LadyintheLoop

I remembered that Dorothy Parker reviewed The House at Pooh Corner for her Constant Reader column: "Tonstant Weader fwowed up."

Surprised Zoey didn't start with contacts. Shouldn't all that "publican" talk have reminded Ruby of the Bible?

So now Leslie Uggams doesn't even need her cane? Trust Jackie to find those tailored scrubs in beige.

And throw Carrie under the bus over her own mistake? I hope they all realize that any one of them could be next. Kevin's "issue" may just be that he's a crappy businessman, and doesn't want his bride to know. Wasn't it her idea to make the bar a more upscale joint?

Now I'm wondering if Kevin took the wedding money.

"You're selling my own drugs back to me?" If the drugs logged in by the arresting officers didn't all make it into evidence, could the trafficking case get thrown out because the chain of custody was broken? Last season, the DEA agent told Jackie how evidence used to disappear up his nose.

Didn't Alicia say that the winner wouldn't take office for six months? I predict some serious buyer's remorse among the electorate in the interim. Are the hackers going to reveal that Will sent the ballot-stuffing video to the reporter? Somebody did.

Just re-watched 02.06, the Burned Man episode, and it occurs to me that we may have been set up with a false either/or – either the Crawley claimant is an imposter, or he had amnesia for six years. Here’s another theory: The night the Titanic sank, Patrick Crawley tried to save himself by some shameful act of cowardice; if it wasn’t putting on a dress, it was something just about as bad. An angry mob threw him into the ocean whence he was rescued, just as he would claim. He feigned amnesia as he recovered and took stock of his situation; his father was lost, and none of the earlier witnesses saw him again. He realized that if Patrick Crawley’s survival were publicized he might be recognized by his fellow passengers: if not immediately, then when he inherited the title. (And if he brought disgrace on Mary, she’d make him yearn for the icy embrace of the North Atlantic.) Preferring to live out his life in obscurity, he got himself sent to Canada, where his friend Peter Gordon was planning to emigrate. Gordon died sometime after their reunion, around the time the war began, so Patrick enlisted under his name. Patrick’s disfiguring injury meant that he’d never be recognized again, so he revealed his true identity to Edith and Robert. He hoped that he could just slip back into his old role, but the lawyer’s investigation revealed that he was lying about something – at the very least, his six years of amnesia. He slipped away so that the whole, shameful truth would never come out. So in the final season burn victim “Major Gordon” redeems himself with some heroic act of self-sacrifice and decides he’s been granted a second chance. Now that he has nothing to hide, he reveals that he’s Patrick Crawley, coward of the Titanic and heir to Downton. This time he can easily make his case; he produces photographs of Peter Gordon, Patrick Crawley in England, and “Peter Gordon” in the army. (And if that’s not enough, medical records reveal some trait that the two men didn’t share.) Robert finally acknowledges him. Mary is livid that George has been bumped down the succession, but then she realizes that Fate has given her one last chance to become Lady Grantham. She mentally throws a bag over Patrick’s head and goes to work . . . . . . trouble is, he likes Edith better.

So Peter taketh away and Peter giveth . . . was that his plan all along? Had to laugh when Alicia brought up Ramona. She sounded just like Michael Scott: "Jan, you cheated on me! And after I specifically asked you not to!"

I actually want Alicia to win the election just so that the show can end as it began, with SA Florrick indicted for corruption. Then Peter, called upon to be the Good Spouse, can discover urgent business elsewhere (like buying a ring for Ramona).

And Bow mentioned two sisters in the Christmas episode. Did we ever hear the surname of her parents? I've been hoping her maiden name was something like Rainbow O'Shaughnessey or Rainbow Grabowski.

I first assumed that it was a lineup of Greene's known and suspected victims. How can anyone hope to prove murder when nobody saw a fatal shove? Greene could have been so startled by someone's unwelcome presence that he backed or ran into traffic. Maybe he was just surprised that Marigold's illegitimacy wasn't a deal breaker. Marigold had her old stuffed toy in that last scene.

And it’s telling that her panic broke through at a moment when Edith was behaving impeccably -- present at her invitation, and actually doing her a favor. Thus began the vicious circle, with Edith increasingly desperate to see her child and Mrs. Drewe increasingly frantic to protect her. Because Mrs. D. knew that things were not as they seemed. She just couldn’t explain why: might the aging spinster, driven mad from the frustration of her natural instincts, snatch the child? Was her devotion a mile wide and an inch deep (the “plaything” theory)? Was she using Marigold as a stalking horse to get to Drewe himself? None of those theories made much sense, but she knew in her bones that something was wrong. It just never occurred to her that Marigold herself might not be as she seemed, because she trusted her husband to tell her the truth. It’s the kind of situation that makes sane people act crazy.

I'd accept the Wordsworth theory with a couple of edits: Sybbie becomes a teaching nun, eventually heading up a Catholic women's college (which might necessitate her living past 1966). At university, Marigold meets and marries a poor-but-smart young journalist; they hyphenate their names, becoming the Crawley-Whoevers. They live happily ever after, producing Robert and Cora's only great-grandchildren and taking Edith's media empire to new heights. Eventually, the Queen makes them Lord and Lady Whatsis just as the last Lord Grantham (only male-line descendant of the first Earl, formerly a bootblack in York) passes away. Marigold and her husband take over Downton Abbey.

No, but Cora will.

Back when it looked like Bates would be married to Vera forever, didn't Anna offer to become his mistress? I hope she never tells Mary about the baby picture under Edith's pillow. Loyalty should only go so far.

Maybe they just found Gregson's wallet with the remains. This would leave some room for his return, but -- please, no. Anyone else read To Marry an English Lord? These people lived by the maxim "Never comment on a likeness." The success or failure of Cora's plan may depend on whether it's actually intended to fool the world, or whether it's only supposed to supply a story that people can pretend to believe. It would be great if Mary were the only major character who didn't figure out the truth.

But under Cora's plan, it would be only natural for the Drewes to maintain a relationship with the child. Then Mutually Assured Destruction would keep the scheme afloat; Mrs. Drewe wouldn't talk because Edith might cut off access, and Edith wouldn't cut off access because Mrs. Drewe might talk.

Under Cora's cover story, it would be only natural for the Drewes to maintain a relationship with Marigold. This, in turn, would give Mrs. Drewe a huge incentive to keep her trap shut. Maybe Lord Sinderby will insist that Rose convert to Judaism if he's to accept the marriage.

She didn't ask at all. When Edith silently rose and headed for the door, Mary stood in her path and sneered, "I suppose you disapprove" and the family dynamic defaulted to "Mary's a princess/Edith's a pill." I think so. First she made that nasty remark to Anna, then she asked if she was looking frumpy (so she hadn't yet made the appointment), then she talked about showing the fellows what they were missing -- even though she's not crazy about Blake, and she's actually trying to unload Gillingham. Edith was the center of attention for once, and Mary couldn't stand it. So what's the point of Spratt and the lady's maid? If he quits his job, he'll be free to talk about Lady Mary in Liverpool.

And until this episode, that tiny uncertainty kept her paralyzed; she couldn't make any irrevocable decisions (IMHO) when there was still a chance he'd come back. Yes, Edith took a foolish risk -- but when she spent that night with Gregson, the worst outcome she could have imagined was that she'd have to carry a bridal bouquet the size of a beach ball.

But nobody, including the Drewes, would have seen it that way in 1924. Blood trumped everything then.