Uncle JUICE
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Posts posted by Uncle JUICE
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Easily the worst crew in the history of the show, I'm afraid. I'm surprised so few have gotten as irritated as I did when Lexi was like "You wanna compare degrees" and "I have an 8K condo in a Miami hi rise." I had a full on guinea hand-gesticulations-included blow up at the degree thing, then had ANOTHER one when she said that shit about where she lived. Girl, get a GRIP: no matter what your degree is, YOU ARE A WAITRESS WHO VACUUMS AND WASHES OTHER PEOPLE'S DRAWERS. Talk about an own-goal. Your condo in Miami, we KNOW you don't pay for it if it exists, because you're sleeping in a closet smelling Malia's farts all night. If you're so big time, fuck right off the boat and come back as a guest like that one chief stew from season 2.
Also count me in on the "STOP SAYING DADDY" crowd, that girl's a real try-hard in the sex department. How Mzi didn't have a concussion or a broken nose after that fall is beyond me, that looked REAL painful.
How do people drink like this? It's insane how much alcohol gets consumed on these shows, they really need a disclaimer or something.
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On 5/24/2021 at 9:45 PM, greekmom said:
Seriously they are either lying or very unemployed and bored.
This is the same move as convincing a girl in your junior year of high school to go around telling everyone you've got a big dick and are good at using it. It's total bullshit, it's because Colt wants everyone to think he's Casanova, some insatiable sex machine, when we all now his skin feels like wet clammy clay and he smells like an ARby's bag. GIve me a fucking break, dude.
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Let me tell you, I'm entirely sick of the whole, "Well, there's something I haven't told [spouse] and when they hear about it, they're going to be upset" and the constant buffet of nothingburgers that follow. If you're going to just make shit up, production (like make Kalani and Kalini decide that right here on this display bed at a furniture store is exactly where I need to have a tearful conversation about the state of my marriage, which absolutely needed to have a guy come by and ask "Have you seen anything you like, something I can help you with ladies?" in an inappropriately cheery tone like Mr/ Tableside Guac from Breaking Bad), then at least make it so ridiculous that it's interesting. "I have to go to work four days earlier than expected" is not "SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YARA AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK." Tell her you're not sure she's the mother of that baby. Tell her you are masturbating eight times a day and always have been. Tell her you have quit your job and are investing in Tiger King's old zoo, adn you're all moving there. This show sucks.
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Gotta say, I am NOT mad at Kalini in that overalls / little shirt underneath number. That woman CRUSHES "casual hot" in my book.
And that's not the same house they were in last time we say them. No apple tree in the yard, the kitchen was yellow, and her dad isn't around. Definitely an Air BNB.
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Both my wife and I thought Stephanie's cat was long dead and had been taxiderm-ed. It's like it had some weird defense mechanism when she touched it, its cat soul basically escaped its body until she put it down. I've never seen such a lifeless look from an animal. Not disdain, not resentment, not joy...just "if I stay totally still this will be over sooner."
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15 hours ago, readheaded said:
To be fair, he may be a mechanic or have another job where his hands and nails get stained and look dirty when they're not. He could also just be a dirtball.
I'm not denigrating anyone's job, no shame in hard work...but you're at a wedding, I mean jeez, I don't expect the guy to own a tux or even wear a suit (this whole charade is ridiculous) but WASH YOUR HANDS, even if it's just for covid safety at the time!
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4 minutes ago, WahooLAH99 said:
What about her son-in-laws dirty fingernails! He can’t even wash his hands? And p.s. Rebecca you are 50, this is your 4th wedding, no one needs to give you away. And if you had to have someone do it technically you should have asked your EX! Since he is the last one to have “owned” you, so GROSS!
UGH I'm so glad someone else noticed this, so fucking gross! It was like he had just finished landscaping.
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22 hours ago, ilovebeaarthur said:
"The pain eventually started to get in the way of Evans’ ability to be a mom and work."
Wow, so she's been in this pain for like 9+ years???
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1 minute ago, Frozendiva said:
Smart and sensible. Amira knows really very little about Andrew. They were on their best behavior when they spent time together. Get to know him, live together, see if it is working out, find a job, enjoy life for a while.
I keep imagining the look on Samira's face after seeing Andrew come out of their single bathroom with his phone in his hand and sweat on his brow from what I'm 100% sure are disgusting dumps because all he eats is ren faire food, like mutton. THinking to herself in French "America isn't worth this."
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8 minutes ago, Gobi said:
How good an actress she is, I can’t say. I do know that she was in a music video, which implies she had acting ambitions at some point.
PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY. Oh my god let that be true.
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For me, Andrew's wispy moustache is a huge red flag. Trim that thing, man, it can't be over your lip unless you can rock one like Selleck or Sam Elliot.
"Look I have a great idea: you fly to Serbia to stay in a hotel for two weeks, then fly here, what could go wrong?" This is never the start of a story with a happy ending. In fact it's how Liam Neeson revenge movies start.
1 minute ago, Hotel Snarker said:They weren't on this week's episode at all. I don't think TLC shows every couple each episode.
90 Day Fiance's official Twitter account said that Mike was grilling crab cakes for dinner. I thought it was bread for some reason.
GRILLING them I've never heard of, I have always seen them on flatiron skillet or griddle (but full disclosure I'm deathly allergic to shellfish, so I don't ever order or make them).
2 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:Rebecca should have her wedding at the chicken restaurant. She can wear her grease stained t-shirt instead of an ill-fitting wedding gown.
Or her grease stained sweater from last night when she lost her ring.
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Speaking of Mike and NAtalie, any idea what horrible mess he had on that grill? Maybe salmon burgers? They looked fucking horrible. I liked them better when I thought they were scones.
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9 minutes ago, steff13 said:If I were Zied, I would be pretty annoyed that Rebecca lost her engagement ring. Also, she looks insane with those pigtails.
First, totally, with the pig tails. My wife actually said "WOMAN!" with genuine vexation when she first saw them and I about choked on my coffee. But there's some other issues to remember here in Zied's defense. First, he "borrowed" the money from Rebecca to buy the ring in the first place. And it wasn't like some 4 carat chocolate diamond, either, if I recall it was about $500 (probably less) in a street market, so okay, I'm sure it has some value, and sentimental value certainly, but I mean...let's keep it in perspective Rebecca. And also, YOU TOOK IT OFF. We'll pretend not to know that production gave you the cue to do so (because there is zero chance this woman who has memorabilia of her and Zied's love all over her life, like a coffee cup with his face that basically says THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND Y'ALL took that off on purpose). Finally, isn't the import of an engagement ring largely a western tradition? I highly doubt in less economically viable places like TUnisia there's a huge market for Zales and Kay Jewelers. I think he's sort of like "ok, so you lose shit all the time, it'll turn up" because he doesn't understand the importance she's putting on it. He's basically the opposite of Natalie, who apparently thinks a ring is NOT just a trinket, but represents a legally binding contract.
Also best part of the show was him saying "bye" when she left and he puts his headphones back on to play his game. I'm with you ZIed.
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Thank you.
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1 hour ago, AZChristian said:
Oh, yes, YES, YES . . . Ry-uh-Harris. MORE!!!!
I think it's closer to a disinterested and numb bunch o "oh yeah," and some really poorly executed dirty talk sprinkled with clinical terms or weird stuff. Ugh, thanks again, now I can't NOT think about the whole thing, so gross.
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17 hours ago, magemaud said:
If Stephanie walks that gingerly under normal circumstances, I wonder how she does after having vigorous sex four times in one night
LOL but...yuck. Now I have to think about her voice and that accent in the throes. Disgusting.
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THis show is going further downhill, I'm not sure what else to say about it. It was COMPLETELY boring this week. Get rid of fucking Tarik and HAzel, they blow. Same with Mike and Natalie.
I'm sort of worried about Stephanie. That wasn't alocholo wasted, that was pills wasted. She looks completely out of it, like someone should be looking out for her. She is beyond out of it. I mean this was her talking head:
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So, given that I've run out of a lot of things to watch in Covid, and SAul will be coming back shortly, I decided to start a rewatch of this show from season 1, something I'd never done. I have to say, if this show had NO connection to the ABQniverse of Breaking Bad, I stills think it would be one of the ten best shows since the dawn of the golden age of TV. Because Breaking Bad is basically a perfect expression of peak TV, artistically and creatively, and because of the relationship, this show slips into Most Underrated. How it's not a mulitple Emmy winner, particularly through the first two seasons, is insane.
THe show actually could function on its own with no changes at all, if you start it with the Cinnabon manager and then just cut to the color shots and you have an excellent mystery show. THe character the writers have created out of what was basically comic relief when he first showed up is realy incredible. Where this show really separated itself is in the little choices it makes. Two to highlight: when Chuck tells Kim what Jimmy did to get Mesa Verde, and Kim chooses to go with Jimmy's story, she KNOWS CHuck is right. The show doesn't let her be fooled by Jimmy, which is a very easy decision to make, and that does a lot for her as a character. The other is the episode where she and JImmy strike out on their own and form their private practice, and how subtly it serves as a total blueprint of what their relationship really is. It's phenomenal.
ANyone else rewatching?
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This week's winner in a tight contest for most contrived storyline is Amira and her dad. First of all, he couldn't issue his ultimatum without half a smile, and she almost laughs too. And there's no chance any real human being would remotely consider going to Serbia for two weeks to get with this fucking LARPer.
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25 minutes ago, Leeds said:
Not to mention that, as stated in the ad, Phexxi is only 86% effective, yet somehow "puts you in control of your sex life". Great, 86 times out of a hundred you're in control, but 14 times you're not? How do you know which encounter is which?
And then we have the "common" side effects, including "vaginal burning, itching, infection, UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, discharge, discomfort."
Makes me want to run right out there and get it, COVID and complete lack of sex life be damned.
THIS was what made me laugh hardest! It was a laundry list of stuff that stopped short of "infection of your taint, uncontrollable vomiting, hallucination and psychotic episodes.," and when it was over I said "Well, I'm horny as fuck now, I don't know about you dear...."
She was not. Sigh.
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I might or might not have had a little too big a bite of an edible, but I swear I saw a commercial last weekend for an 'injectible' birth control for women that appeared to be a lotion or gel like substance that comes in what appears to be a plastic injector that looked something like a hypodermic neede. My wife and I were aghast, because it was like "ladies, if you don't want to deal with birth control pills, IUDs, etc, have we got a solution for you!" My wife was like "How big is that thing" and I said "The size o your arm, and it's like piping pastry dough through a injector needle, so you need two people to do it." We both laughed like hell at it, but good grief, ladies, this is why you should just keep rubbers around if you're single and want to get your freak on.
PS I thought the woman at my last job who'd cut her nails with a nail clipper at her desk was the fucking height of annoying. IMagine sitting next to the frigging McDouche sisters up there, like what's the face the guy on the other side of that cubicle is making??? Why the hell would you need to bring it to work? It's either "I don't have time to do this at home, I'll just sprtiz this liquid up my muff on my lunch break" OR "Betsy was really a little ripe yesterday, I'm just going to bring this in and make casual conversation."
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26 minutes ago, Ashforth said:
It's never too early to teach tween, teen, and adult women that their natural state of being is gross. And stinky. And that we should strive to look like pre-pubescents. After all, how else would the makers of these products survive?
Look, I'm going to stand up for these commercials, SORT OF...they do not do a very good job of making it clear that your state of maintenance down there is your personal preference and if you prefer a certain look in the zone, their razors are for you. I don't see there's a lot of "Ladies, trim that gross vag fro, what are you, a cavewoman?!?" in any of the messaging. It wasn't until I saw (as a guy, now!) a commercial for razors for OUR zones that I felt less weird about my own preferences.
I WILL take issue with the product designed FOR teens, BY teens, that's advertised to control odors "down there." First of all, what the fuck, are girls not insecure enough? Second of all, WHAT TEENAGE SCIENTISTS ARE DESIGNING SOMETHING TO BE APPLIED TO GENITALS? How the fuck did that get past the FDA?!?
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I'll give you one more for a Friday bonus. THe Bathfitter commercial, where the woman says "I truly didn't know what to expect!" Lady, DIDN"T YOU ASK HIM FOR A NEW TUB? It's not like she walksinto the new bathroom and finds a chimpanzee riding an eagle. THAT would ne unexcpected.
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2 minutes ago, dleighg said:
That transformation is truly terrifying
It's a much better commercial if the daughter freezes in terror then runs through the screen door screaming.
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S06.E05: Ship Happens
in Below Deck Mediterranean
My theory is this job (yachting) and reality TV both independently attract people with inherent emotional issues, for the most part. People who have trouble fitting in at other jobs, who function okay in a nomadic sort of dynamic, might struggle with adult relationships (at the deckie / stew level) and love to travel for any number of reasons (in this case, mostly because they are super at Instagram and there's a lot of self-congratulation itch to scratch in these locales), these are the people who I think are likely doing yacht work. Reality TV attracts a completely different set: clowns who think they're an undiscovered star if only they could get the right level of exposure, who really overestimate their entertainment value, who think drinking is the way to really highlighting their talents. People who crave the approval of the masses but don't know why and certainly have no real talent that would naturally get them there. NOW, you take both of these personality types: yacht crew + reality TV star and you put them into one person then multiply that person by seven to come up with a crew? You have basically a boat full of self absorbed, inexplicably self impressed, willing to debase themselves in any number of ways, and you're sure to end up with a few sociopath-lites like Lexi (honestly who carries a burn list as an adult? put it in your diary, sweetie).
I hate that I watch this show. Bring back Danny the Deckhand.