phlebas

...and maybe their first eight choices said no

How many weeks after filming wrapped did they film Clayton reading those letters? Was he sitting in the hotel from one of the travel days during his own filming?

That "Natasha for Bachelorette" stuff has really died down. maybe everyone started listening to Click Bait and got their enthusiasm cooled.

Fun challenge. i almost remembered they had a Sydney.

This was prophetic. May I join you in your irkhood?

plus i was kidding

And now Chris H and Lauren Z are engaged. I hope he's there for the right reasons, and Lauren isn't just getting suckered by some unemployed dude. Does Chris have a guitar?

Also... do you think Andrew S and Michael A are screening their calls?

It's always a sober right of passage -- these folks discover a relationship is more than thigh-blistering sex. "Thanks for having me on the podcast, Nick. Outside our bedroom door it might have sounded like we were shooting shotguns into stacks of pie pans, but inside... she didn't like my beard and I thought her aunt was a bitter old harridan."

Production really bent over backwards to make it look like they had this fun room-searching stunt and WHOOPS discovered that notebook. I think the reverse is what really happened. Sort of like the "Demi and Katie sleuths out the guy with the girlfriend from the spy van" schtick in Hannah B's season.

No time. I have to convince the newly single Kendall her path to true happiness lies in Vermont. Given her willingness (ha) to leave LA, it's an uphill battle, but I have faith in the maple.

Kendall was my first Bachelor crush. I still kinda love her. I hope she's comfortable sleeping on Serena's parents' couch :( (How she convinced Serena's parents to move to LA is a mystery.) (I'm not drunk, you're drunk.)

That's what voices sound like in metric.

They might be paying her with a ticket back to America

DOES KENNY EVEN KNOW WHAT MARI'S FAVORITE BOY BAND IS?

If Becca hadn't done whatever that was, would she have been the first person to get engaged on TV three times?

What sort of dance does Tia's vagina do when she's apprehensive about Paradise ending?

You can call them "one of the strongest couples" all you like, but that doesn't make it true.

You can tell Noah cares for Abigail because of the passion in his voice and his animated demeanor around her.

Looks like Abigail took one for the team.

This may be the rum talking but if Noah hurts Abigail, I'm going to have to hunt him down and punch him.

I *do* like the implied middle finger at Brendan and Pieper, but I'm content to let those two fade into obscurity.

it's hard to be sure until we learn about Maurissa's vagina

I didn't turn this on expecting to learn much about Tia's vagina, but HERE WE ARE.

Becca is a good parallel. She also got the sympathy vote, and her season was pretty dull. (And I know they can't really screen for this but OMG she has awful taste in men.)