CletusMusashi

I figure that they either weren't feeding Ghost properly (in which case: You know better, Jon Snow! I'm pretty sure you could easily smuggle some meat to one of your best living friends!) or... yeah, I got nothing. Ghost shouldn't have been that starving. Not with Sam, Jon, and whoever else he's on friendly-dog terms with looking out for him. Maybe Janos Slynt was blowing a lot of pot smoke at him before the battle?

"Chaotic Evil" does not mean "Uninterested in Social Rewards." http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0042.html

I wish Jon had just chopped Ygritte's head off in Season 2. Wish granted! Jon kills Ygritte, but gets lost anyway, and ends up falling in love with a bear. He still ends up working under Mance Rayder, except that this time Tormund is Jon's father-in-law. Castle Black is annihilated, except for Gilly, Allegedly Loud Baby, and Janos Slynt. The Night's Watch continues to get just as much screen time as it did before, except that now it's all about the Gilly/Slynt romance. Oh, and after conquering Castle Black, Mance sends Jon on a very, very long, very critical and secret mission, accompanied by his brothers Bran and Rickon. And absolutely nobody else. All three siblings have full-on Castro beards before anything whatsoever actually happens. I wish Syrio's other gig had been helping Robert lose weight through jazzercise.

"Out of My Mind" is still the best explanation for the retcon. The doctor wasn't lying about wrong tools or potential brain damage. (Not to be confused with Potential brain damage, which is a whole 'nother issue.) After the failed chip removal, Spike immediately started dreaming about Buffy and becoming increasingly weird in his behavior. Angel's flashbacks do not show Spike in any period of time whatsoever as a cuddly sensitive poet. Only brain-damaged Spike "remembers" that. Human, pre-vamp William may or may not have been as harmless and geeky as brain-damaged Spike remembers. The "effulgent" poem may be a real memory, or it may be a side effect of the brain damage. Since the only person who originally liked it was Drusilla, an argument can be made either way. Spike wasn't a special magical unicorn vampire who (except for a zany evil phase that just happened to occupy at least three seasons of the show,) ultimately chose to get a soul. Spike was the same completely awesome completely evil bastard who we first met in Season 2. And, yes, he was smart enough to work with those he'd rather kill when it really absolutely suited him to do so, but that certainly didn't mean he wouldn't backstab them later, if he knew he could. S4 put him in a more extended period of vulnerability than he was used to, but he still had no problem with doing what he actually could, aka Yoko-ing. The S5 stuff... that's a different flavor. I mean, he actually really liked Dawn! In Season Five. So, it was the chip's conditioning, plus brain damage from botched surgery, that led us to the late-season Spike who actually went out and got himself a shiny new soul. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure what this hypothesis does to clarify any issues about late-Spike's responsibility for anything, good or bad. Sometimes it really is easier just to have a magical unicorn vampire who just isn't all that evil. What's Harmony doing these days, anyway?

The biggest things we learned from the Mole's town schtick were: a. Gilly cares as little for everyone else's nonsense as she does for Sam's, and b. her child may theoretically not be a styrofoam prop, because somebody complained about him crying too loudly. Maybe Craster carries a gene for quietness. It's recessive in him, but doubled up in Gilly and... whatever that allegedly loudly crying styrofoam prop is named. I'd remember details about the kid better if I could actually remember that it exists. Best ending for the last episode would have been if Gilly had slashed off of Slynt's clothes, piece by piece, because she kept needing to change diapers. Although now that I stop and think about it, maybe Slynt wasn't the best source of doody-free cloth at that particular moment anyway.

I hate the episode and have gone on at great length about it elsewhere. But I will admit that I actually kind of liked the cookie dough speech.

So many great things about that episode. Spike and Dru being awesome. The Annointed One being removed from the show. But, also, the Annointed One still being on the show until the end of the ep. Because as I said on another episode thread, I loved that Season Two started out as an epilogue of Season 1 and evolved out of that. The tattered remnants of the Church of Aurelius trying to stay in control until a Better Bad moved into the power vacuum was not what we expected as viewers. Spike coining the nickname "Annoying One." The reveal that there was a big cover-up going on in City Hall. Joyce confirming that everyone hates Snyder. Not only so many great moments, but a well-crafted script that served a pivotal role in a well-crafted story arc. God, I miss Joss having an attention span...

I think Hannah Murray may be the most under-rated actress on the show. Please note: I said "most under-rated," not "greatest." There are plenty of great actresses on the show, but in most cases everyone realizes it. Even those of ud who were getting tired of Ygritte admit that the problems were with how she was scripted, not how she was acted. Same deal with Sansa, or Danaerys, or... whoever. But Gilly's role is so under-stated, and so full of subtle reactions to things that she simply does not care about like the other characters do, that it wasn't until my recent rewatch that I noticed how spot-on she always is. Her bland, mechanical recitation to the Crows when Literal Babydaddy called her over to praise him was exactly what I would expect of someone who completely hates their situation but simply does not want any bullshit and knows entirely too well how painful and unpleasant bullshit can be. Her early reactions to Sam were great- ranging from subtle optimism about escaping with him to, eventually, disgusted exasperation when he instead opted to offer her that stupid thimble like it was his class ring or something and that would somehow make him... only 99.99 per cent of a virgin? I hated the way their relationship seemed like it was being forced on us whether we cared about it or not, but every moment in it has been very true to both characters. Yes, Sam really was that big a nerd. I've known at least one Sam in real life. And Gilly, even with very few lines to say, did a great job of portraying someone who wasn't a romantic, had very low expectations as far as happy endings went, and thought very little of anyone who couldn't understand the rather obvious fact that all she wanted was to get the fuck out of Crazy Craster's House of Incest. Sam is so well acted, and often well-scripted, that I can't help liking him, but he's such a goofy romanticist that he needs someone in his scenes to balance him. And Jon Snow is almost as big a romanticist as Sam is, even though he's tougher and quieter about it. Gilly is a complete no-bullshit pragmatist, which is why I've come to really appreciate having her around. So does that mean I'm finally actually shipping her and Sam like we're obviously supposed to? Beats me. But I like having her on the show. And at the rate they're going, who knows? Maybe in another two seasons Sam will finally see a booby. Besides, if Castle Black loses its Smurfette, then a lot of Crows are going to have to go sleep at night dreaming of Jon Snow.

Also, how far down underground? Seems like there should have been people building tunnels for centuries. I did honestly like the episode, as opposed to last week's steaming pile. But the society, the methodology, and the physical ecosystem of the north continue to make no sense. I'm kind of left feeling that Martin's definition of "realistic fantasy" is nothing more than "you'll only get obvious magic when I feel like it!"

And the other 1 per cent is "Can I go over it where there aren't a bunch of people above me defending it?" Actually, I'll bet the biggest part of defense usually consists of reminding everybody to shut the damn door. Probably leads to a few entertaining exchanges when somebody actually was born in a barn.

Good for Ed, but what I liked was seeing Sam display some assertiveness. His leveling-up has been so gradual and natural that it was rarely even noticeable, but it's been there. He's not just a fat albatross around his friends necks any more, because when they're pissing their pants in terror for the first time he's been there, done that, and can still generally think and operate coherantly. I'm going to assume that all the abandoned castles had their tunnels sealed up, Jon Snow style. Otherwise, the attack on Black is just insane.

I was also bothered by the idea that they didn't just have thousands of soldiers climbing the wall miles away. Even considered the notion that most of their forces were doing exactly that. But I eventually concluded that, if the goal is for every tribe to make it through, you can't spread them around like that. because, except for a a few very dedicated warriors like Tormund, almost anybody who makes it over the Wall is going to run south as fast as they can, leaving the rest of the army to fend for itself. Even if a few do attack Castle Black from behind, it's still a castle. A more modern army can climb over a wall, get near their target, and start building a trebauchet or something, but the only heavy artillery Wildlings know of is giant archers. They'd be trying a battering ram while boiling oil rolled down on them. Mance wants to keep the army together at least until pretty much everybody is through the Wall, so in actual fact I believe he has deliberately slowed down the number of Wildlings emigrating over the wall each day. Because the only way to get women, babies, toddlers, old people, giants, and those who just aren't good at climbing through that barrier is to stick together and beat their way in with a series of massive surges. Maybe eventually, after the Watch has pretty much exhausted its defensive supplies, they can spread out, climb over, and take the castle in order to let the others in. But first, they had to exhaust its supplies, without encouraging their strongest people to simply go AWOL and run south.

I don't think Ned would have killed a ward for something the father did. Locked up and kept under guard maybe, if another war broke out, but he never even did that. Balon Greyjoy, on the other hand, couldn't go five minutes without becoming physically abusive. I think a big reason that, ultimately, Theon didn't support the Starks was that he wasn't terrified of them. Although he understood that Robb was a good fighter, respect does not automaticaly translate into fear. The reason he didn't fear Robb is that Robb was not in the habit of suddenly beating the crap out of him. Balon used fear, beatings, insults and initmidation to controlTheon, and eventually Ramsay took it even farther. Plus, even if he had been afraid of Robb, as long as he was heir to Pyke there might be hope of escape. Ramsay, by eliminating his usefulness as Balon's heir, has destroyed any desire to escape back home.

Well, since he didn't get any screen time this week, I'm at least giving him a joke: What did The Hound say to the Braavosi sausage vendor? ETA: "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Jon Arryn." "Jon Arryn who?"

The Good: Giants riding on mammoths and using humungous longbows. Allister Thorne not being completely useless Maester Aemon playing "Did not!" "Did so!" with Sam. I loved that so much that I was afraid they were about to kill him. The Scythe. Absolutely no Littlefinger. The Bad: Jon holding Egret for half the battle without anybody trying to kill him. No Tyrion, Arya, or Hound. Only one episode to go before hiatus. The Ugly: Half of the people Jon is close to just died this week. Can't have a war story without death, but it sucks to be him. Slynt turning out to be more of a clueless, over-promoted coward than a real villain. Which still fits Season 2 perfectly. Still having to worry about Tyrion's sentence and The Hound's wound. Wondering which poor Crow has to mop up the Castle Black floors now.

The age thing would be a lot easier to keep straight if Sansa weren't seven feet tall. I think her real father was Hodor.

I'm thinking that Bran is going to reach that tree and use its/his power to do something affects the balance of power. I mean, he's just so close to where the big climax is happening, it just seems like the best way to give his season some kind of pay-off. Otherwise, it's really a waste of a character. I also haven't given up on Tyrion being sent to the Wall. He's shown himself to be a good military strategist, and in his trip up there with Jon Snow he showed that he knows how things work up there quite well. Plus, if they're not going to send Tyrion there then having Janos Slynt there just seems redundant. Jon snow already had Thorne on his ass, adding Slynt does nothing for the narrative... unless Tyrion has to work under Slynt. Oh, I know, the death sentence was passed last week, but Tywin can do whatever the hell he wants and he knows it. I'm expecting an appeal, probably in the form of pressure from Jaime.

I think most of the knights and guards would rather take orders from somebody like Finger, who knows how to do little things like "remember their pay day," than from a crazy child who, without adult supervision, would probably order them dropped out the moon door every time they were caught chewing gum. So if all the adults are following the other adult, Robin has no choice in the matter. Similar to the Joffrey/Tywin dynamic.

Since the original posting times indicate that Haiti D granted that casket wish three minutes before Dr. Pepper did, I'm going go back and cover their wish. I wish Cersei had fallen in love with Lancel. Wish granted! Cersei falls in love with Lancel and dumps Jaime years before the series even starts. When Bran catches them having sex, Lancel tries to push him out the window, but Bran beats the hell out of him. Then Cersei charges, and ends up falling out the window like a Disney witch. She's in a coma for a while, then wakes up crippled with amnesia. The Starks provide Hodor to carry her around, and the Cersei-Hodor-Lancel love triangle takes over the entire rest of the show. There's no Puppygate, no "Everyone except us is an enemy" speech, and Robert's suggestion that they each discipine their own children goes down fine. Joffrey never goes completely whack, which means that Sansa defending him and talkig about the beautiful blonde babies she'll have with him never happens, so Ned never invents mendelian genetics, Lancel is too busy arguing with Hodor to kill Robert, Catelyn never kidnaps Tyrion and makes him into a main character, and the only real villain we have is Littlefinger, who gives half hour speeches about how it was he who pushed the queen out of the tower, in order to prevent her from harming Catelyn. Also, every week he has a new insidious plot like trying to get Ned caught with whores, or trying to distract him enough to forget Catelyn's birthday. In short, the only interesting thing that ever happens in Westeros is Bran occasionally slapping Lancel. I'm leaving Rocket's wish for the next person. Bran never climbs the tower, doesn't get injured, never discovers the incest. Have at it!

I sense absolutely no chemistry. Littlefinger's obsesion with Cat was well shown. But his OCD compulsion to gravitate toward whatever the nearest facsimile is does nothing for me. I mean, sure, he obviously does want to screw Sansa, but so did a big mob of rioters in King's Landing, and I wasn't expected to actually care about whether or not she could be happy with one of them. And this has absolutely nothing to do with my hating Littlefinger. I hated Joffrey far more, and am hard-pressed to think of a way in which Littlefinger could be worse for her than Joffrey... yet I will not deny that Joffrey and Sansa had obvious chemistry. Because that chemistry was conveyed by an actual thing called acting, instead of by at least one of them explaining their feelings every single episode. ETA: Yes, such a guide sounds like it would be useful.

That explains why the Howells were usually more cheerful than the Kupakai.

So how does the toughness of a human skull compare to something more easily available. Say, coconuts? I'm just trying to guess what the next big YouTube challenge is going to be.

Although eventually Lorne did!

I wish Joffrey was a nice guy who was totally into Sansa. He is a very nice guy. So nice and trusting, in fact, that he is easily tricked and betrayed by his evil brother Tommen, who is working with Roose Bolton. The dire wolves and, for that matter, even most of the humans, Starks included, are too fat to be of any use in the fight, because Joffrey has spent the first two seasons baking lemon cookies for everyone. So one day when Joffrey is serving as best man at Loras and Renly's wedding (he legalized it,) almost every non-evil character on the show is massacred. Sansa is flayed. Joffrey loses both the pillar and the stones. And then Sansa's skin is sewn over Joffrey's skin. Ramsay renames him Wreck and trades him to Littlefinger in exchange for a "Whores: Half Off" coupon. Hilarity ensues when it turns out "half off" does not refer to the amount of skin you're supposed to remove from them. I wish that those wings on Sansa's dress were functional.

Even though it's certainly not a favorite episode of that era, I appreciated the fact that they weren't just saying "OK, we killed last season's villain, now let's whip out a new one to kill in this year's finale!" They could have, and if the overall quality had still been good I'd still have enjoyed it. But they made a point of opening the season with "This is still the same story. So-called 'endings' have repercussions, which lead to more, which lead to more..." Plus, Cordelia was great in it.