[Commercials That Annoy, Irritate or Outright Enrage]

Is there a more terrifying commercial than Focus Factor? I just saw it again and was so taken aback I immediately reported in. Clearly it's speed. THe woman taking it has literally made 300 chocolate chip cookies, when ostensibly the only people who live with her are her adult daughter and her husband. And they're EVERYWHERE. This is not a commercial kitchen. SHe's been up since 230AM. THen she won't let her daughter finish a god damn sentence, and probably got all the information to her questions by snooping in her phone. THEN she picks up the Focus Factor and TURNS INTO MARK TWAIN???? Why would anyone take this?

(PS I know it's supposed to be einstein but the distinction is not clear and why would that be better)?

 

I also hate the commercial where the woman in the bathroom talks about the panty liners (ugh, gross word, panty) that take care of her skin...DOWN THERE. "Are you still here?" Yes, because I'm a fucking prisoner here obviously!

[Commercials That Annoy, Irritate or Outright Enrage]

On 2/24/2021 at 12:30 AM, CrystalBlue said:

I still haven't seen Ice-T commercial for CarShield on my teevee, only here at the posted link for YT.  Probably because I'm in California, and the end of the ad has white fine print on the screen that ends in Not Available in California.

My favorite thing about this commercial is he says (Paraphrasing) "Hey America, it's ya boy, Ice-T. If you know one thing about me, it's that I love my cars!" WHY WOULD THE COUNTRY KNOW THAT? If I know one thing about Ice-T, it's that he's an early 90s rapper, one of two with the moniker "ice something." If I know two things about Ice T, it's that he was on a show with some detectives, maybe it was CSI. Maybe it was NCIS. Maybe it was SVU, Maybe it was Postal Inspectors, but he was on one. If I know three things about Ice T, I think he was in New Jack City. Whyth fuck would I know what the hell he thinks of cars? 

On 2/24/2021 at 1:56 PM, tres bien said:

 

How about Tom doesn't seem so lackluster and look like he's about to fall asleep and maybe doesn't keep reminding us this isn't his first rodeo.

Another one that irks the fuck out of me. "This isn't my first rodeo" is code for he's old now, which fine, but how does that make him an expert on reverse mortgages and the financial impacts thereof? "I'm MAgnum PI, and I think we can all agree, I know mortgages."

[Stephanie & Ryan]

Look, I'll just say it. I love the word "dildo." It's especially awesome to imagine this savvy business woman doing market research on what other f+ list celebrities are getting for their dildo videos and saying "Well, I'm not quite Jennifer Anniston, but am I on the same level as JWOWW? Lisa Vanderpump?" I am ALWAYS saying it. Yes, even managed to get it in during an episode of All Creatures Great and Small. ANY TIME someone is opening a box, is asking what's in there, is saying "I know what you need..." the answer is forever dildo. 

I'm 45. 

[Stephanie & Ryan]

4 hours ago, Christina said:

Misery loves company, a/k/a I saw Stephanie's OF's pricelist now everyone else has to see it, too - 

 

Also, here are some photos from her account. They are NSFW, poor quality, and not worth seeing, imo. I expected more from someone who holds herself out to be a professional and unapologetic cougar. Larissa hired a photographer and makeup artist for her first photos, and encouraged Jess to do the same. Since then, they have taken some snapshot quality photos, but seriously Stephani, take some pride in your work:

  Hide contents

Tried to move them under a spoiler, and don't know if they will stay there or disappear again.

Wow, your assessment on boh of these was spot on. Rest knowing you're truly doing the lord's work :). I don't know, SHOULD we feel bad for these people?

[Stephanie & Ryan]

I wish I could get a drink with the people who are covering this woman's storyline, like catch them in the hotel bar after they've wrapped for the evening. Just to see the shaken look on their face, hear the heavy sighs. You know they will start with the "Look man, I had to sign an NDA, but let me tell you brother...[slugs a mai tai]...I have seen. Some. SHIT. Like shit you can't unsee. It stays with you man. That lady? Haunting and it isn't a compliment. Like I had to tell my boss I wanted a company cell phone so she doesn't have my number, and she is texting me shit at like 430 AM on a Tuesday, it's nuts. I mean last time...look here...(Shows phone)....she's up at 230 AM hula hooping, and texting me about how her hips are sore. I mean...I GUESS maybe she's trying to be sexy, but she's north of 50, like it just made me think of my mom. Last night she texted us from her room and I wen tin there, she's sitting naked on the floor of the shower chewing on a washcloth and crying, then demanding "MORE CABANA BOYS". It's fucking dark man. I graduated from UCLA film school and thought I'd be working with Roger Deakins, not marooned in Belize with this woman...my dad won't even talk to me anymore."

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

1 minute ago, RealReality said:

 

"Mike, I poisoned your beer.  I want to help you, but first I need you to help me....where is the ring",

"Let's see which we find first, my ring...or your fat cat."

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

18 minutes ago, RealReality said:

 

36 isn't young, but she needs a masterclass in how to hide her crazy. 

She's got BIG time Manson Lamps. I feel like Mike wakes up in the middle of the night to find the lights on and this sitting about six inches from his face.

 

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

9 minutes ago, Alonzo Mosely FBI said:

Omg I just choked on my lunch this made me LOL 

BTW Who was the guy walking behind (with?) Ryan when he left, you know on foot not in his "cab" that was waiting with whose money Ryan? 

A producer, surely saying "You can't do this man, you're going to leave me with her man, she's off her fucking rocker bro, you HAVE to put me in the cab, I don't give a fuck I'll leave the camera, COME ON! I cannot go back in there, it's just not safe!!!! Have a fucking heart man!"

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

Also, I have to say, if a woman I was dating started off a sentence with "Listen, I spoke with my psychic, and I have some concerns about us," I'm basically signaling the waiter and hoping I get out of there with my life. 

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

15 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

 

Nothing much to add except Stephani - if he did not wear a condom and gave you an STD that would prove he was unfaithful, right?  I can't take her and her "Well who is gonna pay for cab fare, huh?" and "Thank you for not stealing my mother's ring."  It was always a hallmark of a relationship when I called a boyfriend and thanked him for not stealing.

 

Soooooo romantic, right? Honestly, if that's the sort of thing you find yourself saying to someone you're about to marry, supposedly, maybe not a great idea. It seems right up there with the odds of coming back from your prospective partner saying "I don't love you." How does anyone come back from that?

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

1 minute ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Stephanie says she needs a good friend, she calls Harris?  

 

EASILY the apex of the night, when BOTH MRs. Juice and I at the same time stomped all over that line. "I need a good, solid" Mrs. Juice went with "dicking" and I went with "plowing" before Stephanie could finish the sentence, it was phenomenal. 

[S08.E11: Three's A Party]

This fucking show.

THere's zero chance any single part of the Brandon and JUlia stuff was even remotely real. Even his dumbass parents were in on it. Talk about a completely unnatrual parental interaction, when they go sit on the porch to basically reveal Julia's so disgusted with her decisions she's just barfing all over the place. Who the fuck ever got that much joy out of a game of Jenga while sober? His mom's hair reminds me of Richard Simmons. The bottom line is there isn't a strata of idiocy that would lead one to decide "I"m going to tell my parents my girlfriend MIGHT be pregnant, just in case." Stupid ass.

Zied is going to have a LOT of heavy lifting to do with Rebecca's extreme mental baggage. It's never going to end.

But the star of this week is that kook was Stephanie. SHe said, TO HER PSYCHIC, in and EMERGENCY CALL to same, "as you know, we had sex without condoms in the past," WHY WOULD A PSYCHIC WANT TO KNOW THAT? I tried imagining the production person sitting in that room in silent terror as she started to ugly cry on the couch...that lady is off the deep end. 

[Paul & Karine: These Condoms Ain't For Sexin']

3 hours ago, mamadrama said:

 

Technically yes. But people keep downloading the videos and sharing them. 

MONSTERS!

Soooooo.......do you know any so I can get in touch with them to tell them the error of their ways? 😉

3 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Lol. "For easier identification." 

I'm retty sure it was sarcastic on Pauk's part, you know he has that rapier wit. Although I hope we live in a world where someone contacted her poor mom or dad and said "Sir, we're with the American authorities, and we're investigating a breach in internet porn we believe may have been starring your daughter. No, it wasn't revenge porn, it was posted by her husband, intentionally. We are just gathering evidence, we're hoping you can confirm, is this your daughter's asshole?"  OR he was presented six phots of assholes and instructed "Does any one of these look like Karine's?" Now I have Detective Sipowicz in the scene and once again I'm writing the worst show in the history of shows. To whit:

"IS THIS YOUR DAUGHTER"S ANUS OR ISN'T IT? GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT!"

[Colt & Larissa & Debbie: Me, You, and Bith Phtew]

WAHT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING. Honestly, this is becoming almost macabre, the depths these folks are all racing each other to. 

 

I'm here for it, though. More booty shots, I got no shame, I'm so sorry, but this is who I am. I'm just letting it shine. 🙂

 

[Paul & Karine: These Condoms Ain't For Sexin']

1 hour ago, mamadrama said:

I'm afraid your imagination makes the encounter much more interesting than it is. 

I wish this were LESS often the case, but alas! 

 

Badumpbump. 

1 hour ago, greekmom said:

Looks like Pole is a bit peeved. 

Taken from a FB group.

Wow, who would have guessed the internet would have done something untoward with your home porno! Shocked, SHOCKED I tell you.

 

[Paul & Karine: These Condoms Ain't For Sexin']

Look, I'm not proud of it...but I kinda want to see it. I've long told Mrs. Juice there's zero way that guy can deliver the goods, and have VERY often imitated the sounds he makes in the moment. And I might have said his set up smells like old milk once or twice. And that it probably has hair halfway up the shaft. 

[S08.E16: Premature Evacuation]

30 minutes ago, dsteele said:

Based on what we see on all the Below Deck shows, it certainly would seem to be a simple, easy task. But like so many things about the show, what you see is only a portion of what's involved.

Anchoring is one of the most critical tasks on a boat. It's not just dropping a weight in the water. You must 'set' the anchor properly, which means its flukes must burrow into the sand (like a spike). Otherwise, the weight of the boat will just drag the anchor along the bottom when there's enough wind or current. (Not good. Now the boat is free to drift around and crash into other boats or run aground.) I'm not sure about the large BD yachts but on the sailboats I've captained, as you pull into an anchorage you must align the boat head-on to the wind, drop the anchor, then "back down" the boat by putting it in reverse and gently tugging the chain until the anchor digs in.

The captain must also determine how much anchor chain must be played out. You've seen the BD captains tell the deck crew how many 'shots' to let out. A shot is 90 feet (15 fathoms). The number of shots will depend in part on the depth of the anchorage. To calculate the number of shots, you also must factor in the length of the boat. This calculation is called 'scope'. Too little, and the boat can yank the anchor out of the sand. Too much, and the boat will swing widely as the wind or current increases.

Notice also that large boats like the BD yachts have multiple anchors. Sometimes you have to set both to prevent the boat from swinging too much in the wind, especially in a crowded anchorage. This also isn't as easy as it may seem. You have to make sure the angle between the anchor lines is correct for the conditions. I set them too close together once and as our sailboat swung during the night we woke up to find both anchor chains tangled together so much that we couldn't raise them. Had to send a diver down to free them up. Not fun.

Lastly, note that sometimes we see a crew member who has to stay up on the bridge while everyone else goes to sleep. Although there are several things they are supposed to monitor, their primary duty is to make sure the boat is not drifting or that the anchor hasn't come loose. Hence it's called the 'anchor watch'. This shift in the Navy and on most civilian boats is for four hours, so that's why we occasionally see a crew member come up in the middle of the night to relieve someone who's already been standing the watch.

OK, more than you probably ever wanted to know.

Thanks for the detailed explanation! I would say the show should have done a talking head with such info early on, but I would not trust most of these ninnies to explain something like that. 

[S08.E16: Premature Evacuation]

1 hour ago, MartyQui said:

Clearly you've never worked on a boat, it's non stop cleaning because of all of the salt.  And taking the water toys in and out, making sure that they have gas or electricity to run, fixing them if they're broken, putting up that slide and taking it down, helping clean in the galley, covering furniture and uncovering it, cleaning the waterline, washing the deck, anchoring, moving etc. etc.  Oh, and watch the guests while they're on water toys, help them if they need help, set up for those beach picnics, accompany the guests on any shore excursions.  Stews:   "making the bed" is the least of it...they do it twice a day, vacuum, dust, clean the bathrooms, put out fresh towels, wash all the bedding and towels, straighten up clothes that are thrown around, take care of trash, etc., etc.  Oh, and serve the guests drinks, wait on meals, set the table, clear the table, go on shore excursions, plan said excursions, order provisions, etc. etc.

I've been a private chef, and 3 elaborate meals a day when you're the only person is EXHAUSTING.

The work you describe is a LOT of work, but it isn' "rocket science", to be fair. Basically if you're willing to work hard, you're going to do fine, but it's not like they're plotting a navigable course around Cape Horn using a compass or anything, right? 

Side note, can you explain WTF the big deal about dropping the anchor is? THey always portray this as if it's a scene out of Apollo 13, but for god's sake, gravity seems to do the work. 

[S08.E16: Premature Evacuation]

1 hour ago, RedHawk said:

Sleeping, screwing, or short-sheeting the bed, the only answer was “yes, we were in the  master cabin together without permission.” Embarrassed to admit they were having sex? She’s 30 years old (so I’ve heard) and she wasn’t embarrassed to make out if not have full sex with James in the hot tub and have most of the crew know about it. She’s just immature and unprofessional.

Did she really ask if they'd had sex, though? I don't remember and this season isn't worth going back to check. If she did, that's assinine, and should hae stayed on the "it's against the rules for crew members to sleep in guest cabins without permission." This keeps the reprimand very neat and clean, doesn't matter what you're doing in there, if you're in there when you shouldn't be without express permission, you're in the wrong. It's not like it's okay to use the guest bedrooms to take a shit if you want to, or go in there and beat off. GET PERMISSION is the problem. 

[S08.E16: Premature Evacuation]

1 hour ago, dleighg said:

Rachel said that (the cake thing) was "the most distasteful thing she's ever seen in her life."

 

From the woman who at a meeting MAY have directed a "go fuck yourself" at the Captain (though I will allow some flexibility here, that's not something you would say about a client to your boss unless you were quitting for realsies), ruined how many people's afternoon AND a band's gig by getting daytime drunk at a beach club, told a fellow female employee she was going to anally invade a dinner service, and talked FAR too much on tv about her gastrointestinal issues. 

[S08.E15: Don't Cry for Me Antigua]

Elizabeth is REALLY sad to watch. Woever said she had arrested development is probably spot on. Watching it with Mrs Juice, that part where they're stuck together cleaning the pantry...first, great idea, putting to the LEAST effective crew members on  a task together. I mean James really, really should be fired because he sucks at his fucking job, and clearly took this position not out of any ambition. But that scene, she's like "I want to know what your plans are, what are your intentions?" like she's some fucking prize debutante or something. James should have just said "I intend to tap that ass as often as you'll allow, then when this is over I'm going to leave the boat and get some other transient job, maybe a lobster fisherman in England, because while I'm handsome, I'm not exactly a high ceiling type." 

[S08.E14: Hide the Salami]

1 hour ago, Lizzing said:

Maybe this is more apropos of Ask A Manager, but in what world does a department manager create a "hostile work environment" (a term with legal significance) when she asks a reportee to stop fucking her co-worker in spaces the reportee and co-worker are not allowed to be except forwork, let alone fuck?  When I worked at big law firms, I couldn't take a coworker to go have an afternoon delight in a random partner's office while s/he were at lunch.  I'd be on my ass before I could pull my skirt down and fix my hair.  Elizabeth is an idiot.  She doesn't have the brains to be malevolent, so a lot of people are snowed by her. But she's just a bit too smart to be pitied as a special needs person.

The mahi ticket debacle has been explained well above, and I'm splitting the problem 50/50 between Rachel and Francesca.  And I also don't fault Francesca for getting a bit teary on the stress of wanting to fire Elizabeth.  Ash got teary too, and sometimes that's how women process stress and anger.  I've been so angry I wanted to hurt things and so angry I cried.  Patriarchical norms is what undermine the understanding of expression of emotion.  It's also what fuels the pearl-clutching reaction to Rachel swearing, when every beloved chef (and even not so beloved chef) sweared, like ..well, a sailor.

I think the answer to the bolded question is pretty clear: when you work at Fuck Mountain, tm Stan Sitwell Real Estate.

And to be clear, I react poorly to anyone who's constantly talking about their own asshole or shitting everywhere, particularly when they're working with food. It's off putting. I don't care if a woman curses at all, but when you're constantly (at least according to editing at Bravo) talking about farting, how much your farts stink, how many times you took a dump that day, then you're like "And for dinner, we're having a beluga caviar with a parmesan tuile," I'm out. Talk about your 'cooter' all you want, your WAP, whatever, drop F bombs, etc., but I can't recall ever hearing a chef or a fellow line cook say "I really have to take a shit" while working. Maybe I'm a prude about this very slim slice of life. 

[S08.E14: Hide the Salami]

1 minute ago, Lassus said:

Likewise, and 100%.  It was a poorly written ticket, fully granted.

But.  

It's a one-top restaurant, with what, six or seven people?  I know she's just one person, but she's not exactly in the weeds.  I just can't lay this as much on Francesca as the chef in this case.  The instant you see that there are two names on one line, just stop and re-confirm everything.

I think we agree. If I put myself in the position of a 'restaurant manager' here, and these two dopes had to come to me to explain what happened and assign blame, clearly, my response is "YOU wrote a bad ticket. And YOU didn't double check what's there. Both of you are to blame, so don't let it happen again. Also, stop referring to your asshole or GI issues so much in my fucking kitchen." basically. I think doing it both way is what caused the most confusion.

[S08.E14: Hide the Salami]

2 hours ago, Carolina Girl said:

Okay so do I have this right?  Francesca wrote down the orders for Rachel and because RACHEL didn’t read the paper correctly she didn’t make a sufficient number of mahi, she whines to Capt. Lee?

I'm someone who worked in restaurant kitchens for a while, and what Francesa did was in fact a big no - no every place I worked. Every plate has its own line on the ticket so you avoid miscounting the table. In fact, on the SAME ticket, Francesca did it properly: subsequent line with the quote marks indicating "whatever is directly above these, exactly." Doing it both ways can only cause confusion. 

And while Rachel seems to be an amazing chef, I don't like her OR Francesa. In fact, almost this entire crew sucks except for Eddie, Izzy and Captain Lee's Amulet. Also, what the fuck Bravo, this is lifestyle porn, why is the dinner featuring so many crying guests and our favorite salty dog returning to his cabin an emotional wreck? Read a room, Bravo. 

[Seasons 1 & 2 Discussion]

On 12/22/2020 at 12:25 PM, Morrigan2575 said:

I Am Not A Lawyer 😀

 

On 12/22/2020 at 11:41 AM, DoctorAtomic said:

Yowza she's 48. 
 

 

On 12/23/2020 at 10:48 AM, methodwriter85 said:

I remember when she appeared on a  episode of Cold Case and people kept commenting on how old she looked. I think it's more because in our mind she's 16 and it was weird seeing her in her mid-30's. Anyway, she really, really wants to be in Cobra Kai. And you know what? More power to her. Hollywood is hard and the fact that she's still working after over 30 years as a "Hey, it's that gal" is impressive.  

 

Hot take: she'd still get it. I think she looks phenomenal.