Callaphera

Paddle-Gate Part Deux. Is Nyle doing that bad in votes that they have to manufacture some scoring drama for him? If it really is producer shenanigans, Bruno is playing his part to perfection, and very understated unlike his usual performances. If it is a legit mistake, maybe stop having Len write down all the scores because he can't seem to hear the difference between a 9 and a 10. I know Bruno can be hard to understand at times, but that's a little ridiculous. Team Beyonce sucked balls. I'm not a Beyonce fan to begin with (oh, the paragraphs I could write on that) so I would have had trouble getting as into the dance because of the music choice but damn. The dancing was bad enough. The team dance just falls apart without Derek there, doesn't it? (Just kidding!)

So...Tengate? Paddlegate? I'm of the opinion that the show just wanted people to talk about the show. I don't think there was anything shady or nefarious about the change in scores. I really think that it was just producer manipulated drama in order to get the fans talking, votes rolling in for Nyle (maybe the numbers haven't been that great for him? It's possible), and hey look, it worked! And if I'm right, props to Maks and Bruno for playing it up so well with the pouty faces and two thumbs down. Also, I had a good laugh at Len and Maks being the Dour Duo in the center of the judging table. I want more of that.

Ugh. Julia, you missed a great opportunity tonight. You could have pulled a Beast Mode Cowboy during that reward challenge and just sat down on the ground and refused to help. "Oh, you want to sabotage the camp? I'll sabotage you right back." Hell, you could have even taken a step, did an awkward fall to the ground and claimed you hurt your ankle and couldn't move. Okay, so it didn't work out for BMC when he did it on Big Brother but it would have been epic. For that missed opportunity alone, you're on my shit list. I hope you get voted out soon.

Eh. Criminal Minds did a Robert "Willie" Pickton inspired episode (a two parter, I believe) and it was nowhere near as fascinating or crazy as the real story. I don't know if they could do it justice. Honestly, if ACS wanted to expand into North American Crime Story, I think the Pickton case would make a really interesting ten part series. To bring it back on topic: I still can't separate Cuba Gooding Jr.'s OJ from Rod Tidwell. "Show me the not guilty, jury!" doesn't have the same ring to it, though.

I couldn't help it. When I watched that scene, I turned to Mr. Callaphera and said, "Oh, look, it's Rod Tidwell's fall from grace. He's so short, he doesn't have far to fall." It's cool. I'm already going to Hell. (That was my one main complaint about the series: I couldn't see him as OJ because of the physical differences and voice, and I kept calling him Rod Tidwell and joking about how this was the sequel to Jerry Maguire.)

Ah, Beast Mode. I missed you. I can't wait for Caleb's Tall Tales to start again. (For those that didn't see his season of Big Brother, among his stalker tendencies and JUDY CHOP!!, he was also a one upper when it came to stories about their lives. You've done something? BMC has done it bigger and better. We've heard about him rolling trucks and escaping without a scratch, being unable to walk when he was young and someone laying hands on him to heal him, and assorted other goodies. The only thing he couldn't one up was a story of another person being lifted by a crow off a beach when they were a toddler. Even he was dumbfounded.) It's one of my favourite things about him. He's one of my favourite BB Houseguests of all time just because of the stories. I hope he sticks around long enough for us to get some good ones. And the other guy on his tribe has a tiny, tiny head on a big body. And don't poop where everyone else can see you. That was about all I got from the premiere.

Thanks everyone! Watching with you (and my bottle of wine) was a lot more fun than fluffing flower arrangements for the 10th time. See you all here next year!

I love how Taylor was jumping up and down and all excitedly for the Uptown Funk win. Because a camera is on her so she needs to perform. Is it just me or does every Pitbull song sound the same? I honestly think he's been rolling with the same song for the past four years, just changing it up a little bit here and there to try and trick us.

Taylor followed by Beyonce. I'm so done with this show. At least they kept the most ugh for last.

Oh look, it's Taylor's fake shocked face again. "OMG, me? Really? You're giving an award to me?"

I need this to happen so so badly. This would be the best wedding gift ever!

I was hoping this was going to be a Motorhead tribute. But hey, I'll take Alice Cooper. Muuuch better than all the ballads.

The high hair this year is incredible. Is Aqua-Net popular again?

The last award show I saw Gaga on (the SAG awards, maybe?), I remember telling soon to be Mr. Callaphera that I miss the meat dress days. Turns out, I really don't miss the schtick. Even though it was Gaga doing a tribute to Bowie, it was a lot of Gaga doing Gaga. Gaga doesn't even look like a word/name anymore.

I, um... Gaga is... I don't even know. There's some Bowie in it but there's some Elvis, too, and I don't quite know what's happening.

This just in: There's still an hour to go of this shit. Only on CBS!

I love how the Biebs always dresses up for these things. The horse galloping dancing is killing me. It's like the Ashlee Simpson jig from SNL all over again.

Never thought I'd say this, but can we have a ballad instead? Please?

The Grammy Awards: Still on CBS. Did we mention CBS? CBS. My mama don't like you either, Biebs.

God, I wish but someone else is bringing the champagne (pink, for there is no other champagne to me) for tomorrow. And we're going out for dinner afterwards so unless someone can truck me over a vat of bellinis from the restaurant, I'll have to start pacing myself. It's a very fancee wedding, as you can no doubt tell.

Oh yay, it's another ballad. I should have gotten a bigger bottle of wine.

I know y'all were really excited about this Hamilton performance and it was good. But a musical theatre album award? When the Hard Rock category always gets a little written blurb on the side during the "Awards were also handed out in the following categories earlier this week..." bit? I mean, best award acceptance speech of the night but man. Of all the "other" categories to show on the actual broadcast, they pick that one?

Did the camera just go nuts with the cuts or is it the wine?

Well, it's a step up from Kanye but I think I'll stick with my old 2Pac songs. ETA: Ah, our first censor of the night. Took awhile.

I don't even know what this Broadway thing is and thirty seconds in, it's already the second best thing of the show. The first was Stevie Wonder and his "nyah-nyah" bit.