erikdepressant

I drop what I'm doing whenever the "Fitbit Blaze" commercial comes on, though: The opening horns from "Little Demon" instantly cheer me up and make me want weed.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Speaking of detecting things in stool: This is a really cheap shot, but... Since UPS drops off & picks up the test, you get to ask... what can Brown do for you?

I hate Uncle Ben's commercials. We normally wouldn't see a world of sock people unless it was in a commercial for a pill that treats a chronic medical condition (like Pipes World for OAB, Inflatable Plastic World for COPD, or Origami World for diabetes). The first one annoys the shit out of me because of the innocent, syrupy singing: But the second one with the mousy singing is earworm hell: As soon as it comes on, I know I'll have the damn Ace of Base song stuck in my head for an hour... 45 minutes of that will just be the opening notes over and over again... NEITHER original song has anything to do with parenting OR rice. "The Sign" is about leaving a bad relationship. And "Show Me the Way" has some lyrics that parents should not sing to their kids. Fail.

I like the Applebee's "Dad Rap" commercial, mostly because of the dad's commitment.

I could only find the Super Bowl version of this Rocket Mortgage commercial on YouTube, but the one that aired tonight is close enough: It strangely has no comments despite a dislike-to-like ratio of two to one. I originally hated it just because of all the assholes engrossed in their phones. Once I got past that though, I started thinking about the message: making it easier for people to go into debt for houses they can't afford will encourage them to go further into debt to buy useless crap they can't afford, and this will stimulate economic growth. I think that's being part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Yeah... get off my lawn and all, but I am NOT ready for intelligent toilets. I want my toilet stupid. Really stupid. And all those gadgets mean more malfunctions, higher repair bills, and probably more difficult cleaning. ETA: "Your underwear is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it... I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect my bidet, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

After eating kids, Zombies should wait an hour Before their next swim.

It's called symbolism.

This "Visit California" commercial airs every twenty minutes, but if I'm not looking at the tv, I still hear (mis)hear 0:15 as "...in our own little butthole."

Hundreds of thousands of people will despise this ad from U.S. Pest Protection, but it's my new favorite commercial:

Eel, heroin, and zombie flesh were mystery basket ingredients on the latest episode of Chopped.

Pirates and zombies At sea: like a Disney cruise Without stomach flu.

Thanks to our toxic political environment, law-abiding zombies don't. Problem zombies still get their semi-automatics illegally.

I kind of applaud the writers for making Nick so despicable. A lesser show would have already sobered him up and turned him into a hero. It also really amps up the family drama part; as awful as he is, Madison and Alicia still have to love him and try to protect him. Whenever addicts are discussed, people want the enablers to allow the addicts to hit rock bottom. That's never easy for family and friends. And what would hitting rock bottom in this situation actually mean or accomplish? If the family survives long enough, Nick will sober up, because heroin is about to be in very short supply. ------------------ When Madison was hiding under the car, I couldn't help but be a little jealous of that neighborhood. Even in the middle of a military extermination during a zombie apocalypse, our HOA board members would have been knocking on doors to complain about how rotting bodies in the street violate the covenants.

I'm undecided if Madison made a good decision when she snuck out, particularly about cutting the fence. At first, I thought it would be dumb to pierce the perimeter unless I was sure I was never going back in. Now the whole neighborhood is at risk. On the other hand, just relying on an occupying military force for information is suicide. Speaking of occupying military forces... If the commander of said force showed signs of being an unaccountable megalomaniac, I would not let my wife or daughters out of the house.

I don't even leave the door open during the day, because I HATE bugs getting into the house. Even if I'm just ducking out to the deck to check on the grill, the patio door is closed. And, it occurred to me... during a blackout & riot situation, I'm not sure breaking into your neighbor's house is a good idea, especially when you know they have a gun. Also, I cut the characters a little slack for not wanting to kill every zombie they encounter. This early in the apocalypse, you don't really know if the undead are incurable. Your neighbors may still have your lawnmower or Tupperware.... if possible, wait a few days before braining them.

And since the seat advertised is from Graco, expect it to be featured in a product recall in the next few months.

That image never ceases to repulse me. I hate getting to the bottom of the page and seeing it there. It looks like some guy went to his urologist and said, "Can you surgically alter the end of my johnson to look like Grumpy Cat?"

That's all I'll see when the commercial comes on now. Kudos to State Farm for almost acknowledging the trans community? Celebrity endorsement time! Wife at 3 a.m.: "What are you wearing, Cait from State Farm?" Caitlyn Jenner: "Uh... my obnoxious publicity machine. Would you like to interview me?"

Why isn't there an Emmy Award for Outstanding Portrayal of Someone About to Collapse? http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7aFZ/life-alert-in-the-time-of-an-accident

YMMV on the Dunkin' Donuts K-Cups ad: I'm an adult; I fully realize that this commercial is just supposed to be silly, harmless fun. But we're a culture that celebrates Thanksgiving with annual Black Friday tramplings. That makes the commercial a little less funny to me. Also, I HATE the way the bitch just grabs the box out of his hand and walks off.

"Feet crushed by scaffolds Are easier to fillet." Pro tip from Gareth

Susan? Are you home? We're just looking for your gun. Please eat Alicia.

Wow. They don't consider that a dog with blood on it could possibly be rabid or have any kind of infection. They all go across the street, instead of leaving someone behind to guard the house, keep lookout, and/or wait for Travis. And they didn't even bother to shut the door when they sneak out. Wow.

I have nothing against Serena Williams, but I don't know how many more times I can handle her Chase commercial. When I hear that grating "Can't Stop Me Now," my left eyelid starts to twitch.