EverybodyIsACritic

Hang in there, my 3,000 hours is almost 20 years ago, and it is so worth it. Good luck!I think Dr. Jenn still has a private non-tv practice, so I can't imagine that she and Dr. Conte wouldn't have some sort of individual pre-show prep for the participants as to what to expect. Also, I hope Bam would have to have been medically cleared to be there. I would sage the shit out of my office if Sister Patterson ever rolled through there for sure. Cuddly, my ass. Like a cobra with a tarantula on its head as a poisonous weave.

Yay! I'm also a huge fan of 90 Day Fiancé, those wacky kids! Send David to the Phillipines or somewhere for a month, he might find love there.

Ashley's heavy makeup looks as though she has come directly from a drag competition.. It takes a lot of paint to cover up a thick stache, girl. I'm really happy for Neil and Sam's work towards a friendship.

I was far more concerned about a blowjob than an accident. Poor Neil, looking down at that wax melts-scented pile of hair and teefs probably would put him in therapy with David.

Poor David was more nervous for Decision Day than his wedding? Uhhh, of course, he didn't know then that his bride was an eye-rolling, mustachioed dream killer. Bless his trying-too-hard heart. As "excited" as she was to get into that high dollar love shack, I bet she leaves skid marks in the driveway.

I was so annoyed by almost everything in this episode. Scheeeaaanaaa's voooocaaalll fry, Kristen's tongue lathering all the assholes to scratch her way back into the group, James' pathetic begging to go to Hawaii, and then....Jax's laissez faire dump. I don't know if I can recover from this.

Adonis is morally reprehensible, but worse than that, he is a big teefus, mouth-breathing, walking STD. Nothing against STDs of course, but they were probably happier back in Brazil. I felt terrible for Brandon in that hot slice of hell campground. The people of Walmart go camping, and it looked like they were representing in all their gawking glory. I think Brandon was genuinely fearful, but it did not appear that any hot gay men were harmed in the making of this episode. Tara and Skipper, pass. Rob and Ro, loved the new apartment. Did not appreciate the clean mountain, musty cave comparison. Need to fully investigate this cookie butter they spoke of.

And she is still using the dog as a cockblocker.

David wants to hurry up and have that huge party with his friends to show Ashley off before she dumps him.

That made me throw up in my mouth a little.

I just noticed Neil's arms during the new episode, and was all, "Yo, Sam, check him out from this angle!!" I thought Ashley was beautiful until her complete shutdown at the wedding. She lost ANY personality she had previously displayed. I also thought David was a hottie until he was geeking out over how beautiful Ashley was. I just don't find the "gee, gosh, golly" thing attractive, but the boy definitely gets the Mr. Trying The Hardest award. And I will definitely check out that azz.

I am shamefully joining the Proposal Trail of Tears. It was so sweet, with Sandoval watching proudly. Watching James scour the schedule and then tell Lisa he was going to Hawaii-very uncomfortable. It's as though Kristin, James, Lala, Faith, etc. are all throwing elbows in an effort to be second string Friends Of Housewives (Atlanta, I'm side-eying you). I hope Brittany's moving boxes are full of Ebola suits, bless her heart.

I watched last season of Newlyweds to pregame for this season. Nadine "Bunny Love" and Erik were my favorites. Their daughter, Aurelia, had her first bday recently, and they did a trip to Europe with her. I liked Ro, but not so much Rob. That flash of temper with the bow tie was really ugly. He and Ro use "he/I was an only child" excuse for his "mantrums", not a good thing. Adonis is a HELL NO for me. That dick is Chernobyl, girl needs to run like he's trying to kill her. Dad alone is a deal breaker, all, "if I had this place, there'd be a woman in each room". Tina and Tarz, I mean Tara and Rob are going to be drama. It's like a crossover with Shahs of Sunset. Reza could have saved that tacky burlesque somehow! Brandon and Craig were reminiscent of Blair and Jeff, but Bravo has roles to fill, people, and We. Are. On. A. Deadline! I liked them the most, though.

Damn, I wanted to watch the show and live comment so I could remember my bitch and moan talking points, but my bestie demanded Long Island Medium..... Soooooo, Moore Manor. I once had a pretty decent treehouse that suffered damage from a hurricane. It still appeared to be built better than the nouveau Moore Mansion is coming together. And Phaedra, honey, pay Todd his money. I really was feeling her after last week's son-going-to-first-day-of-kindergarten, but the TH this week about Todd was just so bitchy. I was glad Todd had all the paperwork to show her.

I had already forgotten that episode! Maybe the cast of VPR could do a remake of Boogie Nights? Lisa Vanderpump as Jack Horner, Scheana and Shay in the William Macy/Nina Hartley couple roles, Jax as Todd Parker, Katie as Amber Waves, Staasi as Rollergirl....

Yes!!! That's exactly who the Toms remind me of, a couple of goofy doofi 70's porn stars, "Feel, feel, feel the heat..."

sDVR is set, now praying she doesn't have her t*ts out because those jail-ish tattoos are dreadful.

I am hoping to see her on "Wives With Knives", hollering about Lorena Bobbit and windexing Mark's windows but good!

Maybe they are the Sur farm team?

"Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting" is a thing. "Drunk gay guys tip really well" Tom Sandoval, could he be the newest Dos Equis man?

Bless his heart, he must have taken to the sex thang from the get-go! I really liked Josh and Aleks as a couple, I hope they do well. And move from Dullsburg ASAP.

I loved it, too! She really is a tiny, petite girl, and the sleeker style flattered her much more than a ball gown, and it was a sophisticated look for her. Did anyone else notice the black ribbon on Melanie's dress? Was it an intentional add-on, or maybe it had some special significance?

Mark is barely controlling his anger, going to be a long 90 minutes. When he was asked about those car windows, I almost fell out when he asked the moderator, "Do you let your *children* put their hands on the windows?!?!" Freudian slip, Mark?

I am only 8 minutes into the first hour, and Loren's friend Sarah is doing a TH the morning of the wedding. I notice something on the bed in the room behind Sarah. It appears to be Loren's long suffering sister, Whatsherface. Whf is curled up on the bed asleep, but it seems like an odd time to choose to do so. If I were her, I would probably want to sleep through what could be a Hurricane Shitshow!

That made me snort-laugh out loud! Only because I watch with my bestie and he says, "The asshole with the dimple? His makeup is too loud!"