erikdepressant

"Gwampa, my fwend got spwinters in his uwethwa because he mawwied a mawionette. I told him he should have gone to eHawmony."

This season should be called "Thirstiest Cooks in America." I can't remember the last time I cussed so much at my TV. Sure, they're famewhores trying to make it, but fuck!, people, show some restraint. During orientation, did the producers tell them to do something quirky every fucking time the camera was pointed at them or risk being cut? I hated so many of them. There was David Eric, the wannabe Jerry Lewis. Leave. There was Leopold, the "performance artist" who made sure to prance through every shot he could photobomb. Go away. And I despised Sarah, who was 33, but looked 50, so she had to squeak when she talked and/or acted the fool. I believe these links are about her: http://www.sctimes.com/story/life/food/2015/01/01/apollo-grad-worst-cooks-america-contestant/21164515/ http://voice123.com/sarahbettendorf I hope the carefully crafted personalities get cut first, because I'd like to watch the show long enough to get to know the more normal-seeming people. I'll probably get some hate about this, but I get major squicked when cooks taste something and then put the spoon back in the pot, so I was kinda relieved when Christina got cut.

The first time I encountered the Good Times boneless chicken wings commercial, I was in the kitchen half-listening to the TV. I heard, "They're humanely-raised all-natural tasty things, and we bred each one by hand..." It took me a second to realize he had sung, "And we bread each one by hand." ETA: "Before and After." It's a puzzle category on Wheel of Fortune AND what I thought happened at the Good Times farm: "CHOK_NG THE CH_CKEN W_NGS"

That commercial has me diving for the remote. I can never mute it fast enough.

It's not really a holiday-themed, and I'm sure it will get annoying, but I like the Weight Watchers "Eat a Snack" commercial. "Like" means "am distressed by how accurately it describes me." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNPLuSx_06U

Grumpy old man pet peeve... It annoys me when HHs say they want an enormous backyard in which their children can play. I realize every family is different, but I suspect the vast majority of those kids will spend their childhoods in front of the television.

LOL... "Everyone, this is James. We recruited him from PBR. He's going to help us make Budweiser uncool enough for the hipster niche."

Budweiser would have better luck buying microbreweries instead of trying to court hipsters, who are ironic about everything. Except. Craft. Beer. They won't stoop to drinking Bud Light, because every hipster worth his weight in fucked-up facial hair knows that a mature reverence for ingredients and techniques is what separates the brahs from the dudebros. On a side note, it's always weird to hear companies declare that they're rebranding themselves and pursuing a specific demographic. I thought that was supposed to be secret, behind-the-scenes stuff. I anticipate lots of fodder for the "Commercials That Annoy" thread.

As of last night, Pier 1 is still airing their perky instructional videos for adding Holiday Cheer to your home. An attractive, upper middle class woman drops a paycheck on festive dust collectors and then arranges them so unexpectedly that word makes it back to Pier 1. The company lauds her creativity, demonstrating how she highlights their products in her yuletide horror vacui. Once her unique display is Complete, she experiences a brief decorgasm and basks in the schlock. If you sprinkle a moderate to severe layer of fake snow on your reindeer figurines, you too will have a merrier Christmas. Go wild and fit in! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRIKSVlOy5g http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpGY7XSFMBI