wheresmypizza

Wow, the epic fall of Brit and Jax happened so fast and with such fury my head is spinning. Jax just got called out in quick succession by Ariana, Tom, AND Lisa. And with some finality, too. And Brittney has gone from Queen For Literally A Day to a simpering, pathetic, apologizer in less than a month. And she knows it. The nervous laughter, the tequila shooting at all hours, it's all right there. And she loves to talk about how "we've been through so much together" and "we've been through Hell and back..." No. He's PUT YOU THROUGH HELL and you take it because he's your meal ticket. Going through so much together usually means surviving cancer or your house burning down. Sadly, I think him cheating will be the least of what they'll 'go through together'. I see mental illness, a job loss, and infertility in their not too distant future.

She was probably wasted.

Poor Brit. Nobody told her what AFTER would look like. Now she knows and boy, is it depressing. Just one look at her is to have a front row seat to watching her dream die in increments. Stassi and Beau's party was just the first nibble.

Raquel is rocking this season for me so far. Behind the Bambi eyes there is a cool headed-chick that very calmly and without histrionics created healthy boundaries for James and urged him to get help, which he did. She then look Lala out at the knees, again, very calmly, not once, but twice. And she can sling a mean hatchet!

Lots to unpack! Schwartz is a passive aggressive pussy. For all of his 'buubuuh-ing' when he's sober, it doesn't take much in the way of booze to bring out the fact that he pretty much HATES Katie. Oops! I forgot the marriage license? Whoever said Lala is a dry drunk nailed it. Wow. For being a 'dummy', Rachel held her own pretty nicely, thank you very much. I think she's tough as nails. And James' exes are awfully obsessed with him after the fact. I've said it before, I think he's the only one out of all of them that's genuinely talented. Sober, he'll really have a chance to leave all these chucklefucks in the lurch. Scheana, while Brett was a total dick, YOU said fuckboy. He probably thinks, rightly, that you think he's your next one. You would be wrong. Sorry not sorry he called you out on it on camera. This Charley chick really thinks she's all that, doesn't she? Neither she nor Danica are half as cute as they think they are. And they are all sleeping with Brett or Max or both and pretending they don't care that the other one is, or something. And Scheana can't stand it. Because both Brett and Max have friend-zoned her. Used to be being BEST FRIENDS meant with benefits. Not with these guys.

I have been genuinely curious about something since I first heard of this girl's (and this show's) existence. If she's as active as she says she is, all the working out, dancing, climbing stairs, etc., then the caloric intake she would have to have to stay at this same weight she's been at for years has got to be ENORMOUS.

New Katie blog in these quarantined times... Bicker and Bloat

I believe they said Loren has Tourette's.

I'm rooting for anyone but Jenn. I hated her on her season, and she hasn't changed. Entitled and obnoxious. I could never stand how everyone tongue-bathed her and talked about how "ballsy" she was (she did it herself last night). Ballsy and nasty are NOT synonymous. Oh, and did you know she worked for Eric Ripert? *eyeroll*

Aston is an asshole and Rhylee is a defensive, reactive, clenched bitch. But let's put that aside for the moment. It looks like from the small clips we see of the 'Aston almost died' season, that Rhylee was the one calling 'man down', and was also RIGHT THERE when the rope wrapped around his ankle. There's probably some residual stuff there between the two. But as a manager, I think if Ashton had approached it to her as, hey, I'm not ATTACKING you, I am merely asking you, my life may depend upon you knowing how to do this particular knot. I will take whatever time I need to teach you how to do this. It will make us both and the boat better and safer. Now, if he had done this and she STILL acted like the white knuckle she is, then fire her. But he's a douche for not understanding that a good manager would have approached it that way.

I FLOVE Annie. She and David actually seem to love and enjoy each other. She's adorable and I love how she just makes awesome Asian food and brings the pots in and slams them on the bed.

God, this woman is an idiot. Good thing she's a role model and a 'moral compass'. Whatever would I do without her?

If that is the last we see of Vicki? In all her shrieky, delusional glory? That might be a little hug from Baby Jesus. Think Steve had ever seen that side of her? Didn't realize just how big of a human shield Vicki was to Tamra until she was demoted. Shannon, you are new human shield. Your constant stinkface says you know it, too. Braunwyn can do whatever she wants, imo. Including stealing oranges. Kelly is a better fit for NYH anyway. Those bitches can handle her.

This is brilliant. All I would add to this is that I think James has the most actual talent of the group. He has shown some real chops as a producer/writer/DJ, and the rest of them know it. I think it makes the rest of them crazy to think that James probably could (if he ever did get his shit under control) not only have a pretty great career without SUR or VPR, but that they clearly can't.

The hot minute they cut to the Indian party at SUR was the most entertaining thing of the night. LVP needs to be off this show. She doesn't need it. The show, however, needs her. Kyle isn't interesting without her. Dorit and PK are irrelevant without her. If LVP doesn't return, her absence is all they'll have to talk about. Snooze. That's all they have to talk about now.

Her face DOES. NOT. MOVE.

It's Christmas in March!!!!!! I love this even more than if she'd been outright fired. A pay cut??? HAAAAAA! Get's her where she LIVES. And from this gem of an article we also learn that if and when douchebag proposes, it will be all for show. I came here to comment on this twat using Luke Perry for profit. This was an unexpected leftover present under the tree!

I have changed my opinion on the Lisa V./ Kyle dynamic upon rewatching this episode. It looks to me like they are just kind of over each other. Whatever, it happens in some of the best of friendships. Friendships shouldn't be that much hard work and it appears that this one is. I have a couple like that where it gets to a point where it just feels like you are trying too hard and it all seems forced. It's the side-taking by the rest of them that seems producer/show driven. The need to have 'alliances'. (ugh)

LVP is a leader, the rest are followers. They have all, at one time or another, tried to push each other out of the way to sit at LVP's right hand. Much like Stassi. The only time they try to take her down is when for one reason or another, she has something real going on in her life that precludes her from having a close relationship with any of them. Lisa has said before that her relationship with Kyle is 90% about Kyle. If I'm Lisa, I'm looking around and seeing none of these folks really being there FOR HER. If she left the show, which I think she should, whatever would the others have to do? All they talk about now is Lisa. I always liked Kyle (still do), but she can't carry this show on her own.

Jalapeno dick wasn't as funny as 'you dick-punched my heart', but it was pretty close. Folks think Rachel is dumb because she is dumb. This ep was refreshingly pretty much free of the thirsty af Billie.

This is the irony I'm struggling with. A conundrum, if you will. As much as I want Vicki permanently off this show, I want to see her get fired ON CAMERA. Like, I watch hoping to see bad things happen to her. I want to see her life crumble into REAL hysterics when she gets the news that the one thing that has defined her all these years, more so than her "work", her kids, or her damn love tank, is gone. That all of this ridiculousness and toxic insecurity has finally caught up with her. When it dawns on her, finally, that AMERICA only watches to see bad things happen to her. Do you love me??? Do you miss meeeeee???? Do you think I'm preeettyyy??? No, Vicki. We don't. No one does.

God, the TV universe is still trying to make Richard Blais happen. I can't stand that entitled, faux hipster douchebag. Top Chef even invented an 'All Stars' season to hand him a win he didn't earn in 'HIS' season. I love that standing next to Gordon made him look like the silly little man he is.

Maybe it's my Midwestern, Episcopalian, middle class upbringing, but who are these Darcy and Jesse people???? I don't know and have never known such shallow, artificial, miserable people in my life. Is there a single thing about Darcy that is real? Let's start at the top and work our way down, shall we? Fake hair, eyebrows, lashes, lips, teeth. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Does she have anything in her life that is about something/someone other than herself? I can't imagine a more pathetic, soul-sucking life than the one she lives. Example: even Jesse, shallow and ridiculous as he is, wanted her to show him the sights, to know something about his surroundings, to educate himself. She didn't know or care what anything was, the history or purpose of anything, just asked him how her makeup looked. There will be many more Jesses for her. And many more surgeries. And many more desperate attempts for attention.

I was very interested to find out that Vicki and Steve had broken up over the summer. His choice because she was too busy? (Cut to scenes of her directing traffic at Coto Insurance). That's HER narrative. Okay Vicks, we'll go with that. More likely scenario? Steve Chavez Lodge decided that filling Vicks' Love Tank was so beyond exhausting that even the screen time benefitting his political career/career reinvention wasn't worth it. Changed his mind when Mommy's house got stuffy. He'll keep filling the role she cast him to play, but he isn't putting a ring on anything. Everyone's right, she's not in love with him anyway. She's in love with the idea of him. She'd take Brooks back in a second. Now, on the other hand, if Steve promised to let her in on his scam, told her only she could help him win the this/that or whatever vote by doing this/that or whatever and that by doing so would ensure they would stroll arm in arm to Camelot? Now you're talking.

Plan Q. *dies*