Halting Hex

Well, to be fair, to the Scoobs, Sammy Hagar is ancient. Which makes total sense, given that Buffy threw a straggler out of his house literally last night. What, that guy was the only homeowner in a city of 38.500 who owned a gun and was possessive about his property? Doubtful. [The writers'] logic does not resemble our Earth logic, to quote Queen B herself, from earlier, happier days.

I'm not sure I can buy Xander as having encyclopedic knowledge of all of the paraphernalia in the shop. I grant you that whomever actually did the summoning must have found enough instructions to accomplish the feat, but it's still possible that they didn't understand all the details. (The whole "be Sweet's queen" part seems to have gone right over Xander's head, for example.) I still think Dawn did it. Remember, it's only she and Spike who don't advance an alternative explanation during "I've Got a Theory", so if you can't lie in a song, it has to be one of them. (Okay, technically Tara gets cut off by Anya, but she didn't seem about to confess, and she co-signed Willow's "Nightmares redux" idea by doing the jazz-hands.) And if you can lie while singing (even though nobody seems able to even dissemble, much less spew utter falsehood), then why couldn't it be…Anya? Think about it. Anya damn well knows how all the shop items work. Anya is possibly the very first person affected by the spell, yet she shows no evidence of confusion or worry about her "I'll Be The Mrs." performance the next day, keeping quiet even when Buffy (and then Giles) bring up their own experiences from the previous night. Anya has just as much reason to be nervous about the wedding as Xander does, just from the opposite perspective. (He doesn't know if he really wants to go through with it; she only just last episode finally managed to get him to announce the engagement and is doubtless worried he'll get cold feet. [Rightly so, as it eventuates.]) And Anya could easily have skimmed over the "Queen" clause and just figured she could talk her way out of it, if need be. Anya's not freaked out by a demon hitting on her, after all. She'd just whisper something to Sweet about how if he forced her to come with him, she'd cut off his…feet in his sleep, and Sweet would dance tf out of Sunnydale, toot-sweet. And of course, even if Xander realized it was Anya who did it, not Dawn, he'd still cover for her. Indeed, it makes more sense for X to take the bullet if he knows his fiancée is endangered. No offense, Dawnster. Perhaps Anya deliberately left the amulet out on the counter, already knowing about Shiny McWhiny's greedy little fingers? Frame-up! Scheming demon! (But I still think it's Dawn.)

And to think some people waste today's birthday wishes on LeBron James! (Ellie Goulding I can see, because I've, um, seen a lot of Ellie…but I'll still take Eliza over Elena. Rawr.) Sexiest Albanian-American ever. I don't care how big a crush you might have on the Belushis. From ED's 2009 Maxim spread, promoting Dollhouse. (And Echo answers "Ayiyiyi…") Happy 42nd, Eliza!

Actually, since we don't know a thing about Buffy's father, I suppose there might not even have been a divorce. Perhaps Buffy's mom really did have "a lot of fun on Yearbook", came up preggers after one of those orgies, and has raised Buffy as a single mother from day 1, and "Summers" is her surname. Or perhaps Mom's a lesbian, and Buffy was conceived of with the help of an anonymous donor and a turkey baster or a more refined form of IVF. Maybe the reason the mother doesn't show is because Buffy told her about this hottie Ms. Calendar who's teaching computers, but then she mentioned how Willow heard that Ms. C. was all hot for Giles (not Girls) and Mom's had straight women break her heart before. So she's avoiding all school functions, lest the local technopagan beguile her, bedazzle her…and leave her bereft. It's hard being a single mother, you know.

I'm not sure that, even with his maggot powers, Norman can be in two places at once. Perhaps if he batters down the door, he could kill Xander or Cordelia, but at the cost of letting the other escape, warn Buffy, and deprive him of his bounty? Seems like rather a lot of risk for a freebie. Yes, the free half of Xordelia might attempt to nobly defend the attacked one (and perish besides them)…but Norman doesn't know that. He didn't see the kiss (which doesn't happen until right before they exit, anyhow). And if Xander is actually as good as his word here, Norman's fucked. Norman gets Cordelia, but his cover is blown and Patrice ends up with all that lovely bounty? No way, Mary Kay. Keep the distractions confined, wait for the Slayer, do your job. And then you can have the "love birds" as after dinner snacks. (Just a little, Norman. Gotta watch those carbs. To paraphrase Andrea Swift [Taylor's mom]: "Nobody wants a fat pop star maggot.")

(Technically, the house fell last episode.) And even Marti Noxon can't dodge the bullet forever. As EP, Marti had used her power to ensure that she didn't have to write that Spuffy crap that Joss and Jane were so in love with. In Buffy vs. Dracula and Forever, Buffy and Spike don't even meet. And in Bargaining Part 1, Buffy conveniently stays dead for virtually the entire episode, safely out of Sparky's way. She did have to show Spike "proving his love" by destroying her relationship with Riley during Into the Woods, but he was out of the picture halfway through, and at least she got to scare the 'shippers with that "plastic stake" nonsense, as braindead as it was. But everybody's luck runs out some time. Here Marti gets to write a properly gross after-sex scene and subject us to seeing Skinny Jimmy's bony bum. Boo, hiss! And how Buffy doesn't slay him when he busts out that line about "the only thing better than killing a Slayer would be fu—", I'll never know. Her own iss-yews aside, that should remind her of Kendra and all the other brave girls who died horrible tragic deaths due to undead scum like Spike. Buffy needs empty, revolting sex in order to "feel"? Yeah, catch the next bus to Las Vegas, that's what Sin City is there for. Unfortunately, since Joss Decreeth that the story is about how Pure and Noble Spikey is Too Good for Pathetic Buffy, the only actual hatred Buffy shows is when Willow is sobbing her heart out on Buffy's shoulder after Precious Dawnie Nearly Got Hurt, Shame On Bad Willow! No wonder Buffy can barely stand to step into the bedroom with her. (The hatchet job done on Amy is also unforgivable, since 98% of the audience probably watched this episode and said "y'know, I'm pretty sure that you can buy sage at the supermarket, actually." And when did she ever start going to Rack's anyway? She's been a rat since before GWBush even declared his candidacy. But, compared to Willow, I hardly gaf about Amy, so I can glide past that. But still.) Marks 2/10, because Jeff Kober is always a treat, no matter how awful the episode. And because Willow's line in the tag ("Tara didn't even know that girl") is a far better way of making Restless relevant than "let's find that suit and put it on Spike for real, because Xander totally has specific prophetic visions, you betcha!" could ever be. But seriously…come on, now.

To be fair, Xander had plenty of chances to see Buffy braless in history class, and in the corridor afterwards. (Yes, she is, er, flying free under that mauve top.) So it's not as if he's completely deprived. True, Buffy is not Willow, but one assumes there will be other opportunities; Angel's good fortune here doesn't preclude Xander being similarly diverted in the future. ************** Darcie spotted "Asian Dan" (a recurring extra; name given by Joss Whedon on a commentary) in what may be his first appearance, in that same history class. He's visible over Xander's shoulder, and looks even less interested in Cordelia's revisionist history than Xander is.

Eh, Oz makes a certain number of attempts at humor. ("Cordelia, she's a wonderland tour." "Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?" "The diminished ninth, that's a man's chord. You could lose a finger." "All monkeys are French. You didn't know?" "Our band's moving towards this new sound where…we suck. So, practice."). He may not be the joke machine Xander's capable of being, or in Buffy's league with the quips or even up there with Giles in the sarcasm, but he's no dour Angel, who could only manage one teasing "Cordelia, this [the dumpster] is the last place I expected you to hang out" before turning. One could argue that Oz's witticisms are irrelevant towards his wooing Willow, given that she already has that in her life, but that's not to say they don't exist. Credit where credit is due, and all. "Gee, Larry. You've really mastered the single-entendre." may not be up there with "I hope you mean 'like the wind' (wrt to Buffy being "fast"), but it'll do, IMO.

Whining that nobody wants to spend time with you is usually a fairly effective self-fulfilling prophecy, I should think. Another reason why the hugely-unearned "sister moment" at the end (created by sending everyone else from the party home…never mind that Willow actually lives in the same house, shoo former "friend"! Away!) never worked for me. Apparently so; she's been martyred and now she displays incredible patience. Huh. Now if only she'd see me coming into a large amount of cash…

Yes, that's a bummer. I wonder if part of the reason was that Joss only ever hired one female director, and Ellen S. Pressman's last episode was Inca Mummy Girl. On the plus side, Sarah looks much better than she did in the Wolf Pack pictures, IMO. Not that she didn't look attractive in those, but I couldn't see Buffy there. Whereas this is totally still our Slay Gal: (I grant you I'm just spoiled because Aly still looks like a Willow who's barely cracked the Dirty Thirties. So it's probably not fair to grade on that sort of curve.)

Because I have to: But, more importantly, courtesy of Monty Ashley: True, true. Of course, Wilkins might be fondly-remembered, but he mostly just sat back and waited for the season-finale, so not exactly dynamic, either. As I've said about Enemies, the fact that we're all really jazzed to see "Angelus" again indicates that talking about an "Ascension" doesn't really do it, threat-wise. (Especially since, as Jane Espenson reveals on the DVD commentary for Earshot, at that point even Joss didn't know what the Mayor was planning. So no wonder hints were rather thin on the ground.) One hopes next season's villain won't be so lame as to have us longing for Adam to return. Or we'll all be quoting Cordelia: "Oh, wait. Here's a lower place." Monty, re the Enjoining Spell: Hey! A) It's a little more sophisticated than that. (Not much more, but still.) B) We need all the Xander-affirmation we can get on this show, in case you haven't noticed. and C) Given that the group hasn't worked together since Doomed (okay, a few people went with Buffy to the Initiative in New Moon Rising, but they just stood around and there really wasn't a conflict going on there, bar Riley punching the colonel) and this is arguably only the third time all year there's been a group effort (pretty much just 4.01 and 4.11; Riley's helped about half the time since Hush and Xander occasionally cameos, but…) and given that Buffy specifically told them all to go whistle just last episode, I think that "working together" almost qualifies as a radical concept these days. Sigh…

Sez you, pal! To be honest, I've completely forgotten Kaltenbach's actual dialogue (presumably he didn't actually call Zach a "whipper-snapper") or if he had a first name. But in my defense, I saw this episode once, and that was 21 years ago. (Damn, I'm old.) And I completely washed it out of my brain by turning almost immediately after to the first FX airing of Passion which I had sitting in my DVR. (I had decided to get this out of the way first, rather than ask it to compete with what I knew was a great and tragic episode.). Probably the right choice, but hardly conducive to memorializing this one in the old memory banks. Sorry, crew. If it had been a better episode, I'd have cared more.

I keep forgetting to mention this and now it's almost old news, but Aldis Hodge (kid in a Demon Mask, Fear Itself) is playing Hawkman in Black Adam, so he's gone from being punched by SMG to being punched by her Southland Tales co-star, Dwayne Johnson. (Also, a black Hawkman? Guess Thanagar finally decided to something about those police brutality complaints, huh?)

This is for you, lemberg. I was intrigued by the mention of that Bradley Cooper/Nick Brendon Kitchen Confidential interview way back when in another thread, tried to find the actual interview and failed (although I was able to track down that it was with Backstage), but in the course of my hunting realized that my switching browsers had lost me my link to the Waybacked TWoP archives. As rereading my wit and wisdom is one of my favorite forms of time-wasting self-gratification building self-esteem, this worried me, but fortunately Reddit had a link to the LOST forum on that board, and from there it was easy as anything to find our own forum.And, in the "Boys and Girls and Love on Buffy" topic, I found this, with yours truly replying to another post: Well, there are various levels of humiliation/embarrassment. Yes, Anya proudly talking about their exploits with the vaulting horse is only an affront to Xander's privacy and the embarrassment he feels here can be dealt with fairly easily. More problematic is the "erotic bathing". Even assuming that this is really referring to some fun in the tub and not, say, a bladder control problem that Xander's hiding from the Scoobs, this is IMO something that Xander feels humiliated to let people know he does, since unlike the "Ahn, shh!" that the training-room hijinx got, he feels the need to explain himself here. So that's more of a humiliation just "Anya spills the details", IMO. Beyond that is the hen-pecking. Surely it must be terrible to be attacked for not being a good boyfriend just because you don't instantly side with Anya (even though she's being a heinous bitch in that scene, IMO, going off on Giles and Willow without provocation), but even beyond that is having to suffer the humiliation in public. So, yeah, if Anya was just complimenting Xander's prowess (see "He's a Viking in the sack"), Xander wouldn't have a problem with it. Even generally over-sharing isn't so bad, but talking about stuff Xander wouldn't like to acknowledge? Telling him he's a crappy boyfriend? Telling him that in front of his friends? Pretty shitty, IMO. And yeah, it may not be as bad as an interrupted wedding, but I just can't agree that the wedding walkaway is infinitely worse. I have to think that enduring years of this behavior is worse for Xander than one very bad day is for Anya. Although, I admit that I can't quite quantify the American Bridal Dream, since I haven't spent a lifetime dreaming of my "perfect day". But then, neither has Anya, who's been human barely three years at this point, and has made such a point of not conforming to other human norms that it's more than a little difficult for me to start boo-hooing over her supposed investment in this one particular human ritual. In fact, the only lifelong romantic dreams I can see Xander having broken are Willow's, which he does twice(in Innocence, Consequences) and both times she's having a civil, if somewhat pained, conversation with him within a few hours, and somehow, she doesn't try a dozen times to have his friends murder him or instantly screw Angel for revenge. Shocking, isn't it? I guess Willow didn't really care about him, after all. So, in conclusion, fuck you, Anya. Take your mangy stray heart that you want Xander to take care of and go get yourself sliced by a Bringer or something. Because now that I've thought about how much I don't care about you and your histrionics, I've discovered that I don't care even more than I didn't care before. In the words of Willy the Snitch, "don't say your old pal [Halting Hex] never did anything for you." 😀

Yes, but… Absolutely, Jenny shouldn't be forgotten. Hell, Uncle Enyos shouldn't be forgotten and he's only a…what comes after tertiary? Quadranary? (That's probably not a word)…character. (He's Buffy's [1] Watcher's [2] girlfriend's [3] uncle [4]. Nobody in the Scoobs even ever actually saw him, barring Buffy and Giles discovering his corpse.) None of Angel's victims should be forgotten, from the woman in the alley to the Xander-shaped sacrifice, 20 or so weeks later. It's not a question of "forgetting", though. To quote "Angelus" himself from just two episodes ago, "But then again, we have reality." There's how we would like things to be, and there's what's both tolerable and feasible. Giles allows Angel to endure out of nothing but practical politics. That's…logical. Even if I personally might have risked dusting the prick and then "consoling" Buffy when she finds out Angel's "left town". But that's second-guessing, I'll admit.

It's true, Giles has let Jenny go notably unavenged and has even (IMO sadly) accepted Fang back into the group. But presumably, a lot of that is less due to Giles feeling for Angel's suffering and more about his wish to keep Buffy happy, both because of his personal affection for her and because he needs an effective Slayer to do his, er, Wesley's job. This decision may suck on a number of levels (IMO) but I can understand it. Whereas that same Buffy Summers has spent most of this episode very determined to save Her Willow and would presumably not let Willow's death go unavenged. So Faith shouldn't expect the same sort of free pass that Angel has received…the hopes of Fuffy 'shippers aside. (To put it in dramatic terms, Jenny, much though we loved her, might be classed as a tertiary character…she was Giles's love interest. Buffy is the primary, Giles [her Watcher] is a secondary, his girlfriend is tertiary. Whereas Willow, as one of Buffy's best friends, is a secondary. Perhaps that one fewer degree of separation makes a difference?)

How could it be worse, Buffy? Well, I see that the demon let you keep your cross. So if any of the "students" are actually vampires (taking the option that Sheila passed on and using Angel's Handy Tunnels™ to enjoy spending eternity at Sunnydale High), and were planning on attacking because you clearly don't have a stake, they still can't bite you. Accentuate the positive, Slayer! (Is this why Buffy keeps spare clothes at school, as seen in Surprise? She had the standard anxiety dream about being naked at school and worried it was one of her prophecy dreams, and took precautions? Or she took note of Willow's [endless] recaps about Xander's Billy-induced [near-] nudity in Nightmares and was all "well, I can handle Nazis, clowns and opera. But maybe I should keep an extra outfit on hand? Huh.)

Well, erm, Xander and Willow were only friends. Very good friends, but still friends. Whereas Willow and Tara are something more. "Willowhand" and all that. Now, obviously Willow should be above giving Tara special treatment just because of their sexual relationship, but let's be real. To quote Ms. Rosenberg herself, "welcome to the world!" The girl who introduces you to multiple orgasms is going to get more rope than the guy who wants you to be his back-up date; that's just how it is. Do I wish my Favorite Fictional Character EVER was even more perfect in every circumstance? Sure, why not? But c'mon. To paraphrase Buffy, "what am I, St. Willow?" It happens. And so it goes, as Graham Nash, Billy Joel, Taylor Swift and probably others (it's a rather obvious song title, after all) have told us.

Yep, dealing with the relationship issues in our only active romantic pairing (Xanya are spluttering through the dregs, Spuffy are long broken-up, and Buffy doesn't seem likely to go on any further dates with Wood) is pushed aside so that we can do Yet Another Gay Joke about Andrew. Nice priorities, Jane! Well done!

Yes, it never made any sense that (in Never Leave Me) the First sacrificed dozens of Bringers to attack Casa Summers as a diversion, when it didn't need to kidnap Spike at all, given that Spike was under its mind control and Windbag could simply have ordered Spike to walk over to the Seal. But now that we see that any random fat-ass (sorry, Xan!) can be used for blood, that means that, aside from there being no need to kidnap Spike, there was also no need to kidnap Spike, specifically. Any passing Episcopalian would have done. Huh. My "theory" is that, having impersonated Buffy in Sleeper (and likely before that), the First found itself taking on aspects of Buffy's personality, just as Anya notes in The Prom that her having used the guise of a teenager to lure Cordelia into making a Wish has led to Anya herself "having all these feelings" such as real teens do. So, by pretending to be Buffy, the First now finds itself possessed of an irrational need to put Spike above everyone else, just as Buffy is. Apparently mental illness is contagious. The good news is that, since Firsty is incorporeal, it won't be obsessed with buying stylish-yet-affordable boots. And any attempts to take Spike's spike up the First Asshole on the Bronze balcony are bound to prove, well, unfulfilling. Yay? (My other "theory" is that both 7.09 and this ep are utter shit and Drew Goddard and Sitcom Jane are talentless hacks. But that's no fun. And, to paraphrase Willow, I already deja'd that vu.) Loandbehold might say that Jane's work is slipshod here because

I tend to mention all the goodies from the script that didn't make the aired episode, but let me reverse course and mention some nice bits from the ep that weren't in the script. From the tome that was the script: And that's it, Buffy moves on to Joyce. Which means that "L'hippo a piqué ton pantalons" was a late add. Not bad for somebody to remember the "all monkeys are French" convo from the end of 2.10 and come up with a line in French that means "the hippo stole your pants", referencing that the cookie monkey Oz referenced did have pants but this dream!monkey does not. (I'm assuming this is Joss's work; it feels like him.) Props for Aly nailing the French on such short notice. (And, inside the story, since Buffy wasn't there for the "animal crackers" scene with Willow and Oz, this means that Willow told Buffy all the details of that convo, including Oz's postulate that the cookie!hippo was jealous of the monkey's pants. Awww. And no wonder Buffy is willing to suggest Willow "make a move" on Oz, if she's just been reminded by her dream about how Willow literally gave her a word-for-word recap of the guitarist's "wit". I grant you that Willow has a history of obsessing about her crush object [this is the girl who tracked Xander's blood pressure, recall], but it does seem to indicate a specific amount of Oz-focus.) Also not in the script was the bit where Considering that Marti had, as noted, given the cast and director a good 80-90 minutes' worth of script, you wouldn't think that anybody would be thinking about adding stuff, but I do think the added detail work helps the episode, so good job.

(You have to look really quickly to catch this; they cut back to Buffy.) Sorry, Xan; as Oz said, I'm gonna follow the redhead here. Sure, those of us watching would hardly be surprised at the idea of Buffy hopping on a random demon while out on patrol, given that we've seen her screwing Spike in an abandoned house, in Spike's crypt (on multiple occasions), in by a dumpster, on the Bronze balcony (with Buffy eschewing underwear) and apparently rolling around on Buffy's front lawn in the early evening with Dawn (and perhaps Willow) in the house. Yes, Buffy spilled to Tara and Riley caught them in the act and Spike's probably bragged to Clem and … …but Xander isn't supposed to know anything about this. As far as he knows, Buffy had sex with one demon, once, and that was four years ago. For him to go straight to the pornographic place seems to be selling Buffy a little bit short. To the best of Xander's knowledge, the closest Buffy's come to banging a demon since junior year is when she slept with Parker. (Okay, given that Xander thinks Buffy and Willow's "Pajama Party Sleepover, with Weapons" in Passion might have been something more, perhaps he also imagines that Buffy enjoyed "orientation" with Kathy. But Buffy wouldn't have known Kathy was a demon then, so the comparison still wouldn't be relevant.) Down, boy!

Hey, how many iterations of the loop does Buffy go through, anyhow? Frustrating for her, surely, but she doesn't have a choice in the matter, and she's got superhuman stamina. (Patrolled for 72 hours consecutively between Goodbye Iowa and This Year's Girl, we were told.) But the Geeks had to have gotten bored sitting on their butts outside all day long, no? I mean, they don't have Slayer Stamina. (And they're able to observe the loop, so…) Any longer and Andrew might start thinking that he would like to play with Jonathan's magic bone, after all…

To paraphrase The Doors, "they've got the [powers], but we've got the numbers." It was a very impressive snake, yes. But it only took one boom to bring him down. As for the rest, superior strength has been an issue since amphibians crawled out of the ocean. Hence the concept of "weapons". Give Cordelia a sharp piece of wood and an idea of where to aim it, and all the Mayor's recruitment of the local evil undead means is more dust to clean up. Give it up for toolmaking, yo!

Well, to quote Personally, I think Buffy the Willow Smoocher has a perfectly nice ring. And you only have to change one letter in the acronym, too. Convenient!