of great movie. Happy to see it somehow made its way onto this batshit show.

Serious question: Where can I get throw pillows patterned after the carpet in the Overlook Hotel from The Shining? Because I think I need at least two of those throw pillows in my life.

Totally cool -- I picked up weird Goodfellas and Godfather vibes, which were entirely entertaining to me, but I get how it might have put off viewers with other interests. I do like how Betty's becoming more and more like her mother, as far as facial cues go. I'm thinking the actresses are working with each other to enhance their characters' connection through those shared facial expressions, and I'm loving it. I've always thought Mädchen Amick was a horribly underrated actress, and I'm very happy she's killing it on this show.

EVERYTHING about this EPISODE is GROSS. But delightfully so. This episode went full batshit, and I am completely here for that.

I love -- LOVE -- that the Blossoms have this picture above their mantel, right next to their Christmas tree. "You should have drowned them at birth, like a basket of kittens." HA! Also: "Mad About My Archikins" on the watch Veronica gave Archie -- wasn't the cigarette case Gloria Swanson gave William Holden in Sunset Boulevard inscribed with "Mad About the Boy"? Is Archie gonna end up face-down in a pool, shot in the back by Ronnie? Hee.

Have you been split from your groin to your gullet yet? Also: Can't believe she's still alive.