Delete

Hairyback Ben is absolutely gross. He actually referred to her vagina as a cookie jar, and wanted a performance review the morning after. Gag. The very thought of his stubby hands, yellow teeth, and hairy naked body makes me want to hurl. In addition to all of this, it is his personality that repulses me the most. He's so flat, monotone, and boring. He's a human mothball. For a guy who is newly wed, he hasn't a romantic bone(r) in his body. If he is being used by Akinki and her family. Good. He deserves it.

She may be on a disability pension. They would definitely cut off a person off if they move out of Canada, or get another job.

Corey and Evil-yn are vying to become the new Roos n' Pao. They'll be back next season, and Evil-yn will have orange hair and Triple D bolt-ons. The fake interview with the friend who thinks Evil-yn is the 'most beautiful woman in the world' was funny. He needs to get out more if she's considered the Venus of Ecuador.

Retirement at 51 or 52 isn't common unless one is in law enforcement, or the military. She's a professional liar so it wouldn't surprise me that she's lied about her age.

It takes a special kind of moron to call their ex before making an important life decision; such as asking another woman to marry him. Then he gives the engagement ring of his ex to the girl he wants to marry, and tells her about it! Doh! I'm not sure what Tiny Tim's deal is, but I haven't seen a shred of enthusiasm, humour, or vigour from him. I've seen old men in a geriatric ward have more game than this clown. Jen needs to exit stage left. Becky with the bad pleather jacket decided it was a good time to share that she's still technically married to love rat #1 while love rat #2 is busy filling up on bread and olives. "Me upset very much!" says Zarzan, Lord of the Crisco can, after finishing the last of the bread basket. Becky, upset, and chewing a huge hole into her inner lip can't understand why Z is upset. Love should endure all. There will never be another love rat quite like Greasy. Fight for me, Z! Fade to black... The final act viewing Zarzan's droopy sweat-pant behind get onto the back of an ATV, and haulin’ ass outta there. Me very much love dis. I'm not the jealous type, but I value good manners. A true gentleman goes out of his way to make his lady feel comfortable, especially in an environment that is new to her. Darcey is in a different country, and doesn't know Tom's friends, or the fact this tool likes to salsa dance. He failed at cricket, so perhaps he wanted to dazzle her with dance. Furthermore, it was obnoxious that the loud-mouthed sister need to put in her two pound worth, and inform Darcey that Tom is Mr. Successful, and the women can't get enough of him, or the ferret that he wears on top his head. What a flop. If I was Darcey, I'd leave, and then go book a single's tour through London, and flirt with better men. Ovary said their goodbyes. Apparently women are more emotional and like to cry. Ok, thanks for the tip, Omar. He seems to know a lot about women for a guy who only just kissed a girl. But did he like it? Hairyback Ben almost brought up the sausages he ate at breakfast when meeting Big Daddy Akinki and the Big Brother. He was sweating through his blouse, because when he emptied out his bank account, all he had was $800, some lint, and a couple of expired tickets to a Billy Graham crusade.

Tiffany makes my skin crawl. I felt that she was bad news from the first moment of her speaking about her ‘journey.’ Hate the misuse of that word by the way. I hope Daniel has strong support from other family members, because he’s going to need it. His mother is an emotional earthquake.

Ok. Here's my theory about Becky with the bad hair. She wanted Greasy to see the photo of her ex. She likes to create drama, and enjoys when a man gets jealous over her. If this happened with a guy she met from the States on Tinder, there would be no fireworks. The guy who be like 'whatevah' and start pulling up pics of all the women he's met online to compare notes on who has the worst dating story. There was an imaginary bubble over My-Kull's head during the showdown between Refrigerator Ang, and Mike's friends. It basically was, "NO!, NO! No Fight with Ang-E-La. She's turning green. I NEED TO GET TO AMERIKA! STAHP IT" The guy wants so desperately to get to the USA that he will deal with whatever abuse Ang throws at him. I don't understand why Tiny Tim needed to video chat with low-rent Jillian Michaels. They may be best friends, but that is just weird to introduce the new flame to your ex fiancé. It's almost like TT wanted to prove he's been inside a woman before. It irritated the eff outta me when Tiny took Jen shopping as a way to patch up his tantrum on the mountain. How about stop acting like a douchebag? Akinyi's appears to have the mental age of around 15 or 16 years old. She also has the tendency to speak with baby-girl voice when Ben doesn't approve of something. For instance, when Hairyback Ben was tsk-tsking her about having a cocktail she went into little girl speak. Darcey is an empty shell of a woman. All she ever does is preen, or cry. She never fully engaged, or has anything interesting to say. It scene after scene of her stroking her matted mane, or doing the 'trout pout' or batting her fake spider-leg lashes. I feel sorry for her. Tom, on the hand, looks like a guy who is on a very bad blind date, but cannot escape.

I wanted to smack Laura when Aladin suggested going home for some honeymoon jiggy jiggy, and piggy piggy had to say, "Only if it's good jiggy jiggy" Seriously, fuck you, Laura, and your triple chins with a purple dildo. You do not deserve Aladin. I would not be as forgiving as Jenny. Something in the curry ain't clean. I'm not convinced she didn't know Sum-cheat was married. It was weird for her to go running into his arms when the guy up-rooted her life, and made her believe she was coming to India to marry him. Daniel continues to be the smartest one out of the bunch. I only watch the Tiff/Ron segments for Daniel. I'm angered that Tiffany continues to portray S.A. as an unsafe slum, and in comparison, the United States is like living in a Norman Rockwell painting. Only Pole would comment that his Mother's sweaty hair smelled nice. What a weird dude.

I won't be watching The Captain Sandy show next season. She absolutely killed any of the fun. She was lurking around every corner, and not allowing her crew to breathe. . She's got a borderline personality; "I love you, no, I hate you." She's a sanctimonious windbag who is in love with her own farts. You can't win with someone who operates that way. If I took a shot every time she said 'passion' tonight, I'd be in an alcoholic coma. Rant over, and out.

TBH, I've never heard of a man stopping sex because he was 'too much in his head.' What does this even mean? Does he have issues down there? Is he as had I earlier, and jokingly implied smooth down there like a Ken doll? Inquiring minds want to know! Furthermore, his attitude up on the mountain was outrageous. I would have pushed him over. He complained about everything...the heat, the the stairs, the height. That would be it for me. Good bye, Gringo! Angela equates the womb to a purse, and wants to find a way to tote a human life around. Another human life that doesn't need to be in this abusive woman's rage-filled world. TLC, please stop the madness with pre/post menopausal women thinking/talking/discussing bringing more life into the already overburdened world. Darcey's scene last night saddened me. What came to mind was the lyric from a U2 song: "Dressed up like a car crash, Your wheels are turning but you're upside down" No one did a thing to help her. In fact, they were egging her on. Tom is a gaslighting bore. He's an expert in ninja-style mind fucking. And Stacey. Let's talk about Stacey. She knows exactly what button to push. And she loves to sit back with a smug look on her face and watch her sister fall out of her dress fall apart. Darcey's dreams of romantic love are like a sandcastle. It's a beautiful fairytale in head, until reality the tide comes in, and all that is left is a flattened mess of sand, seaweed, and matted hair extensions. A little advice from Auntie Babs: Never expect another human being to be your everything, especially one that you found on the internet. Ceasar. Go home. Stay off tv. Do nails. Take up a hobby. You're a horrible actor. Akinki implied that other men don't normally resist having sex with her, and coupled with her love of the margarita, I'd say she's not cut out for the life Ben has planned for her. Ben's expectations are entirely different. He wants a traditional Christian wife. Someone who is content with running bible studies, cooking, cleaning, and missionary position sex. Zied needed 200 dollars to buy some more hair grease, and ill-fitting sweaters. It costs a lot to look that awful. Either Omar is very shy, or he really isn't in to Avery. He does not seem like a man in love.

If 90 day were a buffet, I’d say No Caesar salad or Sum-meat.

I believe Liam is on the spectrum and therefore, may be unable to work a regular job. I'm speculating though, because he reminds me very much of my friend's son, who could not handle loud music, crowds etc. I once had him volunteer for me at the library, and he couldn't handle it. He's a very smart guy, but he had limits on what he could handle, and got overwhelmed easily. That may be the reason Liam didn't feel comfortable going to the big marriage events. I'm cutting him a lot of slack because I know some additional spoiler info. He has every right to be disappointed, and pissed off at his Mom. Sum-meat is a sack of stinky dog poo. The kind of poo that comes from an old dog being fed the cheap dog food. Even if he really loves Jenny, he is legally bound to someone else, and the fact that Jenny is still in India and open to talking with him makes me think she's wanting to stay with him. Snaggly toothed lovers. Turkey-necked sweethearts. heart emojis in her diary. Mrs. Jenny Sum-meat. 💕 She really must believe she's in the senior citizen's version of a Harlequin Romance novel. I don't understand why Corey needs to convince Evilyn to get married. Isn't that the whole point of 90 day fiancé? You get married, or you go home. The storyline stinks like Ceasar's edible undies. Jihoon may be immature, but he's super funny. They make a good couple. She's serious and will balance out his childishness, and he'll make her laugh, and help her chill out a bit. Deaven looks so much cuter with less makeup on.

Snails with...pizza crust. *record scratch

Darcey continues to hobble around Albania like a broke-ass hooker in pleather, and stilettos. Mophead passively aggressively dangled the, ‘if we went to the Canary Islands I would be proposing to you.’ Bullshit. Stacey is one needle away from becoming a cat, and Florian looks like the homeless guy who keeps warm by pissing himself. Avery rushed to marry her best friend, and soulmate of less than a week, so her Mother can sit in a chair, and witness her daughter wearing an oversized brown hobbit robe while her husband recites his vows holding hands with the marriage guy. Meanwhile, witness guy watches it all in his elegant sweatshirt with ‘Athlete’ boldly emblazoned on the front. Good times. Great memories. *guy is used in place of the proper names because it’s late, and I’m lazy. Cesar thinks he’s smooth like Denzel, but he’s simple like Huell from Breaking Bad. Tim kisses like an awkward teenager. It was embarrassing to watch slobberfest, and I get the feeling he’s a 3 sec. man, hence the nervousness about getting jiggy jiggy with Jennifer. So lemme get this straight: it’s the Nigerian way to find an American menopausal nicotine-stained dumpster fire to marry, and then insist she produce another messed up kid from her wrinkled loins, or else Mikhul can go elsewhere to spread his seed? That’ll go over well. The incredible rage refrigerator will rip his dick off with one ham-sized fist. You picked the wrong fool,Mikhul! Scam alert! We have the Hairy Silverback Ben sweating it out at the fire n fire shoutin’ church. The council of it ‘ain’t good if it’s white’ meet to see if they can find a suitable bible passage to procure some diamonds and pearls from prettydumbforawhiteguy. Akinki was wearing dollar sign shoes for a reason. The TLC storylines continue to be horrific stereotypes, and while I type this with a satirical slant, it really saddens me that this show celebrates deception, and drama. I guess real love is boring!

Hannah thinks white service is tacky, but white balloons are high class. M’kay. Sandy wants a non lovey dovey crew, but has embraced, kissed, and told several of them that she loves them. M’kay. imagine your first romantic night as a couple that includes Bravo cameras capturing every ooh, and ahhh. They’ll have a sex tape in high definition to bring out and show the future grand kiddos.

Agree with others who say Jenny knew Submit was married. She wanted to play house, and he probably made promises he couldn't keep. Did he actually think he'd flee the wrath of two Indian families? Dumb, and Dumber. Tiffany's Yelp ad for a South African hospital: "South Africa is Nothing like the US, and because my husband Ronald is an addict, I'm stuck here, and really have no choice but drop this baby on an unclean bloody floor in a public hospital while wearing a hospital gown without cold shoulders." It looks like Pole and Karine cleaned up the place for Mother's visit. It must be hot as balls in there. Mother was drenched, and poor Pierre got airplane smelling grandma sweating all over his sweet little head. That said, it was a cute moment. Liam needs to get dislodged from his mother's nipple, and get on with his own life. Get counselling if he has trouble letting go. And If Laura comes crawling back tell her that she made her bed, and now she has to lie in it. (a fav saying from my dear dad)

Angela: You can put braids on a pig, but it is still a pig. Run, Ben, Run. Avery will live anywhere...as long as it's not near her Mother. Darcey & Stacey: Rebecca has a lot of mileage. 3 marriages. Still married to the last one, and now the secret reveal: She was a scissor sister. Like who flipping' cares. However, it was glorious to see Zied's face when she first told him: Jennifer is bringing it hard. She wants that starring role in a telenovela:

Karine finally gives birth! They need to mature up, and start becoming more responsible. However, I'm not expecting that to happen. I wonder when Mother comes to visit if she'll request some of her grandson's hair so she can sniff it on the plane ride back home. Aladin seems like a mature, decent guy (so far) I'm not sure what he sees in Laura. Laura needs to shut up about the purple vibrator already. I don't need to imagine her pleasuring herself until her triple chins start shaking. Liam is obviously very jealous that his Mummy was taken away from him. He was acting like a bratty kid. Also, he needs to lose the dumb hat, and the skanky airplane blanket. He looked like he was about to attend a spaghetti western cosplay convention. Jihoon is an absolute child, but does he ever make me laugh hard. The bidet scene was spectacular, and as an owner of a bidet, I can concur that a sparkly clean ass is amazing. Big secret, eh? Sum-meat is married. The same guy who lied from the get go. He used false picture/name to reel in a senior who thought a guy half her age would be into her. HOLY spitballs. Of course he's an upstanding honest person! 🙄 People reveal themselves pretty early on, and Jenny is naive, and extremely simple. The daughter knew. Jenny was probably always screwing up, and the daughter was the parent. Look, I don't wish that kind of deception to happen to anyone, but you'd think at 60+ she'd be more discerning over who she lets into her life. Sumit is a piece o' shite. He's pretty stupid to be sharing this with the millions of viewers across the world. It seems to be the way of the world now. Bad behaviour is usually rewarded with a reality tv show, or the highest position of political power. So thankful there was no Tiffany and Ronald this week.

Sandy ruins Below Deck for me.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen the rest of the family were chowing down Big Macs and French fries. TLC has done this before with the, ‘ let’s watch the westerner awkwardly eat animal brains.’ *insert canned laugh track here*

Tom's ex looks like a discount Katie Price in every possible way. From her ghoulish extensions; unmovable alien face; bulbous baboon lips, and an XXL Sealy mattress firm set of bolt-ons that were bought on Groupon. Meanwhile, there stands Darcey, teetering on 10 inch heels, bathed in a thin sheen of Angel scented sweat, and baby powder, and sucked into a latex number that was in the bargain bin at Party City. Either Tom has an attraction to aging thots with a Pretty Woman complex, or that is what production has created for the show. I'll go with the latter. Ben, take your boner, and hairy back, and go back home. There is bound to be a woman in the USA that will not only love you, but not make you jump through hoops to get her to marry you. Also, if I have to hear one more time that Ben is the 'only white guy ever to walk the streets of her neighbourhood' I will scream. Just stop it. Stop it now. I physically felt the need to retch when Mikahal and Refrigerator Ang were on screen. I could smell the b.o., stale nicotine, and denture cream. Imagine the poor sods in the next room who had to hear the sexy time wheeze from Ang, and screams for a quick death from Michael. The only way make Ceasar's story a tad more interesting is to view him inside his lonely hotel room eating edible panties, drinking cheap champagne, and gently banging his head against the wall until it knocks some sense into him. There was no need for Tim to reveal his BIG secret. Unless that secret is that he's smooth down there like a Ken doll. Because THAT my friends...I would believe.

I ❤️ Colin, and his parents. I hope they come visit him again this season. Next week, Sandy tells Travis that she has smelled alcohol on his breath. Wouldn’t that be a reason for an instant dismal? If he’s drinking on the boat then he’s putting the crew and any guests in danger. There should be zero tolerance for any drinking on the yacht.