Halting Hex

How did I manage to not only miss Aly Day, but the Big 5-0 at that? Seriously, there's March Madness, and then there's utter insanity. Sigh. (March Madness is the annual 64-team university basketball tournament. Four days of more hoops than you could ever dream of, merely to reach the round of 16. [Final Rounds proceed at a less-congested pace over the coming two weeks.] Obviously, no sane person would ever attempt to use his DVR so that he could view all 48 of the games so far, but then there's the whole "you're a thundering looney!" angle to consider. Still doesn't excuse my neglecting Aly Day, though.)

So my DVR is recording random episodes, and while I enjoy this series, I don't have it memorized. So I took a squint (pun?) at Sight Unseen and heck, I know Phoebe goes nutso covering for Cole, but how did she actually demand that Prue apologize for suspecting him when Phoebe had just heard Troxa say that Belthazor was working with him? She knows Cole is Belthazor, she knows Belthazor is working for the Triad, how does that add up to "apologize"? (Yes, Cole is actually being a double-agent, but Phoebe has no way to know that [Cole hasn't told her], so she should at least inform Prue that Cole is a demon.) Oh, and when the episode suddenly switches to Abbey the (not-quite-)lesbian stalker, why are the sisters suddenly dressed like they're going snowboarding? Troxa, the demon who is vulnerable to cold, is already dead. You can ditch the layers, sisters. Honestly.

Meanwhile, back in the Merely Ridiculously-Stupid part of the plot, I was looking for Darren Madigan's famous mockery of the Holodeck on Star Trek: The Next Generation ("nobody learns anything, not even to stay far away from the incredibly-dangerous and malfunction-ridden Holodeck", IIRC), which I couldn't find the original…but I did find Madigan's review of Season 7, which points out that "don't even get me started on how convenient it is, that this Big Stupid Metal Pentagram was just deep enough in the ground that Xander's construction crew didn't dig it up, but not so deep that Jonathan and Andrew couldn't find it in a half hour's spade work. And let's not even ask how it got down there in the first place; that would be just a little too picky." So, combining this with my notes above… • The Seal of Denzel's Car is somehow buried in the basement, unseen • It is too deep for Xander's crew to find, but right there for Jonathan and Andrew to find • They need to bleed Spike on the Seal, which makes it really lucky that Wood didn't report finding Jonathan's corpse, or even cover up the Seal • Whoever is behind all this sacrifices a pile of eyeless priests to "rescue" Spike from Buffy's house, despite how both last episode and this have explicitly shown that Spike can just be ordered to come to the Seal, given that Spike is under mind-control. Sloppy, sloppy work. This is what show-runners are supposed to catch. I know Marti Noxon is on maternity leave, but somebody should be minding the store.

Wow. I never really thought about that. Benefits of being a lead character and all, but still. I guess it makes sense that I didn't think about it because we hear about Xander (Nightmares) and Willow (Where the Wild Things Are) having had rough birthday experiences in their childhood, but even so. A little bonding time for the gang would be cool. Even if it's only Cordelia griping about how lame it is that it's just eight people (and Giles and Jenny are teachers!) at her birthday this year, whereas last year they had to rent a hall. Missed opportunities, I guess.

Further along these lines, in The Initiative, we go to commercial with Spike attempting to rape (and murder and vampirize) Willow, but when we return, the attack is over. A neat way to avoid the most brutal moments. (Of course, the ensuing "comedy" scene is more vile than perhaps anything else in the show, what with Willow, the Avatar of Innocence, pouting because she didn't get raped and cheering up her rapist and seeking sexual validation from him. It's as if there were a scene in Passion where Angel can't do the neck-snap because his arthritis is flaring up…and Jenny is disappointed and wonders if this means she's no longer attractive, and rubs his wrists and tells him to try again. Even typing "jokes" like this makes me angry…)

Topical, but hopefully not overly-political:

I know that Whedon was nowhere near as responsible for the B/F subtext as David Greenwalt ("Hungry?" "Starving") and Doug Petrie ("I am going out with someone tonight") were, but I can't help looking at that exchange and wondering how Buffy would react to Willow's certainty that the two slayers were fundamentally different if Buffy and Faith really had been Fuffying it up all over town. (Of course, this might mean that Aly would have to play some of Willow's lines a little differently ["…and I think I'm kinda gay!"] so best not to mess with success, most likely. I was merely quoting that exchange elsewhere, and the thought amused me.)

It isn't even about 'shipping Xillow romantically; it's about the oldest friendship in the series, going back to "Willow! You're so very much the person I wanted to see!" We spent the first few seasons learning that Xander is hard-wired to risk his life to save Willow (1.01, 1.06, 2.04, 2.14)… …is it really so much to ask that he push back against Anya's "Willow is gonna snap, she's so dangerous!" slander? So far, all Willow had done is give two guys with bad lez-dar an hour or so's worth of cage-dancing. As "menace to society" goes, that's a little short of "1100 years of slaughter", Ahn. I think Willow might deserve a stronger defense (or any at all, honestly) than I mean, I get that Greenberg wants us to see Buffy having her "I really want to fuck Spike" revelation and Xander (who is only in two scenes this ep) is desperate to pad his line count (he pumps it up to 10…well done!), but come on now. Willow has been doing magic for four years by this point. I think you can trust her a little, regardless of what her ex says. By this time, Willow's magic has enabled her to restore Angel's soul (I know, I know…but theoretically a good thing), restore Buffy's soul, return Buffy's spirit to her body, cast the enjoining spell that beat Adam, teleport a Hell-God, weaken said Hell-God, restore Tara's sanity, and bring Buffy back to life. I think that going into this complete tizzy because Willow is crossing boundaries by using spells in her relationship is a bit much, given that Willow and Tara's relationship is over. A few honest talks with Willow about where things went wrong is probably better than treating Will as a bomb about to explode and being all patronizing when she brings out the laptop, honestly. (Yes, yes, Willow also wanted to cast an incredibly-stupid spell at the Bronze in All the Way, but the issue there wasn't so much "magic" as "stupidity", given that Willow had much better magical "find Dawn" techniques [telepathy, Tinkerbell light, locator spell] in her spellbook than "shift people to an alternate dimension." Also, there's no way that Buffy/Xander/Anya should even know about that incident, unless Tattletale Tara's been sp-sp-spilling the beans.) A little "let's not generalize, Ahn. Willow needs our support, not our paranoia" would go a long way here, Harris. (Even if it wouldn't set Buffy's clit a-tingling with thoughts of Ice Dildo the way "seductive" does. We'll just have to make do.)

Apothecary, Apocalypse…potato, potahto…

To be fair, the first two citations are examples of clichés being subverted. In Passion, it is Willow who is being rather naïve about Giles's knowledge of the Buffy/Angel tryst, given that it's been rather a while since the Big Mistake, and it's logical that Buffy would have told him. Just because Willow got the "seizing is pretty inevitable" memo ahead of the actual event (BFF privilege and all), that hardly means that Buffy (or Angel) hasn't had the opportunity to bring others up to date. (Although, in Innocence, Angel does conceal the reason for his reversion to soullessness ["You wouldn't believe me if I told you"], so it's possible that Spike and Drusilla are still in the dark, just as it's possible that Xander and Cordelia are. Still, even though Willow, Jenny, Giles and Joyce are the only people we see explicitly being told of the tryst [or, in Willow‘s case, the plans for the tryst…while we don't see Buffy tell Willow "I slept with [Angel]" in so many words until I Only Have Eyes for You, it's clearly not news to the redhead], it's hard to believe that others haven't put it together by now.) And if Willow thinks that Giles is simply ignorant of the entire topic of sex (on account of his profession), she's really being blind. Never mind that Ethan's buckets of subtext might have passed her by (Ethan does only tell Buffy that he and Giles "used to be close. Very close" when they're alone, I grant you), but you would think that Willow might have tuned in to all the "squirming" that Giles/Jenny did between Ted and Surprise. Although it is amusing to imagine Giles having to deal with Willow's thinking he's a 42-year-old virgin even as he's raring to finish up at Buffy's house so he can get back to his flat, where (for all he knows) Jenny might be in his bed this very minute! (Never let it be said that Angel isn't considerate. Giles was expecting Jenny in his bed, Giles gets Jenny in his bed.) As for Lysette being impressed by Xander's Uncle Rory's Bel Air, the remainder of Whitney Dylan's screentime in that episode rather plainly clarifies that girls who like cars that much aren't worth the cost of the gasoline you put in the tank. (Even at 1999 prices.) So, yeah, this episode is Prom being wonderful in all its Prom-my glory. But I think it's the exception, rather than the rule.

We don't know if Willow will succeed in bringing "help" back from LA, so spec goes under spoiler bars. I'm hoping it's Conner, so he and Dawn can hook up and spontaneously combust. But let's face it, anything to avoid talking about this particular pile. Although I believe this is a milestone of sorts: after 74* episodes of Buffy giving Spike a ridiculous free pass for his previous murders, she breaks new ground here…by giving Sparky a ridiculous free pass for his hypothetical future murder of Robin. New worlds to conquer, etc. *-74 episodes counting Becoming Part 2, Lovers Walk and from Pangs onwards, excepting Bargaining Part 1 (Buffy can't do much about Spike, being dead and all), Bargaining Part 2 (newly-resurrected Buffy can't really comprehend where she is, much less where Spike might be) and Villains through Grave, where Buffy may miss her rapist and be gladly taking her virginal 15-year-old sister to enjoy Spike's "hospitality" as well, but she has no idea that he's gone to Africa, and she doesn't own a motorcycle to follow him there, so slaying opportunities are thin, I'll admit. (However, I do count The Body, even though Marsters doesn't appear in the episode. No reason Buffy couldn't have worked off her "My Mommy's dead" grief by popping over to Spike's crypt, popping Spike in the chest with a stake, and thus saving the lives of Holden, Charlotte and at least a dozen other people that Spike ultimately kills.)

And this is 2003, so only three years later, in fact. (I know, I need to cut back on the nitpicking, sorry.)

A reactor (I forget whom or when; Darcie, perhaps?) thought that Giles would be overjoyed when the spell ends, and thus would be reading everything he could see on the way out of Sunnydale General. (e.g. "Radiology", "Men's Room", "The Heimlich Maneuver: a Beginner's Guide" and so on.) But it does beg the question…if normalcy isn't restored before Billy awakens, how does Giles know that's Buffy's grave in the cemetery? I mean, he can't read, right? Also, not to nitpick, but I think this is actually Buffy's nightmare, with the vampirization and having been buried alive, Tweed Boy. Not everything is about you. (A bit presumptive for Giles to assume that Buffy's death would be more nightmarish for him than the other two, honestly. Yes, yes, failed his duty, we get it…but Slayers die, rather regularly. "One Slayer dies, the next one is called" and so on. Arguably worse for the kids, firstly because they're probably not as used to death as Giles may be, and because Willow is possibly losing 60+ years of friendship where Giles may only be losing a few of mentoring. The situation with Xander is less-clear, since how close he stays with Buffy from now on may depend on whether she ends up returning his affections or not. Just because Angel has apparently beat feet out of town [relatively wisely, given how most Slayer/vampire interactions end], that hardly means that Xander is next on Buffy's dance card, obviously.)

To quote Xander, "Funny 'ha-ha' or funny 'back away slowly'?"

While the show had worked to have a number of female antagonists (Glory, Harmony, Drusilla), I don't know that Clare Kramer, Mercedes McNab and Juliet Landau are Smidge-sized, necessarily. Let's check. Juliet is 5'6" Clare is 5'4 1/2" Mercedes is 5'4" So none of them exactly tower over the 5'2" SMG, but I don't know if I'd say we'd been subjected to an Attack of the Teeny-Tinies, either. (Nor would this have applied to the original casting choice for April-bot, the 5'4 1/2" Britney Spears.)